Maybe I hadn’t really loved him at all if this was how things turned out. Maybe I just thought I had. Because this wasn’t even the same person who had been my best friend for as long as I could remember.
The Tobey I knew would never treat me like this.
Maybe he’d always been this way, and I just hadn’t seen it, or maybe Beth had done this to him. Regardless, I would never blame someone else’s choices on another. If he was acting like this, then that was on him. Nobody was forcing him to be this way.
I didn’t even know Beth.
Apparently, I didn’t know Tobey either.
I put my phone into the drawer next to me and slowly stood up, my knees shaking.
I was trying to figure out exactly who I was without him in my life, and now it seemed it wouldn’t just be temporary. I would never be able to call him again to see how he was doing. To see if he wanted to watch a movie or check out the latest Star Trek convention down the road. We would never be able to hit up 16th Street Mall and get coffee or see who was playing at the local bar.
We would never play video games and try to see who could hit each other the most with shells as we played Mario Kart like we were kids.
Though I didn’t think I’d ever want to do any of that again anyway.
Even though I had told him that I loved him, I hadn’t crossed the line into menace. I hadn’t been cruel about it.
And now Tobey made me feel like I was nothing. And every time I had contact with him again, it got worse.
He made me feel like I was worthless. That I shouldn’t be with him.
And now there was Beth.
I’d never wanted to be the other woman, and she clearly wasn’t the other woman in this scenario.
But now I had lost my best friend, and that hurt even more than the thought of losing the idea of the love of my life.
The doorbell rang, and I clenched my fists, hoping it wasn’t Beth again or Tobey.
I didn’t know what I would do if I saw Tobey again. Because I was just so angry and sad and everything else all at once.
It was like I didn’t even know myself now, let alone him.
How wrong had I been? How many more mistakes could I make?
I opened the door without bothering to look through the peephole and sagged in relief as I saw Tucker.
“What’s wrong, baby?” he asked as he walked right in and cupped my face. I closed the door behind him and just leaned into him. “Nothing’s wrong.”
“Okay, you’re going to tell me exactly what’s going on,” he said as he pulled away from me slightly before leading me to the couch.
“Whose ass am I going to have to kick? Is it your brother’s?”
I looked at him then and just shook my head.
“Really? You would kick my brother’s ass?”
“I would try to,” he said, holding up a finger. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I work out.”
He flexed his biceps and waggled his brows. I smiled and felt far more lighthearted than I’d thought I could that afternoon.
“Oh, I know you do.”
“Down, tiger. We have things to do first.”
“First?”
“Yes, but…do not get me off-topic. We are going to figure out exactly what is going on with you.”
I sighed, shaking my head. “It wasn’t my brothers. Even though you might be able to kick their asses.”
“You know I can’t. Dimitri is all tatted up, and teacher or not, he could take me out with a pinky. Devin’s even worse. And don’t get me started on Caleb. Dear God. How do you have three big bruisers for brothers? And you’re so tiny.”
“I’m not tiny.” I flexed my arm, and he reached out and pinched it.
“Hey,” I said, rubbing the spot.
“You’re so cute.”
“Okay, so it won’t be my brothers kicking your ass. It’ll be me.”
“We both know I can pin you down.”
My belly went warm, and I bit my lip.
“Excuse me. I let myself be pinned, thank you very much.”
He reached out and bit my lip himself before licking away the sting. I groaned.
“You say that, yet I think we both know that isn’t the case. Now, stop using sex to distract me.”
“It’s surprisingly easy with you.”
“It’s like we’ve been doing this all along, isn’t it?” he asked with a wink, and I just shook my head before pushing him back.
“I’m fine. Really. It’s just that…well, Beth was here.”
He scrunched his brows. “Do I know a Beth?”
“Funny story. So, I thought it was a woman here looking for you.”
This time, his brows shot straight up. “Excuse me? Why would a woman be looking for me?”
“I don’t know. She just told me to stay away from him. And at first, I had no idea who he was. So, I thought it was about you.”
“I’m not currently seeing anyone but you. And I’m not technically seeing you either because we love our shady labels.”
“Hey, Shady Labels should be our band name.”
He just rolled his eyes before giving me a kiss. I settled just a bit at his touch, knowing for this moment, what we were doing, was worth it. He was really good at calming me. Even though I wasn’t sure exactly what any of it meant.
“Okay. Tell Uncle Tucker exactly what’s going on.”
“Ew, I’m totally not calling you Uncle Tucker.”
He visibly shuddered, and I laughed. “Yeah, as soon as I said it, I went to that creepy place. Okay, let’s backtrack, Shady Label.”
“Do not use that as a nickname. It’s a band name.”
“Anything you say. Now, Beth? Not one of mine. I have not seen a Beth in a very long time.”
“Well, I figured that out when she said her name was Beth. She’s Tobey’s girlfriend.”
This time, his eyes went dark, a little growl escaping his throat. “What did she want?”
“Other than to call me names and tell me to stay away? I’m not sure. She was just so angry. I don’t know what he’s told her, but it clearly hasn’t been good things. And I almost feel sorry for her.”
He sighed before getting up and starting to pace. “You always think the best of people. It has to be someone who needs help. Or someone you need to feel sorry for. But you’re the one who had someone come to your home and call you names. Did she hurt you? Threaten you?”
I shook my head. “No. She just said to stay away. I don’t remember exactly what else was said, but I got the gist of it. And then I texted Tobey and told him to stay away since Beth was here and it got weird. And then he said I needed to stay away from Beth.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Nope. It doesn’t make any sense.”
“Well, I hate him. He’s lucky I didn’t kick his ass in that parking lot,” he said quickly and then slammed his lips together.
This time I stood up and glared. “What parking lot?”
“I saw him in the parking lot of the grocery store, but I didn’t hit him. We were just leaving, so I approached, and he was an asshole. Said something stupid. I almost hit him, but I didn’t.”
“What did he say?” I asked, my body chilled.
Tucker shook his head and then came up to me, holding me close. I didn’t lean into him, though. I was suddenly worried.
“He said it was hard to be with you. That you had so much energy that it was hard to keep up or some shit like that. He was just talking out of his ass. An insecure little prick. I didn’t want to lie to you, and I don’t want to hurt you. So, ignore his words. I’m here. And that’s all that matters.” He kissed the tip of my nose as he said that, and I nodded, giving him a very fake smile. I knew he knew it wasn’t real, but there really wasn’t much I could do about that.
Because my former best friend couldn’t be near me. And he didn’t want to be. Because I was just too much. I was needy.
And look at me now, doing the same thing with Tu
cker.
I was making him lie to his best friend.
All because I didn’t know how to handle my feelings.
Tucker’s lips were on me then, his hands on my ass, holding me close to him. I pushed away, trying to suck in a breath.
“What was that?”
“Stop blaming yourself. You are not whatever the fuck he said, or what Beth said. Everybody loves being around you. And you are always there for us. You’re allowed to need help once in a while. And we both know that I’m not here right now because you need me. I’m here because I want to be. So, fuck him. Okay?”
I just stood there, trying to nod as his words slid over me.
Everything was happening so fast, and yet not fast enough. Because I was trying to think about Tobey, wondering exactly what I had done wrong, but all I could do was look at the man in front of me.
All I could do was think about his words. And what he meant.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. Kissing me again.
I wrapped my arms around him and nestled against his chest. “I’m sorry, too.” I paused, my voice low. “I hate that he’s done this.”
“At least you didn’t blame yourself that time.” He rubbed his hand down my back.
“I just want things to go back to normal.”
“Amelia?”
“Yeah?”
“This might be your new normal. So, I guess you’re going to have to figure that out, too.”
“I guess so.”
“But you’re not alone. You’ve got your family. You’ve got your friends. And you’ve got me.”
I didn’t ask him to promise. Didn’t ask him to tell me he was sure. Because, honestly, I was afraid he wouldn’t be able to guarantee that. And after thinking that I’d had that promise with Tobey for years and finding out that everything had been a lie, I really didn’t want to hear another pledge like that.
So I pushed those thoughts from my head and just leaned into Tucker’s hold.
I didn’t know what was going to happen next. I didn’t know what I was supposed to feel. But for now, I was going to pretend that everything was okay. Because, honestly, it had to be.
And in Tucker’s arms, I thought maybe that could be the truth.
Chapter 14
Amelia
“So, are you going to tell me what you’re hiding?” Zoey asked as she helped me work in the greenhouse in my backyard.
I had put one in a year before thanks to city permits. It wasn’t a large one, but it was big enough that I could work on my plants when I was at home, even in the dead of winter.
It was my happy place. My safe spot.
But, as my best friend glared at me, I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be safe for long.
“What do you mean?”
Zoey just narrowed her eyes.
“Okay. You are going to have to tell me exactly what’s going on in that mind of yours. Because I know you’re hiding something. And it’s grating on you. Is it Tobey? Tucker? You guys seem so good right now. But then again, I thought you were doing okay with Tobey, so what do I know?”
I winced, shaking my head.
Erin sat in the corner, not speaking, but looking at both of us as we talked.
I’d brought them over to have an afternoon off, but they had wanted to work in my greenhouse. Now, I regretted it.
Because I knew I needed to be truthful.
But I didn’t know where to start.
“Was it really the same with Tobey, though?” Erin asked, bringing me out of my reverie.
I frowned.
“What do you mean by that?”
“We all thought you had something with Tobey, but it was as if you were waiting. Like something wasn’t truly there,” Erin continued.
“You know, she’s right. You’re happier with Tucker. At least there’s no will they, won’t they. You guys just are. And I know you slept together. I can see it on your face,” Zoey said, pointing at me.
I rubbed at my cheek, wincing.
“You can tell?”
“Well, it’s not like you actually have it on your face,” Erin said. Zoey and I both froze, looking over at her.
“Did you just make a semen joke?” I asked, shaking my head.
“Not a very good one. I really hope it’s not on your face. I mean…shower much?”
I winced, shaking my head even as I held back laughter.
“Okay, yes, Tucker and I had sex. There. Don’t tell my brother.”
Erin held up her hands, looking completely innocent.
“I am not going to tell your brother that you had sex with his best friend. I’m pretty sure he already knows, though.”
My eyes widened. “He can’t know. He hasn’t seen Tucker yet.”
I’d made sure of that. Because the two of us needed to come clean to my brother as soon as we saw him next. There would be no more lying, no more making Tucker feel like a horrible person. I was still a horrible person, but Tucker did not deserve that. So, we planned to tell my brother. Not that we knew exactly what to say or what we were to each other. But shady label totally worked for us. We didn’t have to know exactly who we were with one another, as long as everyone else knew that what we were was our business.
I had actually gone through and tried to write out exactly what I was going to say a few times but came up with nothing.
“Okay, let’s go back to what we were talking about,” I said quickly.
Erin frowned. “Okay, what were we talking about?”
“You can’t get out of it that quickly,” Zoey said, exasperated. “Tell us what’s on your mind. Did Beth come back again?”
I’d told them about what had happened with Beth and then Tobey when they first showed up, and none of us could really figure out what to say about it. “You mean in the ten seconds that you’ve been here?” I asked, snorting.
“I should have said is there anything else to do with Beth and Tobey. I cannot believe she showed up like that.”
“As someone who’s almost been the other woman, or the original woman, I can understand being all territorial. It’s just that I don’t quite understand where she’s coming from,” Erin said, frowning.
“The difference is that your husband was actually cheating on you,” I snapped and then went still. “Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Oh. He was totally cheating on me. And that’s fine. He and that woman are going to be happily married or doing whatever they want. And that’s fine with me, too. I’m much happier now. As for Beth? It sounds like she’s intimidated by you. Hell, I would be intimidated by you.”
“Ouch.” I rubbed my chest over my heart, and she just smiled at me.
“That’s not what I meant. I know Tobey told Tucker something stupid in the parking lot, but what I said had nothing to do with that. All I mean is that, on the outside, you and Tobey had this amazing connection, and that could intimidate anyone. Maybe she saw that and reacted poorly because of it.”
“That doesn’t justify her behavior or the way Tobey’s acting.”
“You’re right,” I said, and both of them looked at me, wide-eyed. “What?”
“We just expected you to defend him again,” Zoey said. “You always defend him.”
“Maybe. But I’m tired of that. Yes, I probably should have gone another way with telling him how I felt, but he didn’t have to lash out like he did. And he’s welcome to his feelings, but he’s been treating me weirdly, and he completely cut ties with me out of nowhere.”
“I wouldn’t say exactly out of nowhere…” Zoey trailed off.
“Okay. Not exactly out of nowhere. It was sort of a big snap, though. And I feel like he’s lying to Beth to try and make what he and I had nothing. And it wasn’t nothing. You can’t be best friends with someone for that long and then just trail off and ignore them. It’s like I’m being ghosted.”
“You are,” Zoey said. “And I’m sorry about that.”
“The more I think about it, the more I rea
lize I don’t think I really loved him,” I said, looking down at my hands. The dirt on them had seeped into the crevices on my fingers, and I played with it with my nails. I always had dirt on my hands, something Tobey didn’t particularly like. But Tucker didn’t seem to mind.
And that was nice. Not that I should compare them.
After all, Tobey had only been a friend, a relationship where something had shattered irrevocably. And Tucker was a friend. But while we might be changing everything, it wouldn’t be permanent. He didn’t want that, and I didn’t know if I would ever be ready for something like that.
“What do you mean by that?” Erin asked, her voice soft.
“I think I wanted to love him. I think that warmth and heart and attraction I felt for him was our friendship. And it felt like we should be together. And then we weren’t. I assumed that was where we needed to be. I put so much into that thinking and wishing that I don’t think I knew what was real. I don’t think it was love. At least not the kind that is all-encompassing and being in love. Because I did love him, but not in the way I should have. And not in the way he clearly didn’t love me either.” I frowned. “That was a lot of double negatives.”
Zoey grinned. “Yes, but I followed. You loved him as your friend. Maybe something more, but you weren’t in love with him. I get that. Believe me. I get that.”
I avoided her gaze as Erin and I shared a look.
Neither of us was about to touch that with a ten-foot pole.
Especially when things were already a little secretive with my brothers.
I had to tell them. But I didn’t know how.
“So, back to where we started with all of this,” Zoey said. “What are you hiding?”
I looked at them and bit my lip. “Tucker and I aren’t really dating,” I blurted.
“You mean that you totally used him as a fake relationship so we wouldn’t pity you?” Erin said deadpan.
“Maybe,” I drawled out.
“Did you really know that?” I added quickly.
“Of course, we knew that,” Zoey said, rolling her eyes. “But I’m surprised that Tucker went along with it. Though given that you guys have slept together, is it real now? Because that would be okay.”
Reckless With You Page 14
