by McLean, Jay
After a long stretch of silence, she asks, moving onto the word bitch, “What’s your favorite type of cake?”
I say, shrugging, “I don’t really like cake.”
A frustrated moan leaves her. “I’m going to make you a cake, and you’re going to like it, and you’re going to eat every single piece.”
Deep in my chest, a chuckle brews. “You’re so bossy.”
She side-eyes me with a sly grin, and swear; I get dizzy at the sight of it. So dizzy that I say possibly the dumbest thing that’s ever left my mouth. “Put your face on the cake, and I’ll eat it all.”
She busts out a laugh. “How could I even do that?”
I’m so glad she doesn’t call me out on my stupidity that I just go with it. “I don’t know, but you have one day to figure it out.”
* * *
My dad’s the only one to remember my birthday, which is no real surprise. Before he leaves for work, he gives me a new Kindle and some gift cards. I thank him, grateful, but what I really want is to see Mia. She told me the night before that we should skip the following day at the water tower in case my family wants to do something with me in the morning. I agreed, but now I’m regretting it.
The day passes, so similar to any other, and by the time night falls, I’ve already given up hope. After dinner, I go to my room to stare out the window and keep an eye out for her like the creep that I am. It isn’t until my brothers shout my name from downstairs that I crack a smile.
Maybe they finally remember.
I take each step carefully, looking everywhere at once, just in case something’s thrown at me. There’s no one in the house that I can see, but the front door’s open, and I can hear them laughing on the porch—Lucas, Logan, and the twins. Their backs are to me as they look at something on the patio table. “What’s up?” I ask, and they all turn.
Lucas walks past me, slamming my phone against my chest. “You shouldn’t leave your phone on the kitchen table.”
My eyes narrow in confusion.
Logan cackles. “Happy birthday, lover boy!” He slaps my shoulder as he passes, mumbling, “Good luck with that.”
I look from my phone back up to the twins. They’re both wearing shit-eating grins. “Why would she put her own face on it?” Lincoln guffaws.
“Because she’s crazy,” Liam laughs out.
I shove them out of the way so I can see what the hell they’re talking about. On the patio table is a lopsided chocolate cake, and, as promised, in icing, is Mia’s face. It’s so pathetic and sad-looking, and yet… it’s the greatest gift anyone has given me.
Without a word, I pick up the cake and pass all four of my idiot brothers as I make my way to the kitchen, unable to hide my grin. After grabbing a fork, I run up to my room, slam the door, lock it, and dig right in.
It tastes like absolute shit.
But I don’t care.
I pick up my phone, read the message my brothers must’ve gotten to before I could:
Mia: Your gift is on the porch. Remember: Every. Single. Piece.
I snap a picture of me eating the cake and attach it to my text.
Leo: Best damn cake I’ve ever had.
It seems to take forever to get a reply.
Mia: I’m glad your brothers found it funny. :(
My shoulders slump and a hint of anger pushes through my logic.
Leo: Fuck them, Mia. They’re dickheads.
Her reply is instant.
Mia: Yeah! FUCK them!
I can’t help but laugh.
Leo: Did you actually just swear right now?
Mia: Mia is no longer here. She’s currently bursting into flames.
Leo: Nooooo. Bring her back so I can tell her she just gave me the best birthday ever.
Mia: You mean birthday *present*
Leo: No, I don’t.
Mia: 4:30?
Leo: 4:30.
I eat every single piece of cake.
And then I throw it all up.
Worth it.
Chapter Eight
Leo
“I have a question,” Mia asks, pausing the music coming out of her phone. Together, we’ve made a playlist of our favorite songs. Her choices are all soul/funk oldies, and mine are a mix of everything. At first, I teased her about her selections, but then she told me that she’d grown up listening to her grandfather’s music. “American music,” he called it. I could tell that it meant something more to her, and so I wanted it to mean something more to me, too. After a couple of days, I started deleting my songs off the playlist one by one. “And don’t laugh at me for asking,” she adds.
I nod, weary.
“What’s school like?”
My brow dips. “What do you mean?”
“Like, school… with people,” she almost laughs. “Holden and I decided to go to a real school for high school.”
“You did?” I ask, surprised.
Mia nods. “It’s, like, forty-five minutes by bus. Most kids in town choose to go, so…”
“So, you’ll be around more people?” More guys.
“It’s still a small school compared to yours, I’m sure, but I don’t know. I’m kind of nervous.”
“Don’t be,” I rush out, trying to ease her fears. “You’ll do fine.”
“I know that I’m overthinking it, but… I mean… it’s high school, you know. It’s, like, make or break for some people.”
“Yeah, for idiots who think high school is the be-all and end-all. Luke’s like that. He thinks he’s the king of the fucking—”
“Don’t swear, Leo,” she cuts in, her nose wrinkled. It’s kind of cute how innocent she is.
“Sorry,” I find myself saying, even though I’m not.
She’s quiet a moment before huffing out a breath, fogging the air in front of her. “I’m just glad I don’t have to do it alone,” she says. “At least Holden will be there.”
For her, I hope that he is. I hope he doesn’t get to high school and forget her existence like Lucas did Laney.
“I have another question,” she says, breaking through my thoughts.
I lean back on my forearms and get comfortable. I guess today is a “talking” day, and I don’t miss the quiet at all. “Go ahead.”
“Those girls that were with you when I first got here—which one of them did you date?”
I hide my smile behind my hand. Is she… jealous? Or curious? Both maybe?
“We didn’t really date. We just kind of hung out and—”
“Made out.”
I chuckle. “I guess.”
“Gross.”
“You think kissing is gross?”
“You’re evading the question,” she says, bumping her side with mine.
I want to ask her if she’s ever kissed a guy, but I don’t want to embarrass her. “Take a guess which one.”
She rears back. “How?”
I shrug. “Let’s see how well you think you know me.”
She rolls her eyes, then looks up, her lips pinched in concentration. “Well, there were three blondes and a brunette, so I think odds are it was one of the blonde ones.”
“Nope,” I’m quick to say, “I’m not into blondes.” It takes everything in me to not tug at the ends of her hair. “I like girls with black hair.”
If it wasn’t so dark, swear I’d be able to see her blush.
She clears her throat, hits play on her phone, a distraction from both our thoughts.
An entire song plays before I pause it, work up the nerve to ask, “What about you? What kind of guys do you like?” I don’t know how she sees me, or what she sees in me; I just know that whatever her answer is, I want her to describe me.
“I don’t know,” she says after mulling it over. “I don’t know that many guys. Besides Holden, I only really see kids my age at church.”
I bury my chuckle. “You go to church?”
“What’s wrong with church?” she snarks.
“Nothing.” Besides the fact that hav
ing full faith in an all-knowing, all-powerful, all-present being has about as much plausibility as Lucy’s belief in fate.
Obviously, I don’t share that opinion with Mia.
“So you don’t have a type,” I push.
“I guess not.”
“What about that Holden guy?”
“He’s my best friend.”
“So you’ve said.”
“Do you think Laney’s pretty?”
“I mean, if I didn’t look at her as a sister, sure,” I reply, shrugging.
Chewing the corner of her lip, she nods. “I mean, if I didn’t look at Holden as a brother, then yeah, I guess so.”
Jealousy is a bitch, and I hate the way it burns at my insides. I crack each knuckle. Slowly. “You think I could take him?”
She laughs once. “Honestly, no, and I don’t know why you’d want to.”
My eyes narrow. “So me and him, one-on-one, you think he’d kick my ass?”
She drops her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking with her laughter. “This is so pointless.”
“Why?” I poke a finger at her side, making her squeal. “Is he bigger than me?”
“Yes.”
Well, shit. “I mean stronger than me.”
“Yes.”
I start to poke her again, but she’s fast, too fast, and she slaps my hand away. “Why are we even having this conversation?”
“What if it depended on what we were fighting for?” I’m being such a boy, but growing up surrounded by as many brothers as I have, everything is a competition.
“What could you possibly, in any realistic scenario, both want that you’d come to blows over it?” she asks, her laughter waning.
I wait for her eyes to meet mine before saying, “You.”
Her smile’s gone now, replaced with shock. And then slowly, slowly, understanding dawns. “Leo,” she breathes out, and I want so badly to kiss her. It’s the perfect time. And I think she’ll let me. Maybe even kiss me back. But I don’t get a chance. I hesitate a beat too long, and her phone rings, breaking our stare.
She blinks, I blink, and poof, the moment’s gone.
The name Holden flashes on her phone, and she’s quick to answer, panic evident in her tone when she says his name, followed by, “What’s wrong?”
It’s five thirty in the morning, and there is no reason to be calling unless—
“Wait. Slow down.”
My eyes narrow, questioning, while she holds a finger to her ear as if doing so will help her hear clearer. Useless, because there’s nothing but silence around us.
“Hang on.” She moves around, her phone pressed tight to her ear. “The service is so bad here. Give me, like, ten minutes, and I’ll call you back.” She hangs up a second later, her eyes frantic. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”
We rush home, and as soon as we’re back through the gates, she drops her bike and pulls out her phone. I want to wait with her to make sure she’s okay, but she assures me she’ll be fine, that she just needs to talk to him.
Alone.
Whatever is said, it’s enough to make her not show up the next morning.
Or the five mornings after that.
I never see her during that time, and she doesn’t return my calls or texts.
And still, every morning at four thirty, I sit, waiting.
Forgotten,
abandoned,
discarded.
Chapter Nine
Leo
On the sixth day of no Mia, I find myself on the couch, half concentrating on playing a video game with Logan, Lucas, and Garray (Luke’s best friend), while Laney sits on the floor, knitting something probably meant for Lucas that I’m sure he won’t appreciate.
The twins are in the yard, filming something on an old video camera they’d found, and Lachlan’s in the kitchen with Virginia.
“Jesus Christ, Leo,” Logan groans. “I’d rather play two v two with Laney on my team.”
“Hey!” Laney shouts. “Remember that one time I got a kill?”
Lucas chuckles. “Yeah, your eyes were closed, and you were button-mashing.”
“Still counts.” Laney shrugs, focuses on her knitting again.
I throw the controller on the floor. “I don’t want to play anymore.”
“What else are you going to do?” Logan murmurs, throwing in an eye-roll. “Go to your room and rub one out?”
“You’re so crass,” Laney chastises.
“I’m so bored,” Lucas groans, throwing his controller next to mine. “This is fucked.”
“Language!” Virginia calls from the kitchen.
“Sorry,” Luke replies, then flops down on the floor next to Laney.
“You have a car,” Logan tells Luke. “You can leave at any time.”
“And go where? There’s nothing to do here,” Luke retorts.
Garray scratches his nuts.
Laney says, “Gross.”
And I heave out a sigh, wondering what Mia could possibly be doing to occupy her days. And questioning why I was no longer a part of them.
A knock on the door has us all looking toward the sound, but none of us make a move to get up.
“Who the hell knocks on the door?” Lucas mumbles.
“Your aunt Leslee,” Laney answers.
All eyes go to Logan. “What did you do?” Luke asks him.
“Nothing!” Logan says, defensive.
Aunt Leslee is Dad’s sister, and she’s a hard-ass compared to Dad. When any of us kids get in trouble, real trouble, Dad sends us to stay with her. Logan’s the one who gets in the most trouble, the worst trouble.
It isn’t Aunt Leslee, though. It’s Mia. She slowly opens the door when she must realize that no one was going to answer. Her gaze quickly scans the living room full of bodies before landing on me. My heart stutters, kicks into overdrive when she bites her lip, says, “Hey.”
I can feel all eyes on me when I reply, “Hey.”
Mia looks around the room again, her cheeks turning pink, before lowering her gaze. “Uh, sorry, I was… never mind.”
Logan waits for the door to close behind her before letting out a snicker. “She’s so weird,” he says, low enough so that Virginia won’t hear it. He has no idea that Virginia doesn’t give two shits about her daughter. Only I know that, and that creates a pain in my chest that has me standing up, ignoring Logan’s teasing when I open the front door and follow after her. She’s at the bottom of the apartment steps when I catch up to her. I don’t reach out, don’t touch her like I want to. “You good?”
“Yeah, it’s nothing,” she says, rushing up the steps.
Obviously, it’s not nothing. Mia’s never just come to the house searching for me before. “You want to go to our spot?” I call out, stopping short of telling her that I miss her. Because that would be sad. And pathetic.
She stops halfway and slowly turns to me, shaking her head.
Disappointment fills me, and whatever physical reaction I have is apparent, because she starts back down toward me. “It’s just… that spot is my happy place, and I don’t want to ruin it.”
“Okay,” I rush out. “You want to just go for a walk or something?”
After a quick nod, she passes me and leads the way.
I want to tell her that I’ve been worried. That there have been so many times I had to talk myself out of simply knocking on her door to check in. I figure she needed time. Space. Alone. Just like that phone call that seems to have changed everything between us.
We walk.
In silence.
Through the yard.
Past the trees.
Until our flip-flops are off and we’re ankle-deep in the lake.
Then she stops, turns to me. “What’s your greatest fear, Leo Preston?”
I’d checked out of the moment, so deep in my blank space, that I’d forgotten where I was and what I was doing. I blink hard and look down at her. Mia’s gaze penetrates mine, her dark hair moving with the wind, shifting
around her face. A strand catches on the wetness of her lips, and I realize it now; I more than missed her. I’d felt empty without her presence; every hour of every day had become a never-ending void.
Her eyebrows rise, waiting, questioning, and I’ve forgotten what she asked.
“Huh?”
Mia shakes her head. “It’s okay. You don’t have to answer.” She starts to turn, but I grab her hand.
“No, I didn’t hear you.”
She repeats, almost hesitantly, “I asked you what your greatest fear was.”
I think about it a moment before replying, “That this is how I’m going to be for the rest of my life.”
Eyes narrowed, she asks, “What do you mean?”
With her hand still in mine, I walk us to the shore and sit down, facing the still, calm lake. Legs bent, I rest my forearms on my knees. “Sometimes, I worry that I’m not really here,” I admit. It’s only the second time I’ve said those exact words out loud. The first time was with Laney, but she didn’t quite understand.
I doubt Mia would either.
I add, “And I’m scared that I’m going to go through life feeling the same way. But, I guess, my biggest fear is that this is life. And I don’t really know if it’s enough for me.”
Mia’s quiet a moment before sucking in a breath. “Do you feel like life’s passing you by, and you’re just a side character, not the main cast?”
I swallow, hard, replaying her words over and over, and I was wrong. Mia does get it. Her explanation may have been oversimplified, and she may not understand how I feel, but she understands what I’m feeling. I face her. “I guess, yeah.” She frowns. It’s the most in-depth conversation I’ve ever had with anybody, and it feels so, so right that I’m sharing it with Mia.
She says, “I want to say something, but I don’t want it to take away from what you’re feeling, so—”
“Say it,” I push. “I want to know.”
“I think maybe you underestimate how much you put into the world.” Her gaze drops. “Every summer I’ve come here, you’ve been the main character in my story.”
