I’d be seeing her today though, for a summer wrap-up barbeque I was hosting, and I couldn’t be more excited to get the time to talk with her.
Brooklyn came over early to help me set up. It was a small gathering, only Tanner, Brooklyn, and a family down the street with a little boy Clara’s age. They were just far enough I couldn’t spy on them, which made them appear seemingly normal. They were also the only family around with kids.
“Do you think this is enough silverware?” Brooklyn asked.
“Yeah, for sure. Thanks for helping,” I said.
“Anytime! Is Clara’s boyfriend coming today?”
“Jackson isn’t her boyfriend. They barely even notice each other. It’s kind of weird.”
“Then why are they coming?” Brooklyn asked. It was a fair question; why would I invite a family with a kid that my kid hadn’t even taken notice of. I guess I just felt that she should have a friend come, and since she didn’t have friends yet, the little boy would have to do.
“Um, it’s for social skills. She’s going to start kindergarten next week, and I can’t have her unsocialized,” I said, shrugging.
“Huh. I just think the parents are super awkward.”
“Oh my god, tell me about it! The last time they were over—”
“Wow. Is that for me?” Clara screeched. I spun around to see her standing in her pajamas, clutching her stuffed elephant. “Brooklyn brought that cake for everybody. Doesn’t it look good?” I scooped Clara up in my arms, and she smiled a toothy grin.
“It’s a party!” she squirmed. I put her down, and she ran to the appetizers.
“You woke up from your nap just in time. The party is about to start. Let’s get you changed,” I said, taking Clara back to her bedroom. Tanner walked in the front door as I passed, and he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek hello. “Hi, I think Easton is out back setting up the food.” I waved to the backyard, but Tanner wasn’t looking for his brother. His eyes fell upon Brooklyn.
I was almost finished with Clara’s hair when Easton popped into her room. “Wow, you look so pretty. Are you ready for the barbecue? Everybody is here,” Easton said. Clara jumped up and down.
“Hold on. Hold still,” I said, tying the last bow in her hair before she sprinted out of the room and down the hall. I sighed, looking up at Easton, and he came to my side and rubbed my shoulders. “Oh, that feels so good.” I rolled my head from side to side. Easton leaned down to my ear and whispered.
“I have a secret. . .”
I perked up. Secrets were scarce these days. “What? Tell me.”
“Can you keep it?” Easton teased.
I looked back to Clara’s open door. “Yeah, you know I can. What is it?”
“Tanner is going to ask Brooklyn to marry him,” Easton whispered.
“What?” My jaw unhinged, hanging low and open.
“Shhh.”
“When?”
“Today, if all goes well,” he said, just before walking out of Clara’s room. I lingered for a moment, worrying that Tanner would get his heart broken. He didn’t know Brooklyn like we did. She was a true free spirit, and I feared she looked at marriage like a ball and chain around her ankle. At least she had before she fell in love with Tanner.
The barbecue went well. Clara and Jackson played together for the first time. And the neighbors kept a good flow of conversation without doing that thing they always did that made Brooklyn and me think they were so awkward to be around. I knew an end of summer barbeque wasn’t a romantic setting—not in the least—but the day was next to perfect, and it was amongst the people we cared about most . . . and the neighbors. I knew Tanner would propose soon, and it made me anxious.
When the neighbors had left, and Clara was crazed under the influence of sugar, Tanner took Brooklyn aside. My eyes shot to Easton’s, and then we both ran to the master bathroom that had a window opened to the backyard. It was perfect, but only one of us could see at a time, and it wasn’t much. Only a sliver of kneecaps could be seen through the slats of the window. But we could both hear crystal clear, and we pressed our ears close to the open window.
“Today was fun,” Tanner started.
“It was fun. Clara loved the dessert.”
“I really enjoy spending time over here with my brother and his family.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
“Think that could be us one day?” Tanner asked. I grinned and popped my head up to look through the vented window. He was holding her hands. I panned to his face; he looked pale.
“He’s so nervous,” I whispered. Easton raised his head to look, and I moved out of his way.
“You want kids?” Brooklyn asked. My breath stilled as I looked at Easton. He had no idea what kept a Tethered Soul bound, and after all these years, I had no intention of telling him.
“I want kids with you. I want a family with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you. And if you would let me, I’d—” Tanner lowered down to his knee. Easton and I fought over the small window, our temples competing for headspace.
“Stop!” Brooklyn said.
“Oh, no,” I whispered.
“Tanner, I can’t have you do this.”
“Do what?”
“I can’t have you get down on one knee for me.”
“I can’t see!” I hissed.
“I can’t either,” Easton replied.
“I can’t have you ask for my hand in marriage. . .”
“What’s that?” Clara squawked, startling both Easton and me.
“Nothing! There’s a bug,” I whispered to Clara.
“Can I see?” she asked, her voice much louder than ours. Easton and I ducked below the window, hoping not to get caught.
“Yes. Your dad will show you the bug from the outside. Go show her, honey,” I said. Easton glared at me for a split second before turning to Clara with a smile.
“You want to see some bugs? I'll show you some bugs!” He picked her up and took her out of the bathroom. I stood on my tippy toes, pressing my cheek against the window sill. Brooklyn was gone, and Tanner was left staring at the ring in his hands. My stomach dropped. I knew why Brooklyn did it, but I wish she hadn’t. I set out to find her. I made it just in time to see her car backing out of the driveway. I ran outside and prompted her to stop.
“Brooklyn, are you OK?” I asked. Tears streamed down her face. It was a stupid question.
“I can’t talk right now, Becca.”
“I know what happened. I’m so sorry.”
Brooklyn threw her car in park and looked up, blinking back the tears. “I can’t marry him, Bec,” she confessed.
I sighed. If only she knew she had a choice. “I know,” I said.
“I gotta get out of here.”
“Hey, I think Clara is just going to nap, and Easton can watch her. Do you want some company?” I asked. Brooklyn nodded. I took a moment to run inside and tell Easton and gather my things. When I hopped in her car, her tears had stopped and her face held a vacant expression. We drove around for a little while until Brooklyn stopped at the park. It was the place I found myself often, and the times she had accompanied me were the times we usually had our deeper conversations. Perhaps it was because Clara had entertained herself in the sandbox.
As we walked through the grass to the benches, I watched a dad play with his little girl. She appeared to be Clara’s age, and I tried to hide my excitement that she may have a potential new friend.
“The hard part is that I love him. I don’t want to break up with him. But it’s not like I can stay with him now that he knows I don’t want to get married and have kids . . . No offense,” Brooklyn said. I frowned for a second, showing my true colors before playing it off.
“None taken.”
“I mean, I knew I shouldn’t have gotten as close as I allowed myself to get. It’s my fault. I deserve this.”
“You deserve to be happy, Brooklyn,” I said, watching the man push his daughter on the swings. He looked o
ddly familiar.
“I am happy. Not in this exact moment, but in general. I’m a free spirit. I’m a wanderer. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Love just ties you down . . . No offense.” We sat down on the bench, and I placed my bag to my side. I thought about love tying me down, but it wasn’t like that for Easton and me. Quite the opposite, really. Easton’s love was the one thing that saved me from myself. If I had a tether holding me back, it would have to be me. I’m not sure I’d know how to survive without him.
“It’s survival of the fittest, Becca. And I need to shake it off if I want to survive. So that’s it. I’m done with relationships. Forever.”
“Oh my god . . . I think that’s my OB-GYN,” I said, squinting.
Brooklyn raised her brows, not at all minding the interruption. “Damn, he’s hot!” she said. I said nothing, but my head nodded ever so slightly. “And he was the one who gave you all of those exams?” she asked. My cheeks flushed, and my head continued to bob slowly until our eyes met, and we began to laugh.
Chapter 22
My hand clung to Clara’s as I walked her into kindergarten. Miss Kay’s classroom was bright and colorful, and it smelled of crayons and glue. Most of the parents hung around the outskirts of the classroom while one gave their crying son a private pep talk in the corner. I was anxious. I could only imagine what Clara was feeling.
“OK, honey, you need to go sit on the rug. I’m going to stay for a little, but then I’ll have to go home so you can learn,” I said, kneeling down on one knee.
Clara smiled, her blond hair sticking to her cheeks as I tucked it behind her ears. “OK, mommy.” She kissed me before turning to join the other kids. She found her way to the middle of the rug and sat down next to a little girl with long, dark hair. I tried to be happy for her, but I couldn’t help but feel like she left just a little too, easy. She never even looked back. Not once. I frowned, looking back to the kid who refused to leave the comfort of his mother.
“How are you holding up?” a dad asked beside me. I looked up at his tall stature, and my stomach dropped. It was my doctor. The same one from the park the week prior and the same one from the exam room. My cheeks heated with embarrassment. Had I felt exposed? This man knew way too much. He’d seen way too much. And he’d been there in my darkest hour. . .
“Dr. Faye, so nice to see you again.”
“I thought I recognized you. Remind me—”
“Becca Green. You delivered Clara—” I motioned toward the middle of the rug and then wrapped my hand around the nape of my neck and spoke a little softer, “and Molly . . .”
“That’s right,” he said. I hated how the mood shifted after I said it, but pretending she never existed was far worse. It was something I’d have to get used to, though five years later, and it still hurt. I wasn’t sure it would ever change.
“I thought I saw you last week at the park just down the street. Did you just move here or something?” I asked.
“Yes, actually we did. We moved about a month ago. We wanted little Nora to be close to her school so that she could join after-school programs. We thought it might be easier for her to make friends if she wasn’t so far away.”
I nodded, looking back to Clara. “Is she yours? With the long dark hair?” I asked.
“Yes, and that’s . . . ?” he pointed to Clara.
“Yes! That’s Clara. Looks like they’ve already become friends,” I said, watching the girls giggle. I’d never seen Clara so chatty, and I assumed it was because the only other friend she had was the boy who lived down the street. I didn’t like boys until I had met Easton. I thought back to the day I met him, when I was eight. It was weird to think that Clara could meet her husband in just three years.
“Well, that makes me feel better knowing Nora has a friend,” Dr. Faye said.
“Yeah, me too. I can leave knowing she’s not alone today,” I said with a smile. And while Clara wouldn’t be alone on her first day of kindergarten, I would be alone for the first time in years. I did what any mom would do with her day off. I went home and cried. Actually, I didn’t quite make it home; I cried in my truck while sitting in the parking lot. And when I arrived home to an empty house, I cried a little more, but mostly I busied myself with cleaning the house. I checked my watch about a million times, worried I’d be late for pick up and Clara would be afraid. I kept imagining her crying on the sidewalk all alone, and it made my stomach churn. If I had learned anything about myself by now, it was that I didn’t deal with life transitions all that well. Six weeks, I told myself. Six weeks until this was the new normal.
I checked my watch again and realized it had only been two hours. I threw the sponge in the sink and ran a hand through my hair. There was something about Dr. Faye knowing about Molly that made it impossible not to feel the raw emotions all over again. It seemed like it was yesterday I was lying in that bed, unable to feel my body and watching the room turn. The glowing shimmer of light bleeding away into dark burgundy. I could still feel the chill in the room on my arms and down my back, even now as I stood at the sink some five years later.
I remembered the girl in the field that day we said goodbye to Molly. A little toe head catching the sparks of magic. I wondered what it would be like to look in the backyard now and see two little girls instead of just one. Was it possible it was the reason Clara didn’t play with other children? Had she felt it deep down inside that she lost her twin? Was she lonely?
Easton and I had decided to tell Clara about Molly when she was young. Young enough not to understand. And ever since then, we talked about her here and there. ‘Your sister Molly would have loved this, something simple as a reminder that she did, in fact, have a twin. I never wanted her to grow up and realize that we kept it from her. I had held on to too many secrets in my time, and I chose for this not to be one of them.
Clara never said much about her sister. Not after that phase passed. But there was a time when Clara would talk to Molly and “play” with her in the backyard. There was always a part of me that wondered if it was really her. Had she come back to play with her sister? She wasn’t the typical imaginary friend, after all. A piece of me knew deep down in my heart that I didn’t really believe it but that I just didn’t want to let her go. It was my way of holding onto hope that Molly was somehow OK. I later realized that if you want something bad enough, your mind will bend in ways it shouldn’t. Connecting pieces of the puzzle that really didn’t fit in the first place, but if pressed hard enough may appear to work. And I knew that was the case now when I considered if Clara’s new friend at school was something more. I knew it was simply my mind playing tricks on me. But as soon as I thought it, I couldn’t shake it. What if that little girl had Molly’s soul?
I had only seen the little girl’s face for a fraction of a second, and what I gathered, she looked just like her father. He was ruggedly handsome, with bright blue eyes. His hair, though grey now, was most likely dark when he was younger. But why had Clara taken to the little girl so effortlessly? Typically, she was a shy girl. She didn’t like other kids, and she had only played with Jackson once in all the years they had lived down the street. I knew it was me unable to let go of Molly. I knew it was seeing Dr. Faye and the old feelings resurfacing that made me dig deep for anything I could grasp onto. And I knew the silence in the house wasn’t helping either. But what had stopped Molly from being a Tethered Soul? And if it were genetic, wouldn’t both girls be tethered? Molly could be out there somewhere.
It wasn’t . . . impossible.
By the time I got to school, I was an hour early. I simply couldn’t take the waiting any longer. And my mind had been playing mean, mean tricks on me. A rush of adrenaline coursing through my veins told me this was a very dangerous mindset for me to be in. This wasn’t as simple as spying on the neighbors. This was a family. A good family. And this was my daughter, the one I’d never met. The one who died. God, Beck, get it together!
I gripped my steering wheel, barely holding on to m
y sanity when Miss Kay’s class walked single file before my truck. I sat up tall in my seat and lowered my sunglasses to the bridge of my nose. I peered down the line of kids until I found Clara. Her hand behind her as she held on to Nora’s little fingers. My stomach dropped. See? They had the same figure. Same stature. They looked . . . similar. Fair skin, chubby cheeks. Nora had dark hair, and Clara was a toe-head . . . But that meant nothing. The fact that they were holding hands did, though. They had a bond. But was it a sisterly bond? That was the question. I watched until the class disappeared into the room, and then I had the idea of a lifetime. I lept out of my truck and marched to the front office.
“Hi. I’m a parent of one of the kids in Miss Kay’s class, and I wanted to sign up to volunteer,” I smiled at the lady behind the front desk.
“I’m sorry, but we don’t allow volunteers the first quarter,” she said.
“I’m sorry—what?”
“We don’t allow volunteers,” she repeated.
“You don’t allow . . . free help?”
“Not for the first quarter, no. It’s harder on the little ones when the parents are hanging around. After the teachers establish a routine, and all the kids are used to being dropped off, then we open volunteer enrollment.”
I stared at her for a long awkward moment. It was the stupidest rule I’d ever heard. “So I can’t sign up?”
“No, ma’am. Not until quarter two. And that’s if you make the list.”
“The list? I might not make it now?” I asked.
“Many of the parents want to volunteer, and there are only so many spots we can offer before it’s a distraction for the kids.”
“Can I sign up now?”
“I’m sorry. You’ll have to wait until the sign-up e-mail gets sent out,” she said. I sighed and checked my watch. I still had ten minutes before Clara got out.
The Kindred Soul of Nora Faye: The Tethered Soul Series, Book 3 Page 16
