“It would be like losing him all over again,” Bishop says quietly.
“It really was.”
“What happened to him?”
“His body just gave up. He took such good care of himself—ate healthy, stayed active, did all the right things to help manage the diabetes—but his body couldn’t keep up with him. He went into a coma and never came out.”
“I’m sorry, Stevie.” He stretches his arm across the back of my seat and slips his hand under my hair, palm curving around the back of my neck. It feels nice, comforting.
“I don’t think it was until I moved out to LA that the loss really and truly hit me. Being away from my mom, the farm. I didn’t account for the way that would affect me. Joey was nice, and he wanted to spend time with me. He didn’t know my brother was a hockey player at first, and I didn’t tell him until we’d been dating for a while, because I’ve learned the hard way that people will use you to suit their purposes. Anyway, I wanted someone to bring to family events so my brothers wouldn’t try to pull the whole dad thing on me. He was kind of like a shield, which is a horrible thing to say.”
“It’s not horrible. He was protection against more pain.”
“Yes. Exactly. Like I know my brothers both mean well, especially RJ, but my whole life it’s been about him and his career and his life and his success. When our dad died, I think he felt like he needed to step up somehow, but it was a reminder that Dad was gone. I was struggling to cope, so when Joey came into my life, I used him as armor. He was my defense against the loss I couldn’t seem to deal with. Everyone thought I was fine because I was with him. He was safe because, while I liked him and was comfortable with him, I wasn’t ever in love with him.” It isn’t until I voice it that I realize it’s true. He was a convenient shield.
“I really hope your family appreciates you.” Bishop absently rubs the back of my neck; at least I think it’s absently.
“In another family my accomplishments might be celebrated more, but it’s hard to compete when you have a brother who’s a star NHL player. It’s not RJ’s fault, or my parents’, but when you have a kid who shows that much promise and potential, you do whatever you can to help them succeed. I’m proud of RJ, but when you have a light that bright beside you, it sort of forces you into the shadows. Not that I mind the shadows. I prefer them to the spotlight.”
“Is that why you avoid games and telling people Rook is your brother?”
“Sort of. I don’t want to get used because my brother is who he is. It’s happened before, and I’m sure it will happen again.”
“How do you mean?”
“Sometimes people would use the fact that I’m his sister to try to get to him. Especially when he went through his bunny phase.”
“He was pretty high profile for a while there. I wasn’t sure if any of it was taken out of context or not.”
“Kind of hard to take a threesome in a hot tub out of context,” I say derisively. “He made such bad decisions for a while, and my parents were so angry with him. I was almost . . . glad to see him fall from grace for a while, maybe?”
“Because the media wasn’t spinning him as a golden boy?”
I cringe and nod. “It’s not that I didn’t want him to be successful. I did, I still do, but he had no idea what kind of impact his choices had on me. We grew up in a rural town. The entire high school practically worshipped him. When he started sleeping around with puck bunnies, I was suddenly the most popular and hated girl in the school. For, like, half a second I enjoyed the attention. And then the catty, bitchy behavior came out. Girls can be horrible to each other.”
“You’re kind of the opposite of my brother. He uses my name to get women into bed with him and doesn’t feel bad about sending them packing, because he knows why they’re there.”
“That would make me feel . . . hollow.”
Bishop nods. “It’s his way of avoiding getting into an actual relationship. I think he’s afraid to settle down with any one person because his health is what it is. Even if he takes great care of himself, he’ll still face challenges, like your dad did. And knowing that he could potentially be leaving behind all these people who need him . . . I think he doesn’t like that possibility. Besides, we didn’t have the best role model with our dad.”
“How so?” I’m afraid to look directly at him, for fear he won’t answer. This is the most open he’s been with me, although I did pretty much spill my guts to him.
“He traveled for work often and left my mom to take care of us. My brother was a lot of work as a kid because of all the appointments, and they needed the health care benefits. I was a lot of work because, as you know, hockey is time consuming, and my mom was doing it alone, essentially.” Bishop stares out the windshield, and I wonder if he’s caught up in the memories of his childhood. It was a lot for my parents to run the farm and take RJ to all his practices and tournaments, and that was with both of them around. I couldn’t even imagine how difficult it would be as a mostly single parent.
“They fought a lot, and eventually their marriage dissolved. My dad bailed, and before the divorce papers were even signed, he was shacking up with one of his colleagues who he’d been taking trips with for years. My mom has never said as much, but I seriously doubt that relationship started after their marriage ended.”
I squeeze the hand wrapped around the back of my neck. “I’m sorry. That must’ve been hard for all of you.”
“My dad wasn’t very present in our lives, so the divorce wasn’t as big a deal as it could’ve been. Not for me and Nolan, anyway. It was almost expected. But I guess it framed the way I dealt with relationships, which was to avoid them for the most part. I had one long-term girlfriend back when I got drafted out of college, but it didn’t last.”
“Because you have trust issues?” I would if that’s how my parents’ marriage ended.
He shrugs. “Not really. It was more that she wasn’t as interested in me as she was the attention being with me got her. I guess sort of the same thing you worry about with friends using you because of Rook’s fame. I’m not really interested in being with someone whose primary concern is whether their social media following is growing on account of our relationship status, you know? Besides, you’ve met me; I don’t have a shining personality that women fall for.”
“You’ve grown on me.”
“Like fungus.”
I chuckle quietly. “We’re quite the messed-up pair.”
“Everyone has a demon or two, Stevie. You just gotta learn how to live with them and find other people who think all your good parts outweigh the bad.” Bishop gives my neck a squeeze and drops his hand. “You ready to go home?”
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
When we get back to the apartment, I fully expect Bishop to come in so we can do his PT and deal with the decorations. But when we reach my door, he pulls me in to him. At first I don’t get what’s going on, and then I realize Bishop is hugging me.
I’m slow to react, but eventually I wrap my arms around his waist and settle my palms on his broad back, the muscles flexing under the skin. I rest my cheek against the soft cotton of his shirt, listening to his heart thumping steadily. He smells really good, like greasy takeout, but also faintly of cologne.
I realize that this is the first time Bishop has hugged me on purpose. It doesn’t escape me that it’s also the first time he’s really opened up to me about his life and who he is, or that it’s also been an emotional day and maybe that’s why he’s being all . . . affectionate.
Eventually he leans back, and I tip my chin up so I can see his face. His expression is serious and intense, although that’s fairly common for him. I’m pretty sure I have burger breath, so I make sure I exhale through my nose.
His gaze moves over my face like a gentle caress. “We need to talk about last night.” His arms are wrapped around me, and I’m still shocked by the hug, so it takes me several long seconds to process his words.
I let my palms settl
e on his forearms. “We can pretend it didn’t happen, can’t we?”
“Is that what you want?”
I shrug and stare at his Adam’s apple. What I want is for him to tip my chin up and press his lips to mine. But all I can think about is what Joey said about him being a rebound, how Bishop dismissed it, how I don’t want to use him, and how I should be focused on his rehab and not what dating him would be like.
Bishop releases me but doesn’t put any distance between our bodies. “I’m sorry, Stevie. I shouldn’t have—”
I shake my head and cut him off before he can finish that sentence. “Things got intense. Let’s just forget about it.”
He’s silent for several long seconds. “Okay. If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do.”
“Okay.” I start to turn toward my apartment door. I want things to stop being awkward between us. The sooner we have a session, the easier it will be to get things to go back to normal.
Bishop wraps his hand around mine, stopping me from keying in my code. “I’m going to call off tonight’s session, and we can work on the decoration stuff tomorrow.”
“Why tomorrow? Why not now? It’s not that late.”
“Just because you want to pretend nothing happened last night doesn’t mean it didn’t, Stevie. It’s been an emotional night for you, and if I come in right now, I’ll be inclined to deal with things that you don’t seem to want to.”
“Are you psychoanalyzing me?”
“More myself and the potential outcomes of my actions. I’ll go take a hot bath and do some stretches, and tomorrow we can go back to tormenting each other when emotions aren’t running as high.” He bends, and I feel the warmth of his lips against my crown.
I have to force my hands to stay at my sides and not wrap around his neck. I have to fight not to tip my chin up or take back what I said about pretending last night didn’t happen.
Bishop drops his hand, steps back, and winks. “Your hair smells a lot nicer tonight, bae.”
I laugh and roll my eyes. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He waits for me to let myself into my apartment. I stand with my eye pressed against the peephole and watch him unlock his door, confused about what happened and worried about the flutter in my chest.
CHAPTER 19
THE EVOLUTION OF FRIENDSHIP
Stevie
“So you’re just friends?” Pattie has asked this pretty much every other day since Bishop stopped by the clinic for the first time to pick me up, something he’s gotten in the habit of doing over the past couple of weeks.
“We’re friends, yeah.” I bite the end off a fried pickle. They’re oddly delicious, even when they’re no longer hot and crispy.
Pattie points a pita triangle covered in hummus at me. “Don’t think I didn’t see what you did there.”
“We see what you did there.” Jules motions between her and Pattie.
They exchange a look and turn their arched brows on me.
I don’t say anything else, because there is really nothing else to say. I’m still rehabbing him, and as I suggested, we pretend that the grind and almost-kiss never happened. But when I’m alone, in bed, it’s a whole different story.
“He’s supposed to be back on the ice next week, right?” Jules props her chin on her fist.
It’s annoying that everyone in the hockey-watching world is aware of Bishop’s recovery schedule. “Yup, and I’ve been asked to keep working with him, since they expect him to need more TLC once he’s back in the game.” Every time we have a session after his on-ice practices, he’s stiff and sore because he pushes himself too hard.
“I bet he’s going to need more TLC.” Pattie pokes her cheek with her tongue and makes suggestive hand gestures.
“It’s not like that.”
“You’re together all the time. You cut nights out with us short so you can fit in rehab sessions. He picks you up from wherever you are, even if it’s across town, and he video calls you when he’s away with the team. How is it not like that?”
He always wears a ball cap, a hoodie, and sunglasses when he picks me up from anywhere that isn’t the clinic. I didn’t even have to ask him to do it either. Because he gets me. Once he even wore a fake beard. It drew more attention than if he’d walked in in his damn underwear, since it was a Santa beard. “Sorry to burst your bubble, but we haven’t even kissed.”
They both freeze with food items halfway to their mouths.
“That is total bullshit,” Pattie says.
Jules nods her agreement. “I’ve seen him kiss you.”
“Let me rephrase: we have not exchanged saliva.”
“But, but . . . we’ve all seen him kiss you,” Pattie splutters.
They’re not wrong about the forehead and temple kisses; those are frequent and almost always when Joey is present. There was only that one time when things got out of hand and our sex parts met through clothing and his mouth was close to being on mine. I shake my head to clear the image of me riding his lap. “On the forehead or the temple, maybe, but not here.” I motion to my mouth.
“What about here?” Jules points at her crotch with a pita triangle. A glob of hummus drops into her lap. “Ah crap!” She grabs a napkin and starts dabbing at it under the table. “Man, now it looks like I have a jizz stain on my yoga pants.”
“Go to the bathroom and wash it off.”
“And miss this conversation about your not-boyfriend boyfriend? No way!”
“First of all, if I’m being kissed, it better be on the face lips before my nether ones; secondly, he is not my boyfriend.”
“Well, why the hell not?” Pattie tosses her balled-up napkin on the table.
“Because we’re just friends.”
“But you’re always together,” Jules says.
“Because I’m rehabbing him.”
“There has to be more going on.”
“Sorry to disappoint, but there isn’t.”
“Is this because of your brother?” Jules crosses her arms. “Is he the reason you two aren’t hooking up?”
“No.”
“Then what’s it about?”
“The season has started, and he wants back on the ice, so he’s focused on rehab, and so am I. He’s been working really hard, and it’s paying off, obviously. His determination is impressive.” And sexy. So, so sexy. It’s been incredible to watch him push himself right to the very limit of what’s comfortable. I’ve learned exactly where his line is and how to pull him back from it. It’s been gratifying for both of us to see him make such incredible progress over the past few weeks.
At that moment, my least favorite asshole drops into the seat beside me.
Joey doesn’t make a move to put his arm around me. I’m not sure exactly what Bishop said when he retrieved my suitcase, but Joey has backed right off. It’s been nice.
On the other side of that shiny, happy coin, he’s also started openly flirting with women in front of me. It’s more of an annoyance than anything. That stupid fundraiser-dinner thing with all the damn athletes is coming up soon, and I know he’s going to bring a date. It’s not that I care if he brings someone; it’s that I’m not interested in making small talk with his next victim. I realize that I haven’t wanted to cry about what happened in a while. Looks like I’m making progress too.
“How are you ladies doing today?” He shifts his chair so he’s angled toward me.
Pattie and Jules give him frosty smiles and respond at the same time with, “Fine.”
He raps on the top of the table and turns his somewhat wary smile on me. “So, uh, looks like everything is covered for decorations, huh?”
Bishop took care of everything the day after we picked up the suitcase and had that talk in his car. Since then he’s been making Joey sweat over it. Just this morning he sent an email with an itemized list of what’s being delivered. We don’t even need to pick anything up. “Looks like it.”
“Is there an invoice? We’re supposed to pass that o
n to management. They said to keep it under a grand, and there’s a lot of stuff on that list that looks kind of expensive.”
“It’s a donation.” I start packing up my lunch, uninterested in being anywhere near Joey right now.
“Oh, okay. I guess all we have to worry about is setup, then.”
“We’ll help with that!” Pattie and Jules collect their things as well, and we leave Joey alone in the staff lounge.
We still have another twenty minutes left in our lunch hour, so we take the opportunity to grab coffee from the shop across the street.
“You’re bringing Bishop to this thing, right?” Pattie asks.
And we’re back to talking about their favorite benched hockey player. “He doesn’t want to come to my freaking work event. Plus it’ll be all of those athletes who want to be professional hockey players. How much would that suck for him? He’ll be mobbed the entire night.”
All the people I work with have been cool about it when he drops by, but then they work with athletes who often eventually become professionals, so they know better than to fangirl or fanboy. People will be all over him, and I might indirectly end up in the fringes of his spotlight. I’m not sure how to feel about that.
“I bet he’ll want to come anyway.” Jules shoots a sly smile at Pattie.
“Yeah, we’ll see.” I don’t plan to ask him. He already did me a huge favor by getting my suitcase for me and helping me with the decorations, so I don’t want to put that on him too.
Later the same evening, I have Bishop’s leg thrown over my shoulder, and I’m almost lying on top of him to get the deepest stretch possible—the dude is flexible—and his leg hair is tickling my cheek.
“I can see down your top,” he groans.
“You’re the one who bitches about my hoodies irritating your sensitive skin.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t say anything about not wearing a bra.”
“I am wearing a bra.” Hanging out with Bishop has grown increasingly confusing recently. He still makes inappropriate comments, and we spend a lot of time together, but unless we’re in front of Joey or he’s hugging me good night, he never puts his hands on me.
A Favor for a Favor Page 18
