by McLean, Jay
“How’s your dad feel about it?”
I face her. “What do you mean?”
“Does he care that you don’t want to be part of the family business?”
“Nah.” I loosen the bolt completely, catch it before it hits the floor. “He’s happy as long as I’m happy.”
“Of course Tom is,” she says, and there’s no malice or jealousy in her tone, just genuine sincerity.
“Question,” I say and don’t wait for a response. “Does your boyfriend know that I’m here?”
Silence.
Followed by more silence.
When I turn to her, she’s focused on the bowl of Skittles on her lap.
“I take that as no?”
She glances up at me. “Can we pass on these questions?”
I sigh, then say, “Question.”
“Last one,” she says.
“Can I watch you do yoga for, like, five minutes?”
She laughs once. “Why would you want to do that?”
I mumble, not looking at her, “Because I like to torture myself.” Obviously.
Before she can respond, her phone rings, and she’s quick to answer. “What’s up?” It must be Holden. Whenever I’m with her and her shitbag boyfriend calls, she either ignores it or leaves the room. “I’ll ask him and text you.” … “Okay, bye.” When she hangs up, she says, “Holden’s meeting some girl from a dating app in the next town over. They have some kind of night market with stalls and food trucks. He’s scared she’s going to be a psychopath, so he asked if we want to go with him.”
It’s pathetic that my first thought is, “Like a double date?” It’s even more pathetic that I say that thought out loud.
“Like friends looking out for a friend,” she answers.
I shrug. “Sure. Why not.”
Mia
“So, this girl…?” I say, flipping through one of Leo’s textbooks on the kitchen counter while Holden stuffs his face with a sandwich.
“Is insanely hot,” Holden answers around a mouthful. His throat moves with his swallow, and he adds, “But she’s kind of a little… you-ish.”
My eyes move to his. “What does that mean?”
“Don’t get defensive; it just means… she’s a sweet, innocent little thing, like you.”
I rear back slightly. “And she wants to date you?”
He polishes off the rest of his food, then moves to wash his plate in the sink. “I’m a fucking catch. You just can’t see it because all your heart eyes belong to one guy, and that guy isn’t even your fucking boyfriend.”
“Shut up!” I hiss and look toward the stairs where Leo’s in his room, getting dressed. “And don’t curse.”
Holden chuckles. “I never mentioned it was Leo, but good job giving yourself away.”
“You’re mean.” I pout, and he shakes his head.
Crossing his arms, he leans back against the sink, saying, “What the hell are you doing, Mia? This isn’t you.”
“What isn’t me?”
He sighs, brow raised in that I’m about to give you the obvious truth way. “You’re stringing along two different guys.”
Now it’s my turn to shake my head. “I’m not stringing along any guy. Drake is my boyfriend, and Leo is… Leo is…”
“Leo is what?” Leo asks, standing in the doorway dressed in dark denim and a light gray Henley that shows off his broad chest, hard stomach, and toned arms. The top few buttons are undone, revealing the angles of his clavicle, and that might just be my favorite physical attribute of his.
Holden clears his throat, eyeing me in that I told you way. “Leo is taking forever getting ready,” he covers for me. “Let’s go!”
Leo grabs his phone and wallet from the top of the fridge and shoves them in his pockets before making his way to me. Holden’s already halfway to his truck when I feel Leo’s hand on my back, leading me through the door. Breath hot against my temple, he says, “You look nice.”
It’s three words spoken, but I read it as more.
You look nice. I like you in dresses. Did you dress like this for me?
Yes, Leo Preston, I did. I put on a pale-yellow summer dress that I know shows off my legs and my ass—the two things I catch you staring at the most because, even though we can’t be together, I still want you to want me. And I hate myself for it.
“Shotgun!” Leo shouts, bringing me back to reality. He’s running to Holden’s truck, and I run after him.
“Wait, no! I’m the best friend.” I stomp my foot when his fingers reach the door handle.
“My legs are longer,” he protests, his heated gaze trailing up my length, from my ankles to the top of my head.
“Now, now, children,” Holden chides as he gets behind the wheel. “Why don’t you rock-paper-scissors?”
I put my hand out, fist balled, between Leo and me. “Ready?” I ask, and his large hand covers my entire fist, the ends of his fingers circling my wrists. I’ve spent three days doing everything I can not to be close enough to him that he could touch me. Leo’s touch is so much more than skin-on-skin contact. It’s so charged with pent-up emotion, that even something so innocent as holding my hand makes my breath catch, my knees weak.
I’m in deep, and I don’t know how to fix it.
He opens the door and motions for me to get in. I take his offered seat, and he waits until I have my seatbelt on before closing the door. Once he’s crammed in the backseat, like one of those clowns at the circus driving around the miniature car, Holden says, starting the engine, “When we pick up Brianna, you’re both in the back.”
It takes twenty minutes to get to Holden’s date’s house, and while he goes to the door to get her, I get out and hop in the back with Leo. His legs are so long that he has to sit semi-sideways with his feet on the opposite side to be able to fit. I sit with my legs crossed so he doesn’t have to move. He watches me, unabashed. “Want me to move?”
“No, it’s fine.” I wave a hand in the air and turn to him. “Have you ever met someone through a dating app?”
Leo shakes his head.
Yeah, boy who looks the way he does—he’d have no problems meeting girls. Even for hookups. Especially for hookups. With that thought staining my brain, I suppress a gag.
Leo’s lips pull up at the corners. “What about you?”
“No,” I say. “Besides, you have to be eighteen to use those things.”
He busts out a laugh. “No one actually adheres to those laws. It’s so fucking cute how innocent you are.” And then he tugs my hair. And I swear on everything, I don’t know why or what it is about him pulling my hair that has my eyes drifting shut in pleasure and… moaning. Out loud.
Oh, no.
Luckily, Leo doesn’t realize, or at least he doesn’t react. Verbally. But my eyes are still closed, and so I tilt my head his direction, open one eye, my nose scrunched, face flaming with embarrassment. He’s watching me, that full bottom lip trapped between his teeth. “You can’t do shit like that, Mia. Jesus.” And then he sits up taller, his hips shifting as he runs a hand over his—I look away. “You know…” he says, in that low, deep hum of his, and I know where this is going, and I know I should stop it. I don’t. “If I were a lesser man, I’d flip you on all fours, lift up that dress and fuck you from behind right now.” He pauses a beat. “Want me to?” It’s so lazy, the way his words spill from his lips. So effortless. “I could get you off before they get here.”
“Leo.” I don’t have anything to add. Just his name. That’s all.
“Unless you’re into people watching you, because I’m down. Whatever you want, babe.”
It’s undeniable, the way my body reacts, the evidence of it pooling between my legs. I hate that I’m like this. With him. And no one else. “You need to stop.” It’s barely a whisper.
“Okay.” He shrugs, a movement as effortless as his words. “So no dating apps for you?”
What roller coaster am I on, and can I get off now? “No,” I reply, trying
to steady my breathing and clear my mind. I look over at him, and there’s no longer heat in his eyes. He’s back to Leo. My friend. I clear my throat, saying, “I think I would die if I had to meet a stranger.” I drop my gaze, focus on the frayed edges of my dress. “So, you meet most of your girlfriends through school, or…?”
Leo adjusts, and when I turn to him, his back is against the door. “I guess. It’s been a while, though. I haven’t even dated for…” His eyes squint as he thinks about this. “Over a year now.”
“Really?” I ask, surprised.
He shrugs. “I kind of had this epiphany.”
“Do tell,” I sing-song.
“I don’t see the point of dating unless I can see a future with the girl. Like, a settle-down-and-get-married, have-kids kind of future. And there aren’t any girls around who fit that description, so… no dating.”
“But how do you know if you don’t date them and get to know them?”
He sucks in a long, drawn-out breath and releases it in a huff. “Because the girl I want… she’s not even in the same state.”
I stare at him, unblinking, and he stares back like it’s a dare. A game. Our eyes break apart only when a door opens. “Hi!” Brianna says, waving to the both of us. She’s a tall thing, with butter-blonde hair and big brown eyes. I give her what little a smile I can muster. “Hi, Brianna. I’m Mia.” I motion to Leo. “This is Leo. It’s nice to—”
“Oh my god,” she cuts in, settling in her seat. Holden makes his way around to his side just as Brianna says, “Holden’s told me so much about y’all, and I’m so happy y’all are coming with us. I was nervous, you know? This is the first time I’ve ever done anything like this, but then he told me he could bring his friends, and we could make it a double date, and it eased my fears so much.” Leo stifles a chuckle as I watch him and Holden share a look through the rearview mirror. “Holden said y’all have been dating since you were thirteen!” Brianna turns to look at us in the backseat, her hands clasped together beneath her chin. “That’s so dang sweet.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “Oh, we’re—” I start, but Leo interrupts, throwing an arm around my shoulders and pulling me to him.
“We’re happy to be here,” he tells her, shifting my body until I’m sitting sideways, my legs stretched out on the seat, my back to his chest. His arms are around my torso, holding me in place. He lays a soft kiss on my bare shoulder and whispers, his words just for me, “Relax, Mia.”
Relax, he says, as if it’s possible to do such a thing. Leo adjusts, so he has one foot on the seat, and I’m tucked in between his legs. He has one hand splayed across my stomach while he runs his nose along my shoulder and up my neck until his mouth’s at my ear. “Your body’s such a perfect fucking fit against mine.”
I stutter a breath.
He kisses me again, this time at the soft spot behind my ear. “I wonder how many other positions we can find that’ll prove how perfect we fit.”
“Leo,” I breathe out, and it’s both a plea and a warning. I crane my neck, look up at him. “You’re being bad.”
He smirks, fists a handful of my hair, and then tugs lightly, forcing my neck back even more. “I told you I could be bad, Mia.” And then he shifts, and I feel the evidence of his arousal press up behind me. My eyes drift shut, my breaths nonexistent. They don’t open again. Not until a few minutes later, when I feel the warmth of his hand sliding up my inner thigh. I grasp his wrist as I sit up, turn to him. “We can’t do this, Leo.”
He laughs, but it’s sad, and then he shakes his head, his eyes focused on my lips. “Just play with me tonight, Mia? One night. Let’s pretend.”
Chapter Forty
Mia
I’ve thought about moments like this—daydreamed about them. Never more so than on that last drive back to the Prestons’. Leo had just told me that he wanted to be more than friends, and I was too shocked to reply. Instead, I stared out the window, and I fantasized about what our future would look like. We’d watch our favorite movies together and listen to our favorite songs. And we’d create new favorites. Together. We’d go on dates; movies, dinners, and little things their town would put on—like night markets. We’d walk hand in hand around town and at school, because he’d be proud of me, and he’d introduce me to everyone as Mia, his girlfriend.
“It matches your dress,” the little girl behind the handmade jewelry stall says, pointing to the woven bungee-cord bracelet I’m holding. It’s two different shades of pale yellow with a metal clasp.
“It’s very pretty. Did you make it?” I ask, smiling at the woman behind her, whom I assume is her mother.
The girl, no older than ten, nods vigorously, her crooked teeth showing behind her smile. Poor girl’s going to need braces, and that’s no fun for anyone. Her chin lifts a few inches as she grins up at the boy beside me. “I have bigger ones,” she tells Leo. “You can have matching ones! I can give you a discount for two!”
Leo’s laugh is quiet as he settles a hand on the small of my back. From the corner of my eye, I spot Holden and Brianna looking at plants. I wonder if she knows he has an entire nursery.
The girl’s searching through her stock laid out on the table, and I almost feel bad when I say, “I’ll just take this one. I don’t—”
“I want one,” Leo interrupts, running his hand up my back to my neck, beneath my hair. His fingers tighten, squeezing my shoulder in a touch so gentle and intimate I can feel the heat instantly form in my cheeks.
“Here it is!” She holds it out for him, the band spread, and he offers her his wrist. She wraps it around and clicks it into place, her smile getting broader.
“It’s perfect,” he tells her, tone as gentle as his touch. Dropping his hand from my shoulder, he turns to me and takes the bracelet out of my hold. He repeats what the little girl just did for him on me, and then he takes my hand, linking our fingers, and holds them both out in front of us. “Look at that,” he says. “Perfect fit.” His forearm is so tanned compared to mine, his hands so much stronger and larger.
“So you’ll take them?” the girl asks, looking between us.
“Absolutely,” says Leo, and he releases my hand to take out his wallet. “How much?”
“They’re normally eight dollars each, so sixteen, but I can do, like…” She looks back at her mom, who offers a shrug with her encouraging smile, and turns back around to us. “Like, um, twelve?”
Leo stands taller beside me, his arms stiff at his sides. “How long does it take you to make one?”
She shrugs. “Like, thirty minutes each, but my mama helps me.” She looks scared, as if she’s about to lose out on a sale.
I elbow Leo’s side, and he says, “So taking into account the time you spend on making them, plus the material, you’re probably what? Making a couple of bucks a bracelet?” The girl nods, her smile wiped. Leo shakes his head, heaves out a sigh, and reveals some cash. “I’ll make you a deal,” he tells her. “I’ll give you forty for the two, but you have to raise your prices, okay?”
The smile returns, and she looks from her mom to Leo, again and again. “Yes, sir.”
He hands her the cash, and then retakes my hand. “I’m going to tell you something, and it’s really important you hear me…”
She nods. “Yes, sir.”
“It is never, ever, okay to undervalue your worth.”
I choke on the sudden knot in my throat while the girl’s mom hugs her daughter, and then Leo walks us away as if nothing happened. “Leo,” I say, squeezing his hand. “That was a really nice thing you did. That little girl’s going to remember you forever.”
He doesn’t reply to that, but when he spots a hot drink stand, he asks, “You want a hot chocolate?”
Our hands are still linked, now with matching bracelets. “Sure.”
Once we have the drinks—hot chocolate for me and a coffee for him—he leads us to a little picnic table to the side of the stalls and sits on the table, his legs up on the bench. I do the
same, my hands cupping the warmth of the paper cup. It was so hot out today, but now that the sun’s gone, a chill floats through the air. I sit quietly, occasionally sipping, while casually glancing at the boy beside me. His blue eyes twinkle under the fairy lights as he stares ahead, and I wish I knew what he was thinking. Eventually, after minutes of silence have passed, he says, not looking at me, “I should have brought a coat.”
“Are you cold?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “For you.”
“I’m okay.”
And back to the quiet he goes.
My drink is almost gone, and he hasn’t even touched his. “She reminded me of Laney,” he says out of nowhere. “That girl with the bracelets. Laney used to do the same thing, and I don’t know…”
With a pout, I lean into him.
“And these bracelets…” he says, lifting his hand and examining it. “They remind me of home… at the field by the water tower… these flowers would sprout. They were the same yellow as these, as your dress.” I press my lips together. He doesn’t need to know that I remember the flowers. That those flowers are the reason I bought this dress. Or the many other pale-yellow dresses in my wardrobe. “They were surrounded by weeds and dirt, and they had no business being there, those fucking flowers.” His jaw is as tense as his tone. “Yellow was my mom’s favorite color.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, but it isn’t enough.
He shakes his head and laughs once. “Sometimes all I want is to get away from there, and now…that girl and these bracelets and those flowers and my mom… I think I miss my family.” He pauses a beat. “I think I’m homesick,” he almost laughs.
I hold on to his arm, shake it lightly. “Maybe Holden can lend you his truck, and you can go home for a couple of days.”
He faces me now, his eyes tracking mine. “Would you want to come with me?”
“No,” I answer quickly and look away.
