by Gemma James
She knew things about Gage. Things I wished more than anything he’d tell me, but I knew he never would. Despite his grandstanding about coming to him with my concerns or questions, he remained closed-off to discussions of the past.
For someone who lived to inflict pain, he sure avoided the emotional kind at all cost.
I pulled down a bottle of rum and poured a small amount into a glass before adding cola. She’d taken a seat at the bar, so I leaned against the opposite side, feeling safer with the counter between us. But the position also put me at an advantage. While she cast her attention on the drink between her manicured hands, I carefully slid my cell off the countertop and hit the record button. After what happened the last time we’d spoken alone, I wasn’t taking any chances. If the bitch said or did anything wrong, I’d have it on audio.
“Start talking.”
23. Deuce Impetuous
I will not fucking cry.
“Damn it,” I muttered as a tear escaped. Gritting my teeth, I blinked rapidly and stuffed more clothing into the overflowing suitcase. An absurd amount of dresses rose above the rim, and as I shoved the pile down, I wished like hell I had some pants. Or even a few pairs of sweats. Definitely some underwear. But those finer things in life weren’t allowed—not when it meant blocking my husband’s access to his favorite place between my thighs.
I wrestled with the zipper, adding my body weight to the top of the case, and finally zipped it shut. If I walked out that door, I’d have nothing but what lay in a tossed mess inside. The remainder of my clothing filled the shelves, drawers, and hangers inside the walk-in wardrobe I shared with Gage.
Oh, God…Eve.
How was I supposed to tell her? She’d miss her bedroom, her toys. She’d miss him.
The reality of what I was doing hit me, and in a fit of anger, I dragged the suitcase off the bed and kicked the damned thing until it fell over on its side. Okay, so I wasn’t exactly thinking logically, but didn’t a pregnant woman have the right to a meltdown after finding out her husband was nothing but a lying—
Don’t go there.
But I went there anyway, torturing myself with every word the bitch had spoken. Nearly doubling over at the thought, I pressed a desperate fist to my lips and stifled a sob; sucked in quick breaths before letting them out in hot spurts that dampened my knuckles. Where had the tears come from? I’d promised myself I wouldn’t cry anymore.
Pull it together, Kayla.
He was due to arrive in the driveway any minute now. Simone had begged me to leave before he got home, but if I were going to do this, I had to confront him first. Otherwise, he would never let me go.
A hand dropped onto my shoulder, warm with comforting support. Simone didn’t say a word, but she didn’t need to. I knew she wouldn’t leave my side, and that’s why I’d called her. She was my safety net, the one person who wouldn’t hesitate to hand Gage his ass if he tried railroading me. She was here to make sure I got out.
“You don’t owe him anything,” she said.
Nodding, I wiped my eyes. “I know.”
I didn’t know shit. My husband was the fucking devil incarnate, but he loved me. Didn’t he? Or had it all been a lie? That was the problem—I didn’t know anymore. My emotions had me trapped in the eye of a typhoon named Gage Channing.
Simone’s hand slid from my shoulder as I rebuilt my emotional fortress. I stood to the side in bitter numbness while she hauled my suitcase upright. She headed toward the bedroom door, rollers sounding on the hardwood behind her.
“It’s okay to need some space, you know. If he loves you, he’ll understand.”
Folding my arms, I sank onto the end of the mattress. This particular spot bled with memories. He’d bend me over in a heartbeat and blast some sense into my ass if I let him. I couldn’t let him get that close, or I’d crack wide open. Hell, I’d probably fracture regardless.
“I need to do this,” I said, shaking my head just as his car sounded. “I need some space, but I also need…”
Answers.
Simone lingered by the bedroom door, chewing her bottom lip. Uncertainty was a strange feature on her face. She didn’t do uncertain—she was a pick-a-path-and-follow-it kind of woman.
“I’ll be okay, Simone. I promise.”
She let out a sigh. “I’ll be right out there,” she said, jabbing a finger in the direction of the living room. She left the door cracked open upon her exit, and her absence echoed in my ears. The room hummed a solitary tune, and each lonesome note poked at my will. But a single question repeated on loop within the chaos of my foggy mind.
Could I really go through with this?
I had no time to mull over the question, or to second-guess my knee-jerk reaction to what Katherine had told me. The front door opened and closed, and I heard murmuring in the living room, then footsteps. Firm, urgent steps that brought him down the hall. I withdrew my cell from my coat pocket and gripped it in a sweaty hand. He shoved the door open, and my pulse skyrocketed.
Gage took one look at my red eyes and splotchy face, and his complexion blanched.
“Are you okay?” He covered the distance in a few long strides, but I held up a hand.
“Please don’t touch me.”
He halted a couple of feet in front of me. “What’s going on? Tell me you’re okay.”
“Physically, I’m fine.” I rose, tilting my chin up, and met his eyes. “Katherine pushed me against the wall, but that was the extent of it.”
A vengeful storm brewed in his gaze, and he clenched his hands at his sides. I wondered what his reaction would be after he heard every detail of his sordid history from Katherine’s own mouth, courtesy of the recording the bitch knew nothing about.
“What did she do?” he asked, his voice ominous enough that I shivered.
“She told me all the things you wouldn’t.” I handed him my cell, screen displaying the play button.
He glanced at the phone, brows furrowing in confusion. “Kayla, you’d better start explaining right now.”
“Press play. I’d rather let Katherine explain since she’s so good at it.” I edged around his body and stood a few feet away.
His thumb moved over the screen, and as Katherine’s voice infiltrated our private space, some of her words slurring a bit, Gage captured me in his gaze. For twenty minutes we listened to the foundation of our marriage fissure at our feet, all the while looking at each other as if the other could save us from the wreckage.
He shut the recording off. “I’ve heard enough.”
“No,” I said, gesturing to the phone. “You haven’t gotten to the best part. She threatened our baby.” I settled a hand over my belly, seething at her parting shot. “The bitch actually looked at my stomach and threatened to hurt me if you take Conner from her.”
His face twisted into something ugly, and he launched the phone through the open door where it thumped against a family portrait in the hall before dropping to the hardwood. I probably had a cracked screen now, if the cell still worked at all. A few seconds later, Simone appeared in the doorway.
“Kayla?”
“I’m okay. I’ll be out in a minute.”
Gage thrust an irate finger in her direction. “She’s not going anywhere with you.”
Simone wasn’t someone Gage could command, and she made that clear by the way she planted a hand on her hip. “Good thing she has a brain of her own and two feet to carry her out of this house.”
“Simone, please. I’m okay.”
“And there’s this little thing called the Portland PD,” she added. “So if you think of laying a hand—”
“What I do with my hands is none of your business, and neither is this conversation.” He stalked toward her, and his expression must have been fierce because Simone backed into the hall. “Get the fuck out of my house before I call the police to have you removed for trespassing.” Indignation arched her brows as Gage slammed the door in her face. He turned the lock then crossed to me, and he wasn
’t stopping this time.
“Gage, no—”
“It’s Master.”
“Fuck you!” I spat as he lifted me and tossed me over his shoulder. “A real Master wouldn’t hide an engagement. You lied to me!”
“I didn’t lie to you.” He set me on my feet in front of the spanking chair.
“What do you call it then?”
“I call it fucking history.” Settling into the seat, he pulled me over his knees.
“You said you fucked her for a few months. Ha! You’ve known her since high school. She was Liz’s best friend, for fuck’s sake.”
“It’s in the past, Kayla. It was history the instant I—”
“Had me in your sights as the ultimate plan for revenge?” I scowled at him. “I can see why you fucked her now—anything to further your quest against the bitch that betrayed you!”
He yanked up my skirt. “Have you told me every little detail about your past with my brother?” He ended the question with a smarting strike to my ass.
“No!” I anticipated the painful intrusion of his thumb, but a yelp still escaped.
“Honest to fuck, baby, I don’t want all the details. Do you think I want to know how he fucked you? I know you loved him, and that’s hard enough to swallow.” Another slap landed on my ass. “The details would drive me insane.”
“Get your thumb out of my ass.”
He fisted a hand in my hair. “Would you rather I give you my cock instead?”
“You can take your cock and your lies and shove them up your ass, Gage.”
“I’ll forgive your verbal rampage. I know how pregnancy hormones can make a woman crazy.”
“I’ll show you crazy!” I struggled atop his lap, kicking my feet and tipping precariously head-first toward the floor. He tugged me back into position by the hair, and it became clear that no matter what I did or said, he wouldn’t dislodge that thumb until he was ready. “Let me go.”
“No,” he said. “We’re going to sit here like this until you calm down and find a little rationality. I understand you’re angry, but you’re reacting like this because of hormones.”
“Stop pretending you know me better than I know myself! Katherine busted your lies wide open, Gage. You can’t just wash it away like it never happened. You didn’t fuck her for months—you fucked her for years! You put a goddamn ring on it.”
“We were engaged for a few months, and those months were a mistake.”
“Why were they a mistake?”
“Because I didn’t love her.”
“You used her.”
“I’m a bastard, so yes. I admit it.”
“Just like you used me.” The fight seeped from my tired bones, leaving me limp on his lap. “Am I just a conquest to you? Do you love me at all?”
He withdrew his thumb and pushed me to my feet. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just ask me that.”
I stumbled back, heeding the reminder of my sore ass as cause to keep my distance. “Don’t you think it’s time we stopped pretending? How can I trust you after you kept something so momentous from me? Did you put my ring on her finger?” I thrust my left hand toward him, displaying the large diamond that had once belonged to his mother.
He dropped his head and dragged both hands through his thick hair. “Of course not.”
“I don’t understand,” I said. “Why ask her to marry you?”
“Fuck, Kayla. I don’t know, okay? I have no answers for you. You think I’m a mess now? You should have seen me back then. She was the closest thing I had to Liz.”
A sob caught in my throat. “She still is.” I whirled and headed for the door, but everything blurred through my tears. As I reached for the knob, he shot out a hand to stop me.
His powerful form brushed my back, and I sensed the rapid rise and fall of his chest. “Don’t go. She doesn’t matter.”
“If she didn’t matter she wouldn’t be standing between us.”
“The only thing standing between us is your doubt.”
Closing my eyes for a few moments, I sucked in a calming breath. “You kept her around, Gage. All of these years, she’s been working for you. Even after we married, you kept her on your payroll.”
“After today, she’s gone.”
“It’s too little, too late.”
“Don’t say that, baby.” He nuzzled my neck, breath hot on my skin. “I only kept her on because she threatened to to tell you shit I’d rather forget about.”
That somehow made it even worse. She’d blackmailed him to keep her job. “Why were you so afraid to tell me?”
“I knew you’d take it wrong.”
I turned the knob and pulled. He pushed.
“I’m taking it the way any rational woman would.” Gritting my teeth, I yanked hard and got the door open by an inch. “Let me go, or I’ll scream for Simone.”
He backed away immediately, allowing me to slip into the hall. I rushed toward Simone, who would undoubtedly strengthen my resolve to put some distance between Gage and me. But with every stride of my trembling legs, I sensed him on my heels. The hold he had on me was undeniable, and it threatened to pull me back into that room and over his lap.
Hell, I’d probably spread my cheeks for him.
Simone rose from her perch near the edge of the living room, suitcase in hand. “Ready?”
To throw up? Maybe.
Unable to form words, I nodded.
Gage tangled our fingers together, holding me back while Simone escaped through the front door. “Watching you walk out that door is going to wreck me. You know that, right?”
I couldn’t look at him—if I did, I’d crumble. “I need some space. Please, just let me go.”
And I wondered how much it had cost him to let my fingers slip through his.
24. Reunions
“Hey, baby. Happy Thanksgiving! Are you having fun with gramps and gran?” Eve hadn’t seen them in a year or so, other than the time they’d come down for her sixth birthday, so even though I hated sharing her with them on a holiday, they were her grandparents—the only ones she had left.
“We had lots of fun. They took me to the Space Needle yesterday! Did you know it’s like the highest place ever?”
I closed my eyes, simultaneously cringing and celebrating how grown up she’d become. She was still my little girl, but she’d matured, possibly beyond her years, and she had opinions and ideas and dreams.
Thank God she hadn’t developed an interest in boys yet.
“Have you ever been there, Mom?”
“Nope. We’ll have to go sometime. I’m sure Gage—”
I shot a stricken look at Simone, who returned my stare with a sympathetic tilt of her mouth.
“Listen, I’m so happy you’re having fun, but I’m gonna let you go so you can spend some time with your grandparents. Tell them I said Happy Thanksgiving.”
“Okay! I love you,” she said.
“Love you too. See you on Sunday.”
With a sigh, I handed Simone her phone. “She’s going to be devastated, unless…”
Simone shook her head. “Give yourself a day or two, then figure out what you’re going to do. Maybe you’ll be back in the devil’s lair by then…” She halted upon my scowl. “Or maybe not. Either way, teleport across that bridge when you get to it.”
How she managed to turn my scowl into laughter was beyond me. “What do you need help with?”
She quirked a brow. “Only everything. I kinda suck at cooking. I managed to get the turkey stuffed and in the oven.”
“Good thing I’m here then.” We got to work, and as I peeled potatoes, she chattered about some relationship drama at the hospital between a doctor and a head nurse. But she was also trying to follow the directions on putting together a green bean casserole. Watching her multitask was entertaining, and a little scary when she almost dumped in too much cream of mushroom soup.
“Jeez, Simone. I think you need to take a breather.”
She plopped onto
a barstool. “I’m sorry. I’m just really fucking nervous right now.”
“How come?”
“Because I invited Ian.”
The peeler stalled in my hand. “Oh, well…that makes sense. You guys are dating now, so why shouldn’t you spend the holiday together?” As I resumed peeling the last potato, I didn’t have to peek at her from the corner of my eye to know she was studying me.
Rising from the stool, she crossed to the oven and checked on the turkey. “Are you sure about this? I was your friend long before his…”
“You can say it, Simone. I’m not going to burst into pregnant tears, I swear.”
Closing the oven, she afforded me a sheepish smile. “Just checking. You’re already in enough turmoil. I don’t want to make it worse.”
“You’re my friend. My best friend, in fact. And he’s Gage’s brother, soo…” I said, moving the pot of peeled spuds onto the stovetop. “This is something I’m just going to have to get used to.” Needing to keep busy, I rinsed the few dishes that had collected in the sink before stashing them away in the dishwasher.
“You think you’ll be able to work shit out with Gage?”
“I hope so.” I propped against the counter and let my hands dangle over the sink. “Maybe I made a huge mistake by leaving.” If he knew I was about to spend the holiday with not only Simone but Ian too, he’d blow a gasket. But after the dirt Katherine had spilled, I couldn’t bring myself to care.
“I don’t think you made a mistake at all. He kept a huge part of his life from you while demanding you give him everything. That’s pretty fucked up.”
“That’s Gage,” I said, a note of tender sadness strangling my words.
Simone sighed. “I’m not blind. You’ll go back, probably before the turkey’s done. But Sometimes, a girl’s gotta breathe. Especially with you being pregnant. A little time to deal and process won’t hurt anyone.”
She made perfect sense. It was a talent of hers. But usually, her logic defied my heart’s, because my bleeding organ beat for Gage.
Except it skipped a treacherous beat upon the knock that sounded. Simone rushed through her moderate-sized apartment and flung the door open. I remained motionless in the background, unnoticed as Ian drew her into his arms and planted one on her lips.
