by Faith Blum
Ewell hesitated. “That depends on your point of view.”
“Is she as unattractive as Claire Hopkins?”
He ran his tongue over his lips. “About the same.”
“Sidney mentioned Claire wasn’t very attractive when we first started courting. Which means he’s either changed his mind or doesn’t care what she looks like as long as she has money.”
The dance ended, and Ewell led her to the edge of the floor. “I wish I could dance another with you so we could continue...”
“But you have already given this dance to someone else.”
He grimaced. “Yes.”
“Go ahead. I need to sit down for a while anyway.”
Ewell bowed slightly at the waist. “A pleasure dancing with you, even if we did have a not so pleasant conversation. May I come calling on Wednesday?”
Jessa hesitated. “Have you asked my father?”
“No.”
“Ask him first. If he says yes, you may come.”
“Very well. Until later, Miss Poler.”
Jessa waved at him as he disappeared. She closed her eyes and concentrated on breathing. How could Sidney do this to her? How could he be so cruel and...and...greedy? He had a rich father who could give him anything he wanted. Why did he need a rich and ugly wife?
She stood up quickly and scoped out the room to find her parents. She needed to get home now before she fell apart completely. She picked up her skirts and hurried around the room to her mother. “I want to go home. May I?”
Mrs. Poler faced her. “Is something wrong?”
“I have a headache.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. Go ahead. See if Jason will go home with you.”
Jessa nodded and went to find Jason. It didn’t take long. Mitchell Young couldn’t be missed and Jason stood next to him.
“Jason, can you please walk me home? I have a headache.”
“Of course. Please excuse me, Mitchell.”
“Not at all. You take your sister home and stay there. You aren’t enjoying yourself anyway, and I am. I can handle myself.”
Jason smiled. “Thank you. I will see you tomorrow.”
“Yes, and you really must introduce me to this fascinating Miss Claire.”
“I will. Goodnight, old friend.”
“Goodnight, Jason.”
Jason took Jessa’s arm and led her out of the dance hall. “That headache came on awful quick, Jessa.”
Jessa chewed her lip. “I know.”
“What brought it on?”
Jessa forced the lump back down her throat. “I don’t know.”
Jason said nothing the rest of the way home.
9. What to Do?
As soon as they got inside, Jessa burst into tears. Jason held her without a word. He had no idea what brought the torrent on, but he would wait until she was ready to tell him.
He gently walked her to the parlor and sat down. After a few minutes, her tears slowed down and she started to hiccup.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I ruined your nice suit.”
Jason patted her back. “Don’t worry about it. It’s just a little water. What’s going on?”
“Sidney is courting a rich girl.”
Jason clenched his fists. “The scoundrel. Why?”
“I don’t know. I only know what Ewell Pare told me.”
“Which is?”
Jessa sat up and hugged herself. “That a new family moved into town, they are rich, have a daughter a little older than me who isn’t very attractive according to what Sidney would want, and Sidney is courting her anyway.”
Jason’s eyes narrowed. “Why would he do that?”
Jessa chewed her lip. “Money.”
He reached out and touched her arm. “I’m sorry.”
Jessa shied away from him and stood up. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight, Jason.”
“Goodnight, Jessa. I’ll be praying for you.”
“It won’t work. Nothing will,” Jessa said.
Jason didn’t respond but waited for her to be out of earshot. “Father, please comfort Jessa if it is Your will. If nothing else, please help this bring her closer to You. She needs You desperately.”
***
The next day, Jason took Mitchell to the Hopkins home to meet Claire. Claire opened the door wide and stepped outside with a huge grin on her face.
“Hello, Jason.”
“Good morning, Claire,” Jason said. “I’d like you to meet my friend, Mitchell Young. Mitchell, my sweetheart, Claire.”
Mitchell took her hand and kissed it lightly. “A pleasure, Miss Hopkins.”
Claire giggled. “Jason, you didn’t tell me Mr. Young was such a charmer.”
Jason grunted. “I didn’t know he was until last night. We weren’t around many females when I knew him before.”
Mitchell slapped Jason’s back. “The lad’s right. I can be a bit charming, though I try to hide it sometimes.”
Jason choked on a laugh. “I doubt that.”
Claire motioned toward the inside. “Would you two care to come inside?”
They followed her in and sat down.
“Would you like anything to drink? We have tea, water, and coffee.”
Mitchell sighed in appreciation. “I would love a cup of coffee. No sugar or cream, please.”
“Just water for me, please,” Jason said.
Claire scurried off, and Mitchell turned to Jason. “What a lovely lady. You are one lucky man. If you hadn’t already claimed her, I might have.”
Jason playfully punched him. “I’m glad I have her, then.”
“I don’t suppose you brought your guitar today.”
Jason shook his head. “Nope. Why?”
“I thought you could play for us.”
Jason sighed inwardly. Why did everyone think he liked to perform? For that matter, why did they like his playing at all? He knew he wasn’t very good. He cleared his throat. “Not today.”
“All right.”
Claire came back and Jason let out a quiet, long breath. “Your coffee, Mr. Young—”
“Please, call me Mitchell.”
Claire smiled. “If you insist.”
Mitchell winked. “I do.”
Claire handed him a glass of water. “Your water, Jason.”
“Thank you.”
Claire sat down with a steaming cup of something.
Jason scratched his head. “I’m not sure how to put this, so bear with me, but I’d like some advice from both of you. I know of someone who has had their heart broken by the person they were courting who ended the courtship without telling them and chased after someone even richer. This person doesn’t know God as their Savior, and I’m not sure how to talk to them without offending them. Any suggestions?”
Mitchell let out a loud breath. “Hm. I’m not sure what to say. Can this person be reasoned with?”
“Not usually.”
Claire chewed her lip. “If this person is female, she’ll need to be left alone for a little while to work through things. If she wants to talk, let her talk without you saying anything. She won’t want you to fix things for her, but talking things through helps a lot.
“If they are male, you’ll want to do almost the opposite. Leave them alone and let them process everything in their own way. They still probably don’t want your help fixing it, but you can ask.”
“And let them talk about it?” Jason asked.
Claire shrugged. “If they want to, yes. If not, no. Don’t push it.”
Jason turned to Mitchell. “You’ve been awfully quiet. What do you think?”
Mitchell stroked his beard. “I’m not sure. I think Claire has the right idea, though sometimes you do need to push some people.”
Jason nodded. “Thanks. I’ll keep praying about it. The person in question only recently found out definitively, anyway.”
Claire put a hand on his arm. “I’ll pray, too.”
“As will I,” Mitchell said.
Jaso
n smiled slightly. “Thank you.”
They turned the conversation to something else and Jason tried to put Jessa’s predicament out of his mind. He couldn’t, so he half-listened to the conversation and half-concentrated on praying for her. He hoped maybe, just maybe that she would be drawn toward Christ through this rather than pushed away from Him.
10. Despair
Jessa thought it had been bad before, not knowing for sure Sidney was gone. Now it was even worse. The morning after the dance with Ewell, she woke up but couldn’t get out of bed. She spent the morning crying and sleeping. She couldn’t even talk to her mother.
The days passed. Jessa spent most of them locked up in her room. She refused to see anyone, even Ewell when he came calling. What had she been thinking in encouraging him? She didn’t want the second best, especially not right now.
After the first couple days of moping, she sat with the family at meals but ate very little. Her already thin frame became even thinner.
Two weeks later, Mrs. Poler sat Jessa down and knelt in front of her. “Jessamine Louise Poler, you need to snap out of this. Yes, Sidney was wrong to do what he did, but it is not the end of the world, and you need to move on.”
Jessa scowled. “I love him, Mother. How can I move on from that?”
Mrs. Poler sighed. “It’s possible. The first man I loved is not the one I married.”
Jessa’s mouth fell open. “What happened?”
“He died.”
Jessa sucked in a breath. “How?”
Mrs. Poler licked her lips. “We’d been courting for four months when John went to fight for the South in the War Between the States. He fought for two years, writing me every chance he could. I faithfully waited for him. The longest I had ever waited for a letter was about six weeks, so when two months went by after he told me he was headed for Gettysburg, I started to get worried. Then another month passed. And another. Finally, his mother came over.” Mrs. Poler closed her eyes and swiped at the tear running down her right cheek.
“Mrs. Harrison told me they had received a letter from a friend he had met in the army. John was dead.”
Jessa wrapped her arms around her mother. “I’m sorry, Mother.”
Mrs. Poler tried to smile as she pulled back from the embrace. “Me, too. It took a while, but life still moved on. A year passed before I met your father. We fell in love quickly and got married quickly. And...well, you know the rest.”
Jessa nodded. “Yes, I do. But how did you recover from it?”
“Time heals some wounds. Others scab over and you just learn to live with them. Losing someone you love usually is more of a scab.”
Jessa’s lip trembled. “I’ll try.”
Now it was Mrs. Poler’s turn to hug her daughter. “I’m always here for you.”
***
Jessa did try. She went to a dance but danced only three times, once with Jason, once with her father, and once with Mitchell Young—who was still in town.
She visited her friends and had a good time for a while. Then they both mentioned their beaux, and Jessa stood up.
“I have to go. Thank you for a lovely visit.”
Carlina’s forehead wrinkled. “Did we say something to upset you?”
“No,” Jessa said tersely. “I need to go.”
Marie searched her face. “I’m sorry if we did upset you. It wasn’t our intention.”
“Thank you. I’ll see you two around.” Jessa hurried out of the parlor, grabbed her shawl, and let herself out of the house. On the porch, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her mother was right, she had to get over this somehow. But how?
She scurried home, not caring that her dress was getting unnecessarily wet from the rain. It fit her mood, and if she got pneumonia and died, so be it.
***
Another week went by, and one evening, Jason approached her after supper. “Can I talk to you?”
Jessa shrugged. “Sure.”
“In the parlor?”
Jessa huffed, stalked to the parlor, and sat on the chair furthest from the settee. The settee where she had received her first kiss. It had been wonderful and so sweet. She snapped her eyes back open. “What do you want to say?”
Jason sat in the chair beside her. “I’m worried about you.”
“Why?”
He rubbed the palms of his hands on his legs. “I am afraid you are letting yourself get bitter toward Sidney and that you will never fully recover.”
Jessa crossed her arms. “You know nothing. I am doing fine. I won’t get bitter. I will recover. I will move on. I will do whatever I need to in order to get you and Mother and Father and everyone to stop telling me how to live my own life. I’m fine!” She stood up. “I don’t need your help or anyone else’s.”
Jason held his hand out to her to stop her from leaving. “God can help you more than anyone—”
Jessa gritted her teeth. “I don’t care! I don’t want God’s help either! Leave me alone!”
She stomped out of the room, up the stairs, and to her bedroom. Once there, she slammed the door and stood there, clenching her fists until her arms twitched from the force of her grip. How could he be so self-righteous to suggest such a thing? He knew she didn’t want anything to do with God. He knew he should never bring God up into a conversation. Ever. So why had he?
Jessa picked up the book from her desk and threw it against the wall. She didn’t need God or anyone else. She could do it all by herself with no one else. She would live as a spinster and warn other young women away from men. It wasn’t worth the pain of what would happen if you fell in love and then they abandoned you. Nothing could be worth that pain. Not lifelong companionship, not financial security, not even children of your own. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing!
Jessa dropped herself onto her bed and sobbed herself to sleep.
The sun shone brightly into her room when she groaned herself awake. Her head and body felt groggy, like she had barely slept. She looked at her clock. Ten o’clock. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. A sudden flood of memories from the night before came pouring in as she caught sight of the dress she still wore.
She winced as the corset pinched her. She slowly lowered her feet to the floor, got up, and forced herself to get dressed into new clothes.
Today, she would start her new life of not needing anyone’s help and warning girls of the dangers of men. A slight, sad smile appeared on her face in the mirror as she brushed out her hair one hundred times. A simple, tight bun went in and she nodded abruptly. The perfect spinster look. Gray dress—dug out of the back of her wardrobe—and tight bun, all she needed now was a pair of glasses. But maybe that was overdoing it, so this would do.
11. The Letter: Jason
“Mr. DeBois,” Jason called.
Mr. DeBois turned around. “May I help you?”
“Is there somewhere private we can talk?”
“I was headed home. We could talk in my office if you’d like.”
Jason nodded and Mr. DeBois led the way to his house. It didn’t take long.
“How can I help you?” he asked when they were seated in his office.
Jason cleared his throat. “I need to know if the rumors about Sidney are true.”
Mr. DeBois sighed. “They are. Sidney took up poker in the bars a year ago. I tried to keep it quiet by paying off each of his debts, but it grew progressively worse, so a couple weeks ago, I took Sidney aside and told him I would no longer pay.”
Jason pursed his lips. “I see. Thank you for your honesty.”
“He was courting your sister for a while, wasn’t he?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry if this affects her at all.”
“I’m sure it will. Whether it will be a good thing or a bad one remains to be seen.”
Mr. DeBois stood up. “Thank you for coming to me instead of believing the rumors. You seem like a very nice young man.”
Jason stood and smiled. “Thank you and you’re welcome. I n
eed to get going now. I’ll see you around.”
“Goodbye, Mr. Poler.”
***
Jason walked home in stunned silence. His heart sank and tears pricked his eyes. First the episode of the evening before and now this information. “God, how can I help her? What can I do?”
Nothing. The thought came so suddenly and fast it made Jason jump. Nothing? He couldn’t do anything at all?
Nothing.
He sank into the closest chair and buried his head in his hands. There was nothing he could do. “‘My brethren, have not the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with respect of persons,’” Jason muttered to himself. “God, I have been trying to do things my own way and it isn’t working. I need to remember that You are always in control and can take care of anything. Help me stay humble, Lord, and help me remember to lean always on You.”
***
Later that day, Jason went to Claire’s house as usual. But unlike usual, he had sobering things to tell her as well as ask her. After a wonderful meal, Claire and Jason went to the parlor to talk.
“I have a few things to say,” Jason started. “Both are kinda hard, so bear with me.” He took a deep breath. “First, I have to confess to you that I have struggled with pride ever since I became a Christian just over two years ago. I preferred being around those who shared my beliefs and had a hard time not feeling like I was better than my family. I didn’t realize it then, but I think that’s one of the main reasons my family wanted me to leave.
“I know now how wrong I was and have repented. Last night, I asked my family for forgiveness as well. Jessa didn’t really respond, but my parents were grateful and suddenly more open to what I had told them about becoming a Christian.
“Anyway, now I need to ask your forgiveness. I’m sorry I was so proud and arrogant. Please forgive me?”
Claire nodded. “I forgive you. I think that is one of the easiest sins for Christians to slide into.”
“I agree.”
There was a short pause while Jason tried to figure out how to say the next thing on his mind.
“You had something else to say?” Claire asked.
Jason sighed. “Yes. I just don’t know how to or if you’ll talk about it...”
