by B. E. Baker
“What about Luke? Does he scare you too?”
Mary closes her eyes and a peaceful look crosses her face. “Never.”
“Then have faith in him. When you don't know what to do, you have someone to ask who you trust.”
“Yes, thank goodness for that.” Her smile lights up her entire face. “You're right. I'm marrying Luke, not just adopting two cute kids. The two of us can handle anything together.”
Mary rests her forehead against mine and squeezes my hands. “I'm so glad you're here. You always know what to say.”
Click.
I spin around to see a tall woman with a white shirt and black pants, just like the valets. “Oh, don't mind me, I'm the photographer.”
Uh huh. Just carry on like normal while I point this camera at you and click away.
Mary shrugs. “Luke wanted it all documented and Geo said a lot of times brides say the day's kind of a blur. Try to pretend they aren't here.”
I laugh. “Sure, why not. We're just sitting in the guest home of a local palace, pretending photographers aren't following us around to document a casual moment spent in designer gowns. Nothing out of the ordinary for me.”
“It does seem a little surreal,” Mary says. “Doesn't it?”
I bob my head. “Like something from a movie.”
“Let's hope there's a happy ending,” she says.
“I'm about to stand next to you during that part,” I say.
I put my wreck of a dress on next, and luckily Mary doesn't notice how fat I look when I'm dressed up as a grape cupcake. We all have high-waisted versions of her gown, which was a cute idea in theory, but since I'm bustier than all the other svelte bridesmaids. . . Well, it's not a good look.
But today isn't about me.
Mary doesn't have a train, so no one needs to carry that for her. But I'm going to give her away. So when Geo pops her adorable head through the door to tell us it's time, Mary and I walk out together. I hear the notes of the bridal march through the open doorway.
“Are you ready?” I ask. “Because they will totally wait if you need another moment.”
Mary shakes her head. “I'm ready. I don't want to go any longer without being married to Luke.”
“Oh good,” Amy says. “Because I'm really ready, too.” She bounces on the tips of her toes. “Geo said I can go as soon as you're ready.” She's swinging a wicker basket full of flower petals. “So I can go now, right?”
Mary nods and Amy shoots up the path, chucking full handfuls of petals like she'd lob softballs.
I'm laughing when I hold out my arm for Mary. When she takes it, I walk with my perfect sister in her perfect dress down the winding path toward the pavilion. Pitchers full of blue orchids line our walk, and bowers full of hydrangeas, more orchids, and white roses cover the raised platform. I walk Mary to the front where Luke's standing in a black tux with a brilliant tie, striped in all three of her colors. The blue orchid in his pocket is bright, maybe a touch too bright.
But nothing can compete for attention with the look of absolute giddiness on Luke's handsome face. His eyes sparkle, the skin around them crinkling. He's staring at Mary like she's Christmas morning, a Super Bowl win for his favorite team, and a shiny new invention all rolled in one. To him, I think she really is all those things and more.
Paul stands next to Luke, but Chase and Troy come to stand right in front of him. Trig stands to his left. On our side, I'm next to Mary, with Paisley, Addy and then Robin stretching out. Amy comes to stand in front of me, taking my hand every now and then.
The ceremony isn't long, but it's beautiful. I wipe my tears away several times and I'm not the only one. Mom sits at the very back on the left side. Dad's on the last row on the right. It's like they coordinated it. I don't think Mary even notices.
Which is probably for the best, honestly.
When the pastor tells Luke he can kiss the bride, Luke doesn't press his lips against hers. He grabs her around the waist, spins her around and dips her, knocking over a vase of flowers in the process. The laughter seems fitting for the love they share. Equal parts romance and humor.
After he finally lets Mary back up, Amy cheers loudly. “Woohoo! Nice one, Dad! No one even noticed the flowers, I swear.”
The entire audience bursts into applause.
17
Trudy
Most wedding receptions start late and go far into the night, but Mary and Luke didn't want to make the kids miserable. They eliminated the photo shoot block, opting for exclusively candid photos instead, and set their reception to begin right after the ceremony.
Which is why it's only two o'clock when I watch Mary smash cake on Luke's face.
Paul walks up behind me, his hands in his pockets. “That went well.”
“They're a great couple,” I say.
“I probably shouldn't say this, because I really loved Beth, but Mary's even better for Luke than she was. I've never seen him this happy, and he's generally a joyful person at a baseline. When Beth died, I thought it might have broken him forever. He slid into a hole. It's nice to see him not only out but thriving, and that's all thanks to Mary.”
“That's good to hear.”
“She really worked a miracle.”
“She does that pretty regularly,” I say. “She should have gone into the clergy.”
Paul touches my arm. “Can I get you something? A drink? Some cake?”
Geo's wedding team has started cutting cake and passing it out on sparkly plates.
I shake my head. “No, but thanks. I'm good.”
“That's quite a dress,” Paul says.
I don't need to look at his face to know he's teasing.
“Mary probably spent more on this stupid dress than you did on that egg hunt. What a waste.”
“You pull it off.”
“Angelina Jolie couldn't pull this off.” I wish I could go change clothes, especially knowing Paul is staring at it, the image of my enormously fluffy form probably burned into his retinas. “But this isn't about me.”
“You're really good with that.”
I turn to face him. “With what?”
“With not making things into a bigger deal than they need to be.”
“You're saying this after being present last night?” I practically ruined the rehearsal dinner.
“Even then, you stormed out and dealt with me outside, and then you calmly moved to the end of the table. It felt big to you, because you never make scenes, but it wasn't. Most people have no idea what was going on. For all they knew, there was a spill on your seat.”
Mary and I learned not to take up too much space at an early age. Maybe it's become a habit for me.
All conversation stops when Luke leads Mary out on the dance floor for their first dance. I sigh, watching how Luke gracefully spins her around, her skirt twirling, her eyes twinkling. Everything about Mary threatened her last boyfriend, Foster. She was too much for him, but Luke loves her for her intelligence, her leadership skills, her giving nature, her competence, her spirit, her dazzling energy and her verve.
“Care to dance with me?” Paul asks softly after the first dance ends and couples begin to join them on the dance floor.
I can't think of a reason to say no. “I guess.”
Paul's strong hand takes mine and leads me out, his other hand resting at my waist.
“I don't really know how to dance,” I say.
“I'm supposed to do the heavy lifting. Let's see if I remember how.” Paul's hand guides me and I'm impressed. He really knows what he's doing. And as much as I hate this dress, at least the skirt twirls beautifully.
I'm acutely conscious of his hand at my waist, and his eyes on my lips. When the song ends, he pulls me closer. “Another?”
Before I can reply, James interjects. “Oh come on, Paul. You can't hog her all night. Surely you can spare one dance for me, Trudy.”
Paul's hand stiffens at my waist and his eyes harden. “Buzz off, James. You've done enough.�
�
“It's okay,” I say. “I don't mind.”
Paul doesn't argue, but his eyes are wounded when he passes me to his hawk-faced nemesis.
“One dance,” I say to James. “No more than that. I'm not interested in causing a brawl at Mary's celebration.”
“I wouldn't dream of anything so pedestrian,” James says. “Not my style.”
“You're not hot tempered, huh?”
“Oh, I've had my moments. But I prefer a long slow burn to a flash in the pan. In any case, even if I were inclined to make a scene, I wouldn't do that here. Luke deserves all the happiness he can find.”
“He does.”
James leads almost as well as Paul, which is good since my dancing career began and ended with the Macarena.
“You two seem to have made up,” James says.
I roll my eyes. “I told you. We've been on like two dates. We aren't together or anything, but I realized he wasn't trying to trick me.”
“No, not you. Only his brother.”
True enough. I glance at Paul out of the corner of my eye. He's talking to several other guests and gesturing animatedly. He’s completely at ease as the center of attention, and everyone laughs and beams at him. I think about the kind of boss he is at the office: competent, organized, powerful, inspiring and commanding.
“You are smitten though,” James says.
“Maybe,” I admit. “But I've only been divorced a few months. I'm not jumping into anything.”
“Does he know that?” James asks. “Because he's been scowling at me even more than usual. I think he's ready to base jump into something.”
“We haven't had a big talk or anything,” I say, “but I'll explain it.”
“Oh good,” James says. “I'm sure once you explain that you want something casual, he'll be fine with that.”
Except the next time I meet Paul's eyes, I know that he won't. He's my sister's brother-in-law, which means I'll be seeing him pretty often. He's not fling material. And on top of that, he's used to getting whatever he wants. He steamrolls anything that gets in his way. Beyond all of that, I'll be seeing him every single day at work.
That thought hits me like an anvil in the head.
My list wasn't childish. It wasn't stupid. It wasn't an arbitrary set of goals. They were things I could finally do now that I'm not beholden to anyone else. Those three goals are things I need to do for me, for Troy, and for our future. I was finally free, and graduation, a job I can grow into, and repayment of my debts are my next steps. Important steps I need to accomplish.
I completely lost myself with Chris. I was subsumed into what he wanted, into who he was, into his goals and his life. I became what he needed, not what I wanted. And Chris is a dinghy compared to Paul's yacht.
I can't date Paul. I will disappear.
“Oh my gosh.” I glance at Paul one more time, where he's charmed half a dozen guests. “He won't be fine with anything casual, will he?”
“No,” James says quietly. “Paul likes you, more than I've ever seen him like anyone. I was wrong last night. I hadn't seen how he looked at you. He's got real feelings for you, and he's sick of dating around. He's glanced over here no less than fifty times during this one dance.”
My heart soars and then crashes immediately after, but I know which one matters most. Paul is too dangerous. Like trying to tame a mountain lion when I haven't learned to handle a house cat. Which means I need a new job, because I can't work with him and see him every day. My resolve will falter. I know it will. It's just a matter of time.
“Are you still willing to line up an interview for me?” I ask.
James grins and I realize Paisley's right. He looks just like a hawk, a beautiful, sharp eyed, hungry hawk. “Absolutely.”
“And I wouldn't be working with you, right? You live and work in New York.”
He nods. “You wouldn't see me at all.”
“Then I would really appreciate it.”
When the song ends, Paul's waiting to offer me his hand. James hands me off to him with a half-smile, but he doesn't say a word. He doesn't pick a fight. He whispers, “I'll have Luke pass along my contact information.”
Paul and I dance again and I let myself enjoy it. No sense in picking a fight at the beginning of my sister's party. Luke claims a dance with me, and tells me their plans for the honeymoon. After that, Trig asks for a dance. He's not as good looking as his fiancée Geo, but honestly, no one is. He is charming and kind, and he spends most of our dance trying to speak coherently while watching his fiancée with an almost pitiful look of complete adoration.
I want that kind of adoration aimed at me, but I need to be worthy of it first.
Troy dances in one corner of the room with Addy's twins, Amy, Chase, and a handful of other kids. His moves are almost as bad as mine, but he has no idea. Ignorance really is bliss.
Before I can blink, Geo's team is passing out bags of flower petals for us to throw at the departing couple. My eyes well with tears as I watch my sister climb into Luke's Raptor to head for the airport, where they'll take a late flight to Italy.
Mary has always wanted to see Italy.
“Eat gelato every day,” I yell.
She blows me a kiss and they're gone. Amy hugs my leg.
I squat down so we're on eye level. “You can still come stay with me, you know.”
She shakes her head. “It's okay. If I go with you, who will take care of Andy?”
Luke's cousins are staying with Chase and Amy for the next week in their new house, with Mary's big fluffy dog.
I tap Amy on the nose. “You finally get to live your dream.”
Amy smiles and her one dimple pops out. “A house without wheels. A perfect dog, and a new mom who's prettier than a Barbie.”
“Exactly,” I say.
“When are you getting a dog?”
“I don't know,” I say. “I'd need to find exactly the right one first.”
“Uncle Paul has a great dog.” Amy glances behind me to where Paul's patting someone on the shoulder. “And he has a pretty cool house, with a huge pool!”
“What's wrong with my house?” I ask.
Amy shrugs. “Nothing. But it doesn't even have a yard really, much less a pool. At least it doesn't have wheels, though, so you can have pets and plants and stuff. And you have room to play good games.”
She's right about that. And she's right about Paul, too. It would be so easy to slide right into a fabulous life with him. His dog, his house, his everything. Except, I don't want to slide into someone else’s life. I want to create my own life, and pick my own dog. I want to buy my own house.
“I'll keep that in mind,” I say. “But I think I might want a little yappy dog, not a big lick-y one.”
Amy considers that. “Little dogs probably make little poop.”
Spoken like someone who has been helping with dog chores. “Sage words, young Amy. I'll keep them in mind.”
She darts off to play with the twins and I call Troy over. “We better get ready to go, buddy. Paul needs us all out of his hair so he can get his house cleaned up.”
Paul steps toward me at the sound of his name. “Not at all. In fact, Geo has the clean up handled already. Besides, nothing's happening inside. I'd love it if you guys wanted to stick around. There's so much food left over I could feed you both for weeks.” Paul leans closer to Troy and drops his voice. “I told Luke he could have his wedding here if I got to keep all the leftover food.”
“I really want to throw the ball for Winnie.” Troy turns pleading eyes on Paul. “Amy didn't believe that I could do it good.”
Paul ducks inside to grab a ball and leads the kids away from the party area, into a small side yard near the garage. “Winnie,” Paul shouts.
A streak of gold flies our direction immediately. Paul hands the ball to Troy. “Knock yourself out kid, but throw it that way.” He points away from the party.
I walk a few feet away from Troy and Winnie, and Paul follows me.
“I appreciate the invite,” I say, “but we can't stay.”
“Can't?” he asks. “Or don't want to?”
This is going to suck, especially because I don't want to do it at all.
“Here’s the thing. I've been thinking about this a lot, and I don't think I can keep working for you at SITB. What does that stand for, anyway?”
He answers absently. “Second is the Best. It's a joke between me and Luke, and it’s stupid, but let's get back to what you said first. Why can't you work with me anymore?”
I shake my head. “I can't work for you.”
“Why not?” He looks at me like I kicked a baby duck. “What did I do?”
I shake my head. “It's nothing you did. It's who you are.”
“I don't understand.”
“You know I only recently divorced,” I say.
He nods.
“I got married young, way too young, and I put my life on hold for Chris. We did what he wanted, lived where he wanted, and ate what he wanted. I thought making him happy would make me happy, and it did for a while, but you can't live like that forever. Eventually, nothing I did made him happy. The more I tried, the more he couldn't stand me at all.”
Paul throws his hands up in the air. “I'm nothing like that guy.”
I take his hand in mine. “I know you aren't. Nothing like him.”
“Then I don't get what you're saying.”
“I know you don't, and you may never really understand this, but it really isn’t about you. This is about me. I made this list after the divorce, things I needed to do before I could date. I couldn't even think about dating until I'd paid my sister back, graduated from college, and found a great job.”
“You have a great job.”
“I know I do. I really do love working for you. But I can't see you every day and not want to date you.” I shake my head. “I know I can't, and as great as you are, that's bad for me right now. I need to carve out a space for Troy and me. I need time to do that, so I can learn to stand on my own. Can you understand?”
I expect him to argue. I expect him to persuade and wheedle. He scratches his beard and lifts both eyebrows. “You're asking me whether I get that you need to do something for yourself, by yourself?”
