by R. A. Boyd
Willow raised her hand to catch his attention. “No one is asking you to marry her or let her claim you. You know as well as I do that mates are meant for the Ghost shifters. All of them. This was ordained by the Creator a long time ago. Are you going against the Creator’s will, Zeke?”
He shook his head, instantly regretting the movement. It caused the muscles in his neck to tighten and strain, and he let out a cough that spiked up the pain. “I can’t.”
Couldn’t he? With just that brief touch of Audra’s skin, Zeke knew that he couldn’t walk away from her. He wanted to, but every fiber of his being was calling to every fiber of hers. His body was on the verge of forcing him to go back down the stairs just to be close to her. The good sense that resided in his brain called him a freaking idiot, but everything else was being drawn to her.
“We can’t make you,” Damon said, fists opening and closing at his sides. “You’re just as free to make a decision as all of us. But if you don’t at least try you are condemning Audra to suffer. You’ll be condemning her to sleep for a fucking century. Right now, Zeke, it’s not just you anymore. I can feel it. You want to go to her but you’re fighting it.”
Damn omegas. They always knew what you were feeling, whether you tried to put a wall up to their intrusive empathy or not. Did he know everything?
“Do you realize she can pull me into her insanity? That she can take me on this fall with her?” Zeke said, pushing away from the wall and looking down the long stairway toward Audra’s ever fading sobs. “You want me to fix her, to save her. Who the hell is going to save me if I can’t fix her?”
Cass pulled her full lips into her mouth and gently chewed on them. “She’s not a broken toy. No one’s asking you to fix her. We just want you to talk to her and find out if this is what all of us are hoping it is. We’ll respect your choice.”
“I won’t,” Simon said from the kitchen.
“Simon won’t,” Cass said, a small smile taking over her lovely, evil face. She ran her hands through her fluffy hair. “But we’d never force you. Just talk to her.” She looked over her shoulder and said, “Someone get Zeke a bottle of water. I may have been a little overzealous when I grabbed him.”
Really? A little?
A bottle of water zoomed passed Cass and came barreling toward Zeke’s face. He caught it before it made contact and snatched it from the air.
“Were you trying to smash it in my face?” he barked at Simon.
Simon gave him a dead-eyed grin and quirked his lips to the side. “I was aiming for your aching throat, but your face would have been just fine.” He moved toward Zeke, eyes slowly moving from his feet to his head like he was sizing him up for a fight. “Never treat my sister like she’s not worth every ounce of effort you have in your body. She’s been taming this beast for decades. Give her some fucking credit. She’s better than you’ll ever be, Santos. You’d be lucky to have her as a mate.”
Zeke scoffed, pissed at every single one of these douche bags. Even Willow. No one knew what he’d been through and no one here gave a shit. If they knew, maybe they wouldn’t be so quick to push him to her. They would probably hate his guts. Yeah, she could pull him down with her, but if he fell into the desolate hell he’d been hiding from there would be no coming back for either of them.
He was poison and he knew it. That women downstairs safely tucked away in that cell still had a fighting chance at living a normal life after they siphoned the beast’s rage from her. But not him. Nope. Not Zeke. He didn’t deserve a mate.
To hell with it. He twisted open the water bottle and took a few long pulls. His throat protested but he kept drinking. He had a woman to talk to. A woman to discourage from wanting him.
It was best for her. It was best for all of the Ghosts and the Coven. He had the ability to bring war and ruin to them. He’d done it before. And he would do everything in his power not to do it again, regardless of what their Creator ordained.
Zeke was going to fight this bond for Audra. If he didn’t, she might not have a family to come home to once they woke her from her century long sleep.
Chapter 3
“Can you open her cell and give us a few minutes alone, please?” Zeke said to Aiden.
Audra cringed at the thought of him seeing her like this. Her mate was supposed to see her whole and healed. She was broken and bruised and more weak than she’d ever been in her life.
The heavy clicks of the cell door opened and she could hear his booted feet walk toward her. She lifted her head from the pillow and watched as he walked closer to her. Her face felt heavy from all the crying she’d done, and she couldn’t breathe out of her nose.
They had been left alone to talk but she wasn’t sure that was a good idea. She would be his only focus if they were alone, and he would be hers.
Using her good arm to wipe away the tears, she kept her gaze glued to the floor in front of her bed. “Why are you here?” she asked. Her throat was raw and dry from all the crying and screaming. “You don’t want to be here. I could hear everything you said upstairs. And I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t want me either. Hell, I stopped hoping my mate would make an appearance a while ago. And now here you are, looking at me like I’m the most horrible thing you’ve ever seen.”
Audra watched as he closed the door behind him and leaned against it. He took a long drink from the bottle of water he held. She watched as his Adam’s apple dipped beneath his necklaces and reappeared again.
He was hurt. His neck was bruised and the collar of his shirt was rumpled. Cass got him really, really good.
Zeke cleared his throat, winced, and walked over to her. He stood in front of the bed she sat on and motioned toward the foot of the bed, silently asking if he could sit.
Audra’s heart sang at the thought of him being close to her. Did he really want to sit next to her or was it because there were no other chairs to sit on?
“Audra. If I didn’t want to sit near you I’d be on the other side of that door.”
She shrugged and nodded, moving her feet and hanging them off the side of the bed. “You can sit. I’m sorry Cass hurt you. She’s really protective.”
He belted out a tense laugh and then rubbed his neck. “Protective? She tried to kill me.”
Without a word, Audra shook her head and let a smirk cover her face. Cass didn’t try to kill him. If she wanted him dead she’d be chewing on his bones right now. She gave him a warning, and that was a kindness. That made Audra sad. She didn’t want Cass to hate him, and she didn’t want him to hate her.
“She just wants me to be okay. She’s a good Alpha. A good sister. She just doesn’t know how to control her strength just yet, but she’s damned good at her position as third in the triad. She’s nice, barely utters a bad word. If she was born a shifter, she would have been born an alpha.”
Audra relaxed as Zeke sat back on the bed and leaned against the wall, listening to her talk. He was getting comfortable.
She wanted to smile and have an easy conversation with him, ask him question after question about what made him tick. Dang-it, she really wanted to. But she couldn’t be concerned with that right now. Well, not completely.
Everything was quiet in her head. For the first time in a long time, everything was quiet. Beastie was nowhere to be heard. Nowhere whispering nefarious nothings into her ear. She was just as captivated by Zeke as Audra was. Maybe his presence made her leave.
This man who’d made her heart stop and speed up all within one breath. He had looked like he was afraid to even be in the same room with her when he first laid eyes on her, but now he seemed comfortable. Comfortable and troubled. She’d heard everything he’d said upstairs. He was coming to break her heart and let her down.
“Look, Zeke. I know you don’t want me, and I don’t blame you. I’m all over the place right now. So much so that I don’t even trust myself.” She looked down at her fingers and wiggled them. The arm was almost healed, and she didn’t have the urge to break it again. “I wo
n’t blame you if you walk away. The thing is, I’m not going to lie about what happened. You and me, we’re mates. But I’m patient and understanding. I’m willing to go and be put down. Maybe you and I can try in a few decades.”
He shook his head and tried to speak, but Audra silenced him by waving her arm in the air. She already knew what he wanted to say, but she wanted to talk first.
The muscles in her chest tightened and she swallowed a few times to push back a fresh wave of tears. “I’m giving you an easy out. Just so you know, this is the first time in so long that I’ve had peace and quiet. My beast is just here. Quiet. Resting, watching. I don’t know. But she’s not growling. She’s not hating.” She put her hand on his thick thigh and squeezed. “My God, you’re so firm.” She shook her head and sucked her teeth. “I’m sorry. Anyway. You gave me a bit of a ceasefire with my beast before I get put down, and for that I thank you.”
Zeke reached over and put his hand on hers. He squeezed, and that made her squeeze his thigh again. Was he trying to tease her?
“Audra, there is so much that you don’t understand.”
“And I understand if you don’t want to talk about it.”
“I don’t want to hurt you. You need to get better. I’m afraid I’ll only bring you more pain.”
Him. Bring her more pain? Was he out of his freaking mind? Pain had been listening to her beast rage and growl for what felt like forever. Pain had been the everyday fight to stay sane and not hurt anyone. Pain had been knowing that the Creator had cursed them to suffer for millennia. Zeke couldn’t bring her pain. Not the kind that could break her.
Well, he could if he completely denied her. That would be pain.
Zeke blew out a hard breath and rocked himself from her bed. He was walking away from her.
He stood over her for a few moments, and just when she thought he was leaving for good he bent down and kissed her forehead.
That small touch was enough to recharge her tired batteries for years. It sent heat through her body. Not just the kind of heat that saturated her panties. This was the kind of heat that seared her soul. It warmed her entire body, from his lips on her forehead, right down to her toes. He’d managed to banish every ounce of self-doubt with that kiss.
When he pulled away he took all of that serenity with him. She ached inside and wanted to ask him to stay with her. But she wouldn’t. He’d already made up his mind.
“We’ll try us when we wake you from your slumber.” Those words were like a punch to her heart. “Maybe I’ll be better when you wake up. Maybe I’ll be level enough to give you what you need.”
She fought back the tears, the sobs, the pain. They were fighting with her now. Bullying her to let them all be seen as he walked away from her.
“Zeke.” She sniffed and used her shirt to wipe away the tears. “Go to my house. Inside the drawer of the end table, to the right of the couch, there’s a box. It’s for you. Keep that until I wake up.”
Audra glanced up at him and saw a war raging in his eyes. If he were a shifter they would be glowing right now, shining like the moon above the clouds. He was scared, hurt, unsure, and angry. It all flashed like a Polaroid camera taking too many pictures to count. To Audra, they were like pictures. She would remember every moment, every emotion that took hold of his eyes and face.
“Will you do that for me, please?” Her voice broke at the end and she hated herself for it.
He shook his head and moved toward the cell door. “I will. I promise.”
They all stared at him as he’d left the common hall. Even Willow looked like she was ashamed to call him brother. They wanted him to do something he couldn’t. Fuck’em. Who gave a shit if they understood what he did and didn’t do or why he did it? He sure as shit didn’t. Every single one of those bastards, except Audra, could kiss his ass.
Not Audra.
When he’d asked what house was hers they had all gone quiet, like they didn’t want him in her space. Simon was the one that pointed the way. He had followed Zeke out of the common hall, whispering words of hatred and bloodshed.
Just when Zeke thought Simon would pounce on him, the red head pointed to a house down the street and growled out, “Third one on the right. Pink and red curtains in the downstairs windows.”
Zeke had tried to thank him but the man put up both of his middle fingers and said, “Double fuck you, Santos.”
And now, he stood in the foyer of her house. Even if Simon hadn’t shown him the right house to go to he would have guessed it anyway.
From outside, every visible curtain was striped pink and red. Not the bright colors of a person whose life was sunshine and no stress, but that of a woman who sought out passion and wanted to feel everything. The shades of colors were just shy of currant and rose.
When he walked through the door— it wasn’t locked because who the hell would break into the house of one of these clan members— the scent of cinnamon and vanilla filled his nose. To the left was the living room with two floor to ceiling windows that encased the television that hung on the wall between them. An antique chaise was placed against a wall, and a long couch covered with pillows and a fluffy looking throw blanket with cartoon characters on it dominated the large space. On either side of the couch were end tables that looked to have been carved centuries ago.
He wanted to stay here and just be in her space, walk around the house and get to know her. Would the Ghosts let him come and visit her house while she slept so he could experience Audra through her house? He wouldn’t even ask.
He slid open the drawer and found a little box with cerulean blue wrapping paper on it. That was his favorite color.
Slowly, he unwrapped the box and when he finally looked inside his breath caught in his chest. A silver charm with wings attached to a star sat in a pile of cotton. It was about the size of this thumbnail.
He breathed in deeply and let out a groan of pain that rocked him to his soul. How did she know? Zeke hadn’t told anyone here who he was, but somehow Audra knew.
“No,” he said, holding the charm to his stomach so tightly that the tips of the wings dug into his palm. “Fuck.”
“I will plague you with dreams of your life right after your fall if you think of only yourself, Ezekiel,” a deep voice said from across the room.
For just a moment Zeke thought of throwing a blast of power at the intruder. But he knew that voice.
Zeke turned around and saw the arch angel Samael sitting on the chaise. He sat, comfortable with his legs crossed at the ankles, as if he’d been there the whole time watching. Lavender eyes that shined with the light of Heaven bore into Zeke. Samael’s pale blond hair fell just above his shoulders, and his long fingers lay intertwined in his lap.
“Why are you here, Samael? What do you care of what I do?” Zeke stood, leaning against the end table that.
Samael shrugged and used his hand to tuck away the curls of hair that fell over his ear as he moved. “You’re being selfish and your mate needs the opposite of that. She needs you be there while she heals.”
Zeke sucked his teeth and shook his head. “No. I’ll only make it worse.”
“For who? You or Audra? You, Ezekiel, are only thinking of yourself.”
Zeke stood and walked toward Samael, shaking his fist as words of anger flew from his mouth. “You know what happened. I can’t fix her. I haven’t even managed to fix my damned self. Why do you think I keep myself locked away at the Coven headquarters?”
“Because you are afraid.”
“Because I’m volatile. I will fucking wreck that woman! You think I want to walk away?” He took a few steps backward and sat down on the couch to face Samael.
“I think you are afraid, Ezekiel.”
“Stop fucking calling me that.” He grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked it hard enough to rip out a few strands, embracing the annoying pain. He’d start breaking his own arm soon just make the uncertainty go away. Damn-it! He’d meant to tell her to stop doing that before h
e left her. “I’m not the angel I was. If I were, I would be in that cell with Audra doing everything in my power to fix all this shit for her.”
Lightning flashed in Samael’s eyes. With the startling grace of a supernatural creature, Samael stood and bolted across the room toward Zeke. “My sister does not need you to fix her,” he said, teeth grinding together revealing a feral leer. “Stop thinking you have to fix her. She’s not broken. She is troubled. If you take your head out of your ass you would see that maybe, just maybe, she can fix you!”
Zeke wanted to punch Samael in his angelic face for every thinking he knew the inner workings of his mind. Instead, he sat and grabbed his chest as his heart beat inside as if it were struggling to break its way through his sternum. He wouldn’t ruin her. All he wanted to do was take care of her, sit next to her, listen to her talk about her life and what movie they could watch together. Simple things. Loving things.
“Samael,” he said, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “I don’t know…”
“What happened to you was horrible, but you brought it on yourself. All of you did.” Samael’s voice softened. He sat on the couch and put his hand on Zeke’s shoulder. “But it’s time to stop blaming yourself. You did what was right and that’s why you’re here now. Stop blaming yourself. Stop pretending that you are denying your bond to protect her. You already feel it. I know you do. You’re pulling away from her to prevent yourself from feeling.”
Feeling? He hadn’t felt anything in so long. Not until he laid eyes on Audra. She made him feel everything. And that was dangerous.
“Audra is stronger than you know, Zeke. She can handle your storm. She can help you keep hold who you really are. Who you’ve become.” He blew out a labored breath and leaned back on the couch, letting his head rest against the back as he stared at the ceiling. “Many of the Ghost shifters believe that their mate will restore their grace. It’s true.”
