“Have you picked a dress yet?” my cousin, LeLe, asked me. She was sitting across from me and Dame, straight killing some fried catfish.
“Not yet. I have one for the reception, though. My mama wants me to wear one that she bought when she was supposed to marry my daddy.”
“Aawwwww. That’s so sweet.” That was LeLe’s sister, Lexi.
“That ring is so pretty. You did a good job, Dame,” LeLe gushed as she stared at my ring with glee dancing her eyes.
“Thank you.” I could tell he was forcing his tone to sound like his usual loving self.
“Have you seen Amaechi?” I looked up, seeing my mother walk up on the picnic table.
“He went to go get some ice with Rick,” I answered her.
Her eyes squinted from the sun’s demanding rays as she looked around the park. “Yea, but that was over an hour ago. Where is Nneka?”
“Over there acting bougie,” I said as I pointed towards a large tree a few yards away. Nneka had placed her and Rick’s picnic chairs far from where the family was gathered as soon as she’d gotten there. She’d claimed that she wanted to be under the shade, but she was actually throwing shade because she looked at my mother’s side of the family like they were ghetto.
I didn’t see a reason for her and Amaechi to be there. But since Amaechi cared so much about appearances, he insisted that he and Nneka come to my mother’s family’s reunions since they had gotten married. And since Nneka wanted to maintain access to her father’s pockets, she did whatever he said.
Curious about her husband’s whereabouts, my mother started struggling through the grassy field on her wedges towards Nneka.
Suddenly, Dame leaned closer into my space. I tensed up as the hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up. I closed my eyes for a millisecond, enjoying his masculine scent seeping into my nose.
“I’m about to leave,” he told me softly.
“Everything okay?”
“I’m straight,” he answered shortly. “Just got something to do.”
“O-okay.” Disappointment swam into my spirit as he stood. I tried desperately not to allow it to show in my eyes as I told my cousins, “I’ll be back. Let me walk him to the car.”
“Oh, you're leaving, Dame?” Lexi asked, allowing her disappointment to show.
“Yea. I have some meetings to get to,” he lied. “You know I’m an engineer.”
Only I had heard the sarcasm in his voice when he’d said that. I grimaced inwardly as he said his goodbyes. I opted to allow him to go around, bidding farewell alone so that I could avoid the awkward tension between us.
As he kissed and hugged my elders, I wished that this was real. Even with the anger against me in his eyes, he was hard to resist. I had missed him since our engagement party and looked forward to spending that day with him. Since he had finally seen my scars, I had looked forward to every time that we had an outing or event because it truly felt like I was on a date that didn’t involve being ashamed of who I was. Dame accepted every scar, keloid, and raised blister on my body. He embraced them. He made love to them. Even that day, I had proudly worn a spaghetti strapped maxi dress to show him that, unlike what he’d said when he stormed out, I wasn’t that insecure little girl when he was around. He gave me a certainty in my beauty that I had never felt before.
That certainty just hadn’t been strong enough to hurl me over the fear of being on his arm officially.
It may have been too late to finally show some self-esteem now, however. Dame no longer looked at me. He looked through me. Our budding friendship had died over the past two weeks. We rarely spoke, and when we did, it was short, dry, and even sometimes felt mean.
Even as he finally met me in the middle of the field, I felt his disdain. Now, without eyes on us, his coldness had returned. I fought to keep up with his long, swift strides as he marched towards his car.
As we reached the parking lot, I tried to thank him, “Th—"
However, he rudely interrupted me. “Stop thanking me,” he said in such a tone it shook me. Gosh, he was being so cold that it stung.
I swallowed hard, trying not to react to his snappiness.
“This is a business arrangement, remember?” He went on, digging the knife in deeper. “And since I’ve been hustling all my life, I don’t play when it comes to my bread.”
As we approached his car, I couldn’t take it anymore. “Do you really have something to do, or do you just not want to be here with me anymore?” I felt silly even questioning him because his presence there was a favor. He didn’t owe me anything.
“I need to get home to my kids. They are waiting on me.”
I was so shocked that I stuttered, “Th-they moved back in?”
“Yea.”
I knew that that meant their mother had moved back in as well. I had gotten to know him well enough to know that he would never take them from Maya. If they were living with him again, so was Maya.
I felt my heart breaking. I couldn’t believe that I was so hurt that he was back with his family, but I was. Yet, I ignored it because that was what he deserved; his family and a woman he could proudly show off without having to explain her disfigurement.
“Are you going to be able to still do this without it affecting them?”
I wondered why he looked up at the sky and slightly shook his head. “She knows it's not real.”
“O-okay.”
“I’ll holla at you.”
He started to turn and walk away, but I saw him look behind us at my family that was still in the park. He gritted before grabbing the back of my head, bending down and kissing my forehead. Then he got into his car without a word.
I watched him as he pulled away, wondering if he actually felt like he wasn’t good enough when it was I who felt like I wasn’t good enough for him. He didn’t bat an eye when faced with my gruesome body, but others would. He couldn’t take me to pool parties without having to defend me. He couldn’t take me to summer events without people gawking at the grisly appearance of my arms and chest.
Damien Coleman
“You like her.”
My eyes slightly rolled as I leaned against the company work truck. “What are you talking about, Maya?”
Listening to her fuss through my ear pod, I checked a few text messages. They were all from Joziah and Brea, asking me for one thing or another.
“I’m talking about you and this fake fiancée bullshit. I know you like her.”
“How do you know?”
“Because you were in such a pissy mood when you got back from her family reunion. What? You and your fiancée get into an argument?”
Grimacing, I told her, “I ain’t got time for this, Maya. I’m at work.”
“I ain’t got time for this, either! Why did you ask me to move back in if you weren’t going to touch me? You haven’t tried to have sex with me since I moved back in.”
I chuckled. “You weren’t fucking me before you left, so I guess I became accustomed to it.”
That had taken all the bite out of her bark.
“We were going through some things,” she answered, timidly.
“You were going through some things.”
Maya sucked her teeth. “We, you, whatever. I’m over it now.”
I smiled to myself. “So, you want this dick now?”
“Yes,” she all but purred.
“Then say that instead of bitching at me.”
“Okay,” her words smiled. “What time are you coming home?”
“Right after work.”
“Okay. I’m cooking dinner.”
My eyes bucked. “Cool. I’ll hit you up later.”
“Bye.”
I hung up, thankful that I had put out that fire.
Since she and the kids had moved back in, I had to admit that I could see why Maya felt like my mind was elsewhere. It was. Her being back there only made me realize that she and I were in even more of an arrangement than me and Tempest were. There was nothing betwe
en me and Maya, not even a strong like for one another. We were dealing with each other. And that was even more noticeable now that I had experienced the chemistry between me and Tempest.
Noticing Jeffery coming out of the new construction that we were working on, I left the truck and walked towards the house.
“Oh, there you are. I was looking for you. I need to leave for a bit.”
“Sorry,” I told him. “I had to take a call. She was trippin’.”
He chuckled. “Don’t worry. I’m not engaged, but I know how it is to have to put those emotional fires out.”
I gritted discreetly. I hated lying to Jeffrey. I had too much respect and love for my mother to lie to her about this charade. Jeffrey had earned that same love and respect from me over the last few months. But I think hearing that I was no longer engaged would break the old man’s heart, so I went along with the lie.
“I was actually talking to my kids’ mother. I let them move back in for a while because she is struggling.”
Of course, since I was getting married in a few months, shock came over Jeffery’s expression.
“Sometimes, as men, we gotta do what we gotta do, especially when it comes to family.”
“True. My kids are much happier.”
They really were. I had my best friends back. Me and the kids stayed under each other from the moment I got off work to the moment that they went to bed. Those were my little homies.
“But what about you?”
I looked at him, wondering what he was referring to.
He answered my confusion. “You’re worried about their happiness, but what about your own?”
“I’m happy.”
He shook his head with a chuckle. “I haven’t seen a real smile on your face in weeks, son.”
As I said, I respected Jeffery too much to lie to him. When it came to the kids, I was happy to have them back home. However, I honestly wasn’t happy when it came to Maya. She was just there, and so was I. I missed what had been blooming between me and Tempest, but her constant rejection had brought my ego down to a level it hadn’t been at since before I was hustling.
Chapter 16
Tempest Murphy
It was the day before the wedding. Oddly, I was sad because I knew that the moment the day was over, I most likely would never see Dame again.
I hadn’t seen him in four months really. I had only seen him at the wedding rehearsal a few weeks ago. Yet, that night had been so chaotic, with many people being around, that we had barely said a few words to one another, and then he’d left along with Meek no sooner than it was over. The end of the summer usually indicated the end of a lot of events in Chicago, so I hadn’t needed him to attend any events with me.
I missed him. Over the last few months, I had realized just how much I enjoyed Dame. This had started off as a business arrangement, but it was ending as much more than that for me.
I had fallen in love with my fiancé.
Therefore, my heart skipped a beat as I watched him walk across the street towards me. I stood in front of the courthouse, feeling my heart thrash in my chest. We were there to apply for the marriage license, which I had to show Amaechi before I could get my inheritance.
It was December. So, he was hiding his face behind the collar of his Canadian Goose parka. The diamonds in his ears sparkled from yards away. The ones on his wrists were icier than the winds whipping across our faces. I salivated at his thick frame and towering height. His skin nearly disappeared against the dark color of the parka, and I loved it.
I tried to stand as courageous as I could. I didn’t want to appear weak, but I could feel it in my eyes as I stared at him, begging him to give me some sort of a friendly gaze or smile. Yet, he gave me nothing. His eyes were empty as he walked up on me. His expression was completely stoic as he greeted me with a dry, “What up?”
“H-hi.” Both his presence and attitude caused me to stutter over my words. “How are you?”
“Cold,” he spat.
I slightly sneered. I knew that my sulking smirk was hidden behind the red scarf that was wrapped around my neck and mouth.
He walked past me, towards the courthouse. I shoved my hands into my leather blazer and fought to keep up with him with my short legs and heels.
As we entered the courthouse, I knew that I had lost him. For the past four months, I had been fantasizing about having more than this fake relationship with him. I missed how beautiful and normal he made me feel under his gaze. When we were alone, it was very easy to forget about my flaws. I fantasized about possibly dating him, if I could just let my insecurities go completely. He was an expert at making me feel like I was perfect. However, I worried that his attraction for me would change once he saw other’s reactions to him being with a beast. I wondered if his esteem for me would change, like Derrick’s had, once his family and friends told him that he could have gotten someone better.
The thought of that alone kept me from reaching out to him over the past few months. Every time we had a short exchange to verify that this wedding was still happening, I fought to tell him that I had fallen completely in love with him. I had never been in love with any other man in my life, besides my father. And though I had never been in love with a significant other, I knew that loving a man was different than loving my father, yet it was somewhat similar. I held Dame in the same regard as I had my dad. They made me feel the same sense of safety. When I thought of Dame, I felt as if my father had sent Dame down from heaven to remind me that I was just as beautiful as my father had assured me that I was back then.
However, as we filled out the marriage application, I knew that the threshold to take advantage of the chemistry and passion that was between us had closed for good. Dame no longer had the patience for my insecurities. That enchantment and affection had disappeared so suddenly, that I now wondered had it ever truly existed. I wondered if his superb acting had been an example of how he could also fake chemistry and passion.
As we paid for the marriage license and made our exit, I started to get jealous. I imagined him having his family back, and my green-eyed monster roared at the fact that another woman was getting his security and affection. I hated the fact that he had gotten back with his girlfriend. I was upset with myself for not giving him the opportunity to show me that he was nothing like Derrick, that he wouldn’t change on me, too. I was upset with him for not being stronger than me and fighting for us. Yes, I had rejected him over and over again. But I did not take him as a man who accepted defeat so easily.
“What time should I be at the church tomorrow?” he asked me as we approached the curb.
I watched his back because that’s what was facing me. “Ten.”
“Maya will be there.”
My eyes bucked. “Huh?”
He reluctantly looked back at me. “Maya will be there, too.”
My eyes then narrowed into slits as I hissed angrily, “Excuse me?”
Finally, he turned towards me. “That’s my girl. I can only ask so much of her. She’s willing to let me marry you—”
“Because I am giving you a quarter million dollars that will most likely benefit her life as well,” I spat.
My green-eyed monster was pissed. It was enough that I felt as if Maya had what I wanted, but she was going to be at my wedding, witnessing the fact that I had to pay to get what the universe had given her for free? Oh hell no!
“She asked me could she come so that she will feel better, and to ensure that my household remains peaceful, I’m letting her.” He said that as if it were totally okay to invite his woman to my wedding.
“What type of ghetto shit is that?” As soon as I had said it, I knew I had fucked up.
Bitches always wanna get mad when the nigga that they rejected moves on.
It's me; I’m bitches.
His brow furrowed as his head cocked. “Excuse me?”
And though I knew I had fucked up, my green-eyed monster was taking control. “What type of ghetto shit is it t
hat you think it's okay to invite your baby mama to our wedding?”
He chuckled sarcastically. “Did you forget this was fake?”
“N-no!” The realization that I, in fact, had, made me stutter. “But who am I supposed to say she is? You already told me how she is. You think she is about to sit quietly during our ceremony, watch you kiss me, and not fuck this up for us? What type of dumb ass decision was that?”
His jaw tightened. “Aye, watch your mouth.”
I hissed, anger and jealousy spewing from me. “At some point, you gotta let that hood shit go.”
“Aye—” he started to warn, but I cut him off.
“Grow some balls. Tell her to sit the fuck down and let you get this bag. Why does she have to be there? Stop worrying about her and focus on getting this money so you can be a better person for your kids. Do that!”
He gnawed on his bottom lip as his nostrils flared so hard that I could see the air leaving his lungs aggressively. “Yo, shorty… I’m out before I say something to really hurt your feelings.”
“Too late! You already have!”
“I have hurt your feelings?” he laughed. “Well, you definitely just got me back.”
I sucked in my bottom lip, fighting tears. I couldn’t face him anymore. I turned on my heels and marched towards my car.
My eyes teared up as I watched his angry gape across the street. Drivers aggressively blew their horns at him as he walked without giving them the right of way.
I had done it again without even knowing. Some people self-sabotage the great things in life because they feel they don’t deserve them.
It's me; I’m “some people”.
Damien Coleman
“Your girlfriend must have pissed you off again.”
I gritted, shaking my head as I slipped on a pair of basketball shorts. I had just gotten out of the shower. I just wanted to chill and take my frustrations out on some 2K. However, Maya was insistent upon making my day even worse.
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