by Katy Evans
I groan and punch my pillow, trying to get him out of my mind. But a flash of him smiling at me only makes me ache harder.
A knock on the door shocks me to my senses. I jerk upright, blushing as I try to push my dirty thoughts about William Walker to the back of my mind.
“Yeah?”
Montana enters my room, holding two mugs. “Hey. I thought you might like some hot chocolate before you go to bed.”
“Oh. Thanks, Mon. That’s really nice,” I say. I wonder if she can tell what I’ve just been thinking. I wonder if I look as flustered as I feel. But she doesn’t seem fazed. She simply puts the mug on my bedside table and sits on the edge of my bed, sipping her hot chocolate.
“Hey, I’m sorry if I bothered you before. I always feel kinda protective of you. You’re my best friend, and I know despite the tough act you put on, you’re all bark, no bite. I just don’t want him to hurt you anymore.”
I hike up my shoulders, trying to act normal while thoughts of William continue lingering in my brain. “I know, but he won’t. Honestly.”
Montana smiles sweetly. I wish she’d just leave, but she looks like she’s got more to say. She takes a deep breath. “I was being a little overprotective before. But I trust you, India. I know you’ll do the right thing and that you’ll watch out for yourself. You always do.”
I nod. “Yeah, I do. Thank you for watching out for me too.” But I feel guilty. I know I’m looking my best friend in the eye and lying to her. Still, she hasn’t picked up on my nerves. She stands up, taking another sip of her hot chocolate.
“Good, then. Good night, Indy.”
I breathe again only after she’s left the room. This is ridiculous. My emotions are all over the place today. I switch off the light, abandoning my hot chocolate, and force myself to try to sleep, ignoring the ache between my legs for something I shouldn’t have.
* * *
I’m up earlier than usual this morning. It’s only half past four, and I can’t get back to sleep. I decide to skip my writing session for the morning, and instead I actually spend some time getting ready. I put on my nicest suit, one that I’ve never worn for work before. I take time taming my hair, putting on makeup and choosing my favorite perfume. I’ve got butterflies in my stomach, as though I am preparing for a date. It’s a ridiculous notion. I’m heading to work, for goodness’ sake. But it doesn’t stop me from putting all of my efforts into how I look.
I’m ready by the time Montana is up. She offers me breakfast, but I’m too wound up to eat anything. When the chauffeur arrives, I’ve been sitting around for a while, just waiting for him to get here. I think secretly I was hoping he might be early, so that I’d have more time with William. How ridiculous can I get? He’s my boss. Not my friend. Not my lover. My boss.
I need a cold shower or something.
When I arrive, William is tending to Rosie, who is crying. With his other hand, he’s texting from his work phone. I smile at him as I enter, the butterflies in my stomach somehow increasing in intensity, but all I get back is a curt nod. I frown to myself. Have we really headed straight back to square one? Did I imagine yesterday?
I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. I head upstairs to William’s office and get settled in, but I can’t stop thinking about everything I read wrong. All of the signals that I was doing something right, that we were finally getting somewhere...it was all fake. William and I were never moving forward. At best we were standing still, and that’s the way it’ll always be with the two of us.
William spends the day drifting in and out of the office. I try not to look in his direction, but as the day goes on, it gets harder and harder. He looks even more disheveled than yesterday, with his shirt buttoned up only halfway. I can see the ripples of his chest, and the outline of his collarbone. This morning, when I got here, his curls were still damp from the shower. The whole messy aesthetic has me holding my breath, holding my tongue, holding myself back from him. As lunch approaches, I excuse myself to get a glass of water before returning to my desk. Presumably, William has gone for lunch. Not that I care. I really don’t.
It’s nearly halfway through my break when I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder. The connection sends a shock of electricity through me, but I try to keep my cool. But the second I look up and see William’s face, I have to gasp a little for air. For a wild second I think he’s going to kiss me. But then, with a cheeky smile on his face, he hands me a plate. On it is a grilled cheese sandwich. I can’t help but smile.
Not quite a kiss, but almost as good.
Twelve
William
The past few days have been a blur, but in a good way. They’ve been long and tiring, but among the diaper changes and boring conference calls, there’s India. India, who lights up the room when she walks in. India, who sets my heart racing each time she smiles. India, who makes me laugh until my sides hurt. That’s the woman I get to spend my days with.
How did I not see it earlier? How perfect she is. I spent so much time with my head up my own ass that I never realized what a gem she is. I never appreciated her—I never let myself—not as an employee and not as a person. Now it’s all I see. She’s all I think about.
Now it’s Friday, and it’s nearly time for her to head home. I can’t believe I’m going to spend an entire weekend without her after spending so much time in her company the past several days.
She’s packing up slowly, as though she doesn’t want to leave either. Or perhaps I’m just imagining it, seeing what I want to see.
She’s probably happy to be getting out of here. After all, she’s got her whole weekend ahead of her. I wonder what she plans to do.
Maybe she and her friend Montana will hit the town after a bottle or two of rosé.
Maybe she prefers a night in on the couch, watching movies and eating popcorn that’s hot from the microwave.
It’s things like this that I want to ask her, so that I can figure her out. But I keep my mouth shut because I’m concerned about taking a step forward that I can’t take back. What do I even know about formal relationships?
No woman I’ve ever tried to have a relationship with ever sticks around. I’m too much of a workaholic, and they want someone who prioritizes them first. That’s not me.
Though I feel capable of shifting priorities since I’ve been able to put Rosie at the top spot for now, relationships and feelings are not my forte, and I’m reluctant to go there with my assistant. Even only in my thoughts.
She’s finished packing up her laptop. She flashes me a smile.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you on Monday,” she says. I nod, trying to hide my disappointment. I don’t want her to see the effect she’s had on me this week.
“Yeah, perfect. Same time?”
“Sure.” India starts toward the door, but she hesitates. She’s holding her briefcase in front of her, looking nervous. She clears her throat. “Well, if you need a hand with Rosie at all...you know where I am. After all, I am pretty good with her now. And you’ll want to sleep at some point...”
I smile. Is she really making excuses to come over? Maybe she’s just being polite, but I sense that she isn’t. That’s not really her style.
She wants to stay.
I’m about to respond when my phone rings. I smile apologetically at India.
“Sorry. I’ve just got to take this.”
I glance at the screen. It’s my chauffeur, Henry. I pick up the call.
“Henry. Everything all right?” I ask. In the background, I can hear the loud sputtering of an engine. Henry sighs.
“Hey, boss. I’ve got a bit of a dilemma. The car broke down.”
“Wait, what?”
“Yep. I don’t know what the hell happened. I think the engine overheated on the highway. I’ve called someone to come and take a look at it, but I won’t be able to take India back to town yet
.”
I glance at India, who’s standing before me, trying to read my expression. I feel like smiling, but I’m too skilled in the art of holding emotion back to let it slip. Still. This is good. It’s almost as though it’s fate. “Don’t worry, Henry. I’ll make alternative arrangements. Thanks for letting me know.”
I hang up. India is watching me with a questioning look in her eyes.
“Is everything okay?”
“Henry won’t be able to take you home today. At least not for a few hours.”
India looks surprised. “Oh, right, I see. Should I take an Uber instead? I can be out of your way in, like, ten minutes.”
She looks shy, hesitant. Vulnerable.
And I really want to grab her and kiss her. I want to tell her to stay here, with me. But I don’t. Instead I clear my throat and glance at the floor. “Well, you could... I could drive you but I don’t want to wake Rosie for the ride.”
“Oh, no, of course not—”
“Or you can stay for dinner while we figure it out.” India looks a little shocked at the idea and I feel myself blush.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so caught off guard. I want to reach out and smooth my fingers down those flushed cheeks. But after a few moments she manages to compose herself, taking a deep breath.
“Yeah, okay. As long as you don’t think I would be getting in the way...”
I smile at her, taking a step closer. Is it just my imagination, or is she holding her breath? I allow my hand to rest on her shoulder for a second. “You wouldn’t be in the way at all,” I insist. India visibly relaxes, putting down her briefcase.
“Okay. Well, might as well make myself useful.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Useful?”
She fetches her phone from her pocket. “By looking up take-out menus, of course.”
I grin. She really is a perfect woman. “Sounds like an idea. I’m just going to check on Rosie. Feel free to explore the house... Maybe you could pick out a film to watch while we eat.”
India smiles. Her arm brushes against mine as she heads for the door. “Sounds cozy,” she says with a devilish look in her eyes.
I distract myself from India for a while by tending to the baby. She’s been surprisingly good the past few days, to the point where it’s actually a little suspicious. She kicks her legs and waves her arms around when she sees me, gurgling loudly. I like to take that as an affectionate greeting. I scoop her up with a smile and nuzzle her closely. She smells good as I bounce her up and down.
“You’re getting really good with her.”
I turn and see India at the door. She’s leaning on the door frame, smiling fondly. I smile.
“Yeah, well. I guess my uncle instincts have finally kicked in.”
“Looks like it,” she says. “I think you’re doing a lot of self-improvement this week.”
I roll my eyes. Now that we’re getting along better, she takes every opportunity to make fun of how we were before. I keep reminding myself that it’s a good thing that she can look back and laugh. If she had held on to the resentment, then she wouldn’t still be here now. She’d be in an Uber, halfway home. Instead she’s here with me, having agreed to takeout and a movie.
I can’t complain.
I lay Rosie back in the crib. She sucks sweetly on her thumb, and her head lolls to the side. Within moments she’s sleeping. I breathe a sigh of relief. As nice as it is spending the evening with my niece when she’s quiet like this, I want to spend tonight with India.
She steps aside so that I can leave the room. We stand awkwardly on the landing for a moment before I usher her to follow me. I lead her through the house, to the living room. I see she’s already picked out a film.
“Saw? Really?” I ask. She shrugs sheepishly.
“I was in the mood for a horror, I guess. Is that all right?”
Horror films are kind of my worst nightmare—which I guess is entirely the point—but I want to keep India happy. I would literally watch a film about paint drying if it meant her sticking around for longer.
“Sure. Did you pick a takeout?”
“I thought pizza. A large with extra cheese and pepperoni. Side of garlic bread’s a must,” she says, scrolling through the menu with a serious expression on her face. I can’t help but smile at her.
“I appreciate a woman with an appetite.”
“Well, what can I say? A girl’s got to eat.”
“This is on me, so order what you want.”
India looks like she’s about to protest, but in the end she just nods and takes my credit card. “Thank you. I’m trying to save up money, so that would be a massive help.”
“What are you saving for?”
India shrugs. “The future, I guess. I mean I adore my roommate, Montana, but I know one day she’ll move on, and I’ll want a place of my own. I could use a vacation too. It’s been a while since I took any time off.”
Come to think of it, India didn’t take any time off while she was working for me the first time. I guess I never thought of it that much, but now I can see how seriously she took her job.
Come to think of it, I guess I’ve never had to worry about where the next paycheck is coming from. I’ve never had a debt that I didn’t know for sure that I could pay, or had to worry about getting a mortgage. I’ve never scrimped on anything, not even when I was starting out. It just goes to show how different India’s life really is to mine. And yet here we are, sitting side by side on my living room couch.
Too far apart to touch, but too close to think of anything else.
“You could really use a break. You work hard,” I finally say.
India gives me a tired smile. “Yeah, well, after I finish up here, I’ll be able to go anywhere, anytime. I can work remotely with the writing gig. I mean it’s going well. I might travel for a while.”
“Really? That’s great.” I nod at her, smiling. My chest constricts in a way I’m not sure I understand. Is it the thought of her leaving that makes me anxious? Or is it the fact that she’s just too damn close for me to think straight at all?
“Yeah, just for a month or so. I’d love to go to Europe. See all the sights, work in a new environment, finish my novel.”
“Sounds like you still plan to work. Not such a relaxing holiday after all.”
India shrugs. “I like to keep busy. What about you? Wouldn’t you like to see the world?”
She doesn’t know she’s struck a nerve, but she has. Once it was my dream to travel the globe. But it didn’t work out. I ended up taking on work so demanding that I have no time to leave my company unattended for longer than a few days. Now it’s simply a dream that I’ve packed away and forgotten about.
“I guess someday I’ll be able to pull away enough from my CEO duties to do that.”
India doesn’t look as though she believes me, but she lets it slide. She presses on the screen on her phone, looking pleased with herself.
“There. Pizza ordered. Shall we start the film?”
I nod, but even as on the movie starts, I know I won’t pay attention to it at all. She’s sitting so close to me that I can smell her shampoo. A fruity scent, strawberries and sugar. Her eyes are fixed on the screen, but I’m watching only her.
When the pizza arrives, I can barely eat, still more interested in what she’s doing than food or some horror movie. By the time she’s polished off half of the pizza and garlic bread, I’ve managed to eat only one slice.
“I thought you appreciated people with an appetite?” India says, glancing in my direction. On the screen, someone yells for help as they’re being chased. I grimace.
“Yeah, I really do. I guess I’m just not hungry.”
India cocks her head to the side. “Are you okay? You seem tense.”
I swallow hard. It’s a question I don’t really want to answ
er, but I find myself responding before I can stop myself. “I’m always tense around you.”
India’s eyes widen, then her face slowly relaxes into a smile. I hadn’t noticed, but she’s moved even closer. Her arm is draped around the back of the sofa. Her other hand moves to graze my leg.
“Good,” she says quietly. Then a silence falls over us. I can hear my own breathing. India traces her fingers up my leg and I try not to groan. Her touch is electric. She leans forward slowly.
She’s going to kiss me. She’s going to kiss me.
Rosie chooses the perfect moment to start crying. The baby monitor crackles and then she starts to wail. India jerks, drawing back from me, her cheeks a little flushed. I swallow, standing up.
“I need to go and check on her.”
India waves me away with a flick of her hand. “Sure, yeah. Absolutely.”
Feeling more than a little frustrated, I bound up the stairs. Part of me hopes that Rosie will quiet down quickly so that I can get back to India, but I guess the mood has already passed. I want to cry out in frustration. We were so close. How did this happen?
When I reach Rosie, there’s an unmistakably bad smell. I groan. Operation diaper change is in order. I sigh, picking Rosie up and holding her at arm’s length for a moment. I shake my head at her.
“I knew tonight was too good to be true, you little monkey.”
Rosie continues screaming, but I swear there’s also a mischievous glint in her eye.
Thirteen
India
Damn.
That’s all I can think. Damn it. Damn the interruption that stopped us from hooking up. I almost can’t believe it. We got so close, and then just like that the flame was extinguished.
I’m so embarrassed that I was so bold. What is he thinking? That I’m some psycho secretary out to seduce my boss?
