Just when they are about to finish, my phone goes off. I look at the screen. It’s Aiden. I click ignore and put it away. I don't want to hear anything he has to say. Apparently, I was wrong about where we stood and that’s fine. But he keeps calling. Again and again and again.
When my phone beeps, showing that there’s a voicemail message, I can’t help but listen to it.
“Ellie, I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean to offend you. Please answer the phone. I really need to apologize to you.”
I click delete and the second voicemail message pops up.
“Ellie, please answer. I know you’re there. I was such a dick. Please let me explain. I’m sorry.”
Four more messages follow, basically saying the same thing. A part of me wants to talk to him. But another part is still angry and hurt even though I’m not really hurt and angry at him. After finishing my pint of ice cream, my thoughts are clearer now. I’m hurt because I’m an idiot. I was the one who developed all of these expectations of him that he, or any other man, couldn’t possibly live up to. I mean, what the hell was I thinking? I met him a few days ago at a fucking auction for sex. How could I expect a man who spends his time paying exorbitant amounts of money for girls to spend the night with him to actually have feelings for me? And to make our relationship anything but what it is? Just sex? And why do I even want to have a relationship with him? Actually, I don’t. Not at all. I mean, I really liked all those things he did to me that night, but that doesn’t mean that we have anything in common. He’s really hot, and his body is to die for, but I’m not that shallow, right? I mean, I’m not Caroline.
And speaking of Caroline? Why can’t I just be more like her? Why can’t I just enjoy the sexual pleasures that life has to offer without becoming some sappy little love struck girl? There’s more to life than relationships and love. There’s fun and pleasure and just having a good time. And there’s nothing wrong with that. And with all of these thoughts swirling around in my head, I flip off the light and lie down to go to sleep before the ice cream induced sugar coma has the chance to hit me.
Chapter 7 - Mr. Black
When I can’t get her out of my mind...
I don’t really understand what just happened. Why did Ellie freak out like that at the club? How’s that place any different from what we watched back at the yacht? There were people having sex right in front of us and she was turned on and totally game for anything. Maybe she’s not the girl that I thought she was after all. And yet, for some reason, I can’t seem to get her out of my head. Fuck me.
I mean, I didn’t really expect her to join in with everyone. I know that it was her first time. But I thought that we would at least watch some of the show and then retreat to one of the private rooms for our own good time. Still, it serves me right, I guess, for just assuming things about this almost stranger I’ve only just met. The one thing I should’ve known for sure is that she’s not like all those other girls. She’s different. Maybe that’s why I'm so attracted to her. She isn’t eager to please me or make me laugh. She has her own opinions about things and she isn't afraid to share them. Oh, how easy it would be to just go for all those normal bimbos that are usually my type. They’re so much less…complicated.
After watching her drive away in the cab, I turn around and head back inside the club. If she doesn’t want to join me, that’s her problem. The place is swarming with hot horny girls who would do anything to be with me. I order an Old Fashioned at the bar and swirl around on my bar stool to examine the prospects.
Club Aura is definitely not your run of the mill social club. Not only is it incredibly expensive, it’s also very exclusive and the owners are very good at letting in just the right type of people to make this place pop. I scan the room for a possible conquest. There’s a six foot blonde in the corner that flutters her eyelashes at me. She has large breasts, which are spilling out of her corset and they are definitely a sight for tired eyes. When I give her a slight nod, that’s all the invitation she needs.
Much to my surprise, however, she doesn’t come over alone. She walks over with a brunette, who is an inch or two taller than she is with legs so long they go up all the way to my chest.
“Well, hello, darlings,” I say, flashing them my famous crooked smile that makes the ladies swoon.
“Hey, stranger,” the brunette says. They introduce themselves and I repeat the names in my head so that I don't forget. But I know tomorrow they will be nothing but a blur and the only way I’ll differentiate between the two is by their hair color.
“We were just wondering if you would like to join us in a private room?” The blonde smiles at me, running her manicured fingers over my forearm. My dick reacts almost immediately.
“Yes, of course.”
A private room in the club is not really all that private, but that’s part of the fun. The doors always stay open, and each room has a large California King bed to fit three, four, or six people depending on your desires. There are also couches and love seats nearby, if you really want to make it a party.
The one the hostess shows us to has a large glass window, giving us a clear view of the seven person orgy going on on the other side. The people make a chain, linking their asses and their lips. The sight makes me hard and also makes my heart ache a little. Why couldn’t I be here with Ellie instead? Why did she have to be so against this? The fact that there’s a woman out there who I can’t have makes me cringe.
The brunette turns to the blonde and pulls her onto the bed. She immediately goes for her luscious breasts, pulling one after the other out of her corset. While she kisses her nipples, the blonde reaches out to me and pulls me over by grabbing my pants.
“Don’t be shy,” she whispers and starts to unzip my fly. I close my eyes and try to lose myself in the moment. Normally, it’s that easy. I have two hot girls who are going to do crazy sexy things in front of me and with me. But, in this moment, I suddenly feel different. My mind is going a million different directions, and I can’t focus myself no matter what I do. I open my eyes and watch as the girl unbuttons my shirt and runs her fingernails down my six pack.
“You like this, baby?” she whispers, licking her lips and getting down on her knees. My cock is hard and ready to go, but my mind isn’t. All I can see is Ellie. All I can think about is how much I wish she were Ellie instead. Suddenly, my erection starts to disappear. Before I go entirely limp, I pull away.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Oh, c’mon, I’ll get you back up,” she says, grabbing at me. I shake my head no and push her hands off me.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this now,” I say. I am as surprised by the words that just came out of my mouth as the girls are. Their eyes widen in disbelief. They crowd around me and try to convince me to stay. But I pull away and walk out.
All I want is Ellie right now. I want to touch her, kiss her, and wrap my arms around her. Waiting for my car at the valet, I think about the chump that I’ve become. I’m actually one of those guys who would turn down a threesome with two ridiculously hot chicks in exchange for some other girl who doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me. Fuck me! Who the hell am I becoming?
When my car arrives and I give the valet a rather generous tip, I dial Ellie’s number on my cell phone. The call goes straight to voicemail. I debate whether I should leave one and eventually do. I know she has her phone on her and is just not picking up. This makes me angry so I call again and leave another message. When she doesn’t pick up again, I see red. I want to scream at her. Why won't she accept my apology? How can she not understand that it was just a mistake? I’m sorry, okay? I want to scream into the phone. But I don’t. I leave another apology. It’s more urgent than the others, but I don't dare let her see my anger. That won't do me any good. Besides, I’m not angry at her. The person I’m really angry with is myself. I took a nice girl, who I really like, for granted. I pushed her boundaries. That club isn’t for everyone. Why the hell
would I think it would be okay to take her there?
Riding the elevator up to my penthouse, I feel like such a fool. A confused fool. I mean, why the hell is Ellie so special? Why am I so drawn to her? To be completely honest, she’s got pretty average looks. And a normal body. Not too thin, not too voluptuous, nothing too special. They will definitely not put her on the cover of Vogue anytime soon. There are about a million girls who are way hotter and more sexually adventurous in the tri-state area than she is. I don't really know anything about what she’s really like. What kind of music does she like? What kind of movies? Do we even have anything in common at all? And yet…I can’t stop thinking about her.
Chapter 8 - Ellie
When a friend returns…
The following morning, I wake up with a knock at the door. It takes me a moment to remember where I am because my head is pounding from all the sugar that I consumed the night before. My eyes are dry and feel like they’re being cut with razor blades. My mouth feels like a parched desert. I lick my chapped lips and stumble out of my room. In the living room, I hear the knock at the door getting more insistent. Who the hell could that be this early? I glance at the clock. Well, it’s after ten, but still. Who just shows up at the door anymore nowadays?
I look into the peep hole and see that it’s Tom.
“What do you want?” I ask, opening the door.
“I need to talk to you.”
“I don’t want to talk to you,” I say.
“Listen, I’m here to apologize. I’m really sorry about everything I said.”
I try to close the door, but he puts his foot in the door frame.
“Okay, that’s fine,” I say. “But I still don't want to talk now.”
“Not good,” he says, dropping his shoulders. “I had a fight with Carrie.”
I look him up and down. He looks pathetic. Like a lost puppy dog. I can’t help but empathize with him. Despite what he said to me, we have been friends for a very long time. And I both hate and love him for that.
“I need to talk to you, Ellie. Please,” he says, looking straight into my eyes. A few strands of his hair fall into his eyes, giving him a sultry mysterious look, which always makes my heart melt. No, I have to be strong. I’m tired of his bullshit. I’m over him.
“I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t mean any of that. I just…didn’t want you to quit. Who the hell am I going to talk to in that place now?”
Agh, how can I say no to that face? His eyes look up at me with that begging look on his face.
“Fine.” I finally cave. I glance in the mirror as I let Tom in. My hair is a total mess. That whole loose bun phenomenon that’s so popular online makes me look like I haven’t showered in days. I’m not wearing a stitch of makeup, and I have a large zit near my right temple. It’s not that I want to look good for Tom; it’s just that I always make myself put on at least some concealer, eyeliner, and mascara before releasing myself into the world. There’s a confidence that comes with makeup as armor. But I guess I don't have that luxury this morning.
I pour him a cup of coffee and wait. We used to spend hours talking to one another. And now, he seems more like a stranger to me than a friend. I try to remember when it all changed.
“Listen, I’m sorry again. Okay? I was a total jerk,” Tom says, taking a sip. “You quitting just caught me off guard.”
“Yeah, I know,” I say with a shrug.
“So, what are you going to do now?”
“Actually, I’m working on a story. A novel maybe. I don't know.”
“What kind?”
At Yale, Tom was always the person who listened to writing problems. He was the one who always supported me. He was the one I used to turn to whenever I got rejection slips from literary journals.
“It’s actually something a little different. From everything else that I ever wrote, I mean.”
“Oh, yeah? That’s intriguing. What’s it about?”
A part of me doesn’t really want to tell him. He doesn’t know anything about Mr. Black or what happened at the yacht party except for the fact that I went there. Frankly, I don't really know if I should keep it that way or not.
“I’ll tell you later,” I say, buying myself some time. “What’s going on with Carrie?”
“I don’t know. This whole wedding is making her nuts.”
I nod.
“A Valentine’s Day wedding sounds nice.”
“I guess. Except that it’s in the middle of February and not exactly wedding season. Her parents aren’t exactly pleased. And since they’re paying for it…I don't know. It’s just annoying. There’s a bit too much family drama for me.”
I don’t really know how to respond to this. It’s no surprise that I don't really like Carrie, but that doesn’t mean anything. Not really.
“But you love her right?” I ask.
“Yes, of course,” he answers a little bit too quickly. “I’m just starting to think that maybe we rushed into this.”
“Yeah, you just started dating last January, right?”
He nods.
“You know, don’t take this wrong, but I just thought that you would take it a little slower. I mean, you haven’t had many relationships before this.”
“I know. But when we got together, it was such a whirlwind. And we got along so well. I wanted to ask her to marry me because it just felt so right.”
Ah, the fated engagement. I remember that night very well. It was as much of a surprise to me as Carrie. It was the night of our graduation. Carrie had graduated a few years before, but she was there to watch Tom walk across the stage. We got together with a bunch of our friends for what I thought would be a night of debauchery and excess drinking. But then, right in the middle of the party, Tom turned to Carrie and asked her to marry him. And she fucking said yes. There was a lot of debauchery and drinking on my part after that, but not to celebrate anything, that’s for sure.
“I thought I would ask her to marry me and then we would have a long engagement. Like a year or two before we even started talking wedding plans. But she called her parents and her mom hired a wedding planner that weekend.”
“Wow, I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah, you weren’t really around for that,” he says with reproach. “Why was that?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you were my best friend in college. And then when I started dating Carrie, things just sort of went awry with us.”
“Do you really not know?”
He shrugs.
Well, I might as well tell him now.
“I had feelings for you, Tom. I thought I was in love with you for like two years.”
“You did? But you never said anything!”
“Well, I was going to, but then you and Carrie started dating,” I say, tactically trying to avoid bringing up that one failed kiss that he planted on me after my own two-year relationship fell apart and I wasn’t ready for a rebound - let alone a rebound with such a good friend.
“I just don't fucking know how life got so complicated, Ellie. I mean, things seemed to be so much less complex when we were in school. Didn’t they?”
“Yeah, they did. But then again, it was college. We didn’t have jobs or responsibilities. Or fiancées.”
“Carrie’s parents are buying us a two-bedroom apartment on Park Avenue as our wedding present.”
“Wow, that must be nice.”
“It is and it isn’t. I mean, I like where I live.”
“But you don't expect her to move into your shitty studio where the plumbing and the air conditioner don’t work half the time,” I say. “I mean, her parents make your dad look like he’s a pauper.”
Tom shrugs and looks away.
“Listen, Tom, don’t get so upset. Having lots of money isn’t that bad,” I say, putting my arm around him. “I mean, most people just dream of the life that you have.”
“I know, but I don’t.”
I know exactly what he’s worried about
. I’ve known him way too long.
“You’re not going to become a sellout automatically just by moving to Park Avenue. Besides, who knows, maybe this will give you the time and space to actually focus on your writing career.”
“Yeah, maybe,” he says, unconvinced.
“You want to write about politics, right? Well, marrying a rich girl will give you all the money you will ever need to go on the campaign trail and really report on what’s going on on the front lines.”
“Except that Carrie and her father have other plans for me. They want me to go into corporate. He wants to take me under his wing and groom me for taking over BuzzPost.”
“Oh, wow, that’s…something.”
“It’s something alright. Except that I don't want to be some corporate drone, Ellie. I want to write what I want to write. The whole reason I even took this job at BuzzPost was so that I could maybe get the chance to write some of their political pieces.”
“Well, you can talk to Carrie about this, right? I mean, she is the editor.”
Tom shakes his head and turns away from me. “It’s not all her decision. She’s an only child and she isn’t interested in taking over the company in the future. Her dad is looking for someone within the family.”
I don’t know what to say so I go to make another pot of coffee. Just as I’m about to turn around, I feel someone right behind me.
Tom leans down, turning my face up to his. Then he presses his lips onto mine and inhales lightly. Two years ago, our first kiss was all wrong, but this one isn’t much better. This moment feels entirely forced and wrong.
“What are you doing?” I pull away immediately.
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