Chris turns to Emily and drags his eyes all over her. “Yeah, he’s in there.”
We thank him and head inside. Whoa. The place is trashed with empty beer cans, cups and stinks of cigarettes. It looks like people just fell asleep wherever they felt like it. The floor, the couch, chairs, even on the pool table. We step over bodies in search of the stairs. Collin said he went upstairs so that is where we are going.
We’re walking that way when a door to a room opens and out walks Collin looking, well, like shit actually. “Heeeey,” he drawls pulling Emily into his chest.
She relaxes into him and I fight the urge to cry. “I’ve missed you,” he says.
She pushes him back. “Yeah, you too. Um…where’s Josh?”
He points up. “Sleeping. Third door on the right,” he replies. Emily starts to follow me and he grabs her by the hand. “Wait! Aren’t you going to talk with me?”
She shakes her head and looks at me with sad reluctant eyes. “I need to be with Riley right now. Okay? Um…after, I hope. I think,” she stutters.
Collin cuts his eyes over to me and I guess senses my nervousness. “What’s going on?” he asks.
A tear falls from my eyes and I wipe it quickly. Surely, they can hear my heart pounding in my chest, the ringing in my ears because it’s so loud to me. I can feel it in my pores. Something is off. I look up to the stairs that hold all of the answers, and then back over to Collin.
“Third door?” I ask.
He nods slowly and lifts a brow, bouncing his eyes back and forth from Emily to me. I grab her hand and we turn to follow the path I’m dreading with each torturous step. Collin follows behind.
I’m standing outside the shut door. My hand trembles as I reach for the knob, wanting to turn it, but afraid of what’s on the other side. I glance to Emily finding her just as nervous as I am. I will my fingers to grip the brass and rotate. The door opens and we step inside.
The sun is beginning to shine through the window, but inside this room, inside my heart, nothing is shining. I’m frozen. I’m shocked, yet I knew. I’m breathless and I think my heart has quit beating. Literally fallen out of my chest. I can actually see it there on the floor, like a fish out of water. It’s thumping.
THUMP, THUMP.
It’s struggling for life.
THUMP.
The thumping stops and life ends.
Josh is asleep in a bed, a few feet from me. It’s just…he’s not alone. His chest is underneath someone else. Not just someone, though. Natalie. She’s naked. Her clothes are all over the floor with a condom wrapper tossed to the side.
“Oh, fuck!” Collin mutters.
My hands cup over my mouth and my chest begins to heave. The tears stream silently down my cheeks.
They say your life flashes before your eyes when you’re dying. I believe it now. Mine is.
I don’t know what stirs him: Collin’s voice, my whimpering, maybe the heart on the floor that thumped a few beats and died, or Emily’s reaction.
She marches over to the bed and grabs Natalie by the hair to pull her off of him. It makes her scream.
“The fuck?” Josh says in a voice that is tired with sleep. He sits up, rubs his eyes and squints through his hands. He gives a double take to me standing there frozen in my own nightmare. He tilts his head to the side. “Riley?” he asks bewildered. Then he looks at Collin, “You see her, right?” he asks, completely ignoring the naked bitch lying on the floor holding her scalp.
Collin runs his hand behind his neck. “Yeah, dude, I see her. She’s here.”
Josh’s eyes bulge as he begins to take in his surroundings and me standing in those surroundings, not a dream, but physically here. He looks down at Natalie who’s smiling now, satisfied with this situation. “What the hell?” he shouts. Then his eyes are on me.
Hell.
His words couldn’t be more perfect because that is what this is. I was so close to heaven and now I’m burning in the pits of this.
I turn and take off running. I already have the keys in my hand. Emily follows. I can hear Josh roaring at Natalie and then chasing after us down the hall. “Wait! Fucking wait!” he yells. I don’t. She doesn’t.
We get outside and to the car. She hops in and I start the car. I look up to Josh standing on the porch in his boxers. His hands are in his hair and fear all over his face. He’s yelling at me, pleading with me. I can’t hear him. I don’t want to.
CHAPTER 18
Like a line of dominos, we fall. Once again because some bitch tipped the first one with her manipulative finger.
“FUCK!” I shout in the yard watching her drive away.
I literally storm back in the house and take the stairs two by two. I get in the room and Natalie is dressed in her jeans. She’s in the process of throwing on her shirt. Collin is just standing there with his hands in his hair. I fly at her and he stops me. I’ve never wanted to hit a girl before, but right now I want to strangle the hell out of her.
“I don’t know what twisted shit you’re trying to pull here. Why the fuck are you in my room without your clothes?” I shout at her.
She straightens her shirt and places a hand over her heart live I’ve wounded her. “Uh, I know you were drunk last night, but that hurts.”
“What hurts?”
She bends down and picks up the condom wrapper on the floor. “That you would forget our time together so easily. You said I was the best fuck you’ve ever had. I told you that you would change your mind about me,” she says, tossing the empty wrapper at me.
Collin turns to me with questioning eyes and I shake my head. “You’re a lying bitch, Nat. I didn’t fuck you last night. I ignored you all night long. And when I got tired of your bullshit and just fucking tired, I came up here to sleep. Sleep, Natalie. So don’t feed me this crap. I’m not buying it.”
She squares her shoulders. “I don’t care if you don’t believe me, Josh. We had sex. I’m in your bed. You were with me. Inside me.”
I cringe, shake my head again and my lips thin into a straight line. “A wrapper proves nothing, Natalie.
“What?” she asks, surprised.
I point to the wrapper, “Show me a used condom.”
She looks around the room like she will find one. She won’t. I didn’t do what she claims I did, what Riley thinks I did.
My phone starts ringing and now, I’m beyond pissed. I narrow my eyes on her because the ringing is coming from her jeans.
I tilt my head to the side. “You gonna answer that?” I ask. She bites her lip. “Better question. Why do you have my fucking phone?”
She looks between Collin and I nervously.
Back and forth. Back and forth.
No response.
I stalk toward her, reaching around her back, sliding my hand into her pocket and grab my phone. The ringing stops, but I notice Collin’s name on the screen before it does.
I turn to him confused. “I’m standing right here,” I say.
He says, “Emily called me in the middle of the night for the address. She said you’d texted Riley, but I knew you lost your phone. Something wasn’t adding up, but now it does,” he casts a pointed stare at Natalie.
I flip through my phone and literally cringe at the text she sent Riley. Then I see my missed calls. I look up to her with hatred. “Why?”
She shrugs, “You rejected me. No one rejects me.”
I growl, “That’s your answer? That’s the reason you did this? I told you from day fucking one that you and I were friends. Just friends. You kept pushing this. I don’t know why. I don’t fucking care why. Now…now we are nothing. You are nothing to me.”
I turn and leave the room.
I call Riley and of course she doesn’t answer. I leave her numerous texts of which she doesn’t reply. We’re in New Orleans. She knows no one, and she is eight hours from home. Where would they go? I try Emily and get the same responses from both text and calls—nothing.
I walk back in the house feeling
defeated. Collin already has our bags packed and is heading to the door. “Let’s go,” he says.
“Go where?” I ask.
He lifts a shoulder, “I don’t know. Just not here.”
We leave and drive around for hours going nowhere. Eventually we stop and eat brunch. I excuse myself from the table, and in the bathroom, I try her phone again. It rings once and goes straight to voicemail, meaning she’s either rejected the call or turned her phone off. I listen to her voice and shut my eyes. “Hey, this is Riley. You know what to do.” I hear the beep, hang up and call again just so I can hear her voice. I do it a few times.
I stroll back to the table just as Collin settles the bill. I sit and put my head in my hands. It’s pounding.
“We’re heading to Metairie,” he says.
I lift my head, “Why’s that?”
“I’ll explain on the way.”
CHAPTER 19
When the sun goes down, the sinners will play. Why waste a good trip, right?
After sleeping the entire day away, Emily and I have energy to exert once the night rolls around. We are in New Orleans and outside these four walls people are having a good time. We both shut our phones off when we checked into the hotel after deciding this weekend would be salvaged somehow, but first we needed to sleep since we drove all night to get here.
“So we’re doing this?” I ask Emily.
“We’re doing this,” she states affirmatively.
We are both dressed to the nine and heading to the French Quarter. It’s Mardi Gras. We’re here. So, what the hell, right?
I press my ruby red lips together and attempt to tame my wild mane of hair. The humidity is making that impossible. My natural waves are naturally misbehaving. I examine myself in the mirror and frown. Josh would love this outfit on me, I think to myself. My black combat boots are on my feet. I’m wearing my ripped up red skinny jeans and a black top that sits just at my navel. It has tank straps and then sleeves that fall from my shoulders. It’s connected in the back with one knot and the rest is bare. It’s flirty and fun.
Emily powers up her phone.
“What are you doing?” I ask turning to her with wide eyes.
“We’re in New Orleans, Riley. I want to take pictures,” she says innocently.
I study her and then think about it. “Yeah, that makes sense. We’re not answering their calls, right?”
“Right,” she nods slowly, not exactly convincing. “You sure you don’t want to hear him out?”
I look down at my phone after I power it up and see fifteen missed calls and ten text messages. I place it untouched, unread into my back pocket. “Definitely.”
“Let’s roll,” I say grabbing some cash and my license.
We called ahead for a cab knowing that both of us would drink. I felt slightly guilty because I had been doing so well. Then I thought, fuck it. Who was I really trying for?
I climb into the elevator with Emily and just as it’s about to shut, she hops out. “Forgot something. BRB,” she says too late for me to join her.
What the hell? I’m sitting here waiting for her, tapping my foot, and feeling nervous because it’s been fifteen minutes and I’m awkwardly sitting alone.
She comes walking into the lounge area like nothing off is happening. I jump up, “What the hell, Em? It’s been like forever.” I narrow my eyes.
“Yeah, sorry. I forgot my cash and then your mom called.”
My brow furrows, “She what? Why did she call you?”
She frowns. “She called you too. Apparently Josh called her and told her everything. He was hoping she could get through to you.”
I scoff. “He called and told my mom, he got drunk and fucked that batch? I highly doubt that, Emily.”
She sits. Why is she sitting? “No, that isn’t what he told her at all.”
I sit because apparently we are doing that. “So he lied to her?”
She shakes her head. “You might want to read your text, Riley. He told her the truth. He didn’t fuck, ‘that batch,’” she air quotes. “That batch tried to trick him into thinking they had sex to mess with his head. She climbed into bed with him after he fell asleep. She also had his phone.”
I let that all sink in, whirl around and convince me. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
Emily tips the driver and tells me I can get it on the way out. I thank her and we walk to Café Du Monde. I told her on the way over that I had to get some of those donut things we had last summer. When we’re done, she says, “Better now?” I nod and let the environment around seep in.
I haven’t called Josh back, or replied to his text, where he explained everything. Part of me doubts it’s the truth. I mean it’s just so crazy, right? I saw him in bed…with her and the condom wrapper was there. What if he did have sex with her and he just doesn’t remember it? That happens, right? I don’t know.
I just know that I’m not going to wallow tonight. I’m not going to picture her skin against his. I’m not going to think of him. This night is for me. Not to forget. I would never be able to. Tonight, is about enjoying myself in an amazing city with my other best friend.
I will deal with everything else in the morning.
We strut our stuff down to Bourbon Street and…holy shit. It’s a major contrast to what we saw last summer. It’s packed with people of all flavors and varieties. Emily orders us both a drink called a grenade from this side window. I eagerly take it. We’re having such a good time hopping from one bar to the next. It’s like we stop, drop, then roll onto the next one. We stay maybe ten minutes in each looking for our right fit.
“It kind of smells like piss out here,” I tell her.
“And vomit,” she adds.
We tip our cups together. “Happy first Mardi Gras bitches!” we cheer.
I don’t know what they put in this drink, but I’m surprised when I’m pretty buzzed and only half way through it. Emily tugs my hand, “OMG we have to go in there,” she says, pulling me into a sex toy store.
I halt, “You’ve got to be kidding, right?”
She smiles wickedly and shakes her head. We make it two steps into the door when this woman, wait…this man? Oh, damn. I start giggling on the spot.
Apparently only twenty one year olds are allowed to be kinky. “ID’s?” She demands, eyeing us speculatively. It’s okay. I am doing the same to her, to him? Mr. Beautiful fascinates me. I’ve never seen a drag queen in person. She clears us to go in.
“That’s right. I’m the motherfucking princess, bitch,” Emily says quietly when are out of earshot and snapping her fingers. We’re so drunk.
“OMG She’s a he. He’s a she,” I tell her as we walk.
“Yep, tuck and serving fish,” she adds.
Emily and I break into a fit of giggles earning us eye rolls.
More laughter ensues.
It’s awesome.
I’m not even sure how drag queens tuck and then serve fish, but nonetheless she’s probably one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen in my entire life and hence I’ve named her Mr. Beautiful in my mind.
Emily grabs a pink vibrator claiming it is a must have for me. I swat at her and tell her I’m not that kind of girl. Then again, I wasn’t the kind of girl to visibly imagine my boyfriend teaching me to masturbate while I actually did it.
Mr. Beautiful struts her hot self over to us. “What’s the tea, hunty’s?” she asks Emily and I.
What’s the what?
Emily holds up the pink vibrator in her hand. “She totally needs this, but she is claiming to not be, “that kind” of girl,” she air quotes. I wish she’d quit air quoting. It’s kind of, “annoying,” I air quote in my mind.
Mr. Beautiful tilts her head to the side and eyes me up and down all the while humming and nibbling on her hot pink fingernail. She reaches to the side and then swats my ass with a flogger that I didn’t even notice in her hand. I gasp, shocked that she just did that.
“Gurl, we can all be
converted into bad girls,” she says, running her manicured hands down her bodice. “Come to the dark side, my pretty.” She winks and then sashays away.
My mouth falls open in disbelief that that just happened. “Oh, my God. She just flogged me.” We both die laughing again.
We make our way to the register where Emily is set on buying the vibrator and the flogger. She claims they are souvenirs of our good time. We have to wait because Mr. Beautiful is talking animatedly to someone on the phone. “No shade, doll. I’d still read that bitch six feet under then twerk on her motherfucking grave.”
I decide on the spot that I love Mr. Beautiful even though I have no idea what she’s talking about. She hangs up the phone and rings up Emily. “What’s your name?” I ask her while Emily pays.
“Starr,” she says, smiling.
I look down at my wrist at the mention of the word star and feel my throat tighten.
I hear Starr say, “Enjoy converting your friend, hunty.”
I’m vaguely aware of Emily pulling me out of the store. I toss over my shoulder, “Nice meeting you.”
Did we meet? I’m not sure what that interaction would be considered.
We get outside and I follow sort of in a daze a few feet. I wonder what Josh is doing. I debate on calling him and ending this, but I decide to let him sweat it out.
I’d already decided that I would forgive Josh. I love him and he was drunk. Maybe he did it, maybe he didn’t. Either way, I’d let it go. And I wouldn’t be like my mom. I wouldn’t spend years faulting him of it, reminding him of it, living in that moment only. I’d move past it, heal after it and let us find each other again. But I wasn’t showing my cards just yet. Tonight, I just wanted to have a good time.
I get the saying now. Laissez les bon temps rouler.
Let the good times roll.
I finish the rest of my grenade as we walk the streets when I spot a bar that has a stage where people are singing karaoke. It pulls at me like a magnet, like I’m meant to be in there. “I dare you,” Emily says, noticing the wistful look in my eyes.
“What?” I ask glancing at her.
Emerge into Forever Page 20
