by Blair Grey
So, more often than not, she would find a way to sleep on couches. She often considered herself to be a couch surfer, relying on the goodness of others to keep a roof over her head, but that wasn’t entirely the case. I was there for her, and I never would have let her end up on the streets if it came down to it.
She always had a place to go, and she knew it. Sure, she wasn’t happy with the idea considering it was provided and run by the MC, but there were some things in life she just had to deal with, and that was one of them. It was better than being on the streets, in my opinion, and I felt she should come to see things from my point of view.
After all, it wasn’t as though she had much of a choice, considering the fact she didn’t have much in the way of friends, and nothing by the way of family these days. I was the one keeping track of her, and I was going to do my job well.
I shifted on the bed when she asked me about her mother, then I sighed.
“You know you can’t ask me that,” I told her.
“I know you said you aren’t going to tell me,” she replied. “But come on, I’m eighteen now. I’m an adult, and I deserve to know where my mother is.”
“Your mother’s safe,” I said. “That’s all you need to know.”
“No,” Taylor argued. “I want to see her. I want to talk to her. If I can’t go to her, then I want to be able to write her letters. I want to know what happened to her!”
“She’s safe,” I repeated. “That’s all I can tell you.”
“You could tell me the truth,” Taylor insisted. “I’m serious. You know where she is, and you’ve been keeping track of me these past couple years. You said that I’d get to know!”
“I said we’d take care of you and her,” I corrected her. “I said that she’s going to be fine, and so are you. And look around – you’re doing just fine, and I can tell you that your mother is safe, too. That’s really as far as I can go with it, okay?”
“No,” Taylor argued. “That’s not okay. I need to know what happened to my mother, and I’m not going to stop asking until you tell me the truth! You don’t have to hide secrets from me anymore, come on!”
“I’m not hiding this from you and only you,” I shrugged. “It’s the rules.”
“The rules?” she gasped. “You mean to tell me you’re not going to answer my question because of the rules of your silly club?”
“First of all, the club isn’t silly,” I shot back. “And secondly, yes. Jimbo made it clear to everyone that no one is going to breathe a word about Katherine to anyone. I can’t break my silence on that, even if I wanted to. You have to realize this is for your good as much as it is hers. I’m not going to say one word about it.”
“If you’re not going to tell me, then I’m going to track her down myself,” Taylor challenged.
“You can try if you want, but she’s hidden. I’m not going to say where, and I’m not going to help you try to find her. I made an oath to the club, and I’m going to uphold my end of that oath. But, if you get yourself into danger, you need to know I’m going to step in and pull you back out.” I shrugged.
“I wouldn’t let you,” she spat back. “I’m not going to let you tell me what to do anymore, especially if you’re not going to tell me where my own mother is!”
“You don’t have to do anything I say…” I shrugged again. “You’re an adult now, and that means you get to make your own choices. I thought we were starting something here, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to tell you everything.”
“I thought we were starting something, too, but I didn’t know I was going to have to stay in the MC to make it happen,” Taylor’s voice caught in her throat, and I looked at her in surprise.
“What did you think was going to happen?”
“I thought you’d leave the MC to be with me,” she said simply. “I thought you knew how I felt about it and how I didn’t want anything to do with it. I’m not going to be with you if you’re going to be part of that terrible club.”
“You can’t be serious,” I shot back. “You really thought I was going to break my oath to the MC to run away with you? After all I’ve done for them and for you, you’re going to make me choose between the two of you? How is that fair?”
“How is it fair that you aren’t telling me where my mother is?”
I knew she was deflecting, but I wasn’t going to let her. I wanted to know where her head was at. And, I wasn’t about to give up on the MC to be with her. It didn’t matter how much I loved her. I had made a promise to those men, and I was going to keep my end of that promise, no matter what.
As hard as it was, I had to. They were my family, and I had dedicated my life to them. I wanted Taylor to be on board with it, but if she wasn’t, then she wasn’t. She was her own person, and she was free to make her choice in that way. Even if I thought she was being ridiculous about it.
“That’s not what we’re talking about,” I told her. “I want you to be my old lady, and I’ve been waiting a long time to ask you about that. For you to tell me that I have to leave the MC to be with you isn’t fair in the slightest. You know this is my life. I’m not leaving it.”
“You know how I feel about it!” Taylor shot back. “And thanks to the MC, I’m not sure where my mother is. I have no family, and I want nothing to do with the reason why!”
“I’m your family,” I tried, but she was too angry to hear me. She didn’t want anything to do with me, or the MC, and she wasn’t about to listen.
“I don’t care what you say. I’m not going to be with someone who’s in a gang. I’m sorry you aren’t able to see things from the right side, but I just can’t do it. Please, take me home,” Taylor sobbed.
“Get dressed,” I said with a shrug. A pang ran through my chest, but I didn’t have a choice. I wasn’t going to keep her there if she didn’t want to be, and I wasn’t going to change for her, either.
This was my life, and though I wanted more than anything for her to be part of that life, that didn’t change the fact that I had made my choice a long time ago. I was part of the Steel Wings MC, and they came first, no matter what.
I just hoped Taylor would be able to see things from my point of view. If she couldn’t, or even if she merely wouldn’t, then I couldn’t do a thing about it. I couldn’t change her mind or live her life for her.
I could only take care of my own.
Chapter 9 – Present Day
Taylor
“Look, if you don’t leave me alone, I’m going to have you tossed out of here for good,” I said when Ryder sat down at the bar.
He’d been coming in almost every day for the past two weeks, and there wasn’t any sign of him letting up any time soon. He shrugged.
“How are you going to do that? Tell your boss I’m not buying anything or that I’m being a nuisance? You know neither is true,” he said.
“You’re harassing me,” I challenged.
“How?” he asked. “I’m coming in to buy a beer, and that’s it.”
“I told you to leave me alone,” I replied.
“And, how am I not? I’ve been watching the game most of the time I’m in here, and when I do talk, it’s to the others who are at the bar, not you,” he said as he smiled.
My blood started to boil. I wanted to tell him to leave right then, but he had a point. He didn’t have to go anywhere, that was true. If I were perfectly honest with myself, I knew that he hadn’t done anything wrong. He hadn’t caused any problems, and he always bought a drink when he arrived.
The bar’s rule was clear – if you were a paying customer, you were welcome. I knew that was meant toward the people who weren’t conforming to the norms of society in Fallen Hills, rather than the guy who just couldn’t let me go, but the principle was the same. I couldn’t tell him to leave if he wasn’t actually doing anything, and in all technicality, he wasn’t.
So, I was stuck with him.
“You’re driving away business,” I tried. I knew it wasn’t a great argu
ment, but it was the best that I had. And, it was true. Every time a guy would come up to the bar and hit on me, he would be the first to tell them to get out of there and leave me alone.
More than just annoying, it was starting to cost me tips.
“You’re costing me business,” I told him. “Every time someone tries to come up and talk to me, you tell them that you’re keeping an eye on the situation. How do you think that looks for me?”
“It’s true,” he said with a shrug. “I’m keeping an eye on you, and if they’re going to get too familiar with you, then I’m going to tell them to fuck off.”
“You can’t do that,” I argued. “You aren’t in charge of me!”
“I told you a long time ago we’re going to end up together. You can tell me it’s not going to happen all you want, but I see that look on your face. I see the need and the want in your eyes. You can tell yourself you don’t want me – that you don’t want this, even, but the fact of the matter is you want me a lot more than you want to let on.” Ryder crossed his arms and gave me a look that told me he knew he’d won.
I opened my mouth to argue, but closed it again and turned from him. I wasn’t going to make a fool out of myself and argue with him right there at the bar. I knew he had a point. Hell, he was right. I did want him. That was one thing I had struggled with for as long as I could remember, but it was true.
Even after I broke up with him that day and told him I didn’t want anything else to do with him, I knew I wanted to be with him. It was the MC I hated. I hated that they dictated practically everything their members could do. I hated Ryder would go along with that.
I hated that I still wanted to be with him despite the fact he was in the MC, but there were more things I hated more than that. I wasn’t going to give in. I wasn’t going to set aside what I felt to be with someone, even if the man was haunting me in my dreams.
I kept thinking about the night we spent together – well, the time we hooked up, anyway. That had been the best sex of my life, and I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I knew he was the man I wanted, but I also knew more than that, I was willing to do something unpopular to make the right choice for my life.
I was willing to give up on my chance at happiness with Ryder if it meant I was going to be free. I had spent too much of my life under the thumb of other people, and I was ready to break out of that for good. Nothing would hold me back anymore. Nothing could stop me.
My father had a grip on my life for far too long, and even after we stopped speaking to each other, I could feel his presence much more than I wanted. I just wanted him to leave me alone, and I wasn’t going to back down on that, no matter what.
If I got tangled up with Ryder, that meant I would continue to be part of the MC. Even if I had nothing to do with my father’s MC, I would still be in the thick of it. I would be part of the lifestyle, and I wouldn’t be free to make my own choices.
“Well, you can keep telling yourself that, but the fact of the matter is that we’re not,” I said flippantly. “I’m getting out of here, and that’s the end of that.”
“You say that, but here you are. I mean, how long are you going to tell me you’re not going to stay here, but then every day I come in, you’re here?” he taunted.
“I’m here because I need money. I need to be able to pay my way out of here, genius,” I remarked sarcastically. “If I’m going to get out of this town, I’m going to have to have somewhere to go, not some homeless shelter.”
“That’s taking you long enough,” Ryder continued. “I almost think you would rather be here a lot more than you’re letting on.”
“That’s because the pay here is shit and you’re driving away all my tips!” I shot back. “If you would give me some breathing room, then I might get more money and get out of here faster!”
“Why would I want to do that?” he asked suavely. “If I like spending time with you, then why would I want to do something that’s going to get you out of here faster?”
“Cute,” I snapped. “But I’m not falling for it. I made up my mind a long time ago, and I’m sticking with my guns. You can tell me what you want, but the fact of the matter is that I’m getting out of here. I’m going to leave this town and all that’s in it!”
Ryder laughed and shook his head, sipping his beer with an amused look on his face. I wanted to slap him. I hated when he laughed at me. I hated when he knew he had the upper hand, and he knew it now. He knew he didn’t have to say anything to get under my skin. I was defensive, sure, but that didn’t change the fact that I wanted him, and he knew it.
I turned my back on him, not wanting to indulge him any further. I wasn’t going to let him laugh at me and make me feel this way. It was just another reminder that I wasn’t as powerful or independent as I wanted to be. In fact, I was pretty much still under his spell.
For as much as I wanted to believe I was completely over him, the fact of the matter was that he had the power to make my heart skip a beat. He had the ability to make me go weak in the knees. For as much as I was pissed off at him, he had the power to make me want him, even now.
I couldn’t look past the fact he was in an MC, but it was impossible for me to tell him that I was over him completely. He was right, after all; I had been dragging my feet getting out of town.
I wanted to believe that it had everything to do with the tips and the fact I wasn’t making enough money to set enough aside to get out of there quickly, but I knew the truth was a lot different.
I wanted to be with Ryder, and as long as I was in town, as long as he was around, then I would get to see him.
I would get to talk to him, and I would have that thrill that came each time he and I interacted. Sure, I would be a bitch to him. I would push him and tell him I didn’t want to be around him, but that wasn’t true. In my heart of hearts, I knew that wasn’t true. I knew he knew it wasn’t, too.
That’s why he would come see me. He wasn’t over me, and he never claimed to be. He wanted me, and he wasn’t afraid to scare off anyone who was showing interest. It didn’t matter to him that I was flirting to make better tips. He didn’t care that’s how I was getting my money together to leave this place.
Or, perhaps it was all part of the plan. Maybe that’s why he was slowing me down so much. He didn’t want me to leave, so he was going to do everything in his power to make sure I stayed as long as possible. Perhaps that’s why he wanted to keep me around – to win me over after all these years.
“You’re going to get me in trouble with my boss,” I said exasperated. “I need to be pulling better shifts, especially considering how many people are coming through.”
“Oh? Is that a problem?” He grabbed his wallet out of the pocket of his vest before grabbing a wad of cash out of the fold. Then, he slapped it down on the counter. “If money is the issue, then there’s your money. I’m sure your boss is going to be more than happy with that.”
“I don’t want your money!” I snapped back. But, it was too late. He’d gotten up and was heading for the door, leaving me with the option of throwing it out into the bar where anyone would come pick it up, or just putting it in the tip jar and going back to work.
I sighed. He was impossible. But, I wasn’t going to change my mind. I was happy with my decision. Well, I was resigned, anyway. Nothing was going to make me stay, and I really wished he would just leave me alone so I could move on in peace.
That’s what I wanted more than anything. I had to get over Ryder for good, and though in my heart I didn’t want it to happen, my mind disagreed. I had to do this for my own good, and the sooner he left me alone, the better.
It just had to be that way. There wasn’t another option.
It’s just the way things were.
Chapter 10
Ryder
For two weeks, I’d done my best to behave around Taylor. It was difficult not to be all over her and even more difficult watching the other men who hovered around her relentlessly. It was clear they
wanted her, and whether she wanted the tips from them or what, the way she’d flirt back only riled me up further.
In my mind, she was my woman. She always had been. I fell in love with her at a young age, and I wanted her to be mine. I wanted her to see things from my point of view, and I wasn’t going to stop until she did.
But, I couldn’t make her feel one way or the other. I had to just work on her. I had to be charming, I had to be suave. I had to get her to fall in love with me all over again. I knew she was pissed off at me over her mother – and the way I had to keep secrets, but I knew I could get her to see things from my point of view if she would just give me the chance.
She might be stubborn, but so was I. It was one of the many things I loved about her, but I knew it wasn’t infallible. If she let me work on her enough, I knew I could convince her. It was just a matter of working on her. And, I couldn’t do that if she wasn’t around.
So, I’d been hanging out at the bar. Sure, she might be annoyed with the fact I was driving away customers, but I figured she’d have to give me the time of day eventually, and when that happened, I would tell her how I truly felt.
I hung out at the bar once more that night, but after the conversation we’d had the day before, she all but ignored me. Of course, being the only one working the bar, she had to serve me, but that didn’t mean she had to stick around and talk to me.
“You better not be driving away anyone tonight, or I’m going to complain to our bouncer,” she said as she handed me a beer. “I spoke with the owner, and I’m not going to have you kicked out, but you better not be disrupting business.”
“Noted,” I said. I had my doubts over how much of her story was accurate, but I wasn’t going to argue with her about it. She looked like she meant what she said, and I didn’t want to get in a fight with the owner at the moment. Or the bouncer, for that matter.
