by Jane Charles
“Yes, well, I do not like being told what to do.” As she said the words a slight blush rose on her lovely cheeks.
Ashton chuckled. “So you’ve said, and I witnessed myself.”
“Neither you nor my brothers had the right to make decisions on my behalf that would affect the rest of my life.”
“I agree,” he capitulated.
Hannah drew back and her eyes widened as her eyebrows rose. “You do?”
“Yes. I wanted to tell you.” He drew her closer tightening his hold on her hands. “But I feared that in telling I’d lose you.”
Hannah tilted her head and frowned. “Did it occur to you to ask?”
Ashton’s face heated. It, in fact, had not occurred to him to do so. When the time came, he would have asked her to be his wife but the day following the storm was too soon. Had he got on bended knee then, she would have surely rejected him, especially after she spoke of long courtships. “It was a mistake and I swear that I will not make the same mistake again.”
“Again?”
“Yes, again.”
Hannah frowned with confusion. “There is no again.”
Ashton looked into her green eyes. “There can be if you will forgive me.”
Hannah took a step back. “What of Miss Palmer?”
Ashton shook his head. “We will never suit. I would rather remain a bachelor and spend the end of my days in debtors’ prison than be married to her. At least it would only be me who was miserable.”
Hanna's eyes widened as if she were in shock. “She seemed pleasant to me.”
“She is pleasant, kind, timid and sweet.”
“Then I don’t understand. To what do you object?”
Ashton stepped forward and leaned in as close as he dared in such a public setting. “She is not you.”
Hannah searched his eyes. “How can I trust you?”
Ashton placed a hand over his heart. “I promise that you can.”
“A promise is not proof,” Hannah reminded him. “How can I know that even though you make this pledge now, you will not withhold something from me in the future or make a decision on my behalf without first consulting me?”
“I can only promise.” He had to make her understand. He had to earn her forgiveness. “All I know is that I need you to be my future. I will do anything to earn your trust again. And, I will hold it forever.”
Hannah continued to study him. “Future? As in marriage?”
“If you will have me.” It wasn’t the most romantic of proposals and he never imagined that when he asked a lady to be his wife that it would be while standing in the middle of a lending library. Thankfully there was no one around to witness. “If I had been honest with myself from the beginning, we would have been betrothed long before now. Had you wanted the same, of course.”
“So, why are you suddenly ready for marriage?”
“Because I’m thinking with my instincts, my heart, instead of letting my head rule.”
“In situations such as these, it is far wiser to think with one's head.”
With that, Hannah walked around him and headed toward the front of the shop. Ashton could only stare after her. Had Hannah just rejected his offer? Was she not going to forgive him? What must he do to make her his? “Hannah, wait,” Ashton called.
She paused but a moment and her shoulders lifted then dropped as if she had drawn in a heavy sigh. “I don't believe there's anything left to discuss, Lord Wingate.”
Ashton glanced around. He'd like to argue with her, but patrons had entered the library and were now watching them. Instead, he followed Hannah outside and down the walk until he caught up to her. She was walking at a brisk pace and he nearly had to run to reach her. When he did, he offered his arm. “Would you be so kind as to accompany me so that we might discuss this further.” If she still rejected him in the end, Ashton wanted to know why. If she simply didn’t care, then he’d accept his fate, but he knew in his heart that she did care for him because she was the one who insisted the betrothal not be broken only a few days earlier. Had that been only stubbornness as well? He needed to know.
“To what purpose do we need further discussion?”
“Because I love you.” He hadn’t meant to blurt that out on the street where anyone could hear no more than he’d ever have planned on proposing in a lending library, but he’d done both and would regret neither action.
Hannah stopped and turned to him. Her eyes wide in shock and mouth open, moving as if she were trying to form words and for the first time, in his presence at least, she was flummoxed, and he found it quite delightful.
“Love me?” she finally asked.
“Is there any hope that you would share any of my emotions?” he asked quietly.
“It matters not.” Hannah moved to step around him and his heart sank to his stomach. Yet, he was not willing to give up. Not until he had a reason, even if it was that she could never love him. At least then he could move on.
Ashton gently grasped Hannah’s elbow, causing her to stop and turn, and for a moment he saw the glistening of tears in her green eyes before she quickly blinked them away.
Why was she crying? Did she not return his affection? Ashton did not expect love from her, though he longed for it. She was cautious, which he admired, but he could have sworn she at least cared.
His stomach sank. He thought for certain she returned at least a portion of his feelings when in truth she didn't. Hannah did not love him, and she might never.
Why was he making this so difficult? She wanted to hold him close. She wanted to tell him that she loved him too, but it was too soon. Far too soon. She’d witnessed where passion and desire had led her friends and Hannah feared that if she succumbed so quickly, she might suffer the same fate, even though her mind was screaming at her to confess what was in her heart.
“Do you not care for me at all?” he asked.
It took everything within Hannah not to blurt out the depth of her feeling. “It is too soon.”
“Too soon to admit that you care?” he asked.
She supposed it wasn’t and she did value honesty. “I do care, Lord Wingate.”
“I thought we agreed that you’d call me by my given name.”
“That was…before. It’s not right to do so now.”
He stared down at her, his blue eyes filled with pain, as if she’d harmed him.
“I thought if nothing else, we were friends,” he said. “As such, friends address each other with familiarity. Or, has that changed as well?”
Friends! Oh, she wanted much more than to be friends, but she was so afraid. Nothing about their courtship and betrothal had been right. Both had been a consequence of circumstance and even though he stood before her, right now, and professed his love, Hannah feared to trust in the emotion. When his world settled, when he no longer worried what he was to do about Palmer and when his finances were set to right in England, would he look back and realize he’d made a terrible mistake because he’d been unable to think clearly?
Was he simply grasping onto her because they did care for each other and it was the only positive thing he could hold onto at the moment?
“Are we friends, Hannah?”
Tears formed again. “Yes,” she admitted.
“But you don’t love me.”
She swiped the corner of her eye. Oh, she wanted to deny her emotions, but she needed to be truthful with not only herself but with him as well. “I do love you.”
He blew out a breath as his shoulders dropped. Had he been waiting for her to say she didn’t. Would it have been better to simply lie to him?
“Then why won’t you accept my proposal? Is it because of my financial situation?”
“No.” She shook his head. “That matters not to me. What matters is that it is too soon.”
“You fear that if we marry too soon, you or both of us will be miserable.”
“Yes. As I explained on the beach.” At least he understood her.
“What
is the magical time one must wait in order to be certain?” he asked.
Hannah blinked at him. “I,..er…um...I’m not certain.”
“Six months, three months, a year? Tell me.”
“I don’t know,” she cried and stomped off.
Ashton hurried after her and pulled her around a corner and into an alley.
“I think that it is more that you and my sister, Eve, are so afraid of being hurt that you will not open yourself up to the possibility of love. Of trusting in it. I’d wager that I could court you for two years and you might still be afraid.”
“No. Of course not,” she argued. “Surely one would know before two years.” It was a weak argument, but how could she explain when she didn’t understand herself.
“There has been nothing rushed about our courtship,” he insisted.
“Except, we’ve barely courted at all,” she countered.
“Nor did I just meet you a fortnight ago.” He grasped her hands and stepped close. “I’ve been attempting to court you for six months and would have courted you last spring if your mother hadn’t stood in my way. We could already be married.”
She gasped.
“You. Everything comes back to you. I love you and I swear that I will do everything in my power so that neither one of us ever regret marrying the other.” He tugged her close. “Further, I promise never to make decisions in which you should be a part, especially if they affect you.” He put his finger beneath her chin and lifted it slightly so that he could see into her eyes. “I know this is right. I love you. You love me. We belong as one.”
Oh, she wanted to believe him. With all her heart she did. “How can you be so certain?”
“I know the same way that your brothers knew. I know the same way that Roxburg knew. I know the same way that so many gentlemen before me knew. Gentlemen that are happily married and will remain happily married for the rest of their lives. Not one of them had a long courtship. In fact, they each married rather quickly because they knew when they found the one for them and didn’t need weeks and months to make a decision that their heart had already settled upon.”
When looking at examples of how rushed marriages could end poorly, she should have been looking to her own family. None of her brothers spent even a reasonable amount of time when they decided to wed. Even though they may not have known what they wanted, they recognized it when it was there. Unlike her friends in London who didn’t wait to recognize anything but married out of fear of becoming a spinster.
Hannah stared up into Ashton’s blue eyes. She’d been looking at this situation entirely wrong. She did know what she wanted. She’d known last spring the first time she had spied him, and she’d wanted him ever since. If she let fear stand in her way now, using her friends as an example instead of her family, then she had nobody to blame but herself.
“Hannah, I’ve let honor and pride stand in my way. However, I’m willing to set it aside as I don’t want to ruin our future.”
“I also think it’s time I let go of my fear.”
His smile widened as crinkles appeared at the corner of his eyes. “Does that mean you will do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
An unexpected thrill shot through her. Until she’d finally admitted it to herself, and to Ashton, Hannah had no idea how much she’d been resisting her own heart. Though it wasn’t her heart she resisted as much as she feared making a mistake and not trusting in what her heart knew to be true. It was as if a weight had been lifted and she knew without a doubt that her life would be full and happy with this man.
“Do you have an answer?” Ashton asked slowly as a bit of worry edged into his voice.
“The answer is yes. Yes, Ashton, I would be honored to be your wife.”
At that, he pulled her close and lowered his mouth to Hannah’s and kissed her deeply. Not only of love and passion, but as if he possessed her, marking her as his.
She was nearly breathless when he pulled away and Hannah had to hold tight until her world no longer tilted. Goodness, would his kisses always make her dizzy?
“I suggest we share the news with your brothers, as I'm sure they'd be quite interested to know about this turn of events.”
How was it possible that he’d regained his equilibrium so quickly, unless he hadn’t lost it at all, but Hannah couldn’t even respond.
“Come along.” He tugged at her hand, a wide grin upon his face. “Let’s see what we can do about being married as quickly as possible.”
“Yes, of course,” Hannah mumbled as she allowed him to pull her from the alley, when truthfully, she’d like to pull him back and continue kissing him. But they would have a lifetime for that.
Chapter 22
It was settled. He and Hannah would marry. The question remained: how quickly could it be accomplished? Were bans needed? Was it possible to get a special license in Barbados?
He’d need to ask Roxburg, as he should know. Then again, until Roxburg became a duke and was forced to return to England, he’d no intention of marrying, so perhaps what was required in Barbados was unknown to him.
Not that it mattered because Ashton would learn as quickly as possible and set about making the arrangements. Now that a decision had been made, Ashton could think of no reason to wait. Besides, the sooner they married, the sooner they could be together always. Further, he wanted that time while they were still in Barbados, before they had to return to England and face her mother, who was not going to be happy that Hannah would now be residing in Oxfordshire.
“There you are Hannah. We were wondering where you had gotten yourself off to,” Isabella called before she took a step back and realized that Ashton was there as well. “Wingate?” she glanced around and pointed in the opposite direction as she frowned. “If you are here, then …?”
“Well, you see, Ashton,” Jillian stepped forward and seemed to hesitate as she glanced at Bianca, then back to Isabella as if she wasn’t certain what to say.
“What has you concerned?” he finally asked.
“You see,…um…we just saw Miss Palmer,” Bianca answered slowly.
“She mentioned an appointment with her modiste.” Were they concerned that he should be with her instead of Hannah? Of course, he could understand their confusion.
Jillian snorted. “That’s not where we saw her.”
“What are you trying to tell me, Jillian?”
All three of these women were a cousin, though he’d been closer to Jillian most of his life, but he’d grown closer to Isabella and Bianca. If they had something to say, he wished they’d just tell him.
“She was in an alley kissing another gentleman,” Bianca blurted out.
“We thought it was you because of the blond hair,” Isabella added. “Thus our confusion at seeing you with Hannah.”
He laughed. “It matters not to me who Miss Palmer is kissing.” Though it was rather surprising, given her timidness. She didn’t strike him as the type of miss who would kiss in alleys.
Unless her shyness was an act…Not that it mattered. He and Hannah were to be married and frankly, Miss Palmer could kiss every gentleman in Barbados for all Ashton cared.
“You don’t care?” Bianca’s eyes shifted to Hannah.
“No, we don’t,” Hannah answered and smiled up at Ashton.
Jillian clapped her hands. “I am so happy. I was dreading the very idea of you marrying Palmer’s daughter. He’s such a dreadful man.”
“Hannah and I were just going to return to her brother’s home.” He gestured to the carriage. “Would you ladies care to join us?”
“That is not necessary,” Jillian insisted. “We brought Sam’s carriage and will take that back, but I see no reason why Hannah shouldn’t join you.” She pulled Bianca and Isabella in the opposite direction. “And please, don’t feel a need to rush.”
Ashton glanced to Hannah whose face had grown quite pink.
“Perhaps one of you should join us,” Hannah called.
“Oh, I’m certain
that is not necessary,” Bianca insisted. “We’ll see you back at the plantation.”
Ashton just shook his head and gestured toward the carriage. “Shall we?”
Hannah entered the carriage and settled back against the squabs and ran her hands across the soft material as Ashton climbed in and took the seat opposite her. However, as soon as the carriage left the town behind and only open land and fields surrounded them, Ashton moved to settle beside her and put his arm about her shoulders. With each bump along the road their knees and thighs touched. Hannah would have accused him of intentionally doing so except there truly was no additional room on the bench. Did he honestly think that Bianca, Isabella and Jillian could have joined them? They would have been nearly sitting on laps.
Not that it mattered to Hannah. Little mattered to her now as her future was indeed set and she was happier than she could remember being before in her life. Ashton loved her. He truly loved her, and she loved him, and they were to be married.
Further, and not that it should matter in the least, but she had managed to thwart her great-uncle, the Duke of Danby, something very few people have ever managed and would be marrying the very gentleman he’d forbidden.
A smile pulled at her lips and Hannah nearly giggled with joy.
“Can I assume that your delight is because of our news and pending nuptials?”
Hannah glanced up and nearly laughed again. “I fear telling what has brought about this burst of glee.”
“I thought we were done keeping secrets from the other,” he noted with a raised eyebrow.”
Hannah immediately sobered. “No, of course not,” she quickly assured him. “If I tell you, do you promise not to be alarmed?”
