by Gemma James
I got up on jittery legs and stumbled to his private bathroom. A few splashes of cold water to my face, followed by the mindless task of cleaning up after his fit, helped me find composure. When I left his office, grabbing a file folder on the way to make it look like I’d had legitimate business in there, I did my best to appear unfrazzled. I cringed to think of the office grapevine catching wind of what Gage had forced me to do.
My lunch hour passed much too quickly, and upon my return I managed to avoid my coworkers and Gage for the duration of the day by hiding away with a laptop in a vacant windowless office. Privacy was a must, since I couldn’t sit without grimacing. I was unprepared for the whispers and incredulous looks as I gathered my briefcase and purse at the end of the day.
One glance into Gage’s office revealed it was empty. He was either away at a late meeting, or he’d already left. I stiffened when someone whispered the word “slut” as I made the long journey toward the elevator. From the corner of my eye I recognized Katherine. She laughed, her blond head bent close to someone else’s. They both snickered, and I felt their eyes bore holes into my back. I was content to ignore them until I heard the term “blow job” drift through the office.
Rage and mortification collided in my chest, and I hardly breathed as I sought refuge behind the elevator doors. I blinked, silently repeating I will not cry over and over again as the elevator descended. If everyone knew what had happened today in Gage’s office, then he must have told someone. Barreling out into the pounding rain, I was thankful for Oregon’s weather as the raindrops disguised my tears. I slid into the privacy of my car and pulled out my cell.
Gage answered on the third ring. “This better be important.”
“You’re damn right it’s important!” I dashed the tears from my face and lowered my voice. “Everyone knows.” God, how was I going to keep this job now? It was difficult enough to envision working for the devil himself after entering into a contract with him, but to withstand the ridicule of his employees…and not be able to defend myself with the truth…I couldn’t do it. Yet I had no choice. The pay was too good, and even with Gage covering Eve’s medical bills, I was still entrenched in debt. I couldn’t afford to change jobs.
I heard him speak to someone else, and then the distinctive sound of a door closing filtered to my ear. “What are you talking about, Kayla?”
“They called me a slut, and someone mentioned ‘blow job.’ How could you tell anyone? Haven’t you tortured me enough?”
“First off, watch your tone. Don’t forget who you’re speaking to. Secondly, I don’t flaunt my business, so I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Someone found out. They know what happened today in your office.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “I need to finish up here. Are you on the way to the hospital?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you alone right now?”
“I’m in my car.”
“Then why aren’t you addressing me as Master? This changes nothing. You’ll be punished for your lack of protocol tonight. Come to my house at nine.”
A violent shudder tore through me. Freedom didn’t exist within Gage’s contract—I wouldn’t be free for another five and half weeks. Like a trained dog, I replied, “Yes, Master.”
A small part of me wondered if I’d ever be free of him.
3. From Bad To Worse
The hair on the back of my neck stood on end as I rushed through the rain toward the hospital. The uneasy sensation of being watched settled over me, though in the back of my mind I knew the feeling was likely a result of what had happened in the office earlier. I felt exposed and on display, as if every person I crossed paths with thought the word “slut” after a single glance.
The instant I entered Eve’s room, my paranoid worry about gossip and rumors vanished. Dr. Leah Gordon’s weary expression threatened to strangle me. My heart plummeted, and I instinctively sensed something was wrong.
“Kayla, maybe you should have a seat.”
I shook my head. “No, just tell me.”
Her shoulders slumped slightly. “Eve’s blood work came in. It’s not encouraging.”
“But…but…” I suddenly couldn’t form a coherent sentence. The walls in the room closed in as the doctor’s words percolated in my head. “You said her chances were good…”
Dr. Gordon laid a comforting hand on my shoulder. “I was optimistic, yes, but we’re not seeing the results I’d hoped for.”
I brought a trembling hand to my mouth. Eve was fast asleep in bed, her skin so pale it nearly matched the pasty color of the bed sheets. My eyes zeroed in on the dried blood caking the skin underneath her nostrils. “She had another nose bleed?”
“Yes, and she became quite agitated. The nurse got her to calm down by rocking her. She’s been resting for the past hour.”
I grabbed a washcloth and ran it under warm water, then gently wiped her face. She stirred but didn’t wake. She looked peaceful. Sick, but peaceful.
I faced Dr. Gordon again. “What can we do?”
“I don’t want to get your hopes up, but there is a clinical trial we can try…if we can get her enrolled in time, that is. It’s a long shot.” Her face softened in sympathy.
“Do it.” I blinked away tears. “Do whatever you have to.”
The doctor hesitated. “Getting her into the trial isn’t the only issue. Like the last treatment, your insurance won’t cover it. You’ve indicated your finances aren’t—”
“I’ll get the money. How soon can she get in?”
“I’ll do my best, but you might want to prepare…making her comfortable is about all we can do at this point unless something changes.”
I blinked several times until the sting in my eyes abated. A knock sounded, and the door creaked open behind me. Dr. Gordon gave me one last sympathetic look. “I’ll let the two of you visit.”
I turned around in time to see her nod at Ian on her way out.
“Hi.” His eyes traveled the length of my body, from the red locks of my hair to the spiky heels encasing my feet. “How was the business trip?”
“Exhausting.” That much was true; Gage Channing had put me through the ringer. Nothing compared to this, though. My eyes burned with more unshed tears.
You are not breaking down in front of him.
I turned back to Eve and planted a kiss on her forehead. “Can you give me a minute?” I closed my eyes and breathed in her scent, and my throat tightened. “Please.”
“What’s wrong?” The rustling of his clothing reached my ears.
“The treatment isn’t-isn’t…”
“Kayla…I don’t know what to say. ” His breath whispered across the back of my neck. “I’m so sorry. I don’t have any kids…I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through right now.”
I couldn’t stop despair from overflowing, and when I sensed him reaching for me, I jerked out of his grasp. “Please…don’t.” Speaking to him about my daughter was one thing, but allowing myself to fall apart in his embrace was another. I wouldn’t be able to stop crying if he wrapped those strong arms around me; I remembered much too vividly the comfort and shelter they offered. I finally turned and faced him.
“Don’t shut me out,” he pleaded. “You need me…I’m here.”
“Why now?” I was playing with fire, but I couldn’t stop the question from escaping. “It’s been seven years, Ian.”
“Seven years too long.” He shook his head. “You pushed me out of your life, moved away, wouldn’t take my calls…why’d you disappear like that?”
“Can we not get into this right now?”
“We used to mean everything to each other.” He drew in a breath. “I came back for you, Kayla.”
I wanted to lean on him so badly. He’d been my rock, the one person I could trust no matter what. But leaning on him was off-limits. Gage would go ballistic if he found out I was talking to him. “Eve and I will be okay,” I whispered, needing to believe
it was true more than anything. “Dr. Gordon mentioned a clinical trial.”
“She’s a fighter,” he said. “Just like her mom.”
No three-year-old should have to fight so hard to live. Another piece of my heart broke off and shattered. If I lost Eve…I couldn’t fathom living.
“Is there anything I can do?” he asked, looking about as helpless as I felt.
I shook my head. Ian couldn’t step back into the role of protector and comforter…lover. Things change, and as much as I hated to admit it, the only person who could help me now was my sadistic boss. I’d do whatever Gage wanted, so long as he made sure my daughter had a fighting chance. With his money and resources…
“I just need some time. Please, Ian.”
He ran his hand over his mouth and reluctantly nodded. “You know where to find me.”
“I know.”
He went to the door, and I sensed him wavering. “I’ve missed you,” he said as he slipped from the room.
I stretched out next to Eve and pulled her into my arms. “I’ve missed you too.”
4. Safe No More
It was fifteen past nine when I pounded on Gage’s door.
He jerked it open, and I immediately recognized the hardened glint in his eyes. He halted and did a double take. I could only imagine what I must look like; tear-streaked face, drenched hair and clothes. I was broken on the inside and tattered on the outside. I imagined my eyes were depths of vacancy.
“I—” My voice hitched on a sob. Until that moment, I hadn’t allowed myself to acknowledge how scared I was. I’d had so much hope that the treatment would work. Now it felt as if someone was gripping my heart and squeezing a little more as each second passed.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s Eve…”
“Come here.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me inside, and then he enfolded my shivering body into his arms. “What happened?”
I clung to him. “The treatment isn’t working.” A hiccup escaped as he rubbed some warmth back into my body. “I need more money. There’s one last trial her doctor wants to try…” I untangled from his embrace and fell to my knees. “Please, Master. I’ll do anything you want.”
His hands sifted through my hair. “I’m a bastard for being so turned on right now. What I want is to hurt you. Will you let me?”
Nothing could hurt worse than the terror eating away at my insides. “Yes, Master. Do as you wish. Just save my daughter.”
He pulled my hair until I tilted my head back. “Your lack of faith in me is insulting. I told you I’d take care of her.”
“This is an additional cost, Master. A really expensive one.”
“You have my assurance. I’ll drop off another check at the hospital first thing in the morning.” He paused, and his steady gaze froze me to the spot. “So long as you fully submit to me.”
“Master…I have.” I forced the words out. “I do.”
He shook his head slowly, as if taking the time to weigh his words. “No, you haven’t. Not completely. There’s a strong, stubborn…independent…part of you that still resists.”
I parted my lips, but nothing came out; what he said was true.
“Tonight won’t be easy.” His gaze lowered to my mouth. “I’m going to push you to your limits. I’m tired of playing games. I shouldn’t have to punish you so often.” He let go of my hair, and his face hardened with determination. “You want my help? I want your total submission. Are we clear?”
I searched his eyes for a spark of empathy and found the slightest hint of an ember. “Yes, Master.”
“Did you break any of my rules?”
I chewed on my lip. “I made myself…” I really didn’t want to say the words. My cheeks warmed at the memory because I’d been thinking of him as I came.
“Go on,” he prompted.
“I made myself orgasm.”
“How many times?”
“Once.”
“Anything else?”
“I haven’t eaten much today.”
“I see.” He frowned. “What is your least favorite food?”
I squinted up at him, wondering where he was going with this. “Master?”
“Answer the question.”
“I guess…fish.”
“Then you will eat fish every night this week for dinner. I’m sure this menu will make you grateful for the one I expect you to follow.”
I became nauseated at the thought but wisely remained quiet. He’d proven time and again that arguing or questioning him wouldn’t change the outcome of what he decided, and I couldn’t afford to piss him off. I needed to be on my best behavior…
Do it for Eve.
“As for your forbidden orgasm, you’ll be denied again tonight. Get up.”
My stomach dropped as I stood. Wordlessly, he led me down to the basement. Rather than turn on the lights, Gage took the time to set several candles ablaze. “Strip.”
I obeyed his command without hesitation. Our eyes never wavered as I shed my clothing piece by piece. My nipples ached, forming two hard pebbles that drew his hungry gaze, and the magic spot between my legs began to throb. I swallowed the self-loathing that rose in my throat.
“Leave the heels on. I like them.” He held out a hand. “Come.”
I slid my hand into his, and in that moment—a moment I instinctively recognized as a pivotal one—I knew I’d succumbed. I was at his mercy, and there was no going back. The fear still lingered, as did hatred, but renewed purpose filled me. The confusing part was how I hated and craved him so much at the same time.
Gage led me over to the big X on the wall. I couldn’t stop shivering as he encircled my wrists and ankles with chains.
“I’m so cold, Master.”
“You won’t be for long.” He pushed me against the wall, and his dexterous fingers locked me in place. I stood spread-eagled, naked except for my heels.
“I want to void your safe word, but I’ll leave the choice up to you.”
Why did this feel like a trick? “Why, Master?”
“It’ll be a sign that you’ve given yourself to me completely. You said you’d do anything, and I believe you. Will you relinquish your safe word?”
I swallowed hard. “For tonight?”
“No, until our contract ends.”
A shiver drifted across my breasts. He wanted to shatter my last thread of resistance. There would be nothing to stop him from doing as he wished—not that there was much now that would cease his torture. But knowing I’d had the option to end it at any time…somehow that small, inconsequential thing made his demands bearable. Now, if I couldn’t handle what he dished out, my only option would be to flee and turn myself in.
“I-I can’t use it, Master. I can’t go to jail.”
“It’s a yes or no question, Kayla.”
I wanted to say no. Something deep inside—self-preservation, perhaps—set the word on the tip of my tongue. Yet…if I eliminated the option, there would be no way out. I’d never have to face the temptation of wagering Eve’s life against my pain and torture. She’d be safer this way.
“Yes.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, Master.”
He moved quickly, taking my sight with a blindfold, the ability to beg and plead with a ball gag. Nausea rose with panic, and my heartbeat thundered in my ears as he silenced everything with earplugs. I could hear nothing past the roar in my head, see nothing beyond the suffocating darkness pressing on me. Gage had effectively isolated me within my own mind. I made protesting, terrified pleas—garbled muffles to my plugged ears—and pulled against the restraints. Legs trembling violently, I barely had the strength to keep myself upright. Had I not been chained to the wall, I would have crumbled to the floor.
What have I done?
At the first graze of his teeth to my nipple, every muscle in my body stiffened. I held my breath, not knowing if he planned to serve pain or pleasure, and not knowing was excruciating. He sucked my nipple into th
e scorching cavity of his mouth. I wasn’t sure if I whimpered or moaned—maybe it was a little of both. His fingers teased my other breast, and he trailed a hand down my stomach, making my muscles quiver beneath his touch. He dipped a finger into my wetness, teasing a moment before he pulled away.
Nothing could have prepared me for the first strike between my thighs. I would have screamed if he’d left me with the choice. Good God, he was whipping my most intimate place. He wasn’t kidding when he said he wanted to hurt me. My legs cramped with each strike, and I sobbed for mercy as tears escaped the blindfold.
Several long minutes passed. I was beginning to grow numb when the heat of his mouth replaced the whip. I jerked to my toes as his tongue swirled the pain away with expert strokes, delving deeper as he simultaneously released my ankles from the restraints. He lifted me, urged my legs around his shoulders, and probed my ass with a finger as he kissed me intimately. The closer his tongue brought me to oblivion, the more I gave myself over to him.
I wanted to come so badly—was certain I begged for it in muffled pleas—but knew it was off-limits. Gage Channing knew how to take a woman to the edge, and he was even better at pulling back at the last second. He did it relentlessly. Tears dripped from my chin onto my heaving breasts, and I could think of nothing but how I wish he’d let me come…let me fall into oblivion where nothing had the power to touch me.
He abruptly pulled away, leaving me suspended in a combination of anticipation and apprehension. I had no way to measure time, and the longer he left me there—bound, gagged, unable to see, hear, or speak—the closer I reached hysteria. Where was he? Surely he wouldn’t leave me alone like this? In the midst of my thundering heartbeat, I suddenly remembered his words over the weekend.
“You need to learn to trust me.”
Was this a test? Gage wasn’t careless—he’d said as much himself. He was probably standing in front of me, enjoying my internal struggle not to let blinding panic take over. I couldn’t help but wonder what made a man like him tick. He’d certainly pushed me to my limits and beyond, and I was positive he was sporting a raging erection at witnessing my helplessness.
