“You do not look pleased, Miss Bennet.”
She hesitated but a moment. “While your offer is very generous, I must confess I was hoping we could find a more permanent solution.” She swallowed hard before continuing. “You must try to understand, Mr. Darcy. It would be most difficult for me to leave her now that I have found her again. I do not want to spend a day without her.”
He would not bring up the subject of their agreement. Surely too much had passed between them for that subject to ever come up again.
Unable to remain seated, she stood and walked towards the fireplace. When she felt a comfortable distance away from him, she turned to speak again. Composing herself, she endeavoured to sound business-like.
“I understand Mrs. Hawkins will soon leave your employ, sir.”
He gave a brief nod of his head. He thought for a moment and then was struck with the implication of her question.
“Are you suggesting you would wish the position of Ellie’s nanny? You would wish to be in my employ, Miss Bennet?”
“I wish to see my daughter every day. If that can be achieved by my employment with you, then yes, I wish to be in your employ, Mr. Darcy.”
“But with your situation now changed, you no longer require employment. Surely Mr. Bingley has offered you an alternative. How would you explain such a decision?”
“I believe I have demonstrated my independent nature so convincingly in the past that both Jane and Mr. Bingley would not be too surprised at my making such a choice. I have never been comfortable with idleness, Mr. Darcy.
“In all honesty, I do not know what I would do with myself here every day at Netherfield; not being mistress of the house nor guest, simply a relative who will eventually overstay her welcome.”
“But you will be giving up the opportunity to elevate your station. You could now return to the status you enjoyed before your father’s death.”
Elizabeth looked at him incredulously. “Mr. Darcy, if it meant seeing my daughter every day, I would take the position of cleaning chamber pots.”
As he looked at her he saw the determination in her eyes. He had no doubt she would do just that if left with no other alternative.
He wanted nothing better than having the pleasure of her company every day at Pemberley, but once she was in his employ, their relationship would have to change. They could no longer maintain the friendly association they now enjoyed. He would be her employer and expected to maintain a professional relationship.
How could he suggest a walk in the gardens together or request her presence in the library or ride with her in the mornings if she were in his employ? How would he ever hope to pursue her?
And certainly he was not one of those gentlemen who imposed himself upon his servants as others in his position had done. He had heard the rumours years ago about Sir Lewis, and, even though he was not one to believe in idle gossip, his opinion on the matter was now fixed.
“Miss Bennet, I’m afraid we must come to some other resolution,” he insisted.
After her confrontation with Lady Catherine, Lizzy was determined she must stay close to her daughter. What if Lady Catherine returned? What if she was successful in taking Ellie to live with her? Elizabeth knew if that were to happen, she would never see Ellie again. Those thoughts were making her more anxious. With her frustration and apprehension mounting, she felt an uncontrollable urge to strike out at him for not understanding her desperation.
“Perhaps if I were willing to lower myself even further, Mr. Darcy.”
He looked at her in confusion. She raised her chin in defiance, a look he was now becoming very familiar with.
“If cleaning chamber pots is not demeaning enough, sir, perhaps the degradation of agreeing to be your mistress would grant me the privilege of seeing my daughter every day,” she mocked as she boldly held his gaze.
He stared into her eyes, and she could see the hurt she had inflicted upon him. It seemed an eternity until he finally spoke.
“You have been gifted with a talent to express yourself most effectively, Miss Bennet.
“If you will excuse me,” he said as he rose from the chair. He gave her a perfunctory bow as he left her company without so much as a backward glance.
~*~
Darcy rose from his bed early the next morning, unconvinced he had slept at all. He spent most of the day riding the boundaries of Netherfield Park, reflecting upon the previous evening’s conversation with Elizabeth.
Her words had cut him like a knife. He had thought that day on Oakham Mount had brought them to an understanding, that she had forgiven him, but she had not.
He had wanted to know her feelings towards him . . . and now he knew. Had her amiability only been a ploy to ensure that she be allowed to see her daughter? Had he not succeeded in changing her opinion of him at all?
To be in her company and know they could never go beyond the boundaries of friendship was one thing, but to know she found him so abhorrently offensive was quite another. How had they come to this? It was difficult for him to acknowledge that, after all they had shared, she now held him in no particular regard. No, even that was being too generous. She held him in such low esteem as to declare cleaning chamber pots preferable to enduring his attentions.
~*~
Elizabeth spent most of the morning with Ellie, and, in the afternoon as Mrs. Hawkins took the child upstairs for her nap, she made her way towards the music room. She sat down at the pianoforte and mindlessly fingered the keys as her eyes once again filled with tears. Any attempt at an apology was thwarted by his avoidance of her company. Why had she spoken so imprudently? Would he forgive her for her hurtful words? Had she jeopardized her chances of being allowed her daughter’s company?
In the hallway she heard Georgiana greet her brother and suggest that he have tea while she entertained him on the pianoforte with a new Mozart piece she had recently learned.
Elizabeth immediately wiped her eyes and did her best to put forward a pleasant countenance. As they entered the music room, Georgiana immediately brightened at the sight of her and greeted her most amiably. As Darcy eyed her, he stopped his progress into the room.
“I’m sorry, Georgiana; I have just remembered I have correspondence of some urgency to attend. The pleasure of hearing you play shall have to wait for another time. Pray forgive me.”
“Of course, Brother. Do not concern yourself. Elizabeth and I shall find a lively duet to play. Shall we not, Elizabeth?”
Elizabeth’s eyes barely reached those of her friend as she agreed to such a plan.
“I shall make every effort to complete my business by dinner,” said Darcy as he made a slight bow to both women before departing.
~*~
An awkward silence prevailed during dinner. Georgiana did her best to engage both her companions in conversation, but each attempt produced little more than one word responses. Neither Elizabeth’s nor Darcy’s eyes travelled beyond the rims of their plates.
“I shall be happy to see Mr. and Mrs. Bingley return soon,” said Elizabeth, hoping for some response from William. However, he remained silent and only Georgiana replied that she, too, was looking forward to the event.
As Darcy drained his wine glass of its contents, he rose from the table and, with little effort to disguise his impatience to depart company, gave a flimsy excuse regarding some inconsequential task.
Georgiana looked over to Elizabeth with embarrassment. “I don’t know what has gotten into my brother, Elizabeth; please forgive his unsocial manner this evening.”
“Perhaps he is just tired. He looks to have not have slept well.”
“I have noticed the change in his behaviour since yesterday. He has been acting very strangely, Elizabeth.”
She put her hand on Georgiana’s and tried to reassure her that whatever was bothering her brother would most likely pass very soon.
Darcy did not make an appearance for the rest of the evening. At breakfast the next morning when asked, Mrs. Hawkins informed Elizabeth an
d Georgiana that Mr. Darcy had visited Ellie very early, but she had not seen him since.
By midday he still had not been seen. Elizabeth tried to conduct herself as usual; she played the pianoforte with Georgiana after breakfast and read to Ellie before her nap. A walk through the gardens after lunch did little to help ease her mind.
~*~
Darcy had spent the morning riding Marengo in contemplation. He carefully thought over his options. He could refuse her request, of course. But where would that leave them all? Lizzy would be denied her daughter’s company, Ellie would be denied the love and attention that only a mother could bestow upon her child, and he would be denied the pleasure of having Lizzy in his life. He had pledged to keep her safe, and he would not break that pledge. She would be safe with him and Ellie. In his heart he knew he really had no options at all.
~*~
That evening, Elizabeth sat in the library, and, though she held a book in her hand, she had not read a complete sentence since she had opened it an hour before. Her mind could not focus on anything but the fact that she might lose her daughter’s company by tomorrow.
As she heard the door open and footsteps enter the library, she tried to concentrate on the page before her. From the corner of her eye, she watched Mr. Darcy reach for a book from one of the higher shelves. A moment later he pulled out the chair across the table from hers and sat down. Silently he opened the book and proceeded to read.
They sat like that for more minutes than Elizabeth cared to count, each pretending to be engrossed in their book. She wanted to speak, to explain to him that she had not meant her offensive words, but she could not even force her gaze upwards to look at him.
Finally he closed his book and stood. As he slid the chair back under the table, he addressed her.
“I have written to Mrs. Reynolds informing her that the position of Ellie’s nanny has been filled.”
He did not wait for a reply but walked directly towards the door. Elizabeth was too stunned to speak. He turned as he took his leave, and their eyes met briefly before he was gone.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
He entered the study and was debating his choice of tea or brandy, already knowing where his preference lay, when Bingley entered the room. “Darcy, how good to see you again! Had I known you were here, I would have come down sooner.” Upon thinking of his and Jane’s recent occupation in their bedchamber, Bingley mentally conceded maybe that was not entirely true.
“Bingley, you are looking well,” said Darcy as the two men shook hands. “How was your tour of the lakes?”
“Well, I’m afraid we didn’t get to see as much as we had hoped,” said Bingley as a deep blush overtook his countenance.
“Really?” asked Darcy as he suppressed a smile.
“Ahem, well, yes . . . other interests managed to occupy our time,” he said with a blatant grin.
“Come, pour yourself a drink, Bingley, and tell me all.”
“I will join you in a drink, but a gentleman never divulges such information,” said Bingley with a good natured laugh. “How was your trip to London?”
“You know how I hate these social activities, but I must keep up some appearances for Georgiana’s sake. She will be out soon, and I must make sure she is seen at social affairs. I admit I did enjoy the theatre, and Georgie and I spent a most enjoyable evening in the company of Miss Westcott and Lord Westcott. His memories of our mother and father delight Georgiana so much. Since she has no memory of our mother at all and only vague remembrances of our father, she is desperate to hear the many stories he tells of them.
“But the dinner parties I attended proved to be intolerable. My status as a widower has once again made me the object of every matchmaking acquaintance in London. I will not feel completely safe until I am back home at Pemberley.”
“Have you spoken with Miss Elizabeth since your return?” asked Bingley.
Surprised by the question, he answered slowly, “Yes . . . we spoke briefly on a few occasions.”
Noticing his friend’s strange demeanour he asked, “What exactly is on your mind, Bingley?”
Bingley glanced at the door to make sure it was closed before he spoke again. “Darcy, I know you have been reluctant to reveal any feelings you may have for Miss Elizabeth, but I have some information that might persuade you.”
In light of his and Elizabeth’s recent interactions, he was about to protest but decided to remain silent, allowing his friend to continue.
“Jane has informed me of a conversation she and Miss Elizabeth had the night of the ball.”
“A conversation that involved me?” asked Darcy.
Bingley nodded.
“I have never known you to spread gossip, Bingley. Perhaps you should allow private conversations to remain so. I am sure Mrs. Bingley did not mean for you to relay such a conversation to me.”
“Well, she did not say I should not, and I believe it is something you should know.”
“Do you now also share our private conversations with your wife?”
“Well, not all our conversations,” said Bingley slightly embarrassed. “But, I was explaining to Jane about the night I came to see you in London. You know, the night you opened my eyes to things.”
“Yes, I recall the night you speak of Bingley, but please go on with your story,” said Darcy, already knowing he would not be pleased.
“Anyway one thing led to another, and, before I knew it, I had disclosed to Jane that you might . . . well, that there was a possibility you had feelings for Miss Elizabeth.”
“Bingley!”
“Come now, Darcy, you must admit you do have feelings for the woman,” pleaded his friend. “And I did make Jane promise not to say anything to her sister.”
Darcy shook his head. “Does this story have a point?”
“Yes, I was getting to that. Jane told me the most extraordinary thing! During their conversation, Jane got the distinct impression that Miss Elizabeth has feelings for you also, though she was most reluctant to make such an admission.”
“I doubt very much Miss Bennet possesses any such feelings,” said Darcy as he recalled that painful conversation with Elizabeth.
The sound of a light knock prompted them both to turn their eyes toward the door. “Enter,” they both said simultaneously; Darcy forgetting it was Netherfield’s study they occupied, not Pemberley’s.
Mrs. Hawkins appeared in the doorway with Ellie. “Excuse me, Mr. Darcy; I must pick up something at the apothecary in Meryton, and Georgiana and Miss Bennet seem to be out at the moment. Since I do not trust leaving Ellie with anyone else after what happened the other day, I was hoping you could watch her for a little while.”
“What do you mean, Mrs. Hawkins; what happened the other day?”
“Did Miss Bennet not mention it, sir?”
“No, she did not mention anything to me. Did something happen to Ellie?” he asked with concern in his voice.
Mrs. Hawkins looked at both gentlemen, from one to the other. “Well, no sir, not exactly. It was Lady Catherine, sir. She arrived in a most agitated state while Miss Bennet and Ellie were in one of the gardens. When they returned, she demanded that Miss Bennet relinquish Ellie over to her so she might take her back to Rosings.”
Darcy startled. “And what did Miss Bennet do?”
“She flatly refused, sir, to Lady Catherine’s great consternation. Her ladyship was most officious and quite angry. She expressed her displeasure and said she would inform you of Miss Bennet’s insolence.”
If Aunt Catherine had tried to abduct his daughter to Rosings, he would be the last person she would inform. She knew his feelings all too well on that subject. And knowing his aunt, he was sure Lizzy had suffered in her company. But…she had protected their daughter.
“Thank you, Mrs. Hawkins.”
Darcy reached for Ellie as Mrs. Hawkins held the child out to him. Ellie lifted her arm and removing her small fingers from her mouth pointed them in his direction. “Papa,” she sa
id in a small voice. She then reached both arms out to him and said with more confidence, “Papa!”
Darcy momentarily startled as he heard Ellie call out to him. “My sweet Ellie,” he said as he took his daughter in his arms, giving her a hug.
“Did you hear that?” he asked in delightful astonishment. “She called me Papa!” He looked over to Bingley to confirm that he had heard it also.
Bingley grinned and nodded his head.
Darcy then turned back to Mrs. Hawkins. “What . . . how . . . were those first words? How did this come about?”
“Miss Bennet, sir,” said Mrs. Hawkins. “Every day she would show her Miss Darcy’s miniature of you and repeat ‘Papa’ until Ellie said it back to her. She said she wanted to surprise you.”
~*~
The following morning his departure to Pemberley was upon him. As Darcy approached the breakfast room, he saw Elizabeth seated at the table.
Of course, deep down in his heart he knew there was no one better suited to care for Ellie than Elizabeth. Who better to love and protect the child than her own mother? But knowing his feelings for her, it would be difficult to have her so near every day and night.
She had protected Ellie and stood up to Lady Catherine. And yet she had shown her sweet nature when she had taught their daughter to call him “Papa,” even though she had no hope of ever hearing Ellie call her “Mama.” Despite his own fears and misgivings, he knew there was no point in pretending anymore. He had completely lost his heart to her.
Though he was convinced that the information Bingley had related was far from true, he still could not help but cling to a small hope that he could still win Lizzy’s affections.
“Good morning, Miss Bennet,” he said, as he watched for her reaction.
“Good morning, Mr. Darcy.”
It was the first time they had been alone together at breakfast, and they both felt the singularity of the occasion. Hoping they could return to the ease of their former understanding, Elizabeth endeavoured to make casual conversation.
“Will you be leaving for Pemberley soon?” she inquired.
“Yes, Mrs. Hawkins is helping with the last of the packing, and Georgiana and Ellie are almost ready to go. I have much to prepare for the guests who will be arriving next week.”
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