by Lori Holmes
There wasn’t one and there was nothing around that she could use this time. Not a single maamit, just a couple of roosting birds and they would not get her very far. She had been practicing at hiding her presence but she doubted her skills were yet strong enough to get her past four of her people. Feeling increasingly desperate, Nyri sank down on her haunches and put her head in her hands.
Golden light was now touching the ground. Baarias would be awake and wondering why she was not there to collect Kyaati and she was out of ideas. Sefaan, it appeared, was not coming to her aid this time.
There was nothing for it. She crept forward, hoping her improving skills would be strong enough.
“Who’s there?” Imaani’s voice snapped out.
Nyri froze, scrunching her eyes shut. That answered that question, her skills were woefully inadequate; they knew somebody was here.
“Over there,” another voice answered a question. “Something moved.”
They started to converge on her position.
It was no use. The baskets she carried felt like flamboyant birds displaying themselves boldly upon her back, announcing their presence to the world.
Nyri was preparing to turn tail and run back into the forest when the tension was shattered by a sharp whistle of alert from further off inside the forest.
“Woves!” Nyri heard Imaani hiss. “They’ve breached the border again!”
“Where?” Raanya asked.
“That was Javaan’s signal. They’re coming from the west. Go and warn the tribe. I will go and help Javaan track them.”
Both sentries dodged away. Heart in her mouth, looked after them, fighting the urge to run back to the Pit. The Woves were hunting again. Looking for him. What if they found him this time. Nyri twitched, almost dropping her baskets. She stopped herself before she could make the foolish move. Even if she went back to him, there would be nothing she could do. All she could do was hold tight.
Going against her will, Nyri ran forward, ducking between the trees, keeping her head low until she was back in the confines of the eshaara grove.
She wove around the edges of home, staying out of sight until she reached her tree and swung herself up into the branches. She stuffed the gathering baskets into her bower and buried them hastily into the moss of her bedding.
Breathless, she glanced out of her tree and could see the tribe gathering around as Raanya talked urgently with Aardn far below. She started down in time to gather with her people, she needed to know what was happening. “Go, Raanya!” Aardn was saying. “We need as many eyes on them as possible!”
The Elder met the rest of their fearful gazes. “We will sit tight. They have crossed the border many times now and have not come near. I can’t see why this time would be any different. Stay close and keep alert, we will wait for the sentries’ return.”
Nyri sent a prayer to Ninmah that the Woves did not find what they sought. She would live one moment to the next in a state of anxiety until the sentries gave the all clear.
Baarias was expecting her when she arrived in his tree. He was sitting in his favourite chamber, bundling his precious herbs. “I’m sorry I’ve taken so long, Baarias.”
He nodded, his face tense. “They’re in the forest again.”
The reality of their presence swept over Nyri again and she leaned back against a wall for support, breathing against her rising panic. If they found Juaan…it was all over. Ninmah, please!
Baarias was at her side in an instant. “Nyri, Nyri, do not fear. The sentries are watching them. They are not coming here. They are searching in the west. Do not fear.”
Nyri continued to take long breaths, trying to control the cold sweat that had broken out over her body. To the west. They were a long way from Juaan. Her breathing started to come more easily.
She reached a hand out to Baarias attempting a shaky smile. “I’m alright. Just give me a moment.”
“Are you sure you’re fit to take on Kyaati today?
“Yes,” Nyri straightened up. “I will do my duty, Baarias.” She needed to do something useful to make up in some small way for her crimes. “Does she know?”
“Yes, she does,” Kyaati answered for herself, appearing from the other chamber. Her tone was peevish.
“How are you feeling?” Baarias asked.
The look in her eyes chilled Nyri.
“Have you eaten?”
Again silence. She gave an almost imperceptible shrug. Her eyes found Nyri’s. “So, you’re the one who is going to babysit me.” She slumped down beside Baarias and stared up at Nyri with her pale eyes, silver hair hanging limp and lifeless around her face.
Nyri was stricken by the sight of how painfully thin she looked, not even feeling the sting of her words nor the hostility rolling from her. Baarias sighed. “She’s not babysitting you, Kyaati.”
“Oh yes, she is. I wish everyone would just leave me alone.”
“Alone is not good. You need your kin around you.”
“For as long as they’ll all last.”
“Enough,” his strength of will filled the space. “I am the healer of this tribe and you will respect my judgement. You will stay with Nyriaana until such a time as I see fit. Now, Nyri, come with me, I need to speak with you.”
With an effort, Nyri tore her thoughts away from what might be happening in the outer forest with the Woves and moved with Baarias into the next chamber. She noted he was careful to keep Kyaati firmly in his sight. He caught her wrist. Don’t ever let her out of your sight. Not for a moment. I’m trusting you with this task, Nyriaana. I do not like what I feel there.
What do you mean? Nyri asked, a new foreboding starting in the pit of her stomach.
I don’t know. It’s just a feeling. Never leave her alone.
Nyri hesitated. To promise him that would mean lying to him again. She felt another piece of her soul tear at the thought. She should tell Baarias she couldn’t be the one to take care of Kyaati. She couldn’t fulfil even her first need. If they survived this latest Wove raid unscathed, she could hardly take Kyaati with her to the Pits to break fruit with Juaan every day. But to refuse would mean explaining her reasons for being an unsuitable carer.
She imagined instead telling Baarias that she had found Juaan but he had become their enemy, that she was the thief and was making her people suffer in favour of a Forbidden abomination all because of some vision from the Great Spirit. Nyri shuddered. Once again she was left with no choice. Nyri had to lie to him and face walking the thinnest of branches, hoping she didn’t fall off one way or the other. I promise I won’t leave her alone, Baarias, she swore silently.
He smiled. I have always been able to count on you, Nyri. Between us, we will bring her back. I am sure of it.
She squeezed his hand but could not meet his eyes.
The sentries returned when Ninmah was at her zenith and reported that once again the Woves had left the forest. They had followed the same pattern, breach and retreat, except this time only one of the beasts had crossed the border instead of the usual pair. This news mattered little to Nyri; they had left the forest empty handed and that was all she cared about.
She left Baarias’ dwelling sometime later in the company of the sullen Kyaati. She was almost afraid to be alone with her. She did not know what to say. Kyaati remained closed, her feelings frighteningly silent. Nyri tried to provoke one or two conversations but each one fell on deaf ears. There were not that many topics open to her at present that would lighten anyone’s mood, much less Kyaati’s and Nyri was the furthest she could be from feeling lighthearted. This was going to be an extremely difficult time for both of them.
How could Nyri even attempt to remove that empty look from Kyaati’s eyes, the void that should have been filled with the love for a child? The answer was simple. She could not. And she did not know of anyone who could. Helplessness threatened to drown her. She had lost Juaan, now it seemed that she had lost Kyaati, too. It felt like she was dragging them both up a mountain with t
heir heels dug in.
She would just have to keep her eyes on her feet not on the climb, follow her instincts and hope Kyaati found some reason to live again. Unless, of course, the Woves came back to finish them off first or starvation took them mid-Fury. Nyri shook her head. She needed to banish such thoughts if she was to be any sort of rock to Kyaati during her fragile time.
Nyri set Kyaati to work mending old clothes and gathering baskets, they went to the river to wash, anything Nyri could think of to keep Kyaati from lapsing into a hopeless stupor and to keep her own mind from dwelling on the morning’s terrible events and the damning food inside her tree.
Nyri worried that Juaan would go back on his word and attempt to escape again, that he might guess that the Woves were searching for him. Nyri prayed to Ninmah that it would not be so. She had to trust in his word.
She set her mind to the problem of how she was going to get away from Kyaati to visit him again. The dead of night would have to be her only opportunity to see him now, when she could be sure Kyaati was sleeping and safe to leave.
Nyri resigned herself to no sleep as well as almost no food. She was walking a thin branch as well as climbing the mountain and it rattled beneath her feet, threatening to throw her already.
The day was drawing dusk when Nyri finally ran out of tasks. Kyaati appeared thankfully exhausted, though no more talkative. Nyri herself could barely keep her eyes open. She had been awake since before Ninmah’s rise and hadn’t eaten since then either. She was steering them back towards her tree when Daajir appeared at their sides. Nyri nearly groaned out loud.
His energy felt odd and it took her a moment to understand why. It hit Nyri that he was the only person she had seen today who did not have an aura of despair or outright fear clinging almost visibly to him. Quite the opposite. Did she sense… hope? Nyri tilted her head, wondering what he could possibly be concocting for the Elders and why it gave him such purpose. He caught her unguarded thoughts and grinned tightly.
“Not yet, Nyriaana,” he said, “Just know that was the last raid that they will walk away from.”
She was too tired to wonder or give him the satisfaction of her curiosity. She knew there was nothing Daajir could do to protect them truly. She would leave him to his delusions.
He held out a hand to Kyaati. “How are you feeling?”
Oh no. Dar! Nyri cringed. Kyaati ignored his hand and Nyri felt a stab of hurt and annoyance from Daajir as her rejection wounded his pride. “Nyri has been given the task of watching me. I do not need two caretakers, thank you.” She walked past him and started up into Nyri’s tree.
“Wha-” The idiot actually went up after her. Nyri put her hands on her hips. Did she have no privacy now? Then she shivered with anxiety as she thought of what she had hidden inside her home. She hoped she had been thorough enough in hiding the baskets. That morning, she had been in no fit state of mind. She followed hastily. If Daajir found them-
“Well forgive me for being concerned!” Daajir was snapping at Kyaati when she caught up with them. Nyri moved to stand in front of her bower to hide any signs she might have missed.
“I’m tired of everyone’s concern,” Kyaati was sitting on her newly made resting place, slender arms wrapped protectively around her thin chest. “No one, not one of you can bring my baby back.” Tears started in her eyes. She hid her face in her hands, gulping the air. “When will you understand that I don’t want any of you! I want her!”
Nyri could feel a storm about to break.
So could Daajir. He held up his hands, backing up a step. “I’m sorry, Kyaati, I just wanted to see if there was anything you needed. I want you to be able to start looking forward again. Think of the future, not back at the past. Have faith that Ninmah-”
“Faith is for the faithful, Daajir.” Her voice was dead. “I have none. I do not believe in anything anymore.” She turned her face away and rolled over, giving them her back. Daajir stood there helpless and not a little bit upset by her continued rebuff.
Nyri put a hand on his arm. Patience, she thought to him, she’s hurting so badly.
He turned his dark eyes on her. Patience was not one of his strengths. She needs to stop this. She could have more children. It’s not the end of the world.
Nyri drew a sharp breath. You are such an insensitive boar, sometimes! She thought at him sharply. You really are. Have you no empathy? She lost her baby not a toy.
“Here.” He shoved two small honey fruits into Nyri’s hand. “I brought these for the two of you.” He turned his face away sullenly, cheeks flaming.
“Thank you,” Nyri said, gentling with genuine gratitude. “How did you get so much?”
“It’s the whole of my ration for the last two days, I’ve been saving it.”
She tried to shove the fruit back into his hand. He backed away.
“Take it. I want you to have it. You two look like you need it more than me. I can’t lose you like-” he cut himself off, blinking furiously.
Nyri’s was taken aback by this rare show of emotion. “Thank you,” she said again and, without thinking, leaned up to kiss his cheek.
His eyes burned with sudden elation. With an unpleasant jolt, Nyri realised what she had done and grew uncomfortable. The silence stretched and she watched as Daajir became acutely aware that he was in the home of two Unjoined women about to prepare for sleep.
“Goodnight, Dar,” Nyri said pointedly, flicking her eyes towards the way down.
“Ah, yes, sleep well,” he said, flushing slightly again as he took his leave.
She couldn’t help but smirk as she turned to Kyaati. It wasn’t often Daajir got embarrassed.
“You shouldn’t have done that,” Kyaati murmured as Nyri handed her one of the fruits. “You shouldn’t encourage him. Remember what I told you before. He is the biggest danger to us. The Elders cannot afford to waste our strength and he is the strongest… He knows it. He is simply waiting. He wishes to have one of us for his own.”
Nyri shuddered as she thought back to the night Aardn had walked with her. She had done her best to lose herself in other worries so she wouldn’t have to face what the Elder had promised. “It’s not Daajir’s fault, Kyaati. He’s just trying to look out for us.”
“Nyri, all Daajir really cares about is Daajir and the glory of the lost past, he is prime Elder material. The rest of us are just leaves in the wind to him. I see it. He’ll be in full agreement with the Elders when they make their ruling. He will not think twice of our feelings.”
Nyri knew deep down that Kyaati was right. “No,” she said, unthinkingly. “I will not let them do it to us. I won’t let them do it to you.”
Nyri felt her friend smile wanly. “Oh, how I wish…” she whispered as exhaustion caught her and she drifted into unconsciousness.
Nyri rolled the fruit Daajir had given her between her hands. Hungry as she was, she couldn’t eat. Nyri put the fruit aside to supplement Juaan’s stash and curled up into her own bower wishing she could find the peace she so desperately needed.
She had been foolish and vowed not to give Daajir even the slightest encouragement from now on. She would not accept any more gifts. She would not, could not, become his mate. Nyri cringed even as she drifted towards oblivion, imagining how Daajir would react if he ever found out the gift he had just given would be used to keep a Forbidden alive for another day.
34
Shaken
“Nyriaana, stop this foolishness.”
The voice was angry. She did not care. She was angrier and they would not win. Her mama was gone. She had made Juaan promise to take care of her. They had promised to take care of each other and this was the third time the Elders had dragged her away. She lay weakly upon the pile of moss. Pelaan pushed the fruit towards her. Her stomach growled. She was starving but she would not take anything they offered. They were not Juaan. She did not want them to care for her. That was not what her mama had wanted. She rolled over turning her back. She thought of Juaan alone in
their tree without her. She saw again the pain in his eyes as they had dragged her away again, knowing he was powerless to stop them. Tears slipped down her face. Why couldn’t they just leave them alone?
“You are not going to change her mind, Pelaan.” It was the healer’s voice. Baarias’ tone was heavy.
“I must,” the Elder’s voice rang with determination but Nyri was pleased to hear a vibration of doubt. “It’s for her own good. It’s what my brother would have wanted. I owe it to him. I must protect her from herself.”
“She’s not seeing it that way, I’m afraid.”
“I did not ask for your opinion, master akaab. I called you here because she is sick. What do you make of it?”
There was a sigh and Baarias came forward to examine her. She balled up stubbornly, hindering his examination. Go away! She fancied she felt a brief flash of amusement at her antics before it disappeared beneath a wave of concern.
“There is nothing wrong with her except severe malnutrition. Pelaan, if you don’t give this up soon, she will succumb.”
Silence.
“Let her go back to the boy.”
“It’s not a boy!” The Elder spat. “She is not safe.”
“She seems to have done well enough in his care so far. Better than she is now at any rate. I keep a close eye. Accept that you cannot control this, Pelaan. You are not going to break her will.”
“I cannot accept it!”
“You must. Forgive me, Elder, but you are going to lose her. Are you willing to risk that?”
Nyri felt the storm of Pelaan’s frustration. It battered against the truth Baarias had just laid bare before him. For it was true, she would die before she let them separate her from Juaan.
The storm blew out. Pelaan conceded. “Very well,” he growled. “She is a foolish child, just like her mother. I have my own to look out for. She may return to the Forbidden… for now.”
Weak as she was, Nyri grinned to herself. She had won. She knew now they would think twice before taking her away again. She and Juaan could stay together forever! Happy in her triumph, she let herself drift to sleep. She really was very tired…
