by S. R. Cronin
He laughed. “It’s what you didn’t do. I met someone while I was waiting for you to tell your parents about me. She made you seem like a scared little girl. Or an overly kind sister. Whatever. You were unable to grab the moment and go for it. It doesn’t matter now. I’m in love with another, and she’s worthy of me.”
Ouch. I wasn’t? Tears formed at his harsh words, but I fought them back. He valued strength? I’d show him strength.
“What’s she like?” I don’t know why I asked. I guess I thought the information would distract me from crying.
“She’s from the mountains of Tolo. Those are tough people up there, you know? They struggle against the elements all their lives. She’s a few years older than you. Widowed. Rugged lady. She’ll wait for me for as long as it takes.”
So. He hadn’t found another version of me he liked better. He’d found someone totally different.
A new thought occurred to me. I wondered if he’d have tired of me no matter what I’d done. No matter what I was. Maybe he loved something new more than he loved any woman.
“You’ll be wanting a divorce then?”
“Won’t you? But we need to wait. Let the baby be born in wedlock, as you asked. Let me get through this rough patch with the Svadlu, too. This scump-head Nevik is making my life difficult. He thinks he’s contributing, but he disapproves of everything a soldier is. The Royals frown on divorce, you know. They’re not practical like the common people. He’d use it against me and I don’t need that now.”
“I’m happy to wait. So after the baby is born?”
“I’d like to get through this idiotic invasion first, too, and let the dust settle from that. Maybe I’ll get a new medal, or better yet a commendation with a purse attached. That way, I can leave you well cared for until you find another husband. You’re pretty, Coral, and plenty of men like women like you. Soft and sweet. It’s not your fault you’re not to my taste. You’ll find another.”
I distinctly remembered him praising my softness and sweetness not long ago, but I let that drop. To this day, I have no idea why I said what I did next. It just came out.
“I’ll be the most cooperative wife, and eventual ex-wife, you could possibly have, under one condition.”
“Name it, honey cakes.” He seemed pleased with the congenial and non-emotional way this discussion was going.
“You sponsor Sulphur to join the Svadlu.”
He slammed his fist down on the table and choked on the liquor in his mouth.
“That flaming pruska of a sister of yours?” he said as he stopped coughing. “No way.”
I inhaled at the insult, but let it pass. I said it again. With intention. With meaning. Yes, now that he’d called my sister a pruska, I went ahead and used the timbre on him, encouraging him to find a way to want to do my bidding.
“You’ll get absolutely everything you want from me if you do this. You’ll get nothing but grief and trouble if you don’t. So. Sponsor. Sulphur.”
He looked at me like he considered it. I wasn’t surprised. Maybe his rational adult brain needed more of a nudge.
“Your life will be so. Much. Easier. And, as a bonus, she’s been training like Heli for years. She’ll make you proud. You’ll get to take credit for her accomplishments, too.”
He was considering it, but the idea of a competent woman soldier seemed to take him back out of his comfort zone. Scump. I should have quit talking while I was ahead.
“Nah ….”
“Suit yourself.” I walked away as I said it.
I hadn’t negotiated much or I’d have understood the power of leaving. I made it all the way to the bedroom when he spoke up.
“I call the shots on absolutely everything else if I do this one thing for you?”
Was I willing to promise him so much? Oh Heli, he was going to call the shots on everything anyway. What was the difference?
“Yes, of course you do, dear.”
“How bad can she be? Okay, you’ve got a deal.”
From a purely practical point of view, Davor and I had an extremely productive visit. He spent the next day making more minor repairs to our home and ensuring I had an ample supply of wood. Laziness wasn’t one of his faults. That evening, he brought up the intertwined issues of my safety and the birth of our child.
“So, I get to decide where you give birth, right?” He was making sure our agreement of the previous evening held.
“I suppose I could say my part of the bargain doesn’t start until you meet your obligation.”
He grimaced. “I plan to take care of this inconvenient sponsorship as soon as I get back to Pilk tomorrow. I’m leaving in the morning.”
I nodded. “Okay then. So what location do you think is best for me?” I could tell from the tense way he sat, and the way he avoided my eyes, that he didn’t expect me to like his answer.
“Good chance these savages don’t make it as far as us this winter. But they could, and we can’t have you here about to give birth if they do. We just can’t.”
“I understand that. Neither this home nor my parents’ farm is safe.” Did he think I was a dullard? I knew he thought Vinx would fall to the invaders.
“It’s not that I don’t want you and your mother, or sisters, to come to Lev.” I could see the apology forming in his eyes. “My parents found you to be quite sweet, and they would do the right thing by you. It’s just that, under our special circumstances, well, I’ve decided I don’t want them to get too attached to you and your family. I’d like to keep some distance, Coral. It will make the whole thing easier in the end.”
This was helpful. I’d been afraid he’d use our new agreement to force me to give birth in Lev.
“And my place in Pilk isn’t a good option,” he said. “I don’t even know if I’d be nearby when the time came. We need you somewhere absolutely safe and I only know of one location that qualifies. You need to ask Ryalgar if there is any way you can go hide with the Velka until the baby is born and spring arrives.”
Should I act like I was making a concession? I didn’t want to play those sorts of games with my husband, even during a short marriage. No. Behaving in ways I didn’t like was the one thing I wouldn’t let him force me to do.
“I considered going to Ryalgar a few days ago, and hoped to convince you it was the best solution.” I smiled. “I’m so glad we agree. The Velka may not take me, but let’s find out.”
He seemed a little disappointed that we both wanted the same solution. I supposed he looked forward to insisting I honor my promise. Oh well. We both knew he’d have plenty of other opportunities.
I hadn’t seen the woman in the market before, and I hesitated to give her such a personal message. Yet, what were my options?
She stopped her work to listen to me but didn’t become friendlier when I told her my sister was one of them. Perhaps she wasn’t fond of Ryalgar. How unfortunate.
I changed my approach.
When I visited Ryalgar nearly half a year ago, she’d told me the truth about my grandmother, Aliz. All of us girls had been told Aliz died long ago, soon after my grandfather’s early death. In truth, Grandma Aliz had run away in her grief to join the Velka, leaving her grown children, including my father, behind.
My mother decided death was an easier explanation for her mother-in-law’s absence.
I’d wanted to meet this mystery grandparent, but when I visited Ryalgar she’d been called away on Velka business. Ryalgar implied she held a position of importance and said I’d meet her next time.
Suddenly, Grandma became a solution to my problem.
“It’s not Ryalgar I need to get a message to, though. It’s my grandmother, Aliz.” The woman immediately looked more interested.
“I need to speak with her about several things.” I realized it was true. There was giving birth and being a luski and putting my sister into the Svadlu and the possible death of my whole family in Vinx if someone didn’t do something. These were all fine items to discuss with Ryalga
r, too, but she and I didn’t always communicate so well. Perhaps this unmet grandmother could be of more help in sorting out the mess my life had become.
And, if she was someone important, perhaps her influence could buy me a safe place for the winter.
An ank later, a rider appeared in the distance as the sun set. This one was unaccustomed to riding a horse and had trouble controlling it. I’d never seen such a thing in an adult.
“These animals are impossible,” she complained as she dismounted. The horse seemed as glad to be rid of the inept rider as she was to be off of him. “Give me a calm little donkey any day.”
At my baffled look, she added “I grew up in the forests of Zur. We don’t use horses there. I’m Joli, your sister’s friend. I didn’t get to meet you when you visited. Your grandmother sent me to tell you to make arrangements to leave your teaching post for the winter and to say goodbye to your sisters and parents over the next few anks. Three days before Kolada, you’re to come to the same place where your sister entered and join us as a temporary resident. Bring whatever things you need to last until spring, and have someone with you who can take your horse home.”
So. A woman once too scared to talk to the frightening Velka was about to become a temporary member. This would be interesting.
I hadn’t seen Davor since we reached our agreement, and I hadn’t heard from Sulphur either. I found that my advancing pregnancy left me more exhausted each day, and dealing with my classroom and my own care and feeding took all the energy I had. Was late pregnancy always so tiring? I tried to get information from the other teachers, but they were all single and knew little more than I did.
At the ank break before I would go into the forest, I gathered my strength and rode over to my parents' farm. I used to think of it as a short distance, but that morning it took forever.
My mother apologized for not coming to see me, or at least sending a sister to check on me, but so much had happened at the farm. Olivine packed to visit Ryalgar as we spoke, and Sulphur had applied for and been admitted into the Svadlu. My mom had sent the rest of her things off only a day ago.
“We hear they’re trying to double the army from 200 to 400 before the Mongols attack,” she said. Then she lowered her voice. “So they’ve lessened the standards a little. You know, letting in more women and older men and what not ….”
I felt insulted for Sulphur. She’d have qualified under any circumstances but I let it drop. Davor had come through, and I hoped he’d already come to appreciate Sulphur more.
Mom handled my news about giving birth at Ryalgar’s lodge well. She understood the many ways it would be safest and, to be honest, I don’t think she wanted to have me and a newborn at the farm all winter. My dad seemed sad, so I asked if he’d take me to the forest and bring Nutmeg back to the farm and care for her while I was gone.
“Of course. I’m getting good at this handoff.”
Grey clouds covered the sky on the morning we left, and the air felt cold. Dad rode slowly, asking often if I needed to stop to rest.
“I’m a farm girl, Dad. I’ve been riding all my life.”
“Every woman gets exhausted near the end, dear. I was there for your mother, for my younger sister, and I’ve watched many an animal give birth. Be gentle with yourself, okay?”
I smiled. I needed to hear those words.
Sulphur joined us on the way, so I’d have someone to go with me to the lodge. After we dismounted at the forest’s edge, I gave Dad a long hug.
“Next time I see you, I’ll have Ryalgar with me, I promise. And you’ll get to hold your first grandchild.”
An unknown Velka stepped out from between the trees and motioned us in. Sulphur and I made our way through the thick underbrush to the two donkeys waiting for us.
I couldn’t get comfortable as I rode, and everywhere I looked the trees closed in on me in a way they hadn’t before. Odd, given many of them had shed their leaves, showing bits of the gloomy sky above. Perhaps the extra bulk of pregnancy affected me as I struggled to breathe.
Sulphur talked with the Velka as we rode, but I made my way in silence to my new home, hiding my discomfort as best I could.
Part. Two. The Year of Extreme Distress
Chapter 8. Every Ridiculous Alternative
Our guide showed Sulphur and me to Ryalgar’s room, where our sister Olivine already had made herself at home. I tried not to worry about the cramped quarters; this would be precious time together, despite my constant need to pee.
The day I arrived I learned that Ryalgar had gone on a research rampage, just as Ewalina said. She’d traveled around Pilk interviewing travelers, traders, and scholars, and claimed she now knew more about the Mongols than anyone else in Ilari. She probably did.
The first night, after others in the lodge had gone to bed, the four of us huddled under our blankets and she explained to us the reality of the danger we faced. For while Ilari’s mountains, rivers, and marshlands protected us, as we knew, they also isolated us from everyone else. In fact, Velka legends claimed that long ago the Velka had combined their magic with our landscape to hide us completely from the rest of the world.
Today, traders knew of us and made their way in. The rare Ilarian traveled abroad and brought back tales, and occasionally even a mate. An infrequent explorer or refugee from elsewhere stumbled upon us as well. But most Ilarians rarely interacted with outsiders, so our army seemed large and fierce to us.
“We have a mere four hundred fighters, most of whom have never fought before!” Ryalgar’s voice grew loud and Olivine reached out a hand to quiet her, pointing to the door.
She lowered her voice. “Four hundred soldiers is a pitiful defense for a realm our size. I think the invaders will expect resistance from ten times as many.”
“Then we need to raise a larger army and train it,” Sulphur said.
Ryalgar shook her head. “Few realms with large armies fend off these warriors on horseback, either. The Mongols ride in and conquer people before their soldiers have picked up their weapons!”
She told us how some among the Svadlu knew this and they had decided Ilari could increase its chances of surviving by drawing in its borders, jettisoning the least populated and less wealthy nichnas on the eastern side. Although no one could argue about the eastern nichnas being harder to defend, the plan gave up Vinx and left the Velka surrounded by enemies.
Ryalgar didn’t favor this approach for all the obvious reasons, but her biggest objection was it wouldn’t work. Not only would the eastern half of the realm be lost without a fight, but the Svadlu would likely be defeated defending the remaining part.
“You have to believe me,” she said. “These invaders set their own terms, and the best arrangement involves living in servitude. Everyone I spoke with gave me different specifics about what is demanded, but the truth is most people choose to fight. Once they do, the Mongols kill them all and burn their homeland to the ground.”
“Our Svadlu are too arrogant to surrender,” I said. I had seen some of this arrogance first hand. “They think, or they want to believe, they can win this war with more recruits and extra practice sessions.”
Sulphur argued with me because she believed in the Svadlu and was one of them. But she still had a mind of her own and she listened.
Every night after that, the four of us pulled our bedding together in the center of Ryalgar’s room and while a single candle flickered against one wall, we worried together. Then we talked of crazy schemes to save our realm. Nothing is inevitable, right?
Could we slow down an army on horseback enough to give our defenders more time? Could we fight back while pretending to acquiesce? Vague ideas began to take shape as we whispered. It was easy to share wild notions in the dark with those we loved close by.
As each night passed, I wondered if Ilari’s future would be better because none of us insisted we go to sleep instead.
Olivine and Sulphur left a few days later and I moved into a little cottage of my own. A
s soon as I settled in, my grandmother came to call.
She had the enthusiasm of a little girl as she took my hands in hers and introduced herself. She was a small and lively woman who wore her hair in these beautiful long braids wrapped around her head. She reminded me of my dad, and I liked her right away. And despite her absence for most of my life, she seemed to care about me, too.
“I’m so glad I got the chance to know you,” I told her after we’d talked half an afternoon away.
A trace of sorrow complicated her smile. “Not half as glad as I am,” she said. “May I come back to visit?”
“Often. Please.”
And she did.
After that, three midwives also took turns checking in on me, giving me more herbs to take and sharing information about how the birth would go. Ryalgar didn’t come by much, but I didn’t fault her for seldom visiting me. I could tell her planning for the invasion overwhelmed her,
She did ask me if I’d like Ewalina, the luski who’d visited me in Vinx, to come to see me here. I wanted to say no. I had no energy for anything, but I saw the worry on her face.
She wants me to learn more.
That thought gave me strength and made me feel valued. I wanted to be more than someone to keep safe. I wanted to be part of the safekeeping.
“Please,” I said. Ryalgar’s smile lit up her face, and Ewalina showed up at my door a few days later.
“Always interesting to come into the forest,” she said. “but honestly, I’m not sure I can do more to train you.”
“I know. It’s not training I need. I want to tell you my troubles.” I ushered her inside and gestured her to a chair so she could warm herself by the fire as we spoke.
“I want you to believe they’re your troubles too and I want you to help me think of every possible way we could aid my sister and every person who could help us do so.”
