The Dedalus Book of Roman Decadence: Emperors of Debauchery

by Geoffrey Farrington

  After he had spent the winter in Nicomedia, therefore, indulging in all kinds of sordid behaviour, including sodomizing and being sodomized, the soldiers quickly came to regret having conspired against Macrinus and having made this man emperor, and they thought about Severus Alexander, a cousin of Heliogabalus whom the Senate had hailed as `Caesar,' when Macrinus was killed. For who could possible stand an emperor who enjoyed lustful gratification through every orifice - even a beast which behaved like that would not be tolerated. When in Rome, too, he constantly sent out emissaries to look for men who were especially well-hung, and had them brought to the court so that he could enjoy what they had to offer. What's more, he used to act out the story of Paris in his house, he himself playing the role of Venus; then he would suddenly let his garments fall to his feet, and would kneel forward, naked, one hand on his breast and the other cupping his genitals, his bottom stuck up in the air and thrust back towards his bum-boy. He also used to make his face look like the way Venus is usually painted, and he had all his bodily hair removed, because he thought the highest enjoyment in life was to appear fit and ready for any number of libidinous delights.

  He used to sell honours, distinctions and positions of power, either directly, doing so himself, or indirectly through his slaves or his fancy-men. He elevated people to the Senate regardless of age, land-ownership or family, just on the basis of cash payment, and not only were the ranks of captain, tribune, legate and general for sale, but even those of procurator, or of palace officials. The charioteers Protogenes and Carius, originally friends of his from the race-track, were later retained as his close associates in all areas of his life. He brought to court a good number of people from the theatre, the race-track or the ring because their bodies pleased him. Indeed, he was so besotted with a man called Hierocles that he used - it's hardly proper to mention it - to kiss his privates; he claimed that he was `celebrating Carnival.'

  He committed technical incest by violating a Vestal Virgin, and profaned what the Romans held most sacred when he shifted the holy shrines. He wanted to extinguish the sacred flame, and it was not only the Roman religious practices that he wanted to extinguish, but those of everybody else, his sole desire being to have the god ElahGabal worshipped everywhere. Moreover, unclean himself in every way possible, and accompanied by others who had defiled themselves, he forced a way into the inner sanctum of the Vestals, where only the virgins and their priests are permitted to go. He tried to take away the sacred vessel, but he stole only an earthenware copy, which the Chief Vestal had shown him as a trick, as if it were the real one, and when he found there was nothing in it he hurled it down and smashed it. However, he did not in fact deprive the Vestals of anything, because it is said that several identical vessels had been made, so that no-one could be sure of taking away the real one. On the other hand, he did take away what he believed to be the sacred image of Pallas Athena, had it gilded and had it placed in the temple of his own god.

  He adopted the religion of the Mother Goddess and went through the ritual of the bull's-blood sacrifice, so that he could steal the image of the goddess and the other sacred objects which are kept hidden. Furthermore, he swaggered about amongst the eunuch priests and tied back his genitalia and did the other things that these castrati do. And when he had taken away the sacred items, he placed them in the shrine of his god. He also celebrated the rites of Salambo with all the frenzied lamentations that you get in that Syrian cult - and in doing so provided an omen for his own imminent doom. In fact he claimed that all gods were the servants of his god, some of them chamberlains, others slaves, still others functionaries of various sorts. He wanted to take away sacred stones from their own temples, and this included removing an image of Diana from its shrine in Laodicea, where Orestes had placed it.

  As a matter of fact, Orestes is supposed to have set up an image of Diana not just in the one place, but many of them in different places. After Orestes had purified himself (at the behest of the gods) at Treis Vryses, `Three Springs,' in the Evros region in Thrace, he founded the city of Oresta (a place that would be stained often with the blood of men), and it was that place, Oresta, that Hadrian ordered to be renamed Adrianople, after him. This was at the time when Hadrian began to suffer from delusions, and he, too, was acting at the behest of the gods, because he had been told that he should force his way into a madman's house or a madman's name. He is supposed thereafter to have recovered from the bout of insanity which had caused him to order a large number of senators to be executed. Antoninus Pius saved them, and thus earned his epithet pius, `the Noble', when afterwards he led into the Senate all those thought to have been executed on the emperor's orders.

  Heliogabalus also sacrified human beings, collecting from all over Italy well-born and good-looking boys whose fathers and mothers were alive - I suppose so that the sorrows of bereavement would be that much more if there were two parents. Finally he had around him all kinds of magicians, and had them perform sacrifices every day, urging them on and thanking the gods for being were well-disposed to these men, while he himself was reading the entrails of the children and torturing the victims according-to his own rites.

  On becoming consul he did not throw silver or gold coins, sweets or miniature animals to the people, but proper cattle, camels, asses and slaves - he said this was more appropriate for an emperor.

  He attacked viciously the reputation of Macrinus, but even more so that of Diadumenian, because he had the name Antoninus - he called him a `Pseudo-Antonine' - and also because he was said to have turned from a complete sybarite into a courageous, honourable, serious-minded and austere man. Moreover, he made some of the chroniclers write (and in a biography, too), improper, or rather, unspeakable things about how profligate he had been.

  He established a public bath-house in the palace, and at the same time opened the baths of Plautinus to the public at large, to make it easier for himself to collect numbers of well-hung men. He also went to a lot of trouble to have the whole city, particularly the docks, searched for superstuds - which is the name they gave to men who looked especially virile.

  He wanted to make war against the tribe called the Marcomanni, a war that Caracalla had conducted well; some people said that Caracalla had brought about with the help of various sorts of magicians that the Marcomanni tribe would be forever friends and allies of the Romans, and that it had been done with chants and a ritual ceremony. But when Heliogabalus wanted to find out what they were, and where he could get hold of details, he drew a blank. People worked out, in fact, that he was asking about the ritual so that he could destroy it, in the hope of re-starting the war, because he had heard that there was a prophecy that the war with the Marcomanni `would be ended by Antoninus.' Of course, he was really called Varius and Heliogabalus (not to say `public laughing-stock'), and only brought the Antonine name, which he had stolen, into disrepute. This story was put about mostly by those who had the misfortune to have as enemies Heliogabalus' well-hung men, the ones well equipped to gratify his lusts. And so people began to think about assassinating him.

  This, then, was how he behaved at home.

  The soldiers could not stand such a wretch having the imperial title, and they discussed things, first amongst themselves, then in groups, and all turned to Severus Alexander, who had already been named Caesar by the Senate at the time when Macrinus was killed. He was the cousin of our particular Antoninus, because Julia Maesa Varia (from whom Heliogabalus had the name Varius) was grandmother to both of them.

  Under the rule of Heliogabalus, a certain Zoticus was given so much importance that he was treated by all the senior officials as if he were the husband of their master Moreover, this man Zoticus was just the type to abuse such a favourable position, and he used to sell under the counter all the words and deeds of Heliogabalus, piling up as much wealth as he could, threatening some of the people, making promises to others, and telling lies to them all. Whenever he came from the emperor, he would go up to people one at a time, and say 'I
said this about you, I heard that about you, this is what is going to happen with you ...' You often get this with men like him - once they have been granted intimate contact with a ruler, they sell information, whether the ruler is good or bad; and either because of stupidity or innocence, the ruler does not see that they are lining their pockets by selling rumours. Heliogabalus went through a form of marriage (even appointing a matronof-honour), and had sexual relations with Zoticus, shouting, `stir the pot, cook' - alluding to Zoticus' father. This, in fact, was at a time when Zoticus was ill. Afterwards Heliogabalus used to ask philosophers and men of great seriousness if they, too, had experienced when they were young what he was experiencing, and he did so quite shamelessly; in any case, he never refrained from using dirty words, and he would make rude gestures with his finger while he did so, showing no respect at all, even in public with everybody listening.

  He made ordinary freedmen into governors, legates, consuls or generals, and he disgraced every public office by appointing to it some profligate nobody. When he had summoned the senior members of the court to a winefestival, and had taken his seat by the baskets with the grapes in, he started to ask the most venerable gentlemen whether they could still get it up in bed, and when one of his elderly lordships blushed, he took the silence and embar rassment as a confession, and shouted out: `he's blushing! It must still be working!' After that he told them what he did himself, without a scrap of shame. And then, when he saw the old men blush and keep silent, inhibited either by age or dignity, he turned to the young men and began to ask them all kinds of things. When he heard from them the sort of things you would expect from men of their age, he got very excited, and said that this was really the way a wine-festival ought to be celebrated. According to a lot of people, he was the first to have jokes told at the expense of senior people (and in their hearing) at wine-festivals, jokes that he himself had composed, mainly in Greek. Marius Maximus records a number of them in his Life of Heliogabalus. At his court were a number of depraved types, including old men who looked like philosophers, who had their hair in hair-nets, declared themselves to be perverted, and boasted of having husbands. Some say, however, that they were only pretending, in order to ingratiate themselves more with him by imitating his vices.

  As prefect of the Praetorian Guard he appointed a dancer who had been an actor in Rome, he made Gordius the charioteer head of the watch, and put Claudius, a barber, in charge of grain shipments. To the remaining positions of major importance he appointed candidates who commended themselves to him by having enormous penises. He put a muleteer, a courier, a cook and a locksmith in charge of the collection of death-duties. Whenever he went into the Praetorian Camp, or attended the Senate, he took with him the aforementioned Julia Maesa (or Varia), his grandmother, so that he would benefit from her air of authority, since he couldn't command any himself. I have said, too, that before his time no woman had ever attended the Senate to be consulted in the drafting of a bill, or to give a ruling. At banquets he greatly liked to have catamites seated next to him, and he used to enjoy groping and fondling them, and one of them would always pass him his drinking-goblet.

  Amongst all the other wicked acts of his shameless life he ordered that Severus Alexander (whom he had formally adopted) should be removed from him, claiming that he regretted adopting him, and he ordered the Senate to strip him of the title of Caesar. But when this was announced in the Senate there was a profound silence. Severus Alexander was a very fine young man (as became clear later in the way he himself ruled Rome), but was not liked by his adoptive father because he was not profligate. He was, of course, supposedly his cousin, and was popular with the military and accepted by the Senate and the noblity. However, the insane fury of Heiogabalus did not stop at trying to carry out a most wicked plan, and he sent assassins after Alexander in the following manner. Heliogabalus retired to the Spes Vetus Gardens, pretending that he was up to something with a new boyfriend, leaving his mother and grandmother with his cousin in the palace. Then he ordered that Severus Alexander, a noble young man much needed by the state, should be killed. He also sent a written message to the military forces ordering them to strip Severus Alexander of the title of Caesar, and then sent people to smear mud on his title in inscriptions on statues in the Praetorian Camp, which is what is done with despots. Finally he sent word to Alexander's guardians, telling them that if they hoped for any rewards or honours they should kill him in any way they liked - in the bath, by poisoning him, or with the sword.

  However, evil men can do nothing against the innocent. No power on earth could induce anyone to carry out such a crime, and the weapons that he was preparing for others would be turned against himself, when he was killed in the way he had in mind for others.

  But right after the titles on the statues had been smeared with mud, all the soldiers, now very angry, set out, some of them to the palace, and some to the gardens where Heliogabalus was, so that they could protect Severus Alexander and rid the state at last of this wretched man and would-be murderer. When they reached the palace they put a guard on Alexander, with Julia Mamaea - his own mother - and the grandmother, and then escorted them safely to the Praetorian Camp. Julia Soaemias, the mother of Heliogabalus, followed them on foot, concerned about her son. Then the soldiers went to the gardens, where the emperor was found, making preparations for a chariot race, but really waiting eagerly for someone to report that his cousin had been killed. When he heard the sudden noise of the soldiers, he was terrified, ran in, and hid in a corner, behind the door-curtain of a bedchamber. He sent one of the prefects to the Praetorian Camp to quieten the soldiers, and another to placate those who had just come into the gardens. Antiochianus, one of the prefects of the guard, reminded the soldiers who had come into the garden of the oath of allegiance, and persuaded them not to kill Heliogabalus; in fact not many had come and many were still with the standards, which had been retained by the tribune, Aristomachus. So much for the events in the gardens.

  In the Praetorian Camp the soldiers now told the prefect who was trying to placate them that they were prepared to spare Heliogabalus, provided that he would dissociate himself from the dubious characters, charioteers and actors, and return to a decent way of life. Above all, he would have to dismiss those who had, to general dismay, had the greatest influence on him, and who had been making a profit from passing on his words, true or not. And he did rid himself of Hierocles, Gordius, a certain Mirissimus, and two other disreputable members of his entourage, who were making him into even more of a fool than he already was. So the soldiers instructed the prefects not to let him keep up the same life-style any longer and to guard Severus Alexander against any acts of violence, and at the same time to prevent him from seeing any of the emperor's friends, in case he might be tempted to imitate their shameful behaviour. Heliogabalus, meanwhile, kept on demanding back that most shameless creature Hierocles, and increased daily his secret plottings against Severus Alexander. Finally, he refused to appear together with his cousin at the ceremony at the beginning of January when they were designated joint consuls, although eventually his mother and grandmother said that the soldiers were threatening to kill him if they didn't see some signs of harmony between the cousins. So he put on the formal toga praetexta and went at midday to the Senate, invited his grandmother to the meeting, and escorted her to a seat. But then he refused to go to the Capitol for the swearing-in and conducting of the ceremonies, and everything was done by the urban praetor, as if the consuls were not even in Rome.

  Nor did he give up on the murder of his cousin. However, afraid that the Senate might turn to someone else if he did kill Alexander, he suddenly ordered the Senate to leave the city. All of them, even those who had no carriages or slaves were told to set out immediately, some going in litters, others using any animals that they happened to find or could hire. Sabinus, a man of consular rank (to whom Domitius Ulpianus dedicated some of his law-books), stayed in the city, so Heliogabalus called a centurion and told him quietly to kil
l him. However, the centurion was a little hard of hearing, and thought he had been ordered to expel him, which is what he did. Thus a centurion's deafness proved the saving of Sabinus. The emperor dismissed both Ulpianus himself, the constitutional lawyer, because he was a man of principle, and also Silvinus the rhetorician, whom he had appointed teacher to Severus Alexander. In fact Silvinus was murdered, but Ulpianus was spared.

  However, the soldiers, and especially the Praetorian Guard, got up a conspiracy to liberate the state, either because they guessed what fate was being prepared for Heliogabalus, or because they saw his hatred for them. First they killed his associates in his murderous plans in various ways - by disembowelling, or with a spear in the rectum, so that their deaths matched their lives.

  After that they went for the emperor, and killed him in a lavatory, where he had hidden. His body was then dragged through the public streets, and as an additional insult to his corpse, the soldiers threw it into a sewer. But since the sewer chanced to be too narrow, the body had weights tied to it to prevent it from floating, and was thrown from the Aemilian Bridge into the Tiber, so that it could never be buried. His body was even dragged around the race-track at the Circus Maximus before it was thrown into the river.

  His name, that is, Antoninus, was removed officially by the Senate, because he had held it without any rights, wishing to be seen as the son of Antoninus Caracalla; the names Varius and Heliogabalus were left. After his death he was called `Son of the Tiber,' `Dragged-throughthe-Streets,' and `the Unclean One,' as well as many other things which gave a clear indication of what was seen to have been done during his rule. He was the only emperor who was dragged through the streets, dumped in a sewer and thrown into the Tiber. This was all because he was generally hated by everybody, something which emperors should be careful to avoid, since they don't earn a decent burial if they haven't earned the love of the populace or the miltary.