Without You

by Kelly Elliott

  “So…” Josh started to say as he shook his head and smiled at Will. “Damn, boy…you picked the wrong girl to get caught making out with in her daddy’s barn.”

  I quickly glanced over at Will, who looked at my father and then back at his dad. He smiled slightly, but then he looked back at my father and swallowed hard.

  Dragging in a deep breath, my father looked at us. “Alex, Will…I think y’all need to head on up to the house and wait for us on the back porch.”

  Will and I looked at each other, and at the same time, we said, “Yes, sir.”

  As we walked out of the barn, Will grabbed my hand right in front of my father.

  Will looked at me, winked, and whispered, “I think that went well.”

  I just looked at him with my mouth hanging open. “You must have a death wish.”

  I didn’t say another word to Lex as we walked back up to her house. Grams, Ellie—Alex’s mom—and my mother were all sitting on the back porch. Grams and Ellie both looked down at Lex’s hand joined with mine. Grams smiled.

  My mother said, “Oh Lord, all hell is fixin’ to break loose.”

  Ellie laughed as she shook her head. “By the look on your face, Alex, I’m going to guess your father knows?”

  Alex stopped walking and stared at her mother. “What do you mean? Did you know?”

  Ellie and my mother both started laughing.

  “I have eyes, darling,” her mother said.

  I glanced over at my mother, who smiled sweetly at me. Last year, I’d told my mother how I felt about Lex, so I knew what was about to happen wouldn’t surprise her.

  Grams smiled as she looked at Lex. “Alexandra, I wish you had taken my advice and told your daddy.”

  Lex’s face blushed.

  Ellie snapped her head over to Grams. “Emma, you knew?”

  Grams laughed. “Of course I knew. I walk with the girl every morning. I probably knew it before she did.”

  Lex giggled. “Grams…”

  “Go into the kitchen, Alex and Will.”

  My skin crawled at the tone of Gunner’s voice. I peeked over to my father.

  He mouthed, Good luck.

  I grinned slightly and dropped Lex’s hand. I started to follow her and her father into the house.

  Grams grabbed my hand. “William, you stand up for your feelings. Don’t let Drew bully you. Do you hear me?”

  I nodded my head. Grams always called Gunner by his real name, Drew. Everyone else would call him by his nickname that he’d gotten in high school football.

  “But you be respectful of his feelings as well. That’s his baby girl.”

  I smiled. “Yes, ma’am.”

  I opened the screen door as Lex sat down.

  Gunner leaned against the counter. “How long have you been sneaking around behind my back?”

  Lex stood up. “Daddy, we weren’t purposely hiding it from you. We just didn’t know how to tell you. I was scared.”

  His eyes filled with sadness. “Alex, why in the world would you be scared to tell me?”

  I walked up and stood next to her. She reached for my hand, and Gunner stood up straighter. He gave me a look that I’d never seen before, and I wanted to drop Lex’s hand, but I knew better.

  “I’m going to ask again. How long have you two been dating?”

  I swallowed hard and cleared my throat. “Over a year, sir. We, um…it started when I was helping Lex train Banjo.”

  He closed his eyes and slowly shook his head. When he opened them again, Lex dropped my hand and sat down. All I wanted to do was run and hide behind my own daddy. I didn’t think I’d ever seen Gunner so mad in my life.

  The screen door opened, and Ellie walked in. She walked up and smiled at Lex and me, and then she sat down on the other side of Lex.

  Gunner looked at me and said, “I trusted you, Will.”

  My heart dropped.

  He pushed his hand through his hair. “Have you…have you both…have things gone far?”

  I began shaking my head. “No, sir. I would never do that to Lex—ever. Gunner…Mr. Mathews, um…” I paused and took a deep breath. What in the hell do I call him now? This was twice I’d stumbled over what to say to him. “I would never do anything to make you lose respect for me, sir. I love Lex too much.”

  His face softened a bit, and he nodded his head. “I appreciate that, Will. But that doesn’t excuse the fact that you’ve been making out with my daughter in my own goddamn barn for over a year! I ought to kick your ass right here and now.”

  “Gunner!” Ellie yelled as she jumped up.

  I looked down at the floor. I couldn’t deny it, and I wasn’t about to lie to him.

  “Daddy, I’m eighteen years old. You can’t tell me what to do anymore.”

  Oh shit.

  Gunner glared at me. “Since you seem to be interested in my daughter, cut the Gunner shit. It’s sir or Mr. Mathews.”

  “Gunner,” Ellie whispered, “stop being so mean to the boy.”

  He turned to Lex. “What happens in two months when you go to the University of Texas and Will goes to A&M?”

  Oh hell, it keeps getting worse.

  I turned and looked out the window. My father caught my eye, and I pleaded silently for him to come protect me. He laughed and shook his head.

  Bastard.

  Lex slowly stood up. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you and Mama about that. I’ve decided to go to A&M.”

  Gunner laughed and shook his head. “Excuse me?”

  “Daddy, I really—”

  “No. You’re not going to A&M. You’re going to UT.” He pushed off the counter and began pacing back and forth. “We already have it all set, Alex. Just because Will is going to A&M doesn’t mean you will change your whole life to follow him there.”

  Lex sucked in a breath of air. “What? Daddy, I’m not changing my whole life. I know what I want, but you seem hell-bent on making me do what you want.”

  “Oh, Alex, honey, tread easy,” Ellie said.

  Gunner stopped and pointed his finger at Lex. “Grace is going to UT, and you’re going to UT. If this whole”—he looked at me and pointed his finger—“relationship thing is real, then the two of you can just wait for each other for four years.”

  Lex put her hands up to her mouth. I could see the tears in her eyes, and as she dropped her hands, I saw them ball up. I quickly looked outside and saw Grams. She walked into the kitchen and gave me a gentle smile. The way she was looking at me told me she knew exactly how Lex was feeling, and in that instant, I knew what I had to do.

  I took a deep breath and stepped in between Lex and Gunner. I turned and looked at Lex. “Lex, don’t do this.”

  She looked at me with a confused expression on her face. “What?”

  I grabbed her hand and glanced back to Gunner. “Mr. Mathews, I have no doubt in my mind how I feel about Lex. I understand your concern, and if Lex going to UT puts your mind at ease, then that’s what we’ll do.”

  Lex dropped my hand. “What? Wait a minute, Will. I thought—”

  I turned and placed my hands on the sides of her face. “Lex, I love you. I know our love is strong enough, and I don’t want to start our relationship off like this with your parents. We’ll see each other on weekends, breaks, and during summers, sweetheart. I promise you, it will be okay. I promise.”

  The tears forming in her eyes about made me sick.

  She slowly shook her head. “I can’t be without you, Will.”

  I longed to pull her to me, but if I wanted to live to see another day, I knew better. I used my thumbs to wipe her tears away. “I promise you, Lex, I’ll love you forever.”

  She threw herself into my arms and began crying. I wasn’t sure what to do at first, but after one look from Grams, I wrapped my arms around Lex. I looked over at Gunner, but I couldn’t read his face. Ellie wiped a tear away as she walked up to us and took Lex from my arms. She began to walk Lex into the living room, but Lex stopped in front of her fa
ther.

  She looked at him as she said, “I’ll never forgive you for this—ever.”

  As she began walking away, Gunner closed his eyes. When he opened them and looked at me, I could see the hurt in his eyes, and I instantly felt like shit. The last thing I ever wanted to do was make him disappointed in me.

  “Will, please go saddle up two horses. Let’s go for a ride.”

  I swallowed hard and nodded my head.

  As I walked past Grams on my way out, she took my arm and said, “I’m proud of you, son. Know what you feel in your heart is real. Love can weather any storm.”

  I gave her a weak smile and whispered, “Why does it feel like I just made the biggest mistake of my life then?”

  She smiled and shook her head.

  As I made my way out onto the porch, my mother and father stood up.

  “I’m proud of you, Will,” my father said as he slapped me on the back.

  My mother walked up to me and gave me a hug. “Will, you did the right thing, honey. Don’t overthink this.”

  I kissed my mother on the cheek and whispered, “I love you, Mama.”

  My father walked with me down to the barn. We began saddling up two horses, neither of us speaking.

  “Dad?”

  He looked up at me and said, “Yes?”

  “Is Gunner gonna kill me now?”

  My father threw his head back and laughed. “I’m not sure. If I saw Luke or Colt kissing Libby in my barn, I’m not sure what I would do.” He let out a chuckle and then looked at me with a serious face. “I also know that I love those two boys like they were my own sons, and if I trusted anyone with my daughter, it would be one of them.”

  I laughed. “You’d better think twice about Luke.”

  My father winked at me. “That boy is so much like his father, it’s unreal. They’re both hotheaded and full of crazy ideas.”

  I let out a breath and said, “Dad, why does it feel like my heart just got ripped out, and I just let go of the best thing that ever happened to me?”

  He walked up to me and pointed to a chair for me to sit down. He sat down in front of me and put his hands on his knees. “Will, I’m not going to sit here and fill your head with a bunch of bullshit. I don’t know what the future holds for you and Alex. I know that when I see you look at her, I see a younger version of myself when I used to look at your mom.”

  “When did you know Mom was the one, Dad?”

  The smile that spread across his face had me smiling along with him.

  “It seems like it was just yesterday when I saw her walking into the room. Jeff and Gunner were throwing a party, and when your mother walked in, something happened. To this day, I can’t even explain it. The only thing I knew was that I wanted to get to know her more. It was almost like I needed to be near her to breathe properly.”

  I smiled bigger. My father and mother were so in love, and everyone could see that. I wanted a love like theirs. As far as I could remember, my mother and father always showed how much they loved each other. I couldn’t even count how many times Lib or I had walked into the kitchen to see our parents making out. At first, it had disgusted me…until I’d begun having stronger feelings for Lex. Then, I’d understood it—the need to always have the one you loved in your arms.

  “Did you and Mom have problems in the beginning?”

  My father laughed and shook his head. “Hell yeah, we did. Ask Jeff and Ari, or Brad and Amanda, or Scott and Jessie. Hell, son, you could even ask Gunner and Ellie. We all had problems, and we still do. Nothing in life comes easy, especially the good stuff. We all have troubles and obstacles we have to overcome. Will, I’m not going to tell you that it will be easy. It’s gonna be hard to be away from her, but…” He looked down and then back up at me. “Neither of you have been anywhere but Mason. I know that you say you love her, and I don’t doubt that. Just know, Will, that college is a whole other world. Gunner is right. If your love is strong and meant to be, then you’ll be okay, son.”

  I blew out a breath. “I can’t lose her, Dad. I can’t. I love her more than I love anyone or anything.”

  Gunner cleared his throat, and I immediately jumped up. My father slowly stood up and walked over to Gunner. He whispered something into Gunner’s ear. Gunner smiled and looked at my father as he nodded his head. When he glanced back at me, his smile faded some, but he was still smiling a little as he walked up to me. My knees felt like they were about to give out from under me.

  “Um…Gunner…uh…I mean, Mr. Mathews, um…the horses are ready.”

  His grin grew bigger, and he let out a chuckle. He put his hand on my shoulder. “Will, just call me Gunner. I can’t do the whole Mr. Mathews thing. I keep looking for my father.”

  I nodded my head. “Yes, sir. Gunner it is.”

  He squeezed my shoulder. “Let’s go for a ride and talk, shall we?”

  I swallowed hard and said a quick prayer that I would make it back alive after our talk.

  We rode for a bit before Gunner started talking, “I love this ranch. I always have, and I always will.”

  I nodded my head. “I do as well, sir.”

  Maybe this won’t be so bad.

  Gunner seemed relaxed. He was always happy when he talked about the ranch. When he turned to look at me though, his smile faded. Something changed in his eyes, and I was trying desperately to think about something else on the ranch to talk about. He finally gave me a look that I knew I would never forget.

  He tilted his head and asked, “So, Will, how long have you been in love with my daughter?”

  I kept looking down at my phone, waiting to hear something from Will.

  “Stop staring at that thing and enjoy nature, Alex.”

  I smiled and pushed my cell into the pocket of my shorts. “Grams, may I ask you a question?”

  Grams and I were on one of our daily walks. We’d been going on walks for as long as I could remember. We usually walked in the morning, but Grams had felt that we needed an evening walk since I’d kept pacing on the back porch while waiting for Daddy and Will to get back from their ride.

  “Of course you can. You can ask me anything you want, Alex.”

  I took a deep breath and stopped walking. “Grams, this is kind of weird, but I know you’ll be honest with me.” I stood there, staring at her. I wasn’t sure how to say what I wanted to ask.

  The look in her eyes changed, and she nodded her head. “Well, are you gonna just stand there and stare at me? Or are you going to ask me if I saved myself for marriage?”

  My mouth dropped open, and I couldn’t even form words to speak. I’d overheard my mom and Aunt Ari talking about how Grams knew things. They had said it was like she knew what you were going to say or do before you even did. I’d always thought they were crazy, but as I looked at my great-grandmother, I knew they were so spot-on.

  “Grams, how did you know what I was going to ask you?”

  She let out a chuckle and started walking again. “Alex, I was seventeen years old when I met your gramps. I knew the moment I saw him that he was the one. I couldn’t wait for him to make me his.”

  I smiled. I could just picture Grams and Gramps meeting for the first time. “So, you didn’t wait for marriage?”

  She shook her head. “No, honey, we didn’t.”

  “How did you know?” I felt the blush hit my cheeks.

  She shrugged her shoulders. “Anytime Garrett walked into a room, I used to get the strangest feelings. I once begged him to make me his, but he wouldn’t. He said he wanted to make it special. I’m glad we didn’t rush into anything because the first time should be special, Alex. It should be with someone you love. Now, your mama and daddy would want me to tell you to be a good little girl and wait. I’m not gonna preach something to you when I have no right to. Do I think it would be better to wait? Yes. Just be careful, baby girl. Don’t rush into anything because y’all think you have to prove something. You don’t. Love is more than sex.”

  “Daddy t
hinks what I feel for Will isn’t love. He says I need to get out of Mason and see what else is out there for me. I know what I feel in my heart, Grams. I want to be with Will more than anything. The way my body feels when he is around me…I just don’t understand it.”

  She stopped and turned to face me. She reached for my hands and smiled the same smile she had given me since I could remember. “Alex, don’t rush into anything because you’re afraid of what your daddy is going to make you do.”

  “Grams, I’ve been in love with Will for so long now. He’s all I’ve ever known.”

  She raised her eyebrow. “Maybe that’s why your daddy wants you to go to UT.”

  I placed my hand on my stomach and took a deep breath. I looked down, and for the first time in the last few years, I felt doubt. “Yeah. Maybe.”

  We continued on with our walk, and neither one of us said another word. By the time we returned to the house, Will was sitting on my back porch. I picked up my pace and then practically ran, so I could be in his arms. He stood up and gave me a funny look. I slowed down as I went up the steps. When my father came walking out, I stopped and tried to read his face.

  “Alex, did you enjoy your walk with Grams?” Daddy asked with a slight smile. He looked at Grams as she made her way up the steps.

  I nodded my head. “Yes, sir.”

  Grams stopped in front of Daddy. “Whew, I think I’m getting too old for two walks a day. Drew, will you take your grandmother back home now? I’d better check on Garrett and make sure he hasn’t gotten himself into any kind of trouble.”

  My father smiled and nodded his head. He looked back at me and smiled. He appeared to be a lot calmer, and I couldn’t help but wonder why.

  Did he talk Will into breaking up with me? Did he threaten Will? Oh God, what if Daddy threatened him?

  “Come on, Grams. Let’s get you home.” Daddy took Grams by the arm and led her back into the house.

  I slowly turned and looked at Will. My eyes traveled up and down his body. He appeared to be unhurt. He slowly smiled and winked at me.

  There goes my stomach.

  “What did he say to you?” I held my breath.