by A. S. King
I owe thanks to the usual suspects. My family—Mom, Dad, Robyn, Lisa and the whole extended crew for your support. And Topher, love—how do I thank you? Let me count the ways. My friends—a bow of gratitude to Krista, my superhero, and to Christine and Maria, who introduced me to the V-Day movement. Without you (and Ed) this book would not be. All other friends know who they are and should assume this sentence is for them. My fans—to every one of you who has written to me, come to see me at signings, or spread the word. And to the amazing educators, booksellers, librarians, teachers and bloggers who have supported my work, thank you so much.
And finally:
To my fellow kindness ninjas who help without saying a word—thank you. I see you. Do you see me?
Contents
FRONT COVER IMAGE
WELCOME
DEDICATION
PART ONE
PROLOGUE
1: THE FIRST THING YOU NEED TO KNOW—THE SQUID
2: THE SECOND THING YOU NEED TO KNOW—NADER McMILLAN
3: LUCKY LINDERMAN IS UNDER STRICT ORDERS
4: THE THIRD THING YOU NEED TO KNOW—THE TURTLE
5: OPERATION DON’T SMILE EVER—FRESHMAN YEAR
6: LUCKY LINDERMAN HIDES THINGS UNDER HIS BED
7: LUCKY LINDERMAN IS NOT MAKING SCRAMBLED EGGS
8: THE FOURTH THING YOU NEED TO KNOW—THE ANTS
PART TWO
9: THE FIFTH THING YOU NEED TO KNOW—THIS IS GOING TO SUCK
10: LUCKY LINDERMAN IS NOT GOING TO STAIN YOUR CARPET
11: OPERATION DON’T SMILE EVER—FRESHMAN YEAR
12: LUCKY LINDERMAN CAN BENCH-PRESS FORTY-FIVE POUNDS
13: THE SIXTH THING YOU NEED TO KNOW—THE NINJA
14: THE SEVENTH THING YOU NEED TO KNOW—JODI GETS WEIRDER ON WEEKENDS
15: OPERATION DON’T SMILE EVER—FRESHMAN YEAR
16: LUCKY LINDERMAN IS IN AISLE SEVEN
17: THE EIGHTH THING YOU NEED TO KNOW—GINNY CLEMENS
18: LUCKY LINDERMAN NEEDS SERIOUS HELP
19: THE NINTH THING YOU NEED TO KNOW—BRIGHT ANGEL TRAIL
20: LUCKY LINDERMAN IS STILL TRYING TO DESCRIBE THE GRAND CANYON
21: OPERATION DON’T SMILE EVER—FRESHMAN YEAR
22: LUCKY LINDERMAN COULD BE STALKER MATERIAL
23: THE TENTH THING YOU NEED TO KNOW—THE PILLS ARE NOT WORKING
24: LUCKY LINDERMAN KNOWS MORE THAN HE LETS ON
25: THE ELEVENTH THING YOU NEED TO KNOW
26: OPERATION DON’T SMILE EVER—FRESHMAN YEAR
27: LUCKY LINDERMAN DOESN’T USE THE STUPID SHAMPOO
28: THE TWELFTH THING YOU NEED TO KNOW—IRON PYRITE LOOKS A LOT LIKE GOLD
29: LUCKY LINDERMAN ARRIVES AT FRIDAY
PART THREE
30: LUCKY LINDERMAN LOOKS SMALLER HERE
31: OPERATION DON’T SMILE EVER—FRESHMAN YEAR
32: LUCKY LINDERMAN RETURNS
33: THE LAST THING YOU NEED TO KNOW—MISSING LIMBS
34: LUCKY LINDERMAN HAS SOMETHING TO SAY
RESULTS FOR MEN FACING THE DRAFT IN 1971
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
COPYRIGHT
Copyright
Copyright © 2011 by A.S. King
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Little, Brown and Company
Hachette Book Group
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New York, NY 10017
Visit our website at www.HachetteBookGroup.com
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Little, Brown and Company is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The Little, Brown name and logo are trademarks of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.
First eBook Edition: October 2011
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
ISBN: 978-0-316-19181-4
