Eventually, Yara awkwardly excused herself.
As she walked down the mountainside toward a glowing cluster of Saptrees, she felt increasingly helpless. How could she ever be close friends with Toler again when she now knew his most intimate intentions?
“Yara… wait,” Yara heard Toler call out from behind her.
She paused, sighing deeply. Turning to face him, she immediately looked away, unable to bear the pained look that eclipsed him.
“Yara,” he said softly as he stopped in front of her. “What have I done to offend you? Please tell me. I am happy to make amends for what I might have broken. I don’t want anything to come between us. I don’t understand…”
His voice trailed off as confusion and despair contorted his handsome face.
“It’s a little too late for that, isn’t it?” Yara responded, shaking her head mostly at herself.
She knew she couldn’t render unknown what she had already seen in his soul. She also couldn’t talk to him about it—how could she admit to such a massive violation of his inner world? Her hands felt tied.
“Something must have happened, Yara. Because I don’t know what you mean—I don’t have the faintest idea what I’ve done! But I am willing and ready to do whatever it takes. And the only thing I can possibly do right now is be completely honest with you, about everything, in hopes that something I say will address whatever this is. Yara, I understand the grave responsibility that you face. So, I need to tell you something… something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about—”
“Are you really still going to tell me?! While saying you know the pressure I am under as the Queen of the Eld, of Mira?” Yara snapped at him, now completely incensed.
“Could you just listen to me?!” Toler barked back. “I don’t know what it is you think I have to say but—”
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but is there a problem here?” a strong, protective voice called out.
They both turned to see Atlase strolling up, having followed them away from the group.
“Uh, hi, Atlase,” Yara stammered. “Everything is fine.”
“Ah, so this is Atlase…” Toler murmured.
Atlase raised an eyebrow at him, then looked back at Yara, his face softening with care.
“My Queen, it did not seem fine when I was approaching. I could sense your displeasure with this conversation. Was it perhaps something you saw in him when you freed him from his curse? Something that makes him unworthy of the blessing you so freely gave?”
Yara blinked as Toler turned to stare at her with bewilderment.
“Something you saw in me…?” Toler started slowly, beginning to put the pieces together.
“Oh, my apologies,” Atlase said, looking genuinely embarrassed. “As I was told that he was someone you considered to be close, I did not think that he was left unaware of the insight such ceremonies give…”
“No, Atlase, you were actually right to assume that. This is not your fault. It’s mine,” Yara responded with a sigh.
As understanding flooded into Toler, he began to look completely distraught.
“I’m sorry that I did not tell you,” Yara said softly, “but I did not expect that to happen. When I had first performed the ceremony on Mila, the…insight didn’t present itself like that. I’ve since realized that it is because her mind is a child’s playground. It wasn’t until I entered yours that I understood the true invasion of privacy that is involved. But there was nothing I could do to stop it. I couldn’t risk doing you harm…”
“And exactly how much did you see, Yara? Is that why you pulled away from me?” Toler said, as the reality of the extent of her intrusion set in. “Which means you already know what I had to say, but you were angry…”
Toler’s embarrassment was no longer hidden, now that he knew of Yara’s violation.
“I needed you to understand. I need you to understand…whatever is within you should never come out of you…” Yara responded softly, trying to shroud the insight with sensitivity. “Not if you really respect the gravity of my responsibilities.”
“What?” Toler said. “Yara…no…I think you have it wrong. That’s exactly what I was trying to say—”
“Am I to understand that this creature sought to impose his feelings on you?!” Atlase suddenly interrupted, startling both Yara and Toler with his perceptiveness. “This creature should not have even felt like he had the right to have thoughts at all! Creature, are you without sense or place? You feel entitled to the Queen of Mira because you helped her in the past? We have all committed our lives in service of the Eld Queen, as is our duty!”
Atlase he spat his ruthless words at a very broken Toler.
Toler looked down and Yara looked away, both unable to navigate the discussion, especially with Atlase’s presence. With Atlase breathing rapidly as he stared scornfully at the Skotad, Toler eventually turned to face Yara, and her alone.
“I promise you, that compromising your queendom has never been, and will never be, my intention. I remain grateful, and I will forever be in your debt. Good night, Queen Yara.” Toler saluted sadly, and walked away.
As Yara watched him depart, her heartstar broke to see his shoulders hunched over and the painful trembling of his stride.
Toler… I’m so sorry… What am I doing? This is Toler! What have I done…
“My Queen…” Atlase said, interrupting her thoughts, “I am sorry that you had to go through any of this. The utter disrespect of that creature knows no bounds! You deserve an Eld who will honor you. A strong Eld who will share your every burden, with whom you will share a connection that can only be understood by the two of you… one who will support your visions and give you an heir…”
Atlase’s voice broke off as Yara looked directly at him angrily.
“And where do you think I may find such an Eld?” she snapped, her le-feer buzzing intensely with the heat of his words. “Do you know any as you have described who are neither promised nor mated? You were so quick to point out how much Toler is beneath me. Do you have any immediate recommendations for such an incredible Eld? I would love to meet him!”
Atlase stared at her, mouth hanging open at her bluntness. He looked almost as pained as Yara did as she turned and walked away.
He stepped forward to follow her, then stopped abruptly. In the distance, a fuming Kiyar stared at him, arms folded.
Chapter Fifteen
Maia
Four Thousand Years Ago
As Maia and Tilly hid behind a broken wall in the old Eld Temple of the Spring ruins, Maia felt a sense of sadness cloud her eyes. This was the kind of missions that she and Jaren would have done together. She longed for her mate, his guidance, his love, his reassurance…his everything. But her yearnings went beyond the missing part of her soul.
While Maia was grateful for Tilly’s presence, Jaren had been the strategist. His Spreuken nature had been a guiding light in unearthing many of Lucerne’s plans—insights that weren’t as readily available to her Agarb mind. It was the reason she knew she needed to share the temple bond with the spy, as Maia’s ability to see through another’s eyes, and perceive things the spy could not, even in her own consciousness, was unmatched.
“Are you ready, my Queen?” Tilly whispered uncertainly, unnerved by the sound of approaching Urse hooves. “And are you sure you still want to do this? You don’t have to come out at all. You can stay here while I talk to her and you will hear the entire conversation. I will ask her everything you wish to see.”
Maia reached out to her, placing her hand on Tilly’s shoulder, moved by her worry.
“It is good to be concerned, Tilly,” Maia said softly. “These are dangerous times. But it is time for me to take control of our investigation and, even more, to make my stand. My lifegiver’s glow will be evident to all in less than two months…and I want my heir, our Yasmin, born on a Mira that is safe.”
Tilly breathed out a sigh of resignation, then nodded firmly.
She
is such a loyal Eld… thank you, Sunstar, for the gift of my handmaiden. I ask for your help on this day…Jaren, I know you watch over us now…
As footsteps entered the ruins, a soft, frightened voice called out, “Ti-Tilly? Are you there…?”
Tilly walked out from behind the mossy wall and the spy sighed in relief.
“Are you safe? Were you followed?” Tilly pressed her with urgency.
“I am safe. And no–I am sure of it. I took many precautions to make my way here. I have a matter of uttermost urgency to relay to the Queen!”
“Then, you can relay it directly to me, Kiyar,” Maia said, stepping out from behind the wall.
Kiyar’s face convulsed in shock before she swept into a deep bow and salute.
“My Queen…” she said, still bowing and barely able speak. “I did not know that you would be here. You should not be here! This is too much of a risk. Oh! I’m so sorry. Please excuse my inappropriateness of my words.”
Maia stepped toward her and place her hand gently below her chin, lifting her up.
“No, Kiyar.” she said warmly. “You’ve said nothing inappropriate. I knew the risk and, much to Tilly’s opposition, I chose to be here. We owe you so much. Thank you for your continued loyalty to me, and to Sunstar. Sunstar acknowledges your heartstar, even as we speak…”
As Maia nodded toward the growing glow of her le-feer, Kiyar blushed intensely and looked down, tears filling her eyes. She had always been loyal to the Queen of the Eld, in complete submission to what she knew to be Sunstar’s will. To be seen and known by Sunstar for it…that meant everything to her.
“Thank you, my Queen,” she whispered softly.
“Kiyar,” Maia started hesitantly, “I need to ask you for something that I am unsure that you will be willing to give…”
“Anything, my Queen! Anything!”
Maia took a deep breath and looked Kiyar squarely in the eyes.
“Will you do me the honor of sharing the temple bond with me?”
Kiyar looked horrified by the Queen’s request, but not because of the secrets she held within her. Rather, it was because the Queen of all of Mira would even consider freely giving, to someone like her, the deepest parts of her soul. Kiyar felt unworthy. This could not be right.
“I am willing to share everything that I know, my Queen, through any way you desire,” Kiyar said. “But is it not better that I share my temple bond with Tilly? I dare not dishonor you by seeing the profundity of your spirit. I do not feel worthy of being trusted with such… such…” Her voice broke off as her face twisted at the very thought of it.
“Perhaps she is right,” Tilly pressed. “I can easily share the bond and see all that needs to be seen and—”
“No, Tilly. It needs to be me,” Maia said firmly.
Turning to Kiyar, she continued,
“For your loyalty and your many risks, you will share my secrets. Among those secrets is one far greater than all other knowledge I hold dear. It is my reason for being…the reason I can go on. And you will know it. You will know everything now…”
With those words, and a nod from Kiyar, Maia raised her forehead and pressed it against hers. As their markings touched, it ignited a pulse between them that interlocked their le-feers with a strong, cohesive force–it was the sign that both parties were willing to share their souls with each other. It was why a temple bond could never be forced or taken, but only freely given.
Once the bond was fully merged, each entered into the other and dove into the memories and make-up of their cores. Flashes, sounds, and sights flooded them both. For the feelings they had most distinctly in common, the connection surged even greater. Horror, joy, grief, pain, worry, and most of all darkness…There was so much darkness that Kiyar had never seen, and exceedingly more than Maia had ever imagined.
***
Maia gazed around through Kiyar’s eyes. She could see her smiling Eld mother, Nalaya, singing softly to Kiyar’s cooing as she rocked gently her as a baby in her arms. Even at that age, Kiyar’s heartstar was full of love, and as Maia journeyed through her childhood, she could see why her spy was so loyal to the queendom.
When Kiyar was eight years old, she had gone to her mother to find out why the Spreukens were no longer the royal House of the Eld.
“Sunstar’s will is always perfect, even when we don’t understand it,” Nalaya had said to her. “We are no longer the royal House because we are not supposed to be, and true strength and faith is the ability to trust that even when it doesn’t seem fair. There is always a greater plan at work, and one day that plan may save us all.”
This memory was one that shone brightly along the lifeline of Kiyar’s soul. It represented a defining point in her life that had determined the path she would take and the principles upon which she would base those choices. At least until she met Atlase…
“He’s dreamy, Mother…” Kiyar had whispered when she was fifteen years old. “And the way I feel about him is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. He’s told me he loves me…”
“Have you asked Sunstar about him?” Nalaya had asked with a note of concern.
Nalaya had been teaching Kiyar the Agarb way of feeling her le-feer. Maia was shocked to see such sacred practices adopted by a Spreuken family.
“I have,” Kiyar responded sadly, “and my le-feer nudges me to believe that he will be my test and I will be his restraint. I just don’t know what it means…”
“I have felt the same, precious one,” Nalaya had said, “and it means your life will not be easy. You must never lose sight of what it means to serve Sunstar, regardless of your House. If you stay true to that above all else, the pain that lies ahead will be worth it. Strength and faith, Kiyar…”
“Always, Mother…”
As Maia floated from that memory into more recent ones, she knew that Kiyar was someone she could trust in ways she hadn’t realized. She saw her interactions with Lucerne and Atlase, her suspicions which were always set off by her le-feer, and her meetings with Tilly when enough evidence had been found that civil disputes were brewing.
Touching the glowing points of time as Maia journeyed along absorbing the knowledge of them all, Maia then noticed a tumultuous one just ahead. It bellowed like a storm and crackled with flashes of darkness, representing what could only be one of the most painful moments of Kiyar’s life. Maia took a deep breath before she touched it, knowing she had likely found what she had been seeking.
Stepping into Kiyar, Maia looked around. Kiyar was alone in her dwelling, attending to household duties when there was loud banging on her door. She had jumped, and then cautiously approached it, calling out to whoever was there.
It was Atlase.
Kiyar could barely open the door before he pushed himself in and shut it quickly behind him. He was breathing hard, and he looked panicked.
“Atlase! What’s wrong? What has happened?!”
“Kiyar. I…I shouldn’t be here, but I…I don’t know if…What am I doing? What am I doing?!” Atlase paced back and forth, holding his hands to his head in anguish.
Kiyar’s pain was evident to Maia. Kiyar loved Atlase deeply, but she was loyal to Sunstar above all. She wanted to be there for him but she feared that whatever he had to say would force her ultimate betrayal of their upcoming union. Witnessing the tearing apart of Kiyar’s soul filled Maia with great sadness. For a moment, she regretted the position they had put Kiyar in, until she heard the thought that followed.
“Sunstar,” Kiyar had prayed in her mind, “I don’t know why my path has led me here, but I trust your plan. If this will cost me my happiness, I have faith that it will be worth it. I surrender to your will.”
And with that, Kiyar reached out her hand to Atlase and gently said, “Talk to me…”
Atlase glanced at her then looked down with tears in his eyes.
“It’s Master Jaren. He’s dead. And my father…” Atlase’s voice cracked as the tears broke free from his eyes, “My father killed
him…”
Kiyar’s pain rippled into Maia’s as, merged across time, they experienced the admission of Lucerne’s guilt.
“What…how…why…?” Kiyar had stammered as little sobs escaped her mouth.
“He suspected that Jaren was getting too close to our plans to take back the Eld throne. So when we went to the core, my father demanded a temple bond from Jaren. Father said that if Jaren didn’t give it to him, it would mean that he was betraying our House. But Jaren protested, saying that it violated everything Father knew he stood for to make such a request. Father then held a sword to his neck and asked him to choose between loyalty to his stance or loyalty to our House…”
Atlase stared off into the distance, his lips trembling from the memories of what had taken place.
“And then what happened, Atlase?” Kiyar whispered in horror.
He looked at her as more tears rolled down his face.
“Jaren refused the bond…” He said quietly. “So Father pushed him into a tunnel and pulled out a night light wielder that he had weaponized with the bios lumen of the core the night before. And he used it to destabilize the tunnel’s roof. It came crashing down on Jaren… I tried to rush in to save him…I tried to get to him but Father pushed me back. He told me that if I did anything to save him, it would mean I was also disloyal and Jaren’s fate would be mine…”
“Oh, no… Atlase…” Kiyar said, crying as she embraced him tightly. “I could have lost you, Atlase… How could Lucerne say that? How could he threaten his own son? How could he have killed Jaren? This can’t be right. None of this is!”
“I don’t know what’s right anymore, Kiyar…” Atlase responded, brows furrowed deeply in confusion. “I don’t know if my father’s plan is worth all this deceit and death. He says this is Sunstar’s true will, but why would Sunstar’s will involve so much… evil?”
“What is his plan, Atlase?” Kiyar pressed.
He looked at her, shuddering with fear. Shaking his head, he battled with himself as to whether he should tell her. But he knew he needed to talk to someone, and after a few minutes he spoke the words that Kiyar, and Maia, had somehow known.
The Eld Queen (The YaraStar Trilogy Book 2) Page 14
