by Hamel, B. B.
Kerry nods, puts her hands up. “I know, I know. I’m not here for that.”
But Mel’s frowning a little bit. I can tell she wants to say something so I look at her. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“Go ahead, say it. I know you want to say something.”
She smiles a little at me. “It’s just, you’re being such a child, you know? Balancogen is important and what we were doing—”
“I knew you would go there,” I say. “Can’t help yourself.”
“Girls,” Kerry warns, but it’s too late. We’ve already fallen back into old patterns again. It can’t be helped, not really.
When you live on the commune, you live close with everyone. People pitch in everywhere and it’s impossible to avoid particular people, even if you dislike them.
Mel and I used to be close, but we had a falling out. After that, things were rough between us, and only ever got rougher. Things never improve, not when you’re forced to be on top of each other, never given a chance to heal.
Healing doesn’t matter on the commune, not if Mark doesn’t want it.
“I know this rebellion thing is your whole deal or whatever, but come on, Kim. Suck it up and come back. Mark needs you, we all need you. And the work—”
“Stop talking about the work like that means anything,” I snap at her. “And I don’t care what Mark needs.”
“You should.”
“No, I shouldn’t. He’s just an old fucking pervert with some stupid ideas about nature.”
Mel looks shocked. I don’t think I’ve ever said that out loud before and it actually feels good. Kerry frowns and shakes her head.
“This isn’t helpful,” she says.
“Why do we even want her back?” Mel stands up. “Why do we even need you? You’re just a spoiled little brat, Kim. Always were.”
“You’ve just been jealous since I was fifteen,” I say. “That’s the saddest part, you know that? It’s sick, Mel.”
“You’re fucking sick.” Mel looks at Kerry. “Come on. Let’s just take her.”
“Melanie,” Kerry says, her voice pitched low and serious.
“No, I mean it. Fuck this fighting. Mark said to do whatever we needed.” Mel turns back to me. “Let’s just take her.”
“Mel, stop it.” Kerry stands and puts a hand on Mel’s arm. I stand up and back away from them, back toward the living room doorway. “We aren’t taking anyone. Okay? We aren’t doing that.”
“What’s your deal?” Mel asks her. “Mark told us to do what we had to do. We got inside, like you said we could. Now it’s time to do what I wanted to do from the start.”
I don’t want to find out what that is. I run into the kitchen as fast as I can, heart racing. I get to the refrigerator and jump up onto my toes, throwing the cabinet open. I find the black case and manage to pull it out with my fingertips.
Hands shaking, I put in the combination. It clicks open.
“What are you doing?”
I grab the handle of the gun and whirl around. Kerry and Mel are standing there, staring at me.
“Get out,” I say. I hold the gun up.
“Oh, shit,” Mel says, putting her hands in the air.
“What are you doing?” Kerry asks, her voice shocked. “Kim, is that a gun?”
“Get out. Get the hell out. I’m not letting you take me.”
“Honey.” Kerry steps forward. “We aren’t taking you.”
“Fucking yeah, we are,” Mel says. I point the gun at her. “Shit, shit, okay, okay, don’t shoot me, please don’t shoot me.”
I aim the gun down, toward the floor in front of them.
“Get out,” I say.
“Melanie is just angry,” Kerry says, her voice gentle and smooth. “She doesn’t mean what she’s saying. We aren’t taking you anywhere, Kim. I want to talk to you, what you’ve been through. I want to tell your mom that you’re okay.”
“I’m okay. Tell her I’m fine. Now if you don’t fuck off—” I hold up the gun again. “I’ll pull this trigger.”
Kerry stares me down for a long moment. Her eyes are sad, almost depressed. But finally, she shakes her head and turns away. “I guess I understand now. You’re too far gone.”
“If you want to think that, then think it.”
“She’s the enemy now,” Mel says then squeals when I point the gun at her. The two women back out of the kitchen, back toward the door.
“Get out,” I say again.
“Enemy,” Mel hisses, grabs the door, and throws it open. She runs as fast as she can.
Kerry hesitates. “Honey,” she says gently. “You learned better. We don’t use guns. We don’t hurt, we don’t kill.”
“Tell that to Mark.” Tears are in my eyes now, running down my cheeks. “Tell him that.”
“Yeah.” She smiles a little bit. “I will.”
She turns and goes, walking after Melanie.
I slam the door shut and stare at the gun in my hands.
It’s not even loaded.
I carry it back into the kitchen, tears flowing. I put it into the case and lock it.
I put it back into the cabinet above the refrigerator before collapsing into a chair and crying.
God, they’re right. Not about everything, but about one thing.
Holding a gun, pointing it at someone? That’s not me. I hate that I did that. I’m just so afraid of what they would’ve done if I hadn’t. Melanie wasn’t joking when she said she’d take me. Kerry might not have gone along, but Mel was prepared to do something.
I didn’t give them a chance to do it.
“Who the hell am I?” I ask myself through the tears.
I let myself cry for a few minutes before I get up, head upstairs, check on Annie, and get myself together. No need to let Erik see this, no need to let him know that I’d made a stupid mistake.
I wouldn’t be making that mistake again.
14
Erik
Kim’s a little distant for a few days and I give her some space. She picks up extra shifts at the diner and doesn’t talk much at home. I don’t push her, don’t want to make her feel like she needs to talk more than she wants to, but I start to wonder.
Tuesday afternoon rolls around and I get off work early. Annie’s still at daycare. I figure I’ll get some stuff done around the house, finish up the kitchen, but as soon as I step inside, I stop myself.
I don’t know why I do it, but I go upstairs. Kim’s home, I know because her door’s shut. Normally, she shuts herself in up there and reads or watches TV on an old laptop I loaned her. I leave her alone, but today I don’t want to.
So I knock on her door. “Yeah?” she says.
I push it open. She’s sitting on her bed, paperback book open in front of her. She’s wearing a white t-shirt and shorts, her hair a little messy. She looks like she hasn’t showered yet and maybe just got up.
“Hey,” I say. “You busy?”
She looks at herself then at me. “Nope.”
“Let’s do something.”
She frowns a little. “Like what?”
“I don’t know. Go for a walk maybe?”
“A walk.” She shrugs and glances at her book.
“Come on. Let’s go. Get showered, you’re a mess.”
I close the door and hear the book thud against it a second later. I laugh and head into my room. I hear the shower go on a minute later so I take my time getting changed.
She’s cleaned and clothed about twenty minutes later. She comes downstairs in boots, jeans, and a light sweatshirt. “Okay, dick,” she says. “I’m ready to go for a walk.”
“Great.” I hold out my hand. She hesitates but she takes it. “Let’s go.”
We step out the front door and down the steps. There’s a sidewalk but it ends not far down the road. “I think this used to be a pretty popular neighborhood,” I say.
“Yeah? Lots of abandoned houses now.”
“I know. Summersville got hit hard.�
�
“I see it on my way to work. Businesses all gone.”
“Yeah. Happens to these small towns. People move away over the years, find jobs in bigger cities. And places like this get gutted.”
“It’s sad.”
“Yeah, it is.”
We walk in silence. I take her through downtown, past the diner, and into a wooded area that stretches for a while. There are hiking trails and I think it’s state land, but I don’t really know for sure.
“You don’t talk about where you came from much,” I comment.
She shrugs a little. “You don’t talk about your wife.”
I give her a look and then smile. “Yeah, okay. I guess you have me there.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be a jerk.”
“No, you’re right. I don’t talk about her probably for the same reason you don’t talk about where you came from.”
“It’s painful.”
“Yeah.”
We walk along a path, under a heavy canopy of leaves. There’s a stream nearby that bubbles and gurgles, running over rocks and sandy dirt. She takes my hand again and walks closer.
“What do you want to know?” I ask her.
“What was her name?”
“Stacey,” I say. “She was tall, brunette. Big laugh.”
“Was she funny?”
“The funniest. She should’ve been a comedian or a writer.”
“That’s really great,” I say, smiling.
I grin at her. “She thought she was the funniest person in the world. Not in a conceited way though, just, she always laughed at her own jokes. It was… I liked it about her.”
“She sounds great.”
“She was. I miss her still sometimes, but a lot less than I think I should.”
Kim shakes her head. “It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?”
“Over a year. Not that long.”
“But still. You’re here. You have to live, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I do. At least for Annie, right?”
“Right. Your daughter’s a special girl, you know that, right? Most toddlers aren’t so good.”
I laugh a little. “She gets it from her mom. I was a monster at that age.”
“Most boys are.” She grins at me. “We had some kids on the commune. One little boy named Trevor was a terror. God, I hated him when he was little. I was maybe twelve when he was born, so I spent a lot of time taking care of him.”
“Really? They had kids that young take care of babies?”
She leans against me. “Yep. Absolutely. Even at a young age, you’re still a member of the group, a part of nature. Mark would always say that we have these instincts inside of us and it doesn’t matter how old we are.”
“Sounds like some weird child labor violations.”
She laughs lightly. “Pretty much.”
“Still, it must not have been so bad? I mean, were there good parts of living there?”
“Sure,” she says. “Lots of good parts. It was like having a huge family, you know? Everyone knew each other, loved and helped each other. Even when you don’t like someone, you still help them.”
“Sounds nice.”
“Except it’s small, you know? Only a few people. And no contact with the outside world. It got lonely sometimes too.”
“Sorry. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.”
We start up a short rise and she stoops to pick up a stick. She walks with it before breaking it in half and throwing it into the underbrush.
“No, it’s okay. Most of my time there wasn’t so bad. Mark… he was the bad part.”
“He’s the cult leader?”
“Pretty much.” She laughs a little. “God, he’d hate hearing that.”
“But it’s true.”
“Yeah, it’s true.”
“What made you finally run?”
I regret asking as soon as I say it. The look on her face shifts into something further away, something darker. “Lots of things,” she says after a while. “Lots of rules that didn’t make sense. Lots of ideas I didn’t agree with. And Mark.”
“Yeah,” I say. “I see that.”
“Anyway, I’m out now.”
“You are.”
“It’s nice, out walking like this. I mean, back on the commune I’d have to check in all the time. I barely ever had free time, and when I did, I always felt too guilty to actually use it. So I never stopped working, not really.”
“Must’ve been hard for a kid growing up there then. Kids need time to play.”
“Adults do too.” She grins at me.
I grin right back and I can see what she’s thinking. She takes my hand and leads me off the track. I follow her, heart beating fast. She turns and backs up against a tree, looking into my eyes.
“How do adults need to play?” I ask.
“I think you know.”
“Kim,” I whisper in her ear. “You know other people come out here, right?”
“Good.” She tilts my chin to her and bites my bottom lip. “Maybe I like that.”
I kiss her deep, tasting her tongue.
15
Kim
My back presses against the tree, the bark digging into my skin through my shirt, but I like the pain.
It’s a nice contrast to Erik’s hands on my hips, his mouth against mine.
I kiss him slow and deep and let it take me over. I reach for that trance-like state where I’m floating between the real world and my body, feeling only Erik’s touch, feeling only that pleasure. He kisses me and I can almost get there, almost reach it.
I bite his lip again. He lets out a little growl and his hands grab my hips tighter. They move up to my breasts, almost rough, almost angry. I think I like it as his hands move down again, only to lift my shirt up over my bra. He kisses my chest and I let out a little groan.
“Couldn’t wait until we got back, could you?” he whispers in my ear.
“No,” I groan. “Why bother?”
He smirks and kisses me again but this time his hands find my jeans. He unbuttons them and slips one hand down the front, fingers rolling across the front of my panties over my already soaking mound. I groan and wiggle my hips. The bark rubs against my back again but his fingers feel sweeter.
I grab his hair and pull him tighter into the kiss. His fingers slip down my panties and spread my pussy wide. I moan as he rubs my clit, pushing my legs wider open. I let him touch me, let the pleasure flood me as he pushes them deep inside then pulls them back out. He fucks me like that with his fingers, biting my bottom lip, tongue against my tongue, his taste flooding my body.
I arch my back as he rolls his fingers along my clit again. I’m pulsing with need for him, my heart racing. There’s a little bit of fear in me, wondering if someone might come by and catch us, but I can’t let that stop me.
He grabs my hair right back and pulls. I gasp and he kisses my neck. My shirt is still pressed up above my breasts and he’s still sliding his fingers along my clit. I feel taken and exposed and I can’t get enough of it.
He pulls back and suddenly turns me around. I gasp as he tugs my jeans down, leaving them around my thighs. He spanks my ass then peels my panties down until my dripping wet pussy is in the wide-open air. My hands are on the tree and I look back at him as he teases me from behind.
“Look at you,” he purrs. “Dripping wet for me. Anyone might walk by, you know that, right?”
“We’re hidden,” I moan. “They won’t… won’t see me.”
“But I want them to.” He slides his fingers deep inside me. “I want them to see this tight, soaking wet cunt. I want them to know what I have, what I get to fuck.” He spanks my ass hard. “And I want them to hear it.”
I moan as he sinks his fingers in again. I hear him as much as see him drop down to his knees and spread me wide. He licks me from behind and I gasp. I can’t believe he’s down on his knees licking my ass and pussy from behind right here in the middle of the forest. He�
��s right, anyone could walk past and see him doing that. It’s so dirty, so delicious, and I love it so much.
He keeps going. Pleasure rocks through me. I grip the tree hard and lean up against it. I’m moaning, eyes closed, basking in the pleasure. I can’t get enough of it, can’t stop it. I need it all, everything he has.
He stands and grabs my hair. He kisses me and I can taste my pussy on his lips. I hear him unzip his jeans and pull them down. I look back and watch him take his cock out, stiff and straight and thick. He strokes himself, fire in his eyes, hot and intense.
“You want this?” he asks me, teasing my pussy with his thick cock. “You want me to fuck you right here, Kim?”
“Please,” I moan. “I don’t want it. I need it.”
He presses himself tighter against me. “Beg.”
“Please fuck me,” I moan. “Please, Erik. I need your big, thick cock inside of me. I want to feel you fuck me hard and make me moan. Take every inch of me.”
He growls, low and deep, a rumble of desire. I feel his tip against me before he slowly sinks himself deep inside.
I gasp and throw back my hair. He grabs my hair and fills me up. Pleasure rips through me, pleasure and intense need. I can barely describe it, barely understand it. He fills me to the brim and it feels like heaven.
He slowly starts to fuck me, hard slow thrusts. My breasts shake as he fills me up, thrust after thrust, taking me deep and rough, every inch of my pussy filled by him. I moan and beg his name. “Erik,” I say. “Please, oh, god, Erik.”
He groans and fucks me faster. His hands are on my breasts, pushing my bra up. I let him tease my nipples, squeeze my breasts, before he puts my bra back down and grabs onto my hair.
I buck back against him. I want it hot and rough. I want it fast and now, right here, so intense and incredible. I push back against him, moaning, wanting it, wanting more.
He fucks me harder, harder. He slaps my ass, pulls my hair. The wind blows through the trees and maybe I hear people back down on the path, I don’t know, I don’t care.
There’s only Erik and this pleasure, everything else is gone.
He keeps going. He fucks me hard and rough. I look back at him and marvel at his handsome face, his intense and strong body. His arms are so muscular and defined, it drives me absolutely wild. I want to lick him, kiss him, feel him hold me.
