by Karen Malley
So many unknowns swirled around her head. A few moments later, her phone rang.
“Hi, Kathryn. It’s Sarah. I hope I’m not bothering you.”
“No, of course not. It’s nice to hear from you. What’s up?”
“I was thinking about our talk that day at lunch, when you mentioned wanting to teach.”
Kathryn straightened. “Yes?”
“My brother works at Pine Springs Community College. He told me they have an opening for the chemistry faculty.”
Kathryn’s mouth dropped open. “Sarah, I’m in the middle of applying for that job. I was going to ask you to write a recommendation for me.”
“I’d love to!” Sarah squealed. “I was afraid you were going off to Boston without even considering other options.”
“Honestly, Sarah, that’s probably what I’ll need to do, but I didn’t want to live with the what-ifs if I didn’t even try to apply. I’ll send you the information for the recommendation letter. I appreciate your support. I hope you won’t be too disappointed if it doesn’t work out.”
“Kathryn, God has a plan for you. Trust Him.”
After hanging up the phone, Kathryn muttered to the ceiling. “OK, God. I get it. I’m sending in the application.”
An hour later, while finishing a dinner of frozen stir fry, her phone rang again.
“Hi, Mom. How are things going there?”
“They’re fine, dear, but I have some news. Are you sitting?”
“Now you’re scaring me, Mom. What’s going on?”
“I’ve spoken to your father.”
The words hung there, unanswered. Doris tried for a response. “Kathryn, did you hear me? Are you there?”
A moment later, Kathryn answered, “I’m here. What did he want?”
“Believe it or not, he wanted to be forgiven. It seems he’s finally found his way back to God and wants to make right his wrongs.”
“How can he make right the fact he abandoned his family and missed every important part of my life?” Kathryn spat out.
“That’s how I felt too, sweetheart, but I gave him the chance to explain. We talked for over an hour. Honestly, I’m glad we talked.”
“How did he even find you?”
“Your Aunt Liz. I’ve kept in touch with her over the years, and she’s kept your father in the loop. While I haven’t spoken to him since you were a child, he was always faithful to send child support each month, and even helped out with your college expenses.”
“I’m not sure faithful is the best word to describe him,” Kathryn muttered.
“That’s fair,” Doris said. “Anyway, he’s been living in California all these years, but he moved in with Aunt Liz to help take care of her.”
“Aunt Liz isn’t too far from here! When did this happen?”
“Recently, my dear. Your father is nearby.”
“Did you tell him where I live?” Suddenly Kathryn’s heart was beating fast.
“No, dear, and I didn’t give him your number, either. I told him I’d talk to you. I didn’t want you to deal with the shock of him turning up out of the blue.”
Kathryn exhaled, relieved. “Mom, all those years, all I ever wanted was for him to come back. Now you’re telling me he’s back, and I’m not sure I ever want to see him again.”
Doris sighed. “I understand, dear. It was a terrible thing he did to us, but I honestly believe he is repentant now. It’s up to you, of course, but I won’t give him your number unless you decide it’s all right. He promised he wouldn’t try to find you unless you wanted him to. Still, he desperately wants to talk to you. I hope you’ll consider it.”
Kathryn hung up the phone, her head pounding. Why now? Why didn’t he come back when everything was good? She always wanted him to be proud. Now she had no husband, no job, nothing to show for all her hard work.
Bandit placed his head in her lap. Kathryn patted his head. “You’re something else. How could you tell I needed a little love right now?” She scooped him into her lap and sat for a long time, trying to decide what she would do.
28
The next morning at church, Kathryn was distracted. She sat two rows behind Adam, and every time he turned, she was keenly aware of his handsome profile. She desperately wanted to talk to him, but every time she did, it was harder to let him go. Finally, when Mark stood to speak, she forced herself to pay attention.
Mark’s text for the morning was Matthew 18: 21-35. “What does forgiveness mean for us today?” he asked the congregation. “We live in a world full of sinners. Even those of us who try hard to follow Jesus’ example still fail. That gives us lots of opportunities to practice forgiveness.” He paused for a moment, his gaze circling the congregation, and continued. “It’s not always an easy thing to do. Some of you were hurt terribly, and the idea of forgiving the one or ones responsible is impossible to accept.”
God was speaking to Kathryn. Could she risk forgiving her father and open herself up to hurt again?
Mark continued. “Some of you are afraid forgiving the one who has hurt you will give them the power to do it again.”
Kathryn sat straighter as Mark went on. “Forgiveness breaks the power of others over you. People will ultimately disappoint you, but our Lord and Savior never will. Once you forgive, a burden will be lifted, and you’ll find freedom from the hurt.”
Adam nodding in agreement caught Kathryn’s attention. He’d forgiven Gina since they were together again. Gina had abandoned Adam, the same way Kathryn’s father abandoned her. Adam seemed glad about forgiving Gina, since they were back together. If that was true, though, why was he still in Pine Springs two weeks later? She shifted her attention back to Mark.
“You may think the person who hurt you does not deserve to be forgiven. That may be true, but that’s not the point. Turn to Luke 23:34. Jesus was hanging on the cross after being beaten, spat upon, mocked, and what did he say? ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.’ They didn’t deserve his forgiveness, but he freely gave it.” Mark paused. “Allow me to leave you with one final thought. The final verse of our chapter. If you do not forgive others, neither will you be forgiven. We are commanded to forgive others, and that reason alone should be enough for us to do so.”
As Mark closed in prayer, Kathryn had her answer. Like it or not, she would be reuniting with her father.
When the service ended, Kathryn was tempted to make her way over to Adam, but she was intercepted by Anne.
“Katie, are you available to help in the nursery during the next service? The other woman who was supposed to help in there this morning is sick.” At Kathryn’s hesitation, she continued. “You’re so good with Emma, you’ll do fine. I’ll be in there with you. All you need to do is cuddle the kids. Well, that, and change a few diapers. Please?”
Kathryn took one last glance at Adam heading to his classroom and agreed to help. She followed Anne to the nursery, hand in hand with Emma. She soon found herself surrounded with little ones. One mother dropped off a plump little boy who cried as soon as she left, but after a few minutes of rocking and patting him, he was giggling in Kathryn’s arms.
“Anne, I could get used to this.”
“We can always use help in the nursery,” Anne said. “It’s good to give back to the church. There are a lot of ministries here you could get plugged into.”
“I might not be here too much longer, though.”
“Well, we’ll pray God will make a way for you to stay here.”
~*~
Across the hall, Adam was busy with the four-year-olds, but he happened to glance out the door while his co-teacher was leading the kids in a song. There, in the nursery, he caught sight of Kathryn cuddling a baby. His breath caught in his throat. He’d never seen her more beautiful. As she rocked the baby back and forth, his mind traveled back to the night they spent at the Campbells’ house with their kids.
He wanted a family of his own, and the woman he wanted to share that dream with was standing
right across the hall. If only she wanted the same thing. What happened? Everything was going well before Christmas. She was coming to church. That must mean something. If she was open to God, why shouldn’t they be together now? He sighed and turned back to the class.
~*~
When the service wrapped up, Kathryn and Anne passed the babies back to their parents while Emma contentedly stacked blocks in the corner.
Kathryn turned to Anne. “I don’t understand God’s timing. Why couldn’t I realize all this while Robert was alive?”
Anne pushed a stray hair out of her face. “All what?”
“I never understood what it meant to be a real Christian. All these years, that’s what Robert wanted for me. And after all this time, I finally want a family, and my husband is gone.” She fought the hot tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.
Anne drew her close. “Oh, Katie. You’ve been so strong and brave. It’s OK to cry. I don’t understand God’s plans all the time either.”
Kathryn buried her head in Anne’s shoulder and let the tears fall. Robert or no Robert, Anne was family. His death wouldn’t change that. She pulled back.
“Thanks, Anne. What I would do without you?”
Anne put her hands on Kathryn’s shoulders. “It doesn’t matter. I’m always here for you.”
“That’s just it. I won’t be here much longer. Whose shoulder will I cry on in Boston? I guess I better get it together before I go.”
“You can come home anytime. We’re not going anywhere,” Anne said. “Now let’s get Ben, and you can come over for lunch.”
“I’d like that.”
Over lunch, Kathryn asked Mark the question that plagued her throughout the service. “Have you been in touch with my mom lately?”
Mark blinked, his fork halfway to his mouth. “Why would I be talking to your mom?” He put his fork down. “Don’t get me wrong, Doris is a lovely person, but I’ve only spoken to her when she’s been with you.”
Kathryn smiled weakly. “I know. But how did you know I needed to hear about forgiveness today?”
Mark smiled. “I didn’t know. God did. I pray before every sermon He will give me the message the people need to hear. Why do you need to forgive Doris?”
Kathryn swallowed hard. “It’s not Mom I need to forgive. She called to tell me my dad is back.”
Mark and Anne’s eyes grew wide.
“What will you do?” Anne asked.
“Well, after sitting through this morning’s message, I guess I need to forgive him. God has a plan. We’ll see how it goes,” Kathryn said.
After lunch, Kathryn called her mother. Doris answered on the first ring. “Hi, sweetie! What’s up?”
Kathryn got right to the point. “Mom, I’m ready to talk to my father.”
29
The next morning, Kathryn dragged herself into work. Her motivation for being there was at an all-time low. Spending her days cleaning and sorting out chemicals was not her idea of fun. Still, as long as they kept paying her, she would keep at it.
After a couple boring hours, Gordon called her into his office. She stood in the doorway to his office, waiting for him to finish his phone conversation. Glancing up, he motioned for her to take a seat. After a few more moments, he hung up the phone and faced her. “Well, I spoke to Darryl Hanson. The job’s yours if you want it.”
Kathryn stared at Gordon, her mouth slightly open.
“Now is when you say, ‘Thank you, Gordon. You’re a lifesaver and I’ll never be able to repay you for saving my career.’”
Kathryn’s lips pulled up a fraction of an inch. “I didn’t think things went well when I was there. They didn’t seem interested in the idea of hiring anyone from this site.”
“Darryl isn’t pig-headed enough to turn down someone with your track record, even if I am the source of the recommendation. They must’ve liked your spunk,” Gordon told her.
“So, I’m moving to Boston,” Kathryn said.
“Looks like. Go finish clearing out the lab and get packing. You’ve got three weeks. Go talk to Nancy. She’ll give you the details regarding the relocation package.”
Kathryn opened her mouth to reply, but Gordon already swiveled around in his chair. “Close the door behind you.”
Kathryn headed down to Nancy’s office.
The woman glanced up from her computer as Kathryn approached. “Does this visit mean you’re one of the transfers to Boston?” Nancy asked.
Kathryn nodded.
“Come in and take a seat. I’ve got the information here somewhere.” Nancy clicked the computer screen a few times and turned to grab the pages the printer spurted out.
“Here you go—the details of the relocation package. M. K. will help you with a realtor to list your house, provide movers, and temporary housing for thirty days. Here is a copy of all the information. The realtor’s contact information, the housing complex in Boston, and all the other details.” Nancy handed her the papers.
Kathryn took the packet. “Thank you,” she replied, unsmiling.
Nancy paused for a minute. “I realize this has been a rough year for you. Maybe Boston will give you a fresh start.”
Kathryn rose from her seat. “You’re right. Maybe that’s exactly what I need.” She returned to her desk.
After staring at the papers without reading them, Kathryn stuffed them into her bag, and sat back in her chair. She’d caught a few glimpses of Adam the previous morning in church. Her heart ached every time. The pictures of him with Gina draped over his arm played through her mind. The silky voice on the phone telling her they’d be out late wormed its way into her head. Everything in Pine Springs reminded her of him. Maybe a fresh start was exactly what she needed. She couldn’t keep spending time with him. It hurt too much.
30
Kathryn watched the man approaching her table at the sandwich shop. Her heart raced. Could this be her father? She stood, wiping her sweaty palms on her pants. He came closer, beaming. As he reached out to hug her, Kathryn cut him off, extending a hand instead. As he grasped her hand warmly in both of his, she studied his features.
His once thick brown hair was much thinner now and streaked with gray. There were new wrinkles in his face but the eyes were the same. Yes, this was indeed her father. After nearly twenty-five years, their reunion day finally came.
“My little girl is all grown up now,” he said, admiringly. “You have become a beautiful woman, Katie.”
“It’s Kathryn,” she corrected, more out of habit than rudeness. Their gazes met and she choked with emotion. She didn’t expect to react this way. The words came tumbling out of her mouth. “Why did you leave us? Where were you all this time? Why didn’t you ever come back? What are you doing here now?”
“One question at a time,” Roger said. “Can I sit?”
Numbly, Kathryn nodded and returned to her seat.
Roger sat across from her. “First of all, you wanted to know why I left. I left because I was young, stupid, and frankly, a coward. Your mother and I were married young, and you came along right away. That’s not an excuse, but it’s the truth. I was in over my head. You were a sweet child, but you were precocious—always asking complicated questions. I never knew how to handle you. Your mother and I fought a lot, and I felt trapped.” He paused, glancing at Kathryn as if to gauge her reaction.
She sat, not having to work hard on her stone-face, waiting for the rest of the story.
“Then your mother told me she was pregnant, with twins, for crying out loud.”
Kathryn interrupted. “What do you mean? I never…”
Her father silenced her with a hand. “Let me finish. It’s a long story, and if you’ll be patient, I promise I’ll get to the end.”
Kathryn sat back, drumming her fingers on her thighs.
“Anyway, your mother was pregnant with twins, and I couldn’t handle that. We could barely make ends meet as it was. I was hoping she would go back to work the next year when you went to first
grade, but this announcement changed all that. I told her to terminate the pregnancy.”
Kathryn clapped her hand to her mouth, aghast. She could have had siblings, but this man ruined it. Her father slouched in his seat.
“Yes, I was a horrible person. I feel awful about it now, but that was the only thing I could think of. Your mother, however, is a much better person than I am. She refused to end the pregnancy, and I told her if she didn’t, I was leaving. There was no way I could handle three kids.” He rubbed his hand across his forehead. “I had a chance to take a job on the West Coast with my uncle, and I took it. I found out from your Aunt Liz a few weeks later your mother lost the babies. Maybe it was the stress, maybe it was God sparing her having to raise three little ones on her own, but it happened. Your mother wouldn’t speak to me after that, understandably.”
Kathryn’s heart raced. Her mother had never told her any of this. “But why didn’t you ever come back? Why didn’t you ever write to me or call me? You were my dad, and you disappeared.” She quickly blotted her eyes with her sleeve, not wanting her father to see how deeply it still hurt.
Roger’s face was strained. “I’m sorry. I realize how wrong it was. Your mother wouldn’t have anything to do with me, and I convinced myself you were better off without me.”
“I wasn’t,” Kathryn said. “After all this time, what makes you think it’s OK to come back now?”
“After almost twenty-five years at the company, I was laid off. They hired a bunch of new, inexperienced kids for a lot cheaper. I’m only fifty-one. I can’t afford to retire yet, but it’s hard to find a new job at my age,” Roger said.
“It’s hard at my age, too,” Kathryn mumbled.
“What’s that?”
“Never mind, keep going.”
“I want you to understand, although I ran away, I did miss you. Every year, Liz would send me a Christmas card and tell me what she knew. She kept in touch with your mom a little. She told me she was praying for me, but I thought it was a waste of time. I started a new life in California. I met a couple of women, but they always wanted more from me than I could give. I never believed I deserved a marriage and a family again, having failed so miserably before.” He reached for Kathryn’s hand.
