by Odette Stone
When I came in the door, Jackson stood in the kitchen on his phone. He didn’t even glance up when I walked in.
Suddenly, I felt anger. I put my bag on the counter.
“Where were you?”
He looked up at me. “What are you talking about?”
“We had an ultrasound appointment.”
He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “Fuck. Emily. I’m sorry.”
“I waited for you.”
His eyes narrowed on my face. “I thought you were going to text me a reminder.”
“I did. I texted you the address. And then I texted you at 4:30 and at 5 PM. Neither text you replied to.”
“I didn’t see any texts.”
“I texted you!” I sounded pissed. So hurt.
He tossed his phone onto the counter. “Can we drop it?”
I watched as he walked out into the backyard. I snatched up his phone to see if he had gotten my texts.
I stared at his phone in disbelief. The guy wasn’t even bothering to read my texts. All my texts were on his phone. They were just unread. Tears blinded my eyes. I looked down at his phone.
Harper’s name was also on his message list. Frowning, I swiped onto her name. All of her texts were being read.
I shook my head in disbelief. Was this happening to me? What was she saying that was so important that he was reading all her texts and not mine? I looked up at Jackson who was standing on the deck, with his back to me. Yes. I was going to be that chick.
I clicked on her name.
I started to scroll through her texts.
Harper: I forgot to tell you. The other day, I was running, and I had this huge runner’s high. And then, out of nowhere, I orgasmed. Remember the first time I had an orgasm when we went running? I can still remember how hot that made you when you realized what had happened to me
Harper: I know you said you are married and not available, but recent events make me think otherwise. All I can think about is how much I want you to put your face between my legs until I scream
Attached was a picture of her on a bed, her legs spread and wearing no fucking underwear.
I stood there transfixed. I stared at the picture. I wanted to throw his phone across the room. I hated her.
Harper: I want you to make me beg. I want you to fuck me until I can’t feel my legs. I want to scratch my nails down your back. And when you give me that knowing smile, I know you want the same thing
Harper: Want to run again today? Same place, same time?
Harper: I’ve been thinking of you all day. I can’t get you out of my mind. I can tell you’ve been thinking about me too. When am I going to see you next?
My heart shattered into a million pieces. My hands shook. His ex-girlfriend was sexting my husband. She sent him dirty pictures and dirty texts detailing all the dirty things they used to do or things she wanted to do. Pure rage coursed through my veins.
With ice control, I set his phone down on the counter. He had read every single one of her texts but none of mine. He devastated me.
Without saying a word to him, I picked up my bag and walked back out of the house. Chloe obediently followed me out to the car.
I drove past the huge gates and onto the highway, putting the stern looking guards in my review mirror. I didn’t know where I was going. I just needed to drive. By the time I pulled into Newport, I was shaking. I pulled over to the boardwalk. I needed a minute to collect myself.
I let Chloe out of the car and watched as she raced across the beach. I was pretty sure I was in a state of shock. I staggered to a bench and sat down.
My phone rang. It was Jackson. I hit ignore.
I couldn’t do this anymore. I could not. Jackson was so obviously over this marriage. He hadn’t read a single one of my texts. I wondered how many times he had stared at the crotch shot of Harper.
Jackson: Emily. Call me.
Jackson and I were not a couple. Nope. Jackson was in an emotional partnership with Harper. They were the couple. Maybe Jackson had resigned himself to committing to this marriage, but the person he wanted to be with was Harper.
My phone started ringing. It was Jackson again. I hit ignore.
Jackson: Emily. Answer your phone.
I watched as Chloe walked along the sand, her nose to the ground. I needed a plan. I was sitting on a beach in Virginia with my dog and my purse. I needed to figure out what to do next. I could go home to New York, but that didn’t appeal to me. Maybe I could just drive down the coast? Take a week to just come up with a better plan than that. Chloe and I could hang out on the beach. We could buy some clothes and dog food.
It was as good a plan as any.
Jackson: Tell me where you are.
I stood up. “Come on Chloe. Let’s go.”
As we walked back to the car, Jackson called again. I powered off my phone and tossed it on the dash.
I drove for an hour along the coastline in the opposite direction of New York.
Jackson loves Harper.
Jackson will never love me.
The words were stuck on repeat in my head. It was almost a relief to realize it. You get so wound up about ‘what ifs’ and worry about every aspect of it, that when it ends, you just think, okay it is over. It’s done. I gave it my best shot, and I failed. Now the struggle is over. Jackson took his big hands and ripped open my heart to a mushy mess. But there's a certain comfort with hitting rock bottom.
I had no business being part of Jackson’s life. We didn’t know each other. We were two strangers that were forced together because of a baby. It was the worst reason to get married. And now I would end our marriage. It was the only sane thing to do.
I swung into a Wal-Mart. I picked up some essentials. I also bought some dog food for Chloe. I drove another hour and then when I could barely keep my eyes open, I checked into a motel that was dog-friendly. I took a long shower and climbed into bed with Chloe. I curled up around her and went to sleep.
Chapter 39
After a tragedy, the best part of your day is those first few seconds when you wake up, because for a moment or two everything is fine. Then as your mind wakes up, you remember, and then pain snuggles up against your heart. I lay there in bed, feeling almost incapacitated by how bad I felt.
I thought I'd feel better in the morning, but I felt decidedly worse. I was essentially on the lam. I ran away from my husband. I had no idea where to go or what to do next. All I knew is that I needed to be alone. I missed him. I thought that my love would be enough to make everything okay between us, but it was just crushing me.
Yes, he was in mourning. He grieved the loss of his friend, but he was also in the process of letting go of this relationship. He pushed me back so far. He was making his choice. He wanted nothing to do with us anymore. The fact that he was reading Harper’s texts, but not mine told me everything.
I sat on the edge of the bed and floundered in my pain. He was committed to me. He would remain the faithful and dutiful husband, but I realized that I wanted more. I needed more. I wanted and needed him to care about me. That is something that would never happen.
I loved him with all my heart, but it wasn’t enough. A successful partnership required both people to love. He loved Harper. I had thought that with his interest in Alien that somehow it'd be okay. He'd love our child, and I'd love him, and somehow we'd make it work. But now his disinterest in Alien was clear.
I needed to find the strength to leave this man. My heart shattered over the loss of him in my life, but for my baby’s sake, I needed to do this. I would not raise this baby in a home where its father was indifferent and unable to care.
I heard a knock at the door. I don’t know what I thought. Perhaps it was housekeeping. I swung open the door, and Jackson stood there, filling the entire door space. He wore the same clothes he had been wearing last night, but he had added a baseball cap. He looked exhausted. How had he found me? What was he doing here? What did he want?
“How did you find me?�
�� I stammered.
“Emily, I’m a Navy SEAL. It’s my job to find people.”
“I didn’t want you to find me.”
He gave me a measured look. “Can I come in?”
My heart started to beat again. I hated how hope surged through my body. I was such a sucker for punishment. I stepped back. He walked in and immediately the room felt smaller. I crawled onto the bed, and I waited.
He leaned against the wall across from me and crossed his arms.
“Want to tell me why you walked out?”
I refused to answer.
“Is this because I missed the ultrasound?”
The man was clueless. “Why bother following me? Why not stay back home with your slutty girlfriend?”
“What are you even talking about?” His voice sounded exasperated.
“Harper.”
“Harper is my ex-girlfriend. You’re my wife. Understand the difference. Why are you so stuck on her? She’s history.”
“I’m not a fucking idiot, Jackson.”
“I never said you were.”
“I saw her texts. All of them. The sexting. Where she is talking about her orgasms while running with you and how she wants you to put your face between her legs until she screams. The best one is when she talks about how you will fuck her until she can’t feel her legs and she attached a nice shot of her crotch while wearing no underwear.”
“You looked at my phone.”
“I did. And I noticed that you read all of her texts but you haven’t bothered to read a single one of mine.”
His expression didn’t change.
I crossed my arms. “You’re a fucking liar.”
“How am I the liar?”
“You just told me that she's history. Doesn’t seem that way to me.”
“Did I text her back?”
“No.”
“I’m not involved with her.”
“Why is she sexting you? You’re married.”
“I’ve made that abundantly clear to her.”
“She needs to leave you alone.”
“Emily, she's just trying to raise shit, and it’s working.”
“I hate her!” I yelled.
He walked towards me and then he crouched in front of me. He looked up at me with his beautiful green eyes. He took my hands in his. “I’m so sorry.”
My lips started to tremble. “I thought if I loved you, it would be enough.”
“It's enough.”
I shook my head. “It’s not.”
“Don’t give up on me.”
I look down into his green eyes. He was so serious. My aching heart slowly started to beat again. I wanted to fling myself into his arms. Why did this man have such a strong hold on me?
“Harper wants you back.”
“Let me handle her.”
“She said that she goes running with you.”
He shook his head. “I don’t. She just likes to show up on my runs.”
“And you let her?”
“I didn’t say that.”
I fought my tears as I looked up at the ceiling. This was a disaster. I didn’t know if I should push to leave him or give him another chance. Why was he even here? Why did he seem not to care and then suddenly he chased me down? I felt so confused. I didn’t know what to do.
Harper was a bitch. A cold, dog-poisoning bitch who was doing everything in her power to steal this man away from me. She was cruel and cold, and I hated her.
“When you dated her, what did you even see in her?”
Shrug. “It was easy.”
“What does that mean?”
“Exactly that.”
“And I’m not.”
His smile was beautiful. “No. There's nothing easy about you.”
My eyes filled with tears.
“Just because it was easy with her, doesn’t mean it was better.”
“Why isn’t it easy with me?”
He looked down at my hand and rolled my wedding ring between his fingers. “Because you say things like you want to know me.”
A tear trickled down my face. “I do.”
He moved to sit down on the bed beside me. His expression was one of true regret. “If you find out who I really am, you won’t love me.”
“That isn’t true.”
“I’m pretty sure it is.”
“What happens now?” my voice was a whisper.
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes. Do you trust me?”
He gave me a solemn look. “Completely.”
“Where do we go from here?”
He smiled at me. “I’m going to stop being such a dick. And I’m going to be the husband that you deserve.”
“Is this because of Alien?”
“That’s part of it.”
I needed answers. I couldn’t keep plugging along here without a clue as to why we were doing this. Integrity and a sense of honor was not a good enough reason to ruin four lives. “Why else?”
He took a deep breath, but he didn’t answer me. Green eyes held my own.
“Why do you want to stay married to me?” I pressed.
His face was devoid of expression. He just stared back at me.
“Is Alien the only reason?”
“It’s the sex.”
My mouth dropped open. “What?”
“It’s different.”
My heart started to race. “How?”
He didn’t respond.
“Tell me.”
“You feel more real than anyone I have ever been with before.”
My heart stopped beating in my chest. And then so much hope bloomed inside of me, I almost stopped breathing. I stared up at him.
“Emily say something.”
“Okay. I will come home.”
Chapter 40
Jackson was true to his word. It took a few days for both of us to relax and remember who we were, but somehow we managed to find our way back from that dark place.
Attentive and caring Jackson was back. He teased Chloe. Made dinners with me. We went for long walks.
We shopped for a new dining room table, and he helped me pick out bedding for Alien’s room.
He cuddled me when we watched TV. Things hadn’t been rekindled in the bedroom, but I was hopeful. Things were tentative, but I could see how much he tried. Now it was my turn to be patient. The man was working on his stuff, and I needed to let him figure it all out.
Jackson: Away baseball game tonight against a civilian team in Newport
Me: Oh. Do you need a cheerleader?
Jackson: Only if she is cute and pregnant
Me: That can be arranged
Jackson: Eat dinner. I'll pick you up at 5 PM.
Jackson picked me up. We drove to a baseball diamond in Newport. I sat on the top of the bleachers. I was one of the few fans from the military that had shown up.
At the end of the seventh inning, I watched with disgust as Harper slowly picked her way up the bleachers towards me. From day one, this woman had done her best to try and steal my husband away from me. The texts she had sent Jackson alone were enough to make me sick.
She stood behind me, and her arms leaned back against the metal bars. I ignored her.
“So Emily, how are things?”
“Things are awesome.”
“You’re pretty feisty for a soon to be ex-wife.”
I looked over my shoulder. “You think you can get him back?”
She smiled down at me. “I know I can.”
“That’s not what he told me.”
She leaned forward and spoke in my ear. “I’m fucking your husband. I’m pretty sure he’s mine.”
I had enough. I stood up, picked up my water bottle and my purse.
She grabbed my arm. I turned and tried to yank my arm out of her grasp. “What are you doing?”
“You think you won because you’re pregnant and wearing that ring? Think again.”
“Let go of me.”
People around us look
ed back at us.
“He told me that he could barely stomach having sex with you. Why do you think he keeps coming back to me?”
At that moment, everything became crystal clear. This woman wasn’t sleeping with Jackson. She wasn’t a threat to me.
“That’s where you are wrong, Harper, because the sex is mind-blowing. Like out of this world. He loves my pregnant body. He can’t get enough. How do you think we got here in the first place?”
Her fingers dug into my arm. “You’re a fucking liar.”
I looked up at her face. I knew I had hit a nerve. “Ask him. He tells me that what we have is different than what he had with anyone else.”
Her fingers crushed my arm. I tried to shake her off. She shoved me at the same moment I yanked back. And then I fell backward. My arms flailed. Her face looked shocked, and I saw her reach forward and try to grab me, but she missed and then suddenly, I hit the hard ground with a resounding thud. Flat on my back, I stared at the sky. Thoroughly winded, I could not get oxygen into my lungs.
I heard her scream, “Jackson!”
My rib cage refused to respond. I sounded like a groaning boar, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get air into my lungs.
Jackson’s face loomed over me. “Emily, you’re winded.”
My panicked eyes focused on his face.
His hand was on my forehead. “You’re okay. Just relax. Just relax your rib cage.”
It took forever, but suddenly my rib cage moved, and I sucked in air. Beautiful oxygen filled my lungs. I lay there, stunned, taking in big gulps of air.
“There's an ambulance on the way,” someone said.
Jackson’s face hovered above me. “Don’t move.”
“I’m fine,” I wheezed. “I just got the wind knocked out of me.”
His eyes were wide. “You could have broken your neck or your back. I don’t want you to move a muscle.”
“I’m fine.”
“Don’t move.”
I heard the approaching wail of the ambulance.
