by L. B. Dunbar
It did that when I ran here from my father, seeking solace in Tricia’s embrace.
It did that when I came here, hoping my brother would commiserate instead of making it worse.
You’re such a fucking pussy. Grow up.
I hated him as much as I loved him. He’d been the father I didn’t have when he should have been my brother. He was also the other parent when we no longer had a mother. Fortunately, we had Tricia, but Trent was not good to her. He slowly became our dad in how he treated her—how he spoke, how he acted—and I hated myself then for not standing up for her. I didn’t take action to protect her. I watched it happen.
My heart hurts at the thought.
I was just a kid, she’d tell me over and over when I apologized before I left for basic training. I wanted to clear the air on everything before I went away, in case I didn’t come back. I wanted her to know how much I appreciated all she did, all she tried to do for me. I even thanked Leon for stepping in and being more of a man than my brother ever had. But I was still angry when I left, angry with them. Life had moved on, and they were happy, while I was still caught between my dad and them.
He was alive when I went off, but he didn’t take me to the airport. They did.
He was alive when I came home on leave for a visit, but I stayed with them, not him.
And I kissed a girl in their hallway as repayment.
When my father died, I stayed with them again and kissed that same girl under alley lights.
I’ll be waiting, she said.
The wait had been too long. She was going to marry someone else instead.
I follow a path I can see in my sleep. It’s dark, but I find my way to the spot. My heart hammers harder as I near that fateful place, the one I hadn’t ever been able to visit before. I had to live in my father’s house because I was still a minor, but I never came out here again.
Not after my brother planned to kill himself and called me to find him.
I hate you. Those were my last words to him. I hated him for letting Tricia go, for forcing her to leave, for never protecting me. Although I’m certain over the years, he took his own set of beatings in order that Dad didn’t take his fists to me, take out on me his miserable life.
I find the place among the trees and stare as if I can still see him. I still hear the shot in the dark, the echoing in my ears. I didn’t run back then. I knew what he’d done, yet the world slowed down instead of sped up.
I wouldn’t have been able to save him.
I hadn’t saved my team either.
I hadn’t been able to save my relationship with Alicia.
I had no one to blame but me.
Turning in a slow circle among the dark trunks, I realize I’m wrong. I have someone who needs me. I have my son.
Standing taller, I take a deep breath of the summer night. Although the scent of death should fill my nose, it doesn’t. My nose fills with memories of baby soap, sleepy skin, and fresh floral perfume.
Dismissing the last one, I whisper his name. “AJ.” I breath in, breath out. He needs me.
Despite my mother walking away.
Despite Trent’s death.
Despite the lack of love from my father.
My son needs me.
“I will not be like you,” I say to the woods. I will not be like my brother and the way he treated his wife. I will not be like my father and the way he treated his sons.
I need to be a better man for AJ.
As I’d once wanted to be for Katie.
My shoulders fall, accepting that I’d been too late for her. I didn’t have it all together, but this week, I felt hope for the first time in a long time. Promise seemed written on the horizon in a town I equally hated and loved, and it was time to make some decisions.
Standing there, I accept I cannot make it alone. I am not really alone. AJ is already a handful through no fault of his own, and I need family, the family I’d earned, not the one I’d been born into. I loved Tricia and Leon, and I had their support. I wanted to be closer to them, with or without Katie.
It was time to come home.
“I forgive you,” I whisper into the black night, not sure I fully mean it, but I still feel a weight rolling off my shoulders. I forgive my father for leaving me alone as a child, my mother just for leaving period. I forgive Trent for doing what he’d done and even Alicia for walking out. I forgive them all because I must if I plan to move on.
And I even forgive Katie for choosing a better man than me.
She’d waited long enough.
+ + +
When I arrive back at the house, earlier than expected, I still pay Daisy’s friend as if she’d been there all the hours I asked.
“Maybe you can still catch a little bit of the party,” I suggest.
“Was Robbie Hunter there?”
“As I have no idea who that is, I don’t know,” I offer, but smile at the hopefulness in her face. Was I ever that hopeful over a girl at that age? When I was seventeen, Katie was only ten and not even a blip on my radar. How she jumped to one when she was seventeen, I’ll never fully understand. Timing, I suppose. By the time she’d become my target, she’d already disengaged, and now, she was engaged to someone else.
While I trudge up the stairs, I don’t feel as weighed down as I should. I enter my room and ready myself for bed. It’s hours earlier than my usual bedtime, but I’m tired.
After doing what needed to be done, I pick up AJ and pull him to me for a sleepy hug. I’m not disturbing him, and I’m so grateful his dreams are sweet.
“Dream big, little man,” I whisper to his warm skin.
Maybe one day he’d miss his mom, but I can only be hopeful I’ll be enough. I’ll give him all the love I had, and he’ll have that same family to love him as much as they loved me.
I build a barrier of pillows along one side of the bed and then curl in on the other side, facing him, just watching him breathe, watching him sleep. My hand reaches for his little fingers, and even in his slumber, he makes a little fist over my pinky.
“That’s right, kid,” I whisper. “Hold onto me.” It will have to be enough.
I don’t hear Katie’s door or even know if she returns. I don’t want to think about her entering her room with another man or what they might do to celebrate their engagement.
I concentrate on my son, knowing he’s my future.
+ + +
I wake early since I’d gone to bed as such and decide to take a walk. Surprisingly, I find Pam Carter awake early as well, and she offers to watch AJ when I tell her I need to stretch the ache in my leg.
“I need more baby fix,” she coos, reaching out for my spoiled son.
As I walk, I decide one of my first priorities is to some sort of physical therapy and just take better care of myself. I need to do it for AJ. I scroll my phone and search for the place where Katie volunteers. Maybe I could even volunteer at VetGym or get involved in one. I see they have several locations in the U.S. I don’t know that I can apply for a job at a place she visits once a week, knowing she’ll be wearing a big diamond on her finger that wasn’t a gift from me, though.
However, it would be nice to work at a place with more passion in projects, more investment in people. Without consciously deciding it, I focus on the one in Michigan. I want to move home. I want to move near here. There’s already been a hint of it in the conversation with Tricia, and even though I was upset with Leon the other day, I decide moving wouldn’t be for only for Katie. It would be for me and AJ. We need family.
Continuing to scroll, I’ve noticed some new condos near Main Street for rent although I’d prefer a place with land. The thought makes me search Randall Ranch, curious about opportunities with them, especially the possibility of therapy. I’m all over the place but excited by the prospect of change.
When I finally return to the house, a rush of questions assault me since I left the party early last night.
Tricia: “Where have you been?”
Leon: “Where did you go?”
Lys: “What happened to my car?”
I ignore them all because I can’t take my eyes off the woman sitting at the kitchen table, holding my AJ on her lap. Her other hand wraps around a mug of coffee on the table, absent of a diamond ring on her finger. She peers up at me, eyes hesitant, and I cross the distance to stand at the opposite end of the long kitchen table.
“You’re here.” It’s not really a question but a statement of surprise. I didn’t expect to see her this morning. There’s another question I’m dying to ask, but I bite my cheek.
“Where else would I be? All my favorite people are right here.” She addresses AJ as she speaks, bouncing him on her knee once before looking back at me.
“But I saw you leave with him.”
She shakes her head. “Nope.”
The room goes quiet, and eyes shift between the two of us.
“I’d like to talk to you about that job,” I blurt, and her eyes widen.
Tricia gasps.
Leon mutters, “Oh boy.”
“I’ve been thinking about what you asked, about me moving home.”
Her hand slips from the mug and flattens to the tabletop.
“What’s going on?” Her father questions entering the kitchen area.
“Shh,” someone shushes him.
“You’re my home,” I say, holding her eyes. “And I’d like to come home.”
She nods while a single tear slips from her eyes but her lips, those sweet lips, slowly curl.
“I want to give you a sturdy kitchen table.” I press at the hard, wooden top of the one separating us.
“Uhm,” her father stammers.
“Oh my,” Tricia whispers.
“And a hallway, where you can walk naked.”
“I do not want to hear this,” her dad says.
“Shh,” a female shushes again.
“And those hardwood floors? Maybe we can get a rug.”
Katie’s smile grows, and I sense a shift next to me. Some kind of struggle occurs as one man holds another back, but I don’t take my eyes from Katie.
“I’ll give you all those things,” I say.
“You better not be giving her anything inappropriate,” her dad mutters, but I continue as Emily tells Jess to be quiet.
“I’d like to marry you someday. Soon maybe.” I pause as her face turns pink, and another tear slips down her cheek. “Yeah, definitely soon, but I understand if you want to wait, and I get it if—"
“Don’t lose steam, brother,” Leon encourages, slapping me on the back. “You’re doing good.”
“Towels and toilet paper,” I quietly mutter, turning to look at him, and his smile widens.
“That’s right,” Leon whispers. “And everything between.”
Gazing back at Katie, her expression shifts, puzzled but still pleased.
Jess mutters, “Ah, hell.”
“Katie Carter, I want you to be my wife. I’d like to marry you.”
Emily gasps.
Tricia screeches.
Katie rises from the other end of the table holding AJ, but quickly Pam steps forward, reaching out to silently take my son. Katie slowly walks toward me.
“It needs to be a really solid table.”
“I did not hear that,” her dad mutters.
“And tons of pictures in the hallway with unbreakable glass.”
“Oh boy,” Emily hisses.
“Light blond wood floors?” Katie adds, reaching me with the largest smile I’ve ever seen despite tears on her cheeks. “But a rug would be nice.”
“Anything. Anything you want, sweet girl.”
“I want you most of all,” she states, confident despite the quietening of her voice.
“I’m right here. I’m all here for you.” Reaching for her hand, I use the table for support and lower to one knee.
“Is this really happening?” Jess Carter asks, his voice loud.
“Why is he getting down on one knee?” a soft female voice questions from somewhere to my side.
“Katie, I may not be a hero or a prince in a storybook. I can only be what I am, a man who has loved you from afar in the past. A man who wants a chance to love you up close in the future.”
“That’s good,” Leon whispers.
“Quiet, Shakespeare,” Tricia admonishes.
“I just want to love you, Katie. Will you be my wife?”
Her answer is quiet, lost in the tears flowing down her face, but I heard it. Simple and singular, and in the affirmative. “Yes.”
She tips forward, leaning her face over mine, and our mouths meet, kissing as we did in the past, kissing as we plan to do in the future.
“Uhm, why is Levi kissing Katie?” another female voice questions.
“Shh,” several people shush at once, but I don’t break the kiss. As I slowly stand, I slip hands into Katie’s hair, holding her to me as her hands slide up my back. We shift and I feel her body collide with the kitchen table.
“Okay, that’s enough,” Jess Carter mutters.
“No table gymnastics here,” Tricia adds.
“What’s table gymnastics?” a male voice asks.
“I’ll explain when you’re older,” Leon tells his too young son, and Tricia laughs. Katie and I slowly break apart, but my arms slip over her shoulders and hers wrap around her waist. We come together, holding onto each other like we’ll never let go again.
“With your permission, sir, I’d like to join the family.” My eyes focus on Jess Carter. Emily stands next to him, hands wrapped around his bicep as if she’s holding him back or maybe just holding onto him. His jaw clenches as his denim eyes that match his daughter’s narrow on me a second.
Glancing at his daughter, he gives her a slight nod before looking back at me. “You’re already part of this family, Levi, but I’m happy to add you as my son.”
Tricia sobs. Tears fill Emily’s eyes, and Katie squeezes me.
“Thank you, Daddy.”
“Anything for you, baby, as long as he loves you completely.” His eyes remain on me.
“I love her with everything and more,” I promise him, pressing my lips to Katie’s temple and vowing to do everything necessary to become even more permanently attached to this family.
Epilogue
Two months later.
“I think we need to reconsider the hardwood floors,” I say to my beautiful girl. She’s straddling my hips while her chest rests against mine.
She slowly sits up, and I slip from inside her. We finished moments ago, but I held onto her, loving how she blankets me, and we take an extra minute to just soak each other in after sex, after making love.
“Why?” she teases, but her red knees and the kink in my back answer the question.
A week after Tom’s birthday celebration, I moved out of my place in Florida and into a new townhome in a suburb just outside Grand Rapids. I’d gotten the job with VetGym without much experience other than a history in the military, my tech training, and Katie’s recommendation. Maxwell Hudson and I hit it off immediately.
Katie moved in with me, letting her ex handle their old apartment.
Did it all come together too fast? I’d argue our coming together has been over ten years in waiting, and neither of us was going to wait any longer.
A squeak through the baby monitor alerts us to AJ’s waking from a nap.
“That’s my call,” Katie whispers while a smile graces her beautiful face. She leans forward to give me a quick kiss and then hops off my body. She grabs her scattered clothes off the floor and heads to the staircase.
“You’re lucky there’s no hallway ahead of you, or you’d be pinned to a wall for round two,” I tease, perching up on my elbows to watch her walk around naked.
She glances at me over her shoulder. “Promises, promises,” she jokingly mocks, clutching her clothes to her beautiful form. I can’t wait for her to be pregnant with my baby one day. We aren’t waiting, working on it as often as we
can, although we aren’t married yet.
Katie wanted a summer wedding. I wanted one days after I proposed in the summer rental kitchen. We compromised and agreed on a winter wedding near Christmas.
In the meantime, I got her a ring and gave her a second proposal. I wanted it to be unique, something memorable like all those kisses had been. I took her back to the boulders bordering the lake, and during a sunset, I bent on one knee, asking her once more to marry me. Her family wasn’t present, but they met us all at Town Tavern for a celebratory drink. The Carters love to celebrate, and they love that local bar. Katie and I even snuck out back to recreate that second kiss, the one burned into my memory and written over my heart.
“You’re my hero,” I whispered to her after we kissed under the single lamplight.
“No more waiting,” she replied.
This time, she wasn’t too young, and I didn’t walk away. This time, we re-entered the bar together with her wearing my ring and both of us ready for new memories. This time, she’s mine for keeps.
+ + +
Stay up to date on all things L.B. Dunbar with Love Notes.
If you haven’t read Jess Carter’s story yet, start here:
Speak From The Heart
small town, single dad romance
If you haven’t read Tricia and Leon’s story yet:
Read With Your Heart
small town, neighbors to lovers, opposites attract
And if you like, small towns with big families, you might also like:
The Silver Foxes of Blue Ridge < start here.
+ + +
Thank you for taking the time to read this book. Please consider writing a review on major sales channels where ebooks and paperbooks are sold.
More by L.B. Dunbar
Sexy Silver Foxes
When sexy silver foxes meet the women of their dreams.
