Table of Contents
Synopsis
Praise for the works of Tagan Shepard
Other Bella Books by Tagan Shepard
About the Author
Acknowledgments
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Epilogue
Bella Books
Synopsis
Kieran Hall has never been lucky in love. She married her high school sweetheart only to have him leave when she came out as pansexual. Then there was the rebound relationship that turned serious. It wasn’t long before they were out the door, too.
For years Kieran avoided any attempts at finding the next person to break her heart, building a life that was comfortable but lonely. That loneliness finally pushes her to give dating another shot. The only problem is, without freshman homeroom or a chance meeting in a bar, she doesn’t know how to meet someone new.
With the help of her best friend, Penelope, Kieran takes the plunge into the intimidating world of dating apps. It’s just as bad as she knew it would be, but Pen is always there to pick her up and dust her off after another disaster. In fact, hanging out with Pen quickly becomes her main motivation to keep swiping right.
When one of her dates suggests that maybe her dating problems stem from her feelings for her best friend it leads Kieran to wonder, could love have been right there in front of her all along?
Praise for the works of Tagan Shepard
And Then There Was Her
This book really was a joy to read. As soon as I started reading this book I was hooked. I loved the premise. I loved the setting of a winery. There is something so romantic about it, and Shepard writes beautifully so you feel like you can taste the grapes and even feel the soil. I thought all the characters were well done. This was the right book at the right time and it’s going on my 2020 favorite list.
-Lex Kent’s Reviews, goodreads
The romance is very delicately written, a well-balanced slow burn with some spectacularly hot moments too! I could have written thousands of words on how much I love this book, the intricacy of the imagery, how much I want to punch Kacey, and how I can relate to the pain and doubt etched in Madison’s soul. Anyone who has ever been made to feel “less than” will be touched by this narrative.
-Orlando J., NetGalley
I adore an age-gap romance, and this slow-burn story is incredibly romantic. There’s something about the writing that is lush and elegant and beautiful, and it really suits the story that is set in a gorgeous vineyard. I highly recommend this gorgeous book for anyone looking for an escape.
-Karen C., NetGalley
This book plucked the strings of my romantic side on multiple occasions. I highly recommend this book to the romantics out there and even the aspiring romantics who just need a little encouragement.
-The Lesbian Review
Across the Dark Horizon
This is a well written and very fast-paced book. It is not overly long and there is quite a bit of action crammed into the pages. Shepard builds great tension throughout the book through both the plot and the bourgeoning relationship between Charlie and Gail. …the result is heart-pounding excitement throughout!
-The Lesbian Review
Bird on a Wire
This is the second novel by Tagan Shepard. I said for her successful debut that it is a sign that many more fine books are yet to come. I am glad that I was right…With all main elements done well, this makes for another very good book by this author. Keep them coming!
-Pin’s Review, goodreads
…She has become an author that I will automatically read now. If you are looking for a good drama book with a little romance, give this a read.
-Lex Reviews, goodreads
Visiting Hours
…Visiting Hours is an emotional tale filled with denial, pain, struggle, commitment, and finally, more than one kind of deep, abiding love.
-Lambda Literary Review
Queen of Humboldt
The story is told from both Sabrina and Marisol’s perspectives and is nonlinear in that some of the chapters are flashbacks. I found these glimpses into the past to be a great way to introduce some much needed character history as well as helping to understand and sympathize with Marisol. This structure can sometimes be confusing, but Shepard does a great job using this device and I never felt disoriented or lost. It is a pulse pumper with a ton of action that will keep you excitedly flipping the page to see what is coming next.
-The Lesbian Review
Wonderful. Spectacularly good. The characters in Queen of Humboldt are very well crafted and even when they are not necessarily at their best, they are still very sympathetic. I would, and indeed will, highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone. Her ability to capture emotions and reel the reader into her world is part of what makes Tagan Shepard’s books so beautiful to read.
-Orla S., NetGalley
Queen of Humboldt does not disappoint. This is a second-chance romance with a dose of opposites attract and almost a taboo feel thrown in for good measure. Be sure to pay attention to the chapter headings where a year is involved, because there are flashbacks interspersed and the timing definitely matters. I don’t want to give any of the story away because this one is a doozy. A true roller coaster ride that ends with a bang.
-Karen R., NetGalley
Talk about an action book! I think I’m still trying to catch my breath over here. While Shepard writes mostly contemporary romances (and one futuristic book) I was excited to see her mix it up again with an action-romance. And when I say action I mean ACTION! I was completely glued to my seat. For me a read like this is just really fun and super entertaining. …It’s a “buckle your seat belt and hang on for the ride” kind of read.
-Lex Kent’s Reviews, goodreads
Well, this came out of left field. I honestly wasn’t sure about this one, because of the darker themes it promised, and it is hard to really balance that grit out with some hope. But dang, this is done so well. Marisol’s character and life is well plotted, utilizing flashbacks to help slow down the breakneck pace a bit. I love that there are hints for what Marisol is doing in the shadows of her criminal enterprise, but when its revealed, its done so well that it doesn’t lose any of its punch. Shepard avoided switching between Marisol’s and Sloane’s perspectives too much, giving most of the storytelling duties to Marisol, and it works well. Marisol is a compelling narrator and having events playing out through her eyes was great.
This is dark, pretty violent, but is also full of hope and goodness. Sloane and Marisol are well balanced characters, and one of the few examples where they don’t have to grow that much to make them compelling. It is wel
l paced, with some really great action sequences, some slower moments, and some truly emotionally impactful ones. This was a lovely surprise, and is quite possibly my favorite book this month.
-Colleen C., NetGalley
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Other Bella Books by Tagan Shepard
Across the Dark Horizon
And Then There Was Her
Bird on a Wire
Queen of Humboldt
Visiting Hours
About the Author
Tagan Shepard (she/her) is the author of six novels of sapphic fiction, including the 2019 Goldie winner Bird on a Wire. When not writing about extraordinary women loving other extraordinary women, she can be found playing video games, reading, or sitting in DC Metro traffic.
She lives in Virginia with her wife and two cats.
Copyright © 2021 by Tagan Shepard
Bella Books, Inc.
P.O. Box 10543
Tallahassee, FL 32302
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, without permission in writing from the publisher.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.
First Bella Books Edition 2021
Editor: Cath Walker
Cover Designer: Heather Honeywell
ISBN: 978-1-64247-244-8
PUBLISHER’S NOTE
The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.
Acknowledgments
Penelope is one of those rare characters who arrived in my head fully formed and she changed very little from inception to the final draft. My only struggle came in portraying a woman living with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome in a way that was both authentic and empathetic. For that, I turned to my friend, Renee. She graciously gave up her time for an interview before I wrote and as a sensitivity reader after. I am deeply indebted to her for that.
While there is no universal experience, I hope people living with chronic illness see a piece of themselves reflected in Penelope. I would encourage anyone who reads this book to also read Own Voices literature from disabled authors. My personal recommendation is Unbroken: 13 Stories Starring Disabled Teens edited by Marieke Nijkamp.
As always, my excellent beta readers have cheered and challenged me into making my story better. Thank you to Celeste, Cade, and Kate for your insightful and indispensable feedback.
The team at Bella Books is one of the best in the business and I am proud to call myself a member of the Bella family. Linda and Jessica Hill make my dreams come true with every new book and I am eternally grateful. Cath Walker has almost single-handedly molded me into the writer I am today with her encouragement and the occasional bit of tough love. Her hard work has finally borne fruit as this is the first manuscript in which I have correctly conjugated the verb “to lie” every time!
My thanks to David Rotan, both for his excellent work selling our townhome and for insight into the Northern Virginia real estate market. Also to Monica and Chrissy for sharing your online dating horror stories and triumphs.
Most importantly, to Cris, the love of my life. Every single day for twenty years I have felt your love, your support, and your encouragement. Your smile has dragged me out of more writing funks than I care to admit. Your arms have always been there to hold me when I want to fall. You are my home.
Dedication
For Renee
I see your stripes
Chapter One
“I know it’s Tuesday and you don’t leave the house on Tuesday, but I need your help.” Pen had picked up on the second ring and she hadn’t hung up yet. That was a good sign. “Get over here.”
“Sure, what’s up?”
“I’m horny.”
I heard a scuffle on the line like she’d dropped the phone and scrambled to pick it back up. She sounded a little more alert when she answered, “Whoa, we aren’t that sort of friends.”
“I don’t mean it like that,” I said, pacing around my cramped living room. Taking a deep breath, I steeled my nerves and blurted, “I need your help making a dating-app profile.”
There was a split second of silence, followed by a roar of laughter. I’d expected it, but I still didn’t like it. I made two full, fuming circuits around the couch as she laughed. When she finally quieted to a soft chuckle I said with as much dignity as I could muster, “Fuck you. Get over here.”
I could hear the pout in my voice and obviously Pen heard it, too. There was a genuine kindness in her tone which reminded me that, under all the bravado, my best friend was a caring person. “Sweetie, you don’t need that.”
“Yes, I do. I’m desperate.”
“Kieran…”
“I have two bottles of Rosé in the fridge.”
“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
My last circuit around the room landed me in front of the barnwood-framed mirror beside the couch. I was just filling out a profile tonight, but it kinda felt like I was going on a date. I went through my usual full inspection. Honestly, I was looking pretty cute. I always had an extra few pounds hanging around, but it was currently hanging around in places that filled out my ruffled babydoll top and tightened my artfully torn jeans in all the right places. My hair was growing long and it fell past my shoulders. The dark brown curls played well against the navy-blue top. The happy cataloguing stopped when I got to my face. Not my best feature. The nerves returned, so I bolted away from the mirror.
While I waited for Pen, I cleaned. That’s how I always dealt with stress. And anger. And particularly loneliness. There was nothing like scrubbing a toilet to make the rest of life seem manageable. The problem was I’d been dealing with loneliness for so long that my house was already spotless. Not even a dirty dish in the sink. Time for drastic measures. I pulled out my cotton swabs and canned air to clean the keyboard of my laptop.
I was so engrossed I didn’t hear Pen let herself in.
“I take it back,” she said from right behind me, making me jump and squawk like a frightened bird. “If you’ve resorted to buffing your keyboard, you definitely need to get laid.”
“Funny, smartass,” I replied.
While I cracked open the wine, Pen leaned against the back of the couch. She was perfectly put together like it was another workday. Better than that. She looked like she was trying to make someone jealous. When I took a day off, I usually didn’t shower and I definitely didn’t get out of my pajamas.
She wore her brown hair short and choppy in one of those styles that looked like she’d just rolled out of bed. It suited her round face and big green eyes. She had a baby face, looking a decade younger than her thirty-five, and her skin was soft as a toddler’s. Not for the first time I bemoaned my crow’s feet, a fate she’d never share. I was only two years older, but it looked like ten which was distinctly unfair. I couldn’t fault her for her lean form, however. Her gym had an indoor pool and she swam an hour a day, five days a week, year-round.
It seemed like one of those nights, so I brought the bottle with me to the living room. No sense in running back and for
th when we were sure to empty it soon. We dropped into our normal spots on the couch and I wiggled back into my biggest throw pillow.
With a skeptical eye, Pen inspected her glass. She swirled the wine and gave it a sniff. “Is this the good stuff?”
I turned the bottle to show her the simple white label bearing the name of our favorite local winery. “Early Mountain Vineyards. Only the best for my Pen.”
She took a sip and sighed. “You’re buttering me up and it’s working.”
“You deserve it.”
“More butter,” she laughed her reply.
I shrugged and sipped my wine. If only she knew how long I’d been planning this. Worrying about it. Losing sleep over the whole idea.
“How long’s this dry spell lasted anyway?” Pen asked, pulling her knees up to her chest. She’d already half-emptied her glass and I hurried to catch up.
“Since Alex left,” I said. “Honestly? Since a while before Alex left. Things were bad with them for a long time.”
Talking to Pen about my ex wasn’t easy. She didn’t like them at all, particularly after they lost interest in our relationship and pulled away. Pen blamed Alex for falling out of love first, but that wasn’t their fault. The way they’d picked fights that left me crying on the bathroom floor certainly was, and it was that which Pen would never forgive.
She scowled as usual and avoided even using their name. “They would have me swearing off relationships, too.” She ended with a muttered, “Asshole.”
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