Teaching Your Children through Personal Experience
Most parents have something in their past they’d rather their child never find out about: their awkward teenage years, that tattoo they got on a dare in some shady tattoo parlor, or even the story of how daddy met mommy. But, for some, that secret is a little deeper and a little darker; for some it involved a long and hard-won battle against substance abuse. Be careful though: hiding a past of substance abuse from your children can be just as harmful as actively using in their presence. While it seems instinctively wrong to tell your children that you once dabbled in the very substances you are warning them against, not informing them can be counteractive to your purpose.
It is pretty commonly known that parents and other immediate family members influence a child’s perception of the world. Children mimic the behavior they see as a means of learning acceptable and unacceptable behavior and societal constructs. As such, logic follows that the same would apply when it comes to drinking or using drugs. Environmental exposure do increase the likelihood of a child experimenting with drugs sometime in their lives, but the family ties to substance abuse disorders go beyond this type of exposure.
Scientific studies suggest that genetic predisposition to substance abuse can lead to a higher chance of one developing the disorder in their own lifetime. While genetics do not in any way guarantee that one will suffer from addiction, children of people with substance abuse disorders are eight times more likely to develop a substance abuse disorder themselves (Addiction and Recovery 2015).
By not properly educating your child about your past or a history of addiction in the family, you may be unintentionally increasing these odds. Despite your best intentions to shield your child from a dark and dangerous road, you may inadvertently lead them directly to it. Knowing about your past experiences can help your child understand the gravity of substance abuse consequences. Information presented under the authority of a survivor rather than just a parent can be especially poignant.
Think of it this way: if a certain type of cancer was common in your family, would you hide that information from your child? No. The same should be said for addiction. In both cases, prior information about warning signs and preventive measure can save your child’s life.
Broaching the Topic of Substance Abuse with Your Child
One major roadblock for parents who want to talk about substance abuse with their children is they often don’t know where to start. Springing the topic up randomly can lead to awkward and tense conversations that are ineffective for the purpose of preventing substance abuse and addiction. Talking about substance abuse puts everyone in a vulnerable position: parents don’t want to be perceived as stiff or judgmental yet want their message to be heard; children and teens are embarrassed and would rather do just about anything other than talk to their parents about substance abuse, sex, or any “adult” topic.
So how do you broach this sensitive topic? What are the best means of finding opportunities to talk about addiction?
If your child comes to you asking questions or wanting to talk about substance abuse, do not ignore them or dismiss them. Odds are they are confused and seeking clarification from a trusted source- you. When they do broach the subject themselves, let them guide the conversation; ask them what they think and how they feel about substance abuse to make sure your response is helpful and well-received. And, if you aren’t prepared for such a conversation, make sure they know you are still open to talking about it. A simple, “let’s learn about this together” or similar response is enough.
Though discouragement is the end goal of substance abuse prevention, using fear, guilt, or threats to encourage divergence from a potentially dangerous path is not only ineffective, but it can also cause the opposite of the intended effect. Teaching children and teens that using drugs or drinking will damn them for life, condemn them to Hell, or destroy their future is a feeble, evasive, and vain attempt at substance abuse prevention. While it may be effective as a short-term means of discouragement, children are by nature quite curious.
Children are most vulnerable to suggestion and manipulation during pre-pubescence and early adolescence, a time frame which is also associated with rebellion, self-discovery, and angst. Without proper education about the dangers of addiction, these young and impressionable people are left only knowing drugs and alcohol are a taboo but not why. Fear tactics and reproach may work for some children, but others who aren’t quite as susceptible may be more tempted to experiment as a means of discovery.
Parents, guardians, and educators must be careful to provide age-appropriate, accurate information when discussing substance abuse and addiction with children and young teens. Genuine education about the effects of substance abuse on the mind, body, and social implications is the best means of ensuring the message to abstain from drugs and alcohol gets through to the audience. Presenting the facts and truth will not only strengthen your position as a trusted authority, but spreading verifiable information can help end the stigmas against people suffering from substance abuse disorders which is only perpetuated by fear-mongering and guilt-tripping educational tactics.
There’s no such thing as too early to speak to your child about the dangers of drug and alcohol use, dependency, and abuse. The ugly truth is that this epidemic of addiction is affecting more than just adults: children are involved, too. Besides the obvious -children exposed to substance abuse in their immediate families- other risk factors also exist. In fact, by the time your child finishes elementary school, he or she may have already been exposed to drugs.
National trends reported by the National Institute on Drug Abuse (June 2015) state that an estimated 24.6 million Americans over the age of 12 have used an illicit substance within the last 30 days and some experts suggest that the age of initial use may be as young as 8 years old. Parents should have open, honest, age appropriate communication about drugs, alcohol, and sex as early as kindergarten, or sooner if your child shows a curiosity. Lying and over exaggeration of facts is counterproductive as they may seek to sate their curiosity through experimentation or other means.
Make sure your child knows you are open to any questions they may have and that it is always safe to talk to you. If your child does admit to experimenting or substance abuse, do not react out of anger or frustration- try to understand and help your child in any way they may need. Addiction is a disease, not a judgement against your parenting or of your child’s character. Enlisting the help of a therapist or counselor may be beneficial to both parties. Keep a level head and try to recall your own thoughts and feelings early in active use.
Contact your local police and health departments; they are valuable sources of information and educational material regarding substance abuse statistics and preventive measures for parents and guardians. Enlisting the help of local substance abuse support groups is also a valuable tool which can provide more specific information and insight.
The important part about approaching your child about drug and alcohol abuse is taking advantage of the opportunity when it arises. Instead of switching the channel or ignoring it when a show or movie depicts drug use, use it as a platform to talk to your child about it. Ask them if they understand what’s happening, the potential consequences, and if they’ve ever seen that type of behavior in real life. Explain that while drugs and alcohol may produce a temporary moment of happiness and pleasure, the health ramifications are never worth it. As your child gets older and is able to comprehend more information, explain what actually happens to the body when drugs and alcohol are abused. Tell them about the dangers of taking pills that are not their own and why they should not use drugs even if they seem safe in the moment. Your children look to you for guidance; make sure you have the proper knowledge to help them make the right decisions.
It Takes a Village: Finding the Right Support System in Addiction Recovery Page 10
