by Tillie Cole
I loved my sister; that lovely smile of hers had brought me out of some very dark times in my life. But now I felt disconnected from Mae. She was embracing a life I could not understand, loved a man who with one glare I feared could incinerate a person. He was a dark, large, silent, brooding fallen angel.
Styx. His name said it all.
But Mae was happy. I could not recall a time when I was ever truly happy.
Placing the tray on the table at the side of the room, Mae gave me an encouraging smile. I dipped my head in gratitude, though I was positive I would not be able to eat. I felt as though butterflies had made a home in my stomach just at the very thought of spending time alone with Ky.
The blond woman stepped forward and said, “You remember me, darlin’? Beauty?” She pointed to her chest.
I nodded and gave her a small smile.
“Why… why is your… Beauty?” Maddie asked in a quiet voice, shocking us all that she had spoken to people she did not know. She immediately dipped her eyes. Mae walked over to her younger sister, slipping beside her on the bed, and took her in her arms.
Although Maddie was twenty-one years in age, she had the timid disposition of a small child. Brother Moses was a harsh disciplinarian. He fulfilled his role as a blessed elder of Prophet David with the utmost of authority. Maddie had always been given the sternest of lessons. It had left her meek and weak. When Bella died and Mae left us alone in commune, she imploded, barley speaking, barely eating, existing like a soul adrift in purgatory.
Beauty flashed Maddie a huge smile and she laughed. “Well, my name’s Beauty now, darlin’. Was born Susan-Lee, but who the fuck wants that name?”
“Then you renamed yourself Beauty? I did not know this,” Mae asked, humor on her face. “I am still learning the outsider ways, I suppose.”
Beauty shrugged. “Was a pageant queen my whole life, real Toddlers and Tiaras shit that my momma forced me to do. Y’all are looking at a former Junior Miss Texas. When I met Tank, it’s the name he gave me, and I was never Susan-Lee again. I’d just run outta a national competition, still wearing my crown and sash, when he almost ran me down on his Harley, out on a ride after a Klan rally. Got on the back of his bike and never looked back.”
We all stared at Beauty with blank faces. I had no idea what she’d just said, her references lost on me. Beauty looked to Letti in confusion at our blank reactions. Letti said nothing, just shrugged.
Beauty pulled out a chair and explained, “Out here, and especially in Texas, we have competitions that judge women on their beauty, poise, talent, and all that fun stuff. The most beautiful girl wins.”
Shock ran through me and I saw that same reaction mirrored on my sisters’ horrified expressions. “You have competitions to judge beauty?” I asked in astonishment. “But it is sinful. It is wrong! Excessive beauty can corrupt people’s sensibilities. Excessive beauty is a curse, not a blessing.”
Beauty pointed at me and said, “You’re preaching to the converted, Blondie. Those pageants are torture camps covered with glitter and hairspray!”
A loud knock suddenly rapped on the door, and my gaze slammed to the closed piece of wood.
“I’m fuckin’ doing it, ain’t I?” a deep male voice said, and I instantly recognized who it was. “I was sleeping off my fifth of Beam and a night of long, hard-assed fucking when you dragged me up here for this shit, so give me a motherfuckin’ break!”
Mae frowned and Letti ripped open the door, revealing Ky and Styx on the other side, Styx with his hands on Ky’s back, pushing him forward. They both froze and looked our way, all of us with our attention firmly fixed on them.
Ky shrugged off Styx, but Styx pushed him forward.
“What is happening?” Mae asked, concern written all over her face as she stared at Styx. Ky’s eyes met mine, but his face was anything but happy.
I mentally shrugged. At least we both feel the same.
Styx focused on Mae and with his hands began to sign something. I lowered my head, breaking Ky’s gaze, until Mae abruptly got to her feet and signed something back.
Styx’s jaw locked and Mae’s feet marched toward me. “Lilah?” she asked, and I cautiously lifted my head. “Do you want to go with Ky?”
Dipping my eyes again, I replied, “I will do whatever is commanded of me.”
Mae sighed, crouching to kneel before me, and laid her hand on my shoulders. A loud cough sounded from across the room, and Mae turned her head around and Styx signed something again.
Mae dropped her head and slowly stood. “Lilah. Just go with Ky. He will not hurt you.”
I nodded my head and stood. Ky turned, muttering something to himself that I could not make out, and barged past Styx, fleeing down the stairs. I followed behind until we both ended up outside, the morning breeze immediately caressing my skin.
Ky stood with his back to me, and I stayed silent.
“Fucks sake!” he murmured to himself, then turned to face me. “What d’you wanna do?”
Eyes widening, I answered, “I do not know.”
“Fuckin’ perfect!” he said shortly and ran his hands through his messy blond hair. Then taking a thin piece of leather from the pocket of his pants, he began to wrap it around his hair, forming a low ponytail.
Try as I might, I could not pull my gaze from him. With his long blond hair, there was a danger that he might look feminine, but not Ky. He exuded extreme toughness like a shield yet had a kind enough face that you could not help but be drawn to his beauty.
Expressing a long breath, looking pale and tired, Ky dropped his chin and closed his eyes.
Looking around the vast and deserted yard, I asked, “Are you well, Ky? You seem to be battling with your health.”
Ky’s eyes opened and instantly met mine. For a while, he just stared. Then crinkles appeared at the corners of his eyes and a whisper of a smirk pulled on his mouth. “Just hungover as fuck, sweet cheeks. Don’t normally pull my ass outta bed until at least midday.”
“Midday?” I responded in shock. “Then you miss the best part of the day. Sunrise is the Lord’s most perfect creation, my favorite time of day. One should always wake each morning and listen to the birds.”
A small laugh slipped through Ky’s lips, and he said, “That so?”
“Yes,” I answered in all seriousness.
“Got it. Make an effort to watch the sunrise and listen to the fuckin’ birds,” he replied, then took a white stick from his pocket and lit it with a small mechanism that offered fire. Ky sucked the white stick, and I watched smoke pour from his nostrils. He then cocked his head my way.
“Let’s go.”
Picking up my feet and following him, I asked, “Where are we to go?”
“We’re going to teach you shit,” he called over his shoulder, and we ended up at the front of the yard, standing before a long row of the motorcycles the men all rode. Mae had explained what they were one time I was watching from the bedroom window. To me, they looked dangerous.
Ky stopped at a large bike, all silver and black. Retrieving a helmet, he pushed it into my hands. I stared at it blankly.
Ky insisted, “Take it. Put it on. We’re gonna ride.”
“Ride?” I said, fear coursing through my body.
“Yeah, ride,” Ky replied, and I began to shake my head. He wanted me to go on that bike. No. It was dangerous. How could I sit on it and maintain my modesty? Would I have to touch him?
“Lilah—”
“Can I request that we do not use this machine, Ky?” I asked, cutting him off.
A shocked yet humored expression flashed across Ky’s face and he raised his blond eyebrow. “Can you request it?”
I nodded apprehensively, trying to judge if this might anger him. But after a second of staring, Ky suddenly began laughing loudly and placed the helmet on the back of the bike. He looked at my face again and that seemed to make him laugh even harder. “Fuckin’ request,” he muttered, shaking his head.
“Why are yo
u laughing at me?” I asked in dismay.
Ky moved around the bike to stand before me and said, “First fuckin’ lesson, sweet cheeks. Out here in the ‘evil world’”, he mocked, “we don’t wanna do something, ride on something, then we fuckin’ just say so.”
Frowning, I said, “I did say so.”
“Nah, bitch, you opened those fuckin’ fat lips and spoke to me like the queen of England. From now on, you just say, ‘I’m not fuckin’ riding that, Ky.’ Or ‘I’m not fuckin’ doing that, Ky.’” He jerked his chin and took another drag of his white stick. “Got it?”
Nodding, I lifted my hands and ran my fingers over my lips. Ky’s eyes narrowed as he watched me.
“Fat lips?” I asked in confusion. “I have fat lips?”
Blinding me with a dazzling white smile, Ky licked along his lips and edged closer, too close for comfort. The proximity of his large, muscular body was unnerving, and his smoky breath drifted over my cheeks.
Taking my chin in his grip, his thumb pulled down my bottom lip, and he leaned in to say, “Big fat, pink lips. Most perfect fuckin’ lips I’ve ever seen.” His voice was raspy and lower than normal. “Yeah, Li, you got true cock-sucking fat lips.”
My heart raced and, suddenly feeling heady, I released a shuddering exhale. His talk was crude, but I had come to realize it was just his way.
Time stood still as Ky and I hung there motionless, both breathing deeply. The air seemed to crackle all around us and the pressure of it pressed down on my chest. Suddenly, Ky stepped back and cleared his throat, taking one last inhale of his white stick, then dropped it to the ground, the end still burning orange ash.
The pressure on my chest immediately eased as Ky backed away.
“You’re gonna make me take the truck, ain’t you? Gonna keep me caged in?”
Ky didn’t give me time to respond, but instead fished keys from a pocket and walked toward a large black machine with huge silver bars on the front and double wheels at the rear.
A clicking noise sounded and Ky opened a door. “Get in,” he ordered, but I did not move. “Lilah, get in the fuckin’ truck,” he ordered.
I hesitantly stepped forward, peering through the open high door. Prophet David and the elders had an automobile, which they would use occasionally, but none of the rest of The Order had ever used one, especially us Cursed. We were segregated, refused such opportunities.
Suddenly, hands gripped my waist and, with a surprised cry, I was hoisted up into the seat. As I turned to face Ky, he slammed the door and walked around the front of the machine to jump in beside me.
Ky pushed the keys into an opening and said, “Seatbelt.”
I stayed silent, not understanding his words and not wanting to anger him. Ky looked at me and repeated, “Seatbelt.”
“What is a seatbelt?” I asked quietly.
Gripping the large wheel in front of him, Ky blew out a breath and tipped his head. “This is gonna be one fuckin’ long day, huh, bitch?”
“I—” I went to respond, but Ky’s wide body was suddenly across mine, his chest flush to my chest. He reached up his hand to grip something above my head. I could not breathe. My lungs unwilling to function.
As Ky’s chest rubbed against mine, my breasts felt incredibly heavy and I grew hot and flustered. Ky did not seem to be moving either, his breathing labored. That stifling pressure from before was back.
The large space of the vehicle suddenly seemed like a tiny box. Everything felt too small, everything but the man lying across me, the large man who was gripping a black belt of material above my head… a large man whose eyes met mine and almost seemed to ignite with fire as he did so.
His hips twitched and suddenly I felt a hardness press against my thigh, his hardness, and I began to shake in nerves.
Ky then began to move ever so slowly, bringing the belt gently across my chest and down to my hip, his hands grazing my sensitive nipples. Gasping and feeling a tingling between my thighs, I began to panic.
Ky’s face appeared in front of mine, a movement as fluid as the sun travels the sky. His nose brushed against the tip of mine. He inhaled my hot breath. This close, he smelled of smoke, yes, and an addicting smell of cool flowing water, which reminded me of the cleansing river. A small whimper escaped my mouth just as a loud click sounded in the air, breaking me free from the magnetic attraction pulsing between us.
“Seatbelt,” Ky rasped out, his hooded gaze dropping to my lips.
Big fat, pink lips. Most perfect fuckin’ lips I’ve ever seen.
“Fuck, bitch,” Ky groaned, then backed away, leaving me pinned against the seat, my hands rigid at my sides. “Yeah, one fuckin’ long day.”
Closing my eyes, I regained my self-control, first relaxing my tense muscles. Hearing a grunt beside me, I swept my attention to my left, only to see Ky adjusting the crotch of his pants with a pained expression on his face.
With his hands back on the wheel, Ky shook his head and said, “We’re going to get breakfast. I need food to get rid of the gremlin in my head and a bucket of coffee to wake me the fuck up.”
Gremlin? Coffee? I had no idea what he was talking about, but one thing he did say sent fear into my heart. “We are to go outside of this compound?” I asked, my voice betraying my apprehension.
Ky turned the key to the vehicle, and the machine roared beneath us. I expelled a shout of surprise and tried to find purchase on something to hold me still. “What is happening?” I shrilled, holding a handle on the door.
Humor was back in Ky’s face and he said, “One, calm the fuck down. The truck’s just been switched on. And two, yeah, we’re leaving the compound. I ain’t cooking no damn food, and somehow, I don’t think you’ll want one of my sluts doing it.”
“I do not want to leave the safety of these walls,” I said in reply, trying my best to calm my frantic heart and ignore the comment about his “sluts.”
Ignoring me, Ky pulled a lever on the side of the wheel, and the vehicle moved forward and the gates began to open.
Ky reached down, patted my knee, and said, “Tough shit, sweet cheeks. Lesson two, there’s more to life than being caged in a protective bubble. You had it at that cult; now you’re locking yourself away here. Gotta take life by the balls at some point and squeeze those fuckers with the skill of a whore.”
My knee tingled from where his hand had touched my skin. Unused to these reactions, I prayed, Lord, give me the strength to do this today. Give me the strength to resist this sinful man.
“So? You gonna shut the fuck up and grab those balls?” Ky said, his eyes dancing with mischief.
I nodded and tried to appear relaxed. I could not tell him that my people would be coming back for me, Maddie, and Mae. I remained silent, ready to observe what was about to be revealed as the heavy steel gates opened, letting in the evil outside world.
As we rolled onto the road, I admired the large trees surrounding the small winding lane. This is what it would feel like to fly, I thought, the vehicle quickly gaining speed, the trees a flash of greens and browns to my unfocused eyes.
The world began to rush by so fast that my eyes could not fathom what they were seeing. As I absorbed God’s divine creation, for a moment, I forgot Ky was in the machine with me, that I was away from my people. For but a sliver of time, I forgot… everything.
Sitting back on the seat, I kept my eyes glued outside, anticipating what I might see when we departed this country lane.
“So…” Ky said, and I rolled my head to face him. He shifted awkwardly, like he was uncomfortable in my presence. “How you liking life on the outside of the commune?”
My stomach clenched at his question, and I internally debated whether or not to be truthful. Deciding not to lie, I admitted, “I do not like it at all.”
Ky’s eyebrows raised and he asked, “Why?”
Playing with my hands, I admitted, “It is not the world I know. Everything I was brought up to believe was wrong, you—the Hangmen—seem to embrace and e
njoy.”
“That’s why you think we’re all evil, ‘cause we like drinking, killing, and fucking?”
“Yes,” I answered honestly, wincing at the fact that he was so brazen about his lifestyle. He spoke so casually about killing, as if it were an everyday occurrence.
“It’s all relative, sweet cheeks. I think what you just came from was a clusterfuck and pretty fuckin’ sick too,” he said after a stifling minute of silence.
Outraged, I asked, “How so?’
“‘Cause even to a sinner like me, thinking one man could brainwash hundreds of people into believing he was a messenger of God and fuck little kids while doing so seems all kinda fuckin’ wrong to me. Hell, I’ll lay it on the line for you, Li. That prophet and that cult of yours was just using God to cover a fuckin’ pedophile ring.” Ky’s voice grew tighter the more he spoke.
“What is a pedophile?”
Ky’s shocked gaze met mine, then he refocused on the road. “Men, adults that like to fuck little kids.”
I was became breathless, shocked at his accusations. “No…” I whispered, my heart racing. “It was the elders' duty to join with us to rid us of our original sin.”
Ky’s eyes darkened. “Right. Like I said, fucking brainwashed.”
“You would not understand. You have no faith. Just live immorally,” I replied, feeling a sickness in my stomach at this conversation.
“You know what? You thinking we—the Hangmen—are wrong from living outlaw against what society dictates kinda fucks me off. We earn that bourbon and pussy after a hard day burning asphalt for this club, and kill only to protect what’s ours, just like those cunt elders that killed your sister, Bella, took Mae to force her to marry a walking corpse, and shot at my men when we went in to get her back,” Ky added, then glanced at me. “And, bitch, ain’t you a fuckin’ Christian?”
“Yes,” I shot back. “I am devout to our Lord and savior Jesus Christ… and my prophet.”
“Then what the fuck happened to ‘thou should not fuckin’ judge others,’ ‘love thy fuckin’ neighbor,’ and fuckin’ ‘love and forgive the sinners’ shit? ‘Cause all I’m hearing spill from your mouth now is fuckin’ hypocritical bullshit and judgmental preaching.”
