by Rae Knightly
Tike let him know that he was thrilled to have made a connection again. He wagged his tail.
Wanna play?
Ben stiffened. He could feel a heart beating rapidly in excitement. Except it wasn’t his heart. He glanced at Tike who rolled onto his back, paws in the air.
“Stop it!” Ben scolded, his own heart pumping a mixture of fear and blue venom. His ears rang with the blood flowing to his brain.
Play?
“No!” Ben yelled. He stuffed his notebooks in his backpack and raced down the stairs.
Tike followed more slowly, his ears and tail drooping.
What’s the matter?
“Don’t. Talk. To. Me!” Ben snapped, walking out with his boots and jacket unzipped.
A freezing wind slammed into him, sending snow down his throat and neck. He shut the door on Tike and lumbered down the street, welcoming the biting cold.
What am I doing?
He couldn’t believe what he had just done. He had shut the door on his best friend. Tears stung his eyes while he nervously tried to cover his bluish-lit hands with his gloves.
Tike was talking to him through the skill. But every time he did so, Ben knew that the skill was getting stronger, taking hold of him in ways he could not begin to comprehend. Every contact with Tike allowed the translation skill to infiltrate his core even more.
I’ll never get rid of it!
He took a few steps through the snowstorm.
But this is Tike!
Why was he making such a big deal out of it? Wasn’t talking to his own dog kind of awesome? Deep down, he agreed that it was, and part of him wanted to embrace the skill, yet at the same time, every fiber of his body continued to fight against it–because he feared it. What if human bodies weren’t compatible with the alien element? What if the skill continued to make him sick until things became irreversible? What if the skill took over his thoughts? Or worse, what if it killed him? He was so involved in his own thoughts that he did not realize his feet were taking him to the Canmore General Hospital.
Kimi!
He felt a wave of comfort at the thought of seeing her. By the time he reached the hospital, the insides of his boots and the bottoms of his trousers were soaked.
When he found Kimi’s room, she was resting against several piled-up cushions. Her long hair fell from both sides of her neck down to her arms. Her face was pale, and there were dark circles under her eyes, but her lips were rosy and she smiled.
“Ben!” She greeted him warmly. “What took you so long? I’m bored to death here!” she scolded, then blushed. “Sorry, bad choice of words.”
Ben grinned, a fuzzy feeling replacing the cold he felt inside. “How are you?”
Her dark brown eyes twinkled. “They’re pumping me with antibiotics. It seems to be working, though they insist I stay here for another couple of days.” She rolled her eyes. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself until then.”
“Well, I know exactly what you’re going to do,” Ben said, dumping his backpack on a small table by the window. He pulled out his notes and handed them to her. “You’re going to study for the civics exam.”
“Are you kidding me?” she exclaimed, setting off in a fit of coughing.
Ben poured her some water and waited until she could breathe normally again.
“Sorry,” she said with a feeble voice. “Happens sometimes.”
“Don’t talk,” Ben ordered. “Just read.”
He settled on a chair next to her, rested his chin on his arm with his notes before him on her bed. She eyed him for a few seconds as if trying to find something to scold him with, but in the end, she picked up the papers and began to read as well.
The minutes and hours ticked by as they studied quietly, absorbed by their task. For a brief moment at least, Ben forgot everything else, until a nurse came in and announced it was almost time for Kimi’s dinner and medication.
Ben checked his watch, realizing how late it was. “Oops! Gotta go,” he announced.
“Will you come back tomorrow?” Kimi asked with hopeful eyes.
“Of course! I look forward to another day of mutual boredom,” Ben replied.
Kimi slapped him on the arm with her notes. They giggled, but that only set Kimi coughing again.
“Ok, ok, I’ll behave,” Ben said, having finished putting on his snow boots and jacket. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Wait a minute,” Kimi interjected, her face becoming serious. “Ben, Ms. Nguyen came and told me about the YouTube video.” He stood by the door and saw her studying his face. “Are you all right?”
Ben shrugged, fighting a lump in his throat. “Sure. It’s Wes and Tyler who should be worried. They got suspended for the rest of the week.”
“Ben,” she said again as if reluctant to let him go. “I… I haven’t had a chance to thank you, you know, for what you did at the lake.” She sucked in air and added, “You saved my life.”
Ben stared at his feet, then shrugged again. “I’m just glad you’re ok.” Their eyes met for a moment.
“Excuse me,” a woman said behind Ben. “Visiting hours are over. It’s time for dinner.”
“Oh, sorry,” Ben apologized, stepping back as the nurse pushed in a trolley. The woman busied herself by Kimi’s bed, placing a tray before her and arranging her pillows so she could sit up. Kimi pinched her nose and stuck out her tongue at the food tray.
Ben grinned and waved goodbye.
When he stepped into the street, it was already dark, and heavy snow whirled around him. He zipped up his jacket, covered his head with his hood, and stuffed his hands in his pockets.
“Can I join you?” Mesmo said, coming up beside him.
Ben shrugged and kept walking, though he had to admit having the alien beside him was extremely practical because the snow stopped slapping him in the face.
“How’s Kimi?” Mesmo asked.
“Fine,” Ben replied briefly as he struggled with his mixed feelings.
Why is it I always feel relieved when Mesmo is around?
“Do you want to talk about it?” Mesmo asked.
“Talk about what?” Ben retorted. He stopped to face the tall man. “You know what I want to talk about? I want to talk about the skill. You see, I don’t want it. I want to be normal again. I want to be me. So I’ve decided I want you to take it back!”
Mesmo frowned. “We did talk about that. I told you it is yours now. It is a valuable gift…”
“It’s not a gift!” Ben almost yelled. Pedestrians turned to look at them, so he lowered his voice. “It’s not a gift. You can refuse a gift. But this one was imposed on me. I had no choice.”
They walked on in silence, then Mesmo said, “I don’t know why you struggle with it. All you have to do is learn to control it. I could teach you…”
“Stop!” Ben snapped. “Just…stop.” He stepped away from the protective bubble into the swirling snow, leaving Mesmo staring at him.
With a few strides, the alien man caught up with him again. “Why do you fear it so?” he asked.
“Why?” Ben exclaimed, waving his gloved hands at him. “Jeez, do I have to spell it out to you? Maybe its because my hands are glowing? Maybe it’s because I’m slowly losing control of my own thoughts? Or maybe because it’s turning me into a freak, that’s why!”
Mesmo was still frowning. “But why would it turn you into a freak? It is no different than a human skill.”
“What are you talking about? Humans don’t have skills like you!”
“Of course they do!” Mesmo replied. “I have met people with the skill of music, the skill of dancing, the skill of arts, the skill of invention…”
“The skill of what?”
Mesmo searched for the right words. “Take this snow for example. My skill is water: I simply manipulate the snow so it will not fall on us. Humans do not have this skill, so they perfected a different one: the skill of invention. They invented a device to cover themselves so they would not
get wet.”
Ben gaped. “An umbrella…? You’re comparing your skill to…an umbrella?” He scoffed and shook his head.
Mesmo shrugged. “It may seem like nothing to you, but I find human creativity quite original.” He fell silent suddenly as if a separate conversation had begun in his head.
They walked on, both lost in their own thoughts.
Even though Mesmo had shone a new light on the problem, Ben was still far from happy.
He’s trying to convince me.
***
Ben spent the next day studying with Kimi. They tested each other and cleared up any remaining questions they had. Ben had snuck in a couple of doughnuts, which they munched on contentedly while they took a break. Ben lay at the end of the bed, staring at the ceiling.
“You know, I was thinking,” Kimi began.
Ben groaned. “Please don’t think. My brain is fried enough as it is.”
Kimi kicked him with her foot from under the bedsheets.
“Shut up!” she scolded. “I’m serious. I was thinking about the lake.”
“Oh,” Ben’s face darkened.
“No, listen. I was thinking about what I told you, about me not liking being First Nation and all. You were right, I wasn’t thinking straight. I didn’t mean what I said.”
Ben straightened. “That’s ok. You were angry. You had every right to be.”
Kimi’s eyes moved away from him. “No, it’s more than that,” she said. “You know, I really thought I was done for when I sank to the bottom of the lake. And the only thing I could think of was how stupid I was for hating myself.” Her eyes fell on him again, twinkling from some inner fire. “You see, I realized that the problem isn’t me being First Nation–the problem is my dad! I can’t change what he thinks about my mom or me. But I can change how I think about myself. I don’t have to look at myself through my dad’s eyes. I have my own eyes to do that.”
Her words resounded with certainty. “I am unique: I was born of two cultures. The one doesn’t overshadow the other. On the contrary, they complement each other and make each other stronger, through me. Being born with two cultures is a gift, not a burden. I can create a new way of seeing the world and combine the two to solve problems. That’s actually pretty awesome!”
She wrung her hands together in excitement as if she couldn’t wait to apply her new philosophy. “It’s not my problem if my dad couldn’t adapt. It’s not my job to suffer for it! I don’t have to carry his burden. I know that now." She trailed off, consumed by an energy that burned brighter with her every word.
Ben hadn’t moved an inch as her vision seeped deep into his core. He knew her words meant something vital to him too, only, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to accept their meaning. He got off the bed and began gathering his notes and books.
Kimi was still caught up in her revelation. “I’ll have to take you back to the lake this summer,” she chatted. “It’s not that bad, you know? Plenty of kids go swimming there when the days get hotter. And there’s an ice cream truck that sells the best bubblegum flavour in the world. You’ll see.”
Ben had his back to her; he took his time filling up his backpack as he couldn’t bear to face her.
I won’t be here.
“Cool,” he managed to utter.
“Ben?”
"What?" he tried to make his voice sound as normal as possible. He stuck his nose into his backpack as if he were searching for something.
“What’s wrong?” Her question startled him.
“Huh?”
“You’ve been acting weird all week. Like you’re trying to be cheerful for my sake, but you’re just pretending. Something’s wrong. I can tell.”
How can she see right through me?
If he turned to face her, he would fall apart. He would have to tell her everything, and that would be the end of their friendship because she would never trust him again. His eyes welled with tears.
“Kimimela,” Maggie’s voice filled the room.
“Iná!” Kimi said cheerfully.
Ben watched them hug out of the corner of his eyes. He wiped his tears away swiftly.
“Ben,” Maggie said, heading to him with her arms wide.
He had no choice but to turn this time. He was struck by how different Maggie looked. Her hair was neatly tied in a ponytail that went down to her waist. Her smile took years off her face, and she could almost have been mistaken for Kimi’s older sister.
He fell into her arms gratefully because it allowed him to sob freely. She stroked his head for a long time. Finally, she took his head into both of her hands and placed her forehead on to his. “I thank you, hokshila[6]. You saved my butterfly and I am forever in your debt.” She lowered her voice and added, “I don’t know what it is your father did, but my people tell me he is a great spirit. Even a Wise One from the North has travelled to speak with him. Somehow I believe I am indebted to him, too.”
They were still standing in this strange embrace when Laura and Thomas arrived.
“Hi,” Laura said, casting a worried look in her son’s direction. “We were looking everywhere for you, Ben.”
Maggie patted Ben on the shoulder and took out a tissue to wipe her eyes. She hugged Laura and Thomas, then went to sit by Kimi’s bed. “I am glad you are all here,” she said. “I have something to tell you.” She took Kimi’s hand and continued, “Some years ago, I lost my husband. He abandoned Kimi and me. For a long time, I suffered from this. I blamed myself for it, told myself I could have done more. I turned away from my identity, from my people, and I turned away from my daughter. I became a shadow of myself.” She paused, struggling with her words. “I turned away from everything that most mattered to me, and instead, sought refuge in a poison, which I used to drown my grief.” She gazed straight at Kimi and said, full of emotion, “I became an alcoholic.”
Ben felt a shift in the room at the meaningful confession.
Maggie squeezed her daughter’s hand and claimed, “I am Magaskawee. I am of the Dakhona people. You are my daughter, Kimimela, and I will heal now, for you.”
Kimi’s face crumbled as she threw herself into her mother’s arms. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room. When Maggie pulled away from her daughter, she stared at the floor and admitted, “The road will be hard, Kimimela. I will need your help.”
Kimi nodded, her face puffy with emotion.
Thomas cleared his throat and went to stand before Maggie. “I would like to help,” he said shakily. “That is, if you would let me…”
Maggie frowned as she stood up. “Why?”
Thomas took both of her hands in his and looked deep into her eyes. “I think you know why,” he said softly.
“Ben,” Laura whispered as she pulled him by the arm. She nudged her head towards the door. “Time to go.”
They slipped out of the room. Just before the door closed, Ben saw Kimi glance at him with a huge smile and eyes that sparkled in amazement.
Ben stared at his mother as they walked to the elevator. “Thomas? And Maggie?” he exclaimed, his eyes wide.
Laura only smiled.
Ben jumped in front of her, walking backwards to stay ahead. “Thomas?” he repeated. “And Maggie?”
Laura’s smile widened.
Ben’s surprise turned into a grin, and he nodded in approval.
“Cool!”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Not Human
When Kimi entered the classroom on Friday morning, the students broke into loud cheers of welcome. Wes and Tyler, who had been allowed back for the civics exam, hooted the loudest.
Kimi blushed and hid her smile behind her books. Her hair tumbled over her loose turtleneck sweater. The burgundy colour went well with her dark eyes and Ben thought she was easily the prettiest girl in class.
She winked at him as she settled at her desk.
“It’s good to have you back, Kimi,” Ms. Evans said warmly.
Kimi responded with a raucous cough, but she gave a thumbs up a
nd nodded.
Ms. Evans exclaimed. “Oh dear! All right, good thing it’s not an oral exam. Best to leave your voice alone today, I think.”
She distributed the exam papers, checked her watch and indicated that they could start.
Ben turned over the papers and scanned through the questions. He glanced at Kimi, and they exchanged a grin; they knew the answers.
This is going to be easy.
Ben pushed the idea that he was flying out of Canmore forever that day to the back of his mind, and began scribbling. Thirty minutes into the hour, he paused to stretch his back. He checked on his classmates. They were hunched over their desks in concentration–even Wes and Tyler, he noted. He rubbed his neck, then leaned over to continue writing.
His hands were glowing. He jumped, his heart racing. He glanced around hurriedly to make sure no-one had noticed, then froze at the sight outside the window.
On the windowsills, a dozen crows sat with their beady eyes aimed at him. One of them cawed, while the others resembled silent, unmoving gargoyles from a gloomy cathedral.
He tried to ignore the familiar sensation of blood rushing to his ears, but there were too many crows, and their chatter seeped into his mind. The exam answers he had formulated evaporated as if blown away by a cumbersome wind. The birds were trying to tell him something, he knew, but he wasn’t willing to hear. A cold sweat broke above his brow as he tried to block off the intrusion into his mind.
I won’t listen!
He hung his head a few inches from the papers on his desk so he wouldn’t have to acknowledge that contact had been made, but all he saw were blurry words under the tip of his pen. The roaring in his mind became stronger, and part of him knew the message was urgent, that he should listen.
A loud knock startled him back into awareness of the classroom. The Principal entered with a distinctly troubled look on her face. “I’m sorry to interrupt the class, Ms. Evans. I know you’re in the middle of an exam, but could I borrow Ben for a minute?” She was clearly unhappy. Her eyes and those of the rest of the class turned to Ben.
