“Feels like you had a rough night at work.”
I sighed. “Maybe a bit.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
He lifted his head, his cock still captured within my pussy, and his eyes found mine. He pulled me away from the wall, allowing me to lock myself around him as he carried me to the bedroom. He placed me on my bed. He helped me shed the rest of my clothes. He punctuated his movements with random kisses, forcing shivers up and down my spine.
He kissed my breasts.
My neck.
My shoulders.
My belly button.
“Stop it, that tickles,” I said, giggling.
He kissed it again. “Anything to hear that laughter of yours.”
Then, he crawled into bed beside me.
“Don’t you have to get to work?” I asked.
“Not for another hour or so,” Eli said.
I nodded slowly. “Okay.”
“Do you want to talk about work?”
“Not really.”
“Well, I’m here if you want to talk about it, okay?”
“I appreciate that. Thank you.”
“Do you want to talk? Or are you tired?”
And the yawn that fell from my lips said it all.
I snuggled under the covers, hunkering down next to him. The truth was that I did want to talk with him about it. I did want to open up to him. But, if I got myself all worked up over it again, I wouldn't sleep today. And I needed rest before my shift tonight. So, I placed my head against his chest, wrapped my arm around his waist, and let my eyes fluttered closed.
And I felt him kiss the top of my head.
“Sleep well, beautiful,” Eli murmured.
“Just stay here as long as you can, okay?”
“Trust me, I won’t move until I have to.”
“Good.”
“I’ll call you once I get off work, okay?”
I nodded sleepily. “Okay. Sounds good.”
“Good.”
I felt my body drifting off. “I hope to see you again soon.”
He kissed me again. “You will, I promise.”
And that was the last thing I remember.
I remember clinging to him as I fell asleep. I remember resting myself against the warmth of his body. I even remember dreaming about him. Holding his hand while we cruised around town in his car. A simple dream. Yet, a dream that kept him at the forefront of my mind. I remember waking up with the sensation of warmth against my cheek. I remember waking up, elated to roll over and see his face.
Only, I woke up in an empty bed.
Again.
I can’t keep doing this.
I rolled over and grabbed my phone. I needed to check the time. My alarm hadn’t woken me up. So, it obviously wasn’t time for me to get up. Shit, it was only two in the afternoon. I had three more hours where I could have been sleeping. And yet, I was wide away.
In an empty bed.
“Shit,” I sighed.
I tossed my phone back onto my bedside table and rolled back over. I face-planted into my pillow, trying to go back to sleep. Trying to make the most of my afternoon rest. But, the sun was bright and the bed felt cold and my mind swirled with thoughts of Eli.
And not good ones.
You have to tell him about the job.
My mind sent me on a wild guilt trip. One that seated itself in the pit of my gut. I peeked one eye open, hoping and praying Eli might be there. Maybe he was simply in the bathroom. Or, in the kitchen cooking again. I rolled over, peeking through the curtains of my windows to see if he’d made his way out onto the balcony.
But, I knew better than that.
“Yes. I have to tell him,” I whispered.
I had to tell him because of this feeling. This one, right here. The emptiness I felt waking up in a lonely bed after falling asleep in his arms. It hurt. It pierced a part of me that no man had ever touched before. And for that reason alone, I had to talk with him about this. Because if I had to keep waking up in an empty bed, then it was for the best if I left things behind for this job. If this was how things might roll between Eli and myself for the entity of the relationship, then it might be best to pick up and move on.
Because this wasn’t good for my heart. My mind. Or my soul.
And it wasn’t fair to a good man like him.
16
Eli
I kept watching the clock, counting down the minutes until five in the afternoon. Not because of a meeting I had that evening that I really wanted to get over, but because I wanted to call Giana. I had a good half an hour drive ahead of me to go speak with the detective on my newest client’s case, and I knew that was around the time she’d be waking up. I felt guilty that I couldn't stay with her. That she fell asleep with me, but didn’t wake up with me. I knew that hurt. It hurt me to leave her this morning. And for a split second, part of me entertained the idea of calling out of work today.
Taking my first-ever personal day since opening my business.
The second the clock ticked over to five, I scooped my things into my briefcase. I ran my arm over my desk, watching everything fall in before I closed it. I strode through the lobby, dismissing Violet with a wave of my hand for the day. And as I trotted with a pep in my step out to my car, the first thing I did was dial Giana’s number.
But, her voice was surprisingly alert for just waking up.
“Hey there,” she said.
I paused. “Hello, hello. How’d you sleep?”
“I couldn't slept a little more. But, it is what it is.”
“Was it a good sleep, at least?”
She giggled. “It was good sleep, yes.”
“I’d like to think I had a part in that.”
“Oh, did you ever.”
I chuckled as I backed my car out of the parking space.
“So, a curious mind wants to know,” I said.
“What is it you want to know?” Giana asked.
“Why were you, all of a sudden, so hot and bothered for me this morning?”
And I got, quite literally, the most unexpected answer on the planet.
“My father, actually.”
I paused. “Your… father, father?”
She sighed. “I called Dad while I was on my shift to get some advice on a particular professional situation, and I may or may not have discovered that he’s been having me followed.”
“Wait, what? Are you serious?”
“He claims it’s for my own safety, but he knows about you. Knows about us. Getting together.”
“How does he feel about that?”
“I didn’t get far enough to figure it out. I completely unloaded on him, told him to call off the dogs, then I hung up the phone.”
“I’m so sorry, Giana.”
She sighed. “And I just--wanted to see you. Be near you. Calm down with you, I guess. That phone call spiraled into two deaths in the E.R., and I just needed to forget about it and get away from it all.”
“Fuck, I’m so sorry, Giana.”
“I mean, it’s par for the course, in terms of my work. But, it never gets easier. Though people tell me it does over time.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Please, don’t take this the wrong way, but definitely not.”
I nodded. “Fair enough. So, is this professional situation you wanted to talk with him about anything to do with the one we walked about last week?”
She paused. “Possibly.”
“You know you can talk with me about it if you want to, right?”
“I’m just worried about the answer.”
“Why’s that?”
“I don't know. I guess I like what we’ve got going.”
I came to a stop at a red light. “What’s going on, Giana?”
She cleared her throat. “Nurse Cabot--the head nurse here at the hospital--put in my application and resume and stuff for another head nurse position at another hospital.”
“That’s--that’s
great. Have you heard back from it?”
“Not yet. I should hear back in a couple of days. But, it’s better everything, just about. Better pay. Better retirement benefits. More vacation days. Things like that.”
“That sounds like a wonderful opportunity. One you should jump on.”
She paused. “You think?”
I took off from the red light. “I mean, is that what you want for your career?”
“It’s what I’ve been working toward, yes. Though, I was technically gunning for Nurse Cabot’s position.”
I chuckled. “Getting rid of the competition, huh?”
“I think part of her doing this might be because she’s rethinking her retirement. And I don’t quite fit all of the qualifications just yet for the job, so I’m not banking on it or anything. But, if it did get handed to me, it would be a great opportunity.”
“Where would this job take you? You know, if it’s not Nurse Cabot’s position.”
She paused. “A smaller city about four hours from here. Upstate.”
“Ah.”
“Yeah.”
Silence fell over the phone call and I realized why she didn’t want to tell me about it. But, I mean, it wasn’t like we were in a relationship. I mean, sure, we were hot and heavy. Headed in that direction. But, we’d only been seeing one another inadvertently for a couple weeks.
That certainly wasn’t solid enough to bank a future on.
“Do you want my honest opinion?” I asked.
She sighed. “I really, really do.”
“I think you should take the position if you get it.”
“Wait, you do?”
I felt my car speeding up. “Yes. I do. This is the right move for you, especially if this is what you want with your career.”
“You--you think so?”
My car sped even faster. “Completely. I mean, I’d hate to see you go. But, your happiness is much more important. And besides, four hours isn’t that big of a deal. If we do want to continue seeing one another. Halfway meetups. Or weekend trips. Things like that.”
“I would work a regular shift. Day shift, Monday through Friday.”
“There we go.”
I clocked myself going seventy miles an hour before I quickly sped down. I pulled into the parking lot of the police station and sighed. My hands white-knuckled the steering wheel. I felt myself clenching my jaw.
If I was truly happy for her, why didn’t I feel happy for her?
“Well, I mean, I don’t know if I’ll get the job or anything. But, I’ll consider it if I do.”
I nodded. “Great. That’s… that’s great, Giana. I’m so happy for you. Congratulations on this. I mean, even just your boss recommending you for something like this says a lot.”
“Maybe it’ll speak enough volumes for me to be hired.”
I let out a trite chuckle. “Maybe it will.”
“So, um, what’s on the docket for your evening?”
“Working late, like usual.”
“Can’t do that on the weekends you travel to me,” she said, giggling.
But, the giggle sounded empty. Like the pit of my stomach felt.
“I’ll make sure to work on it,” I said.
“What’s making you work late?” Giana asked.
“I’ve got this new client. Pro bono work, sort of. Her son’s been killed in what I’m assuming right now is gang-on-gang violence. She wants to prosecute her son’s murderer.”
“But, I thought your specialty was defense?”
“Every once in a while, I’ll take the prosecuting lead on something like this. It’s not common practice. But, I couldn't say ‘no’ to a grieving mother.”
“I don’t blame you one bit.”
“I hate to cut the call, but I have to go. I just pulled up to the police station, and I have a meeting with the lead detective on the kid’s case.”
“Of course. Yes. Go, go, go. I need to get a shower and some dinner before work anyway.”
I nodded. “Text you later?”
“Let me know when you get home for the night. You know, so I know you’re safe.”
I paused. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“Oh.”
I hated this. This was the exact reason why I didn’t bother with relationships. Because adult life was complicated, which made relationships complicated. This was why I never stayed with women overnight. This was why I never got emotionally entangled in shit. Because now, we were stuck trying to navigate some half-assed hook-up specialty now that the bomb about her future job had been dropped.
I wanted her happiness. I wanted her to be content with her life. I didn’t want Giana compromising the whole of the future of her career for something that had only been going on for a couple of weeks. I mean, I didn’t know where we stood. I cared about the girl. I thought she was fantastic. But, that wasn’t enough to build a fucking future on.
And now, we had to figure out how to let one another down easily.
For the sake of our sanity.
“I’ll let you know when I get home, okay?” I asked.
She drew in a sharp breath. “Okay. Good.”
“But, I don’t think your father’s men will be jumping out to snag me anytime soon.”
She giggled. “Hope they enjoyed the show.”
“I’ll pin you against the glass of your balcony door next time. Give them a better view.”
And hearing her laughter fill up my car was much better than the defeat in her voice from before.
Even if it did break my heart to hear the happiness in her voice.
17
Giana
Two Weeks Later
Pulling strips of tape had become the musical backdrop of my life. I murmured curses underneath my breath as I continued placing things in cardboard boxes, only to take them back out. How the hell did I have so much shit? How the fuck had I accumulated such junk?
“I’m throwing this stuff away,” I murmured to myself.
The past couple of weeks had been a whirlwind. Shockingly enough, the hospital in upstate New York offered me the position. After two interviews and traveling to go see their facilities, I left with a job offer I’d be idiotic to refuse. And yet, I still found myself tiptoeing around it. I called Eli and talked with him about it again, thinking maybe his mind had changed. Maybe his response would be different now that the job was actually on the table.
But, it hadn’t been.
“Yep, don’t need this anymore,” I said, sighing.
For Eli, it had been easy letting me go. A thought I still couldn't stomach well enough. I mean, I knew we’d only just started things. But, I figured he would have at least fought for it a little more than he had. Tried to come up with a compromise. Or even schedule his first trip out to visit me. Instead, however, his last words to me kept ringing in my head.
This job is perfect for you. So, go do it!
I sighed as I set another box against the wall. I had everything packed up except for my clothes and the kitchen. And as I wiped my forehead, I collapsed on my couch. I had way too much shit for someone with a condo like this. I stared out the window. Out at a view I knew I’d miss. But, the fun thing about all of this was that now I could rent this condo out. Create a steady stream of passive income to help cushion my accounts.
Something the manager of my complex already offered to help with. You know, for a seven percent fee.
My thoughts kept drifting back to Eli, and they pulled me from the couch. My heart hurt. These past couple of weeks had been empty without him. And yet, I didn’t have any control over that. I walked into my kitchen and pulled a pint of ice cream from my freezer. With a plastic spoon in hand so I didn’t dirty up the silverware I still had to pack, I went back and fell onto the couch. Propped my feet up. Drowned my aching heart in the sweetened dairy product as sighs left my lips.
Then, a knock came at my door.
“Open up! I know you’re wallowing in there, hot stuff.”
I snickered at Janie’s voice and put the pint of ice cream down. I got up and unlocked the door for her, then came back and resumed my position. She sighed heavily the second she walked through my door. And I didn’t even care. All I wanted was to take a break from all these fucking boxes by stuffing my face with broken-hearted comfort food.
Because I’d clearly overestimated what Eli and myself had actually been doing.
“So, how’s the packing going?” Janie asked.
She lifted my legs and sat on the couch, then reached for my ice cream. I passed it to her, watching her take a few bites before handing it back to me. Then, she began massaging my feet.
“My god, marry me,” I groaned.
She snickered. “I take it packing is going about the same as it did yesterday?”
“I’ve thrown out four bags of trash, donated at least twice that to local charities, and I’m still packing up stuff,” I said.
“Yep. That sounds about right. The last time I moved, I ended up leaving some of my stuff behind for the next tenants to deal with.”
“Oh, I’m sure they loved you for that one.”
“I don’t know if they did or not. They didn’t have my contact information, so I didn’t care.”
“Well, can’t really do that in this scenario.”
“So, you are going to keep this place?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yep. I’m going to rent it out. I like this place. I don’t want to give it up, and it might be nice to come back to someday. Especially if this job doesn’t pan out the way I’m thinking it will.”
“Can I help you look for a tenant?”
“You mean can you stick one of your boy toys in here?”
“That, too.”
I rolled my eyes. “If he’s willing to pay rent and not fuck up the place, go ahead.”
“Yes,” she hissed.
She switched to my other foot and I almost choked on my ice cream. Hot damn, she was good at foot massages. My eyes fluttered closed and the ice cream was forgotten about. I set it on the floor, relaxing into Janie’s touch as she started working up my calf. My muscles ached. My head hurt. My heart felt as if it’d been bleeding for days on end now.
Eli (Sinful Shadows Mafia Book 2) Page 11
