by Gemma James
She took me by the elbow and led me to the couch. We sat side by side, and she rubbed my back in the soothing way my mother used to, long before she’d died. Long before the world’s darkness had seeped into my veins and turned me into a shadow of myself.
“I know you’ve been runnin’ from something. I figured you’d tell me when you were ready. Seems like you’re ready now. So, who was the hottie in the shiny Benz last night?”
I wasn’t sure how long we sat in silence, me chewing the inside of my cheek while Eve and Michael played in the next room. Stacey didn’t push, didn’t say a word. She was older, in her early forties and divorced. Michael had been her miraculous surprise late in life because she hadn’t thought she’d ever get pregnant. She’d been quick to take me under her wing months ago. And as usual, she was right. I did need to talk about it but finding the words was another matter.
“His name’s Gage Channing.” I closed my eyes, rubbed my hands down my face, and little by little, what I’d done last night seeped in. “Oh my God.”
“Let it out. You’ll feel better.”
“Last year, Eve was sick. She had leukemia.” I glanced up and took in Stacey’s stricken face. “She’s okay now,” I assured her. “I have Gage to thank for her survival. I was working as his personal assistant and one day…well, I stumbled on a way to steal the money I needed for her treatment, but he found out.”
More silence. Eve darted from her room long enough to show me she’d dressed her doll by herself. “Wow,” I said. “You are such a big girl!”
“Michael says dolls are stupid.” She pouted.
“He’s a boy, baby. Most boys think dolls are yucky. I bet he’ll like your new puzzles though.” She rewarded me with a toothy grin before returning to her bedroom.
“What’d he do when he realized you’d taken the money?” Stacey asked, bringing me back to our conversation.
A small laugh escaped, a bitter and crazy sound. “He blackmailed me into being his sex slave.”
Stacey had no words, just wide and round eyes that assessed me in a different light. The whole story poured from me, and by the time I finished telling her everything, she’d gathered me into her arms. I muffled my cries so the kids wouldn’t hear and gushed like a broken dam that wouldn’t be stopped.
“I knew you carried a lot with you, but I had no idea, Kayla.” She inched away to look at me. “Did he hurt you last night, or threaten you? Is that why you wanted me to take Eve out of here? We can call the police. He won’t get away with this. Not while I’m around, honey.”
I shook my head but couldn’t meet her gaze. Shame warmed my cheeks, spreading until my body flushed. “He didn’t hurt me. I…I…”
“You what?”
“I wanted him.”
Her expression melted in pity, and I couldn’t handle that look. I jumped to my feet, turned my back to her, and wrapped myself in my arms.
“It’s classic, Kayla. He’ll grovel and make you think he’s sorry, promise not to hurt you again.”
“Gage doesn’t promise anything. That’s what makes this so difficult. He is who he is and he doesn’t hide or make excuses.” Thanks to my ex-husband Rick, I’d become immune to those I’m-sorry-it’ll-never-happen-again kind of tactics, but Gage was different. His hold on me was different, and I couldn’t explain or categorize it.
Couldn’t fight it.
“What does he want from you?” she asked.
“Me. He just wants me.”
“What about Ian? Have you talked to him since all this happened last year?”
“He showed up this morning. He wants one night with me so he can…prove something, I guess.” I rolled my eyes. “This is what most women fantasize about, right? Having two men fighting over them?” I collapsed onto the couch again. “I wish they’d never shown up. I was okay.”
“No, you weren’t.”
My head snapped up at her matter-of-fact tone. “I was coping, Stace. I was happy.”
“Coping? Maybe.” She raised a perfectly shaped brow. “But you haven’t been the picture of happiness, hon.” She let out a heavy sigh. “So this is the reason you shoot down every man who shows any interest? This bizarre love triangle?”
“Trusting hasn’t been easy. I don’t have the best judgment when it comes to men.”
“Your situation is far from normal, but for your own sanity you’ve gotta make a decision. Gage sounds like a monst—”
“He took a bullet for me.” I paused, my throat constricting as tears threatened again. “He saved Eve. He’s done horrible things, but…”
“Sounds like you’ve already made your decision.”
I gave a rapid shake of my head. “No, Stace. No.”
“If you didn’t feel something for him, you wouldn’t be sitting here so torn up. Some part of you must find him appealing, otherwise you wouldn’t have called me last night to look after Eve.” She grabbed my arm and my undivided attention. “You would’ve called the cops.”
“I should’ve called the cops.”
“But you didn’t.”
“It’s just sex,” I whispered.
She gave a sad smile. “It’s never just sex, especially for someone like you.”
I raised a brow. “Someone like me?”
“You believe in the fairytale—the happily ever after. I pegged you the minute you walked into Gigi’s.”
The corners of my mouth turned up. “Gage is not happily ever after. Ian is. He’s what I need.”
“But Gage is what you want.”
“I don’t know what I want. I thought I did, thought being away from both of them was the right thing to do.”
“Maybe it is.”
“I don’t know anymore.”
“Let me ask you this,” Stacey began. “Which one would you trust with your daughter’s life?”
When she put it like that…
“Both of them.” But for entirely different reasons. One had used his money and power to save Eve, while the other would never hurt her, no matter what.
“Ian would make a great father,” I said.
“Then maybe you should give him a chance. He isn’t the one hurting you.”
5. Fairytale
Eve and I cuddled on the couch that night and watched Beauty and the Beast for what seemed like the hundredth time. It was her favorite Disney movie. It was also mine, which was why I’d introduced her to what I considered a classic. Now, having the perspective of a twenty-nine-year-old adult—and seeing the film through jaded eyes—I grudgingly realized why the movie had always appealed to me.
I was Beauty, and Gage was the Beast.
A submissive spirit had festered inside me for a long time; Gage had just brought it to the surface. But Stacey was right. I’d also dreamed of finding my Prince Charming since I was young, only I never imagined he’d come in the form of a true-life beast. Gage’s ugliness stemmed from the core of his being, and unlike the beast of the fairytale, Gage was a master at disguise because you couldn’t tell by looking at him.
Though once you glimpsed deeper, past the gorgeous face and sexy body, he was scary as shit.
“Why’s he so mean to her? She’s so pretty.”
I swallowed hard, feeling as if Eve’s question was somehow significant. “I think he probably hides a lot of pain, baby, and he takes it out on people he shouldn’t.”
Too true.
If Gage was the beast, then I didn’t know how Ian fit into this twisted real life fairytale. He was much too likable to be Gaston. I sighed. I should give him a chance.
After the movie ended, I gave Eve a bath amongst a mountain of bubbles and giggles, and afterward, I took my time tucking her in tight, wrapping her up like a burrito. Her Cupid mouth relaxed as sleep pulled at her. I tiptoed toward the door.
“Mommy?” Her groggy voice halted me. “Can Gage eat here again?”
My heart pounded upon hearing his name fall from her lips. “I don’t think so. Now go to sleep. I love you.” I crept dow
n the hall, my pulse accelerating as I neared my bedroom. Eve’s questions haunted me. Gage haunted me.
His memory lived inside that room.
So did his scent; it surrounded me as I settled in bed, but I couldn’t bring myself to strip the sheets yet. Hesitantly, I reached for my cell and dialed Ian’s number five times before allowing the call to go through.
“Why do you want me?” I asked as soon as he answered.
Silence.
“Ian?”
“Give me a minute. I’m thinking, because if you’re asking me that question, then you must be considering what I said, and I don’t want to blow it.”
I sank into the pillows and nestled the phone against my ear. “Okay.”
A minute passed before he finally spoke. “When we got close in college, you touched a part of me no one had before. You saw me for who I wanted to be. Someone worthy. I want you forever. I want everything with you, and I would be honored to be a dad to Eve. I want to take your pain when you hurt, and I want to be the reason you laugh, even if you’re laughing at me because I’ve said or done something ridiculously stupid.” The line grew thick with silence, and I held my breath. “I come alive when I’m around you, Kayla. That’s why I couldn’t let go, even after all these years. No one comes close to you.”
I knew how he felt, except the person who made me come alive was my childhood fantasy—a beast for sure.
“You’re leaving me hanging here, Kayla.” His breath shuddered over the line and into my ear.
“I know,” I said quietly. And I couldn’t do it anymore. I either had to let him all the way in, or let him go. “How long are you going to be in town?”
“I have a lot of vacation time saved up. I’m here for a while.”
“You mentioned going out. When?”
“Anytime. Name the day.”
“Are you sure?” I asked. “What if one night is all I can give you?”
“Then I’ll take it. I’d rather give us one last shot than go my whole life regretting I never even tried.”
I closed my eyes and attempted to block out the bright depths of Gage’s gaze, smoldering and lighting me on fire.
Get a grip, Kayla.
“How about tomorrow after my shift?” I knew Stacey would take Eve for me again, since she’d urged me to give Ian a chance.
“I’ll be there.”
The following evening came too soon. My room still haunted me, and I remembered Gage’s hands on me in vivid detail. I got wet just remembering how his tongue lapped at me, how his body pressed me into the mattress and owned me. That night owned me. Gage had always owned me.
So why was I putting Ian through this? My heart refused to budge. It wanted what it wanted, and Ian wanted what he wanted; one more chance to make things right between us.
I finished dressing and quietly shut the bedroom door to the memories. He’d be here any minute and it wasn’t fair to have Gage on my mind before our date even began. And wasn’t that the only thing Ian had asked for? A final, fair chance? Letting him go would be the less selfish thing to do, but apparently, when it came to men, I wasn’t the definition of selfless.
Ian made me hope. He made feel good about myself again. He wanted me so much he was willing to fight for me, even after a year. Even after the things I’d done.
His quiet knock unraveled me. I checked my hair in the hall mirror on my way to the living room, and my hands shook by the time I reached for the doorknob.
Dusk had fallen since I’d returned home from work, though the temperature was oddly warm. I was still accustomed to Oregon’s cold and rainy weather in January. Ian stood on my doorstep, hands stuffed into the pockets of his blazer. His mouth curved into a brilliant smile, and God how that grin had the power to make me feel like the most important person on the planet.
I didn’t deserve him. I knew this, yet I still allowed him to lead me to his rental car. It was nondescript, a white sedan to suit his needs while he was in town. Definitely not on the same playing field as the Mercedes Gage had shown up in a couple of days ago.
“You look…wow.” He opened the door for me, and his eyes swept my body from head to toe. I wasn’t wearing anything spectacular—just a lace cami and floral skirt that tickled my knees in the light breeze. A gauzy cover-up draped me, and my favorite part of the outfit was the white sandaled heels I wouldn’t have gotten away with in Oregon this time of year.
“Thanks,” I murmured with a smile. “You look good too, but you’ve gotta be hot in that.” I gestured toward his jacket as I slid into the passenger seat.
“Not used to it being this warm.” He removed his jacket, and the button down shirt he wore showed off his toned biceps. Instantly, a vision of him supporting his weight above me on those arms filled my head. I imagined his body sinking into mine, our foreheads coming together as our moans charged the air.
Maybe the problem wasn’t the Texas temperature. Clearly, my hormones had taken me prisoner and had corrupted every facet of my being. Why else would I let Gage back in after all this time?
Oh God, don’t go there. That’s even worse.
“So where are we going?” I asked after he slid in behind the wheel.
His mouth quirked into a grin as he backed out of the driveway. “Into the city.”
Butterflies took flight in my stomach. He was going all out.
What an understatement. We arrived at one of Dallas’ more upscale restaurants. He ushered me inside, one hand resting at my lower back, and while he dealt with our reservation, I took a few moments to look around. Crisp, white linens covered strategically spaced tables small enough to offer the allure of intimacy, and a wall of trickling water sat tucked away in one corner. The hostess led us to a table near the waterfall, and the nervous flutters gained altitude once we were seated and left alone.
“So,” he began, studying his hands. “I am curious about one thing.”
I could only imagine. I braced myself, preparing for a difficult question I didn’t want to answer. “And what is that?”
“How did you end up in Texas?”
I smiled, relieved. We’d had several conversations on the phone during the past year, mostly entailing of “how are you?” and “I miss you.” He’d never asked how I managed to end up in such a small town so far from home.
“I got in the car and just started driving.”
He raised a brow. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.” I’d sold everything I owned to do it, though it hadn’t been much. What hurt the most was letting go of my grandmother’s locket my mom had passed down to me upon her death. “Never thought I’d make Texas my new home, but I stopped at Gigi’s one morning for breakfast and that’s when I met Stacey.” She’d recognized a basket case when she saw one, and her kindness couldn’t have come at a better time. I’d been on the brink of broke—in more ways than one—and tired of driving, but I’d been unwilling to return to Oregon.
“You continue to surprise me, Kayla.” He dropped his gaze, and his expression melted in a frown.
“So,” I said, my lips forming a smile despite the awkward silence. After a few moments, his did the same, though his grin came across as forced. Something told me he was thinking about his argument with Gage.
“I want you to know all of me,” he said, “but once you hear the gory details of the person I used to be, I risk you walking away for good.”
“It couldn’t be any worse than what I’ve done.” I lowered my head, and my hair obscured the shame flaming my cheeks.
“Kayla—” He began, but the waiter interrupted before he could continue.
With a formal smile that appeared plastered on the man’s face, he presented the bottle of wine Ian had ordered and filled our glasses. “Ready to order, sir?”
Ian asked me what I wanted, which was refreshing after all the times I’d gone to dinner with Gage and he hadn’t cared what I wanted. He rattled off our dinner orders and as soon as we were alone again, he cleared his throat.
&
nbsp; “I was a little prick as a teenager,” he said. “I slept around…a lot.”
I glanced up, wondering where he was going with this.
“Liz and I were screwing around for months before Gage found out.” He dropped his head, letting out a breath. “I drank constantly, did drugs at parties. I was a mess, but my dad refused to see it. He treated Gage like shit, but me…he put me on a pedestal. I was gonna be the college football star, maybe even go all the way to the NFL. As long as I kept my grades up enough to play, kept showing up at practices and performing well, he turned a blind eye to the rest.”
“Why are you telling me this? What does your past have to do with the three of us now?”
“I wanted you to hear about it from me, not him. I’m far from perfect, so the next time you say you don’t deserve me, I’m gonna lose it, Kayla.”
I fiddled with the deep blue linen housing my set of flatware and wondered why even a freaking napkin made me think of Gage’s eyes. “Thanks for telling me, but the past is just that. It was a long time ago.”
“To Gage, it’s not.” He leaned forward. “I won’t sugarcoat this, Kayla. What happened that night was my fault, and he has every right to hate me. I’m the reason Liz is dead.”
“Why do I feel a ‘but’ coming on?”
“But that doesn’t give him the right to hurt you to get back at me.” He reached across the table and enfolded my hand in his. “My dad abused him growing up.” He swallowed hard. “I’m pretty sure he abused my mom too, but I was younger than Gage, and she protected me from it the best she could. Gage wasn’t so lucky. When Liz died…I think it sent him over the edge. He’s never been the same since, so don’t kid yourself into believing you can change him.”
“You changed,” I pointed out.
He dragged a hand through his short brown hair. “How deep are you with him?” His question rattled me. Terrified me.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Bullshit. We’re being honest here, remember? How deep?”
I locked my gaze on his. “When he comes around, I can’t breathe, can’t think, and for the life of me”—my voice splintered, and I looked away, unable to face him—“I can’t say no to him. I don’t want to say no to him.”
