by Rita Hestand
"No, every man wants Naomie's body. A man that loves a woman wants to please her in every way, and a kiss is the beginnings of making love. The deeper the love the better the kiss."
She looked puzzled. "I thought that was lust."
He pulled back to stare at her. "Lust is love of the body. And forgive me, but it sounds as though Big Knife and Naomie share that lust. The love I seek is deeper, it comes from the heart. Like I love your honesty." He smiled. "Your confession last night touched me more than you can ever know."
"My confession?"
"Being honest with each other is valuable in a relationship. And honesty leads to trust and trust to love."
"But does honesty warm your bed?" she challenged.
He grinned. "Not exactly, but it is the beginnings of trust. You told me you left and came back. That is the beginnings of love. You did not have to tell me, but you did. You had no idea how I'd react, but you told me. It is a sign also of bravery and trust."
"I don't fear you!" she told him.
He smiled again, "I am glad."
"You have been kind, and gentle and thoughtful, it is easy to begin to trust when a person is that way."
"Yes, but with you I do not want to be any other way. And when you get to know me, perhaps you will feel the same. You must have time to get over Big Knife and his betrayal. But I must tell you, I am glad you did not marry this man, as he didn't love you. You see, in a way we are alike. Most of the women here like me, and would be my wife, but they like the fact that I'm a Chief. They would not be honest as they would never want to hurt me. Big Knife did not take you, which is a good thing, he liked you, but he did not love you."
"I realize that now." She said lowly. "It was I that made the mistake."
"Not exactly a mistake. And I'm glad you see it differently for yourself, not because I say so. It is good you caught them, as no one had to tell you how they felt, you could see it for yourself. Good, that is a step toward getting over him and learning."
"I feel betrayal more than anything. Especially when he ask me to wed him. And I never expected that from Naomie."
"Yes, I can understand that."
"But the kiss is still a mystery to me. Making love is a mystery."
"A kiss is special, as when a man goes to fight a battle, and he leaves his true love behind, he wants her to know he loves her, and he kisses her with all his might. As he does not have the time to make love. So kissing is an expression of love. A harsh kiss means he does not respect you much, a too soft kiss means he either doesn't love you or doesn't want to make love with you."
She came up, close to him, staring into his eyes, "How can a kiss mean so much? I do not mean for it to sound so ignorant, but I thought he just respected the fact that I was a chief's daughter."
"It's possible. I have kissed many maidens, but I feel the same way. They want to be the Chief's wife. I cannot speak for him. But the way you showed me how he kissed, tells me a lot."
"It does?"
"Yes, sweet Sasha it does. A kiss is important only when you love someone. That's the difference Sasha. Why did you not kiss him the way you kiss me?"
She blushed, "Oh that, well, I'm not sure. I guess it is strange, isn't it? Naomie knew many warriors and kissed them. I knew only Big Knife and kissed him. He did not speak pretty words to me or flatter me much as he did Naomie. It was much like a friend that likes you a lot. I should have known the difference. I can see that now. How can one be wise in some things and so ignorant in others?"
"You are not ignorant, you are innocent. And there is a difference."
"Yes, I have heard that word many times, and am just now understanding what it means. I had no one to compare it with. There is such a difference in the way you kiss me. I feel things, I probably shouldn't feel. I do not want you to think ill of me, I simply respond to the way you do it."
"Sasha, Big Knife did not love you!" Black Wolf said softly. "I am sorry, but a man that kisses like you showed me, is a man who might think well of you, but he is not in love with you. A kiss is a form of passion. And passion is what makes you respond the way you do to me. You kiss well, Sasha for one so naïve."
"I do not wish to be naïve. I feel ignorant. I was never very bold with Big Knife. Perhaps that is another reason he did not love me." She said, frowning at him now. "And from what you've said Big Knife did not love me at all." She concluded. "Not having a lot of experience with kissing, I could not tell the difference until you came along, and I saw them kissing. I saw the difference very clearly then. But I don't understand why I react differently. Perhaps it wasn't love at all, but more like a friend as you said. And I just didn't know the difference. It was me who made more of it, than I should. I know that now. So I am to blame."
"Yes, I imagine that was it. But it wasn't your fault."
"It was I that put too much importance on it." She admitted. "I suppose one can feel almost sisterly toward them, then."
"Yes."
"But… that doesn't explain you though. You kiss like you love all the time."
He smiled at her, almost shyly.
"I do not kiss many women, Sasha. Not like I kiss you." He told her.
"Then how can you kiss me like that?" she asked. "You hardly know me. And you knew I was promised. Yet you kissed me still."
He almost laughed but saw her serious face. "Because, I knew you were the one the moment I looked upon you. But I realize I cannot expect you to feel the same." He said and turned away. "Nor can you understand why I feel that way."
"The moment you saw me you acted arrogant and angry." She protested.
He smiled, "It was like a hammer hitting me in the head. I was shocked. I felt a bit silly!"
"Silly?"
"You took me by surprise, sweet Sasha."
She reached to turn his head toward her, "You're saying you love me?"
"Yes, Sasha, it is why I married you! I would not marry for any other reason." he said and got up and went outside.
Her mouth flew open to say something, but she had to think about it. He loved her!
It seemed impossible!
And how did she feel? She knew nothing of real love. Nor how to please a man. But where had he gone? Would he come back? Had she shamed him? How could he love her so soon? There were too many unanswered questions.
The real question was, how did she feel? Because she loved his kisses and answered him with her own response each time. It was like a fever, the more she was around him, the more she wanted his kisses. She wanted to know so much more but dare not ask.
Chapter Ten
When he did not come back for so long, she went outside looking for him. He stood just a few feet away, his hands in back of him.
Silhouetted by the sunset, she stared at his body. He was well built for a man. His arms rippled with muscle, and yet he was so tender with her. He had wide shoulders, a slim waist and barely flaring hips, with long legs. She couldn't help but stare. It was like looking at him for the first time, it mesmerized her.
Comparing her experience, she realized she'd never looked upon Big Knife in that way. Why hadn't she, if she truly loved him?
Black Wolf came closer.
Then suddenly, he handed her flowers.
"Oh, for me?" she gasped staring at how beautiful they were.
"For you." He smiled.
"They are beautiful." She gasped. "No one has ever brought me flowers."
"It is a white man's custom. I have seen soldiers at the fort, when they like a lady, they bring her flowers. And she sniffs them and loves them. And thinks well of the soldier and his gift."
"It is a good thing, between them, then?"
"Yes, I believe it is."
They walked back to the tepee. She felt awkward again and wondered when she would relax. For all this talking of kissing and making love had her tense. She didn't fear him, she feared what she might blurt when he kissed her. "I did not mean to insult you. I have just discovered Big Knife didn't care for me like I tho
ught. It's embarrassing to misjudge something like that. Naomie is much prettier than me, and she loves him. I'm not bitter, I'm just trying to figure out why I thought he did."
"Perhaps because he proposed."
"Oh… yes, I guess so."
"That was his mistake, Sasha, for he did not love you."
"Yes, I see that now." She hung her head.
"You did not insult me. And I daresay this Naomie could not possibly be as beautiful as you. I left because my desire was growing, and I felt you were not ready for that." He told her.
"Desire, another word I haven't used much." She said quietly. "I did not realize the Shoshone were such a passionate tribe."
"We love hard and fight hard."
"I think you use the word love too quickly." She blurted.
His face was a mask now, "We will talk tonight, and then maybe someday, you will understand the words desire and love much better. But I don't want you to want me because I would make love with you. Or I would replace Big Knife. Rather I would want you more if you could say the same of me."
She stopped and stared into his face. "I will not say the words, as it is too soon to tell. Only when I am sure will I say them to you. Until then I will be your dutiful wife. Is that fair!"
He nodded, but there was no smile and she missed his smile.
Then after they returned to the tepee and ate, he nodded. "It is fair, Sasha. But perhaps I should not kiss you so much, as it leads to other things. Things you are not ready for."
She heard disappointment in his words, but she was being honest with him.
After they ate, he played the flute for her and she listened and smiled.
"You play well," she said softly.
"Thank you. Do you like music?" He asked.
"Very much."
"Good, I will play often for you then."
"Why?" she blurted.
"Because you enjoy it." He smiled.
She turned her head in question, "When you love, you want to please the one you love. Is that not so?"
"It is so." He smiled.
"I will remember this."
The next morning he was gone, but he came back soon.
"Where did you go?"
"I have killed a deer. You said you like the deer meat in stew. I will dress it out for you, and you can cook it your way tonight, and tomorrow I will cook it outside on a fire."
"Sounds good." She smiled. "You must be a very good hunter to bring back a deer so soon."
"I hunt regularly."
He brought her the meat and she began cooking it. He finished up with the deer and gave some of their guards the rest that they would not need. His men were glad to get it and took it to their homes.
The next day he showed her where she could bathe. She waited until he went back to the tepee to get in the water, and she spent some time there, enjoying the warm temperature of the water.
When she came back, her hair was still wet, and he took a towel and began drying it for her. She'd never had a man do anything like that for her and it surprised her.
She turned to stare into his face, and his expression mesmerized her.
"You have beautiful hair, Sasha." He said rather raspy.
"I am not used to so many compliments. Why do you bother with them?"
He turned her around, "Do you not know how beautiful you are?"
"Beautiful, you keep using that word. I am ordinary, and not endowed like many of the other women."
"You must understand Sasha. All men see beauty differently. Some like bigger women, some like small." He looked her up and down slowly. "You are small, but you are very lovely."
"I am not used to hearing such words." She told him. "And you don't have to keep complimenting me. I don't expect it."
"Then I must tell you often, so you believe it."
She glanced skeptically at him.
"I am glad I please you."
"Sasha," he murmured just before he took her into his arms and kissed her softly, then raised his head and looked into her warm brown eyes. "You please me very much." He whispered.
"I-I am glad." Her lips still trembled from the sweet kiss. The way he looked at her now, made a strange sensation sweep over her entire body. It was more the slow way he looked at every inch of her.
She felt warm, and weak and the urges running through her body made her confused. How could she feel these things for a man she barely knew? She'd never felt like this around Big Knife. No, Big Knife had been a safe love. But he could not make her tremble with needs of her own that she didn't understand. Why was this man so different?
Perhaps if she'd made love with Big Knife, he might have really loved her. But he never stirred the passions inside her, and he knew better than to try to take her against her will.
How could it be that this particular man stirred her?
Hadn't she loved Big Knife? Her reactions were making her doubt everything.
Black Wolf was a stranger, he was not the man she loved, and yet, she responded to him like no other. She responded to his words, his wisdom, and the way he treated her so differently.
They slept on different sides of the fire. But that night she tossed and turned and fretted, even in her sleep.
She saw Big Knife in her dreams, and she ran to him and suddenly it was Black Wolf and he was kissing her passionately. She moaned aloud. How could he rouse those feelings inside her and not Big Knife?
She woke up and Black Wolf was staring at her, "Are you alright?" He asked.
"Just had a dream." She told him.
"Must have been some dream." He said softly.
"Y-yes, yes it was." She answered, giving him a second glance.
"Was it a nightmare?" he asked.
"Not exactly, no!" she blurted.
"Are you afraid here?"
"No, of course not."
"Something seems to have upset you."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
"I wasn't asleep." He told her, staring through the fire at her.
"Can't you sleep?"
"I'm a bit restless, I'll admit."
The urge to go into his arms, made her almost get up, but she stilled her urges. It would not be wise until she understood her feelings better. He was so handsome with no shirt on, his muscles stood out in the firelight, his eyes held hers.
Why did she look at him like that? Then it hit her, she found him very attractive. But she hadn't told him that. "You are a very good-looking man." She whispered.
He smiled, "I'm glad you think so."
"Goodnight," She murmured.
"Goodnight my sweet." He told her softly again.
Why did he have to be so sweet to her? Why did he have to be so handsome? Why couldn't she get him out of her head, her dreams?
She closed her eyes and willed herself to be still and go to sleep. But she tossed and turned for some time before sleep overcame her.
The next morning she was up early and fixing them some coffee and food.
He washed up and went outside for a while.
It was good that he did, as the tepee seemed to shrink when he was around. Her heart pounded so loudly when he was close. She tried to understand, but it was all so new to her.
She fixed them a good breakfast and he told her he would take her out to the woods today.
She liked getting out of the tepee, it was too closed in, and she'd make a fool of herself if he stayed with her much longer. Facing the truth with Big Knife made her face her own weaknesses.
"Have you ever hunted?" He asked out of the blue.
"No, I haven't."
"Then I will teach you to use the bow and arrow." He told her.
"Oh, that would be good." Anything to distract her from the fact that she was attracted to this man.
When a rabbit hopped nearby, he pointed and gave her the bow and arrow.
She didn't pull back hard enough, but he came behind her and helped her pull the bow tighter. "Now release." He instructed.
&nbs
p; His arms were around her and when she hit the rabbit, she turned around and jumped up. "I got him."
"Yes, you might make a good hunter," he smiled.
That smile, it did so many things to her, and being this close was dangerous. But to what? She knew instinctively that he would never hurt her.
He backed off though and her heart returned to normal.
She felt a bit disappointed. It irritated her that she had so many ups and downs with this man. He confused her emotions.
They took the rabbit back to the tepee. He skinned it and gave her the meat to prepare.
"I enjoyed the stew you made last night, and the fact that you wanted to take some to my family. It was most generous of you."
"Well, I have to start thinking of them as my family too." She blurted, then looked at him. Was she assuming too much? She had with Big Knife, and she must be very careful not to with Black Wolf.
The fact that she had married this man, and his world was hers now clarified her situation. Did she belong here, could she? But she knew deep down, she was already beginning to accept her new life here. Still she held her feeling in reserve. After all, she had thought herself in love with Big Knife, and that was naïve thinking. She would not repeat that mistake with Black Wolf. Even though he said he loved her, she needed more time to think it through.
His eyes sparkled as she stared at him. "I am glad you feel that way."
"Black Wolf, would you mind if when we are alone, I called you Wolf?" She asked.
His glance penetrated. "No, I would not mind at all."
"Good, it makes me feel more comfortable than addressing you so formally."
They ate and he played the flute once more. She relaxed and when he finished, she smiled brightly, "That was beautiful, what was it?"
"It has no name, just something I made up."
"It was sad, and yet so comforting too."
"I am glad it pleased you."
"Wolf, it is going to take some time for me to feel comfortable as your wife."
She didn't have time to finish when Bear Paw came inside. He was one of the guards who watched over them in the tepee. She raised up and blushed.
He spoke to Black Wolf. "Her father is sick."
Black Wolf turned to Sasha, "We must go then!"
