§
Lifting her nose from the glove, Caroline blinked to clear her thoughts. She hadn’t wanted to be pitied. She hadn’t wanted people talking about her. She had been determined to find success again. She had chosen horses over softball, which had been the wrong choice. Maybe the accident had given her a chance to start over, to make the right choice, to follow her dad’s path. She had made plans to become the greatest softball pitcher she could be, so no one would ever feel bad for her or pity her again. But she was right back where she had started.
“Caroline, are you ready?” Coach Sullivan picked up the bat and a ball.
“Yep.” She lifted her lips up into a small smile.
“Let’s get at it, then.”
They got into a rhythm as the fielding drills began, with him hitting the balls to the girls on the field, and her catching the throws that came back in to home plate. The ting of the bat and the pop of her glove became a song in her head, causing her to tune out the struggles of her day, causing her to forget how much had changed in the last couple of months. It was a simple exercise, catching and tossing the ball, but it was what she needed.
“Alright, everyone, that was great,” Coach Sullivan called out, ending practice long before she was ready to quit and return to reality. “Let’s rake and clean up and call it a day.”
Caroline helped the girls put everything away and turned down several offers to hang out or do homework with the team. She recognized the looks they were giving her, as they were the same ones Abby and Katy, and a dozen others, had given her five years ago, after the accident. She walked to her car and drove home in silence, wishing she wasn’t in a position to be pitied again. She had dealt with it the last time. She had overcome their feelings by focusing on pitching. But this was different. This time, she knew she wouldn’t be able to find something else to be great at. This time, she didn’t have any options.
Five
The golden buckle of the soft pink halter glinted in the sun and rattled in Caroline’s hand as Connor saw her walking toward the pasture. They had just finished their second lecture, and it was time to begin halter breaking their babies. He had watched her take notes again, and though her shaking was still there, she had seemed a little more in control.
At least in the lecture.
Her anxious blue eyes looked up at him as she stopped near the gate. Her hands worked the straps of the halter, wringing them through her fingers, as she bit her lip. “Um…do you wanna go first?”
“Sure thing.” Connor took the halter from her. “You got the lead rope?”
“Yep, got it.”
They stood by the gate while the rest of their class got their halters and ropes. Caroline dug her toe in the dirt, drawing small circles with her boot as they waited.
“Have you ever done this before?” Caroline asked as she continued her scuffling.
“Yeah, quite a bit actually.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. My parents run a pretty large breeding farm. I’ve been helping out as long as I can remember.”
Caroline stopped playing in the dirt and looked up at him. “Here in Tucson?”
“No, about sixty miles southeast of here.”
“Sonoita?”
“Yep, that’s the place.”
Caroline blinked and tilted her head as Dr. Carnes came out of the barn and began opening the gate. “Remember guys, if you don’t get your halter on today, that’s okay. We are just aiming to get them used to it around their head and face. Anything beyond that is just icing on the cake. I’d rather you go slow than skip the little steps. I’ll be making the rounds and helping out wherever I’m needed.”
“Ready?” Connor slowed his steps to match Caroline’s as they began trudging through the knee-high grass of the pasture.
“Yeah.” She exhaled as she whipped her hair up into a ponytail. “Let’s get started.”
Connor approached Luna with the halter in his right hand at his side, keeping it low and out of the horse’s vision. She looked up at him with curious eyes and took a few steps toward him.
“Hi, good girl. We’re gonna try something new today, how does that sound?” He spoke with a gentle voice as he reached out and rubbed the filly on her shoulder with his knuckles.
Luna turned her head toward him and nibbled at the sleeve of his shirt, grabbing it with her small teeth. “Nice try, little missy,” Connor corrected, pushing her nose away with just one finger, disciplining the young horse without being too harsh.
“Are you okay?” Caroline stuttered from a few feet behind him.
“Yep, she wasn’t being mean. Just being a playful baby.” Connor answered in the same voice he was using on Luna. “She just got my shirt.”
Connor fought the urge to turn around and look at Caroline. He wanted to check on her but knew he couldn’t take his focus off Luna. He kept scratching the horse’s shoulder as he took slow, careful movements to put the halter in his other hand.
The young horse stiffened her muscles as she felt the neoprene straps touch her skin. Her ears shifted back, communicating to Connor that she was unsure about what was happening. He heard Caroline’s breath catch in her throat.
“Hey, it’s alright. No one is going to hurt you. This is all a part of the plan. Everything is going to be just fine.” Connor wasn’t sure if he was speaking more to Luna, or to Caroline.
He continued rubbing Luna with the halter, and as the tension in her muscles eased, her ears started to relax. She dropped her head a couple of inches and licked her lips, a sign of acceptance. “See, Caroline? She’s already starting to relax.”
Caroline didn’t answer him, and again he struggled with wanting to check on her. God, help her relax, he prayed. He just kept doing what he was doing, working the halter up toward the filly’s head, moving just a few finger breadths at a time. Luna didn’t tense up or resist again, and when Connor got the halter up near her nose, she tried to take it in her teeth, like she had with his shirt sleeve earlier.
“Alright, little one, let’s give you a break.” Connor laughed as he lowered the halter from her nose. He gave her a pat on the neck, then turned to Caroline.
She was standing with her arms wrapped around her middle, like she was holding herself together. Her face was pasty, her eyes were concerned, but a small, tense smile was stretched over her lips.
“You’re good at this.” Her words were just loud enough for him to hear.
“Nah, just lots of practice. And she definitely isn’t scared of this thing.” He gestured toward the halter. “Just had to test her boundaries, I think.”
“Well, still. You did everything you were supposed to.”
“She makes it pretty easy.” Connor rubbed the moon-shaped marking on Luna’s forehead. “Wanna come say hi to her?”
He watched Caroline hesitate before she nodded her head and took a few steps toward them. Luna looked up and gave a soft nicker as she approached.
“She knows you already. Or she just wants you to rescue her from me.” Connor grinned.
Caroline rolled her eyes as she reached her hand out for Luna to smell. The filly snorted, blowing warm air on Caroline’s fingers.
“No nibbling on me, alright? I’m not as tasty as he is.” Caroline looked up at Connor through her eyelashes, teasing both the horse and him.
“Hey now, no ganging up on me here, girls.”
“Just stating the obvious.” Luna sneezed and stomped her foot in agreement.
“I’m the only guy in this class. You’d think I’d at least get to work with a colt.” Connor laughed with a shake of his head. “You ready to try the halter?”
“Um…don’t you think she’s had enough for today? She was pretty good, and like Dr. Carnes said, better to go too slow than to do too much too soon.”
“I think she’s okay for another go if you wanna try it. She didn’t overreact or get upset.”
Caroline swallowed and looked from Luna to Connor. “You’ll be right here? If som
ething happens?”
“Of course. I’m not going anywhere. But nothing is gonna happen.”
Caroline gave a short nod as she took the halter from Connor and approached Luna’s shoulder. As she reached out to touch the filly, she glanced back at Connor.
“It’ll be fine. Just start how I did, pet her on the shoulder with your empty hand then gradually incorporate the halter.”
Caroline turned back to the horse. She reached out with unsteady fingers toward the filly. Luna watched her with a soft, quiet interest.
Connor studied Caroline’s every move, taking note of the skill she showed even through her apprehension. She was patient and stayed with Luna as she tensed up again, giving up the fight even quicker than she had with Connor. As she got the halter to the filly’s nose, Luna dropped her head and sighed, accepting what Caroline was asking of her. Dr. Carnes walked up behind them.
“Looks like things are going very well with her. I think she’s ready for you to put it on, Caroline. What do you think?” Dr. Carnes stopped a few feet away from where they were working.
Connor saw a flash of panic shoot through Caroline. “Maybe Connor should do it?” Her knuckles whitened on the halter.
“You’re okay.” Dr. Carnes encouraged her. “Look how quiet she’s being with you. I think you’ve got it. We’ll be right here.”
Caroline met Connor’s gaze, so he smiled at her. “You can do it.”
“Alright.” She sighed as she looked back at Luna.
“I want you to keep ahold of the noseband with your left hand and reach over her head with your right. Before you grab the crownpiece, take a few moments to pet her by her ear and that side of her head, so she knows you’re there.” Dr. Carnes guided her as his eyes swept over the pasture, making sure everyone else was still doing okay.
Caroline did as he said, following each step with care so she wouldn’t startle the filly. Again, Connor was impressed by the precision of her actions, even more so than before, since he could see how nervous she still was. She reached her hand over Luna’s head and caressed Luna’s cheek. The horse lifted her head and the muscles in her neck went rigid, but Caroline continued to pet her.
“It’s okay.” Caroline breathed. “We’re going to be fine.”
As she whispered, Luna’s left ear rotated toward Caroline, a sign that she was listening to her. Connor watched as Luna’s muscles softened. Caroline continued to stroke her, and Luna dropped her head.
“Good, Caroline. When you’re ready, reach for the crownpiece and bring it over her head, and into the buckle,” Dr. Carnes instructed.
Caroline did as she was told, and Connor watched as Luna didn’t react or tense up. She stood still, and as Caroline buckled the halter over her head, she turned to look at Caroline with nothing but light and tranquility in her eyes.
“Great job. I’d leave it on for a few minutes, then take it off. I’m going to check on the other students, but let me know if you need help.” Dr. Carnes started to walk away.
“Thank you, sir.” Connor moved closer to Caroline and their horse. Caroline stood there staring at Luna, and Connor could see her legs quivering. “You okay?”
Caroline closed her eyes and took a long breath in through her nose. “Yeah.” She pushed the air out of her mouth.
“That was awesome to watch. You’re a natural.” Connor complimented her, petting Luna at the same time.
“No, I’m not. I’m really not.”
“Yes, you are. She was totally in tune with you and—”
“Connor,” she interrupted, staring at him as she did.
He could see the hurt reflecting in her face. He cleared his throat. “Yeah?”
“I didn’t do much. You did the hard stuff.”
“No, I didn’t. I didn’t put the halter on her. That was all you.”
“Connor, please.” Caroline begged. “Stop. I’m not good at this at all.”
“Okay.”
“Thank you.” She wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans.
“No problem.”
Caroline looked down at the grass, blinking several times. Connor heard her sniff, and realized she was trying to keep herself from crying. Before he could say or do anything to comfort her, her shiny eyes snapped back up to his.
“It wasn’t me. It was all her.” She shrugged toward Luna.
“Yeah, she’s a good girl.” Connor felt a lump forming in his own throat. He coughed to clear it before she could notice. “Do you think we should take the halter off now?”
“Yeah, she’s probably ready. Do you want to do it?”
“Sure thing.” Connor reached for Luna’s shoulder. He followed the same process as they had to put the halter on. The small horse stood still as Connor unbuckled the strap and lowered it from her face. When the halter was off, Luna shook her head, flopping her ears against the side of her head.
“I guess she’s celebrating.” Connor laughed, patting the filly’s neck.
“She deserves to. She was a pro.”
“Alright, everyone, let’s find a good place to stop. That’ll be all for today,” Dr. Carnes announced from near the gate.
“Good timing.” Connor gave Luna one last scratch on her shoulder. “Bye, little girl. We’ll see you later.”
“See ya, Luna.” Caroline reached and lay her fingers on Luna’s cheek. Luna stretched her neck out and rested her muzzle on Caroline’s shoulder, just for a moment, before turning away to find her friends in the pasture.
“She likes you,” Connor mentioned as they began their trek back through the grass.
“She just likes attention,” Caroline told him.
“Maybe,” he answered, deciding not to push the issue based on the conversation from earlier.
They walked in silence to the gate and into the classroom to get their bags. As they walked back outside to the parking area, Connor had an idea.
“Hey, Caroline?”
“Yeah?”
“If you’re not doing anything this weekend, maybe you’d like to come down to my parents’ farm? It’s a few degrees cooler down there, so it might be a good chance to get out of this heat.” Connor shrugged his shoulders.
He watched the range of emotions spread out across her face before fear and sadness settled in. “Um, this weekend probably won’t work. I’m pretty busy, between softball practice and homework, that kind of stuff.”
“You play softball?”
“Um, no, I’m just the manager. But I still have to go to practice.”
“I gotcha. Well, maybe some other time, then. I go home most weekends to help out, so just let me know if you ever want to come.” Connor opened the door to his truck.
“Yeah, I’ll let you know.”
“Sounds good. Have a good afternoon, Caroline.”
“You too.” She turned and walked away. Connor climbed into the driver’s seat, as she stopped and turned back toward him.
“Connor?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Remember, anytime you want, just let me know.”
Caroline nodded her head as she continued to her car. Connor shut his door and stared at his steering wheel, Caroline’s sad eyes haunting him. He thought back through everything they had done in class that day, how great she was with Luna and how she wouldn’t accept his praise or admit that she was a natural. But more than anything, one phrase she had said stood out to him. One short sentence proved to him she had talent, a gift, for working with horses. He had heard it before, from the greatest girl and horse trainer he had ever known.
§
The smell of dust and anxious sweat filled the nostrils of twelve-year-old Connor as he slid his hand along the rust-colored rail of the round pen. Inside of the pen, a chocolate-brown mare with a long white stripe running down the center of her face paced the curved fence, screaming for the friends she had left behind when she was put into a horse trailer earlier that morning. Connor’s parents, Greg and Jessica Taylor, h
ad gone to an auction and picked her up for his sister, Emily. They didn’t know anything about her except that she was a five-year-old thoroughbred mare, but she was showing them that she was nervous, and a little wild.
“Em, we couldn’t even get a halter on her to load her in the trailer. We had to back it up to her pen and run her in. That’s basically how we unloaded her, too. You need to let your dad go in first,” Connor heard his mother explain behind him. He turned away from his place on the fence and saw his sister fold her arms across her chest.
“But she’s for me. She’s supposed to be mine. I’m not a little kid anymore. I’m sixteen and I know that I can handle this. Why can’t you just let me try?” Emily pleaded.
“Because look at her over there. She’s running around blind, yelling her head off. You need to let your dad work with her first.” Jessica pointed toward the round pen.
Emily turned to her father. “Daddy, please let me work with her. She’s supposed to be for me. I need to be the one to establish a bond with her. Not you.”
Greg looked from his wife to his daughter, identical gazes staring at him in anticipation. He sighed as he ran a hand through his brown hair. “Jess, she does have a point.”
“But it’s too dangerous, she could get hurt.” Jessica put her hands on her hips.
“We’ll be right here. I can step in at any moment if she needs me.”
“Which I won’t,” Emily chimed in.
Connor chuckled at his sister’s confidence. Emily turned around at the sound and gave him a wink over her shoulder.
“Alright,” their mother said. “But as soon as it looks like she needs help, you’re going in.”
“Of course.” Greg turned to give his daughter instructions, but Emily wasn’t staying to listen. She was headed for her new horse.
“Be careful, okay?” Connor murmured as Emily bent down next to him to pick up a lead rope as he opened the gate.
“I will, but you don’t need to worry, little brother. She and I are going to be just fine. You’ll see.”
The gate squeaked as Emily pushed it open and let herself in. The mare jumped and took off to the other side of the pen. Emily walked to the middle of the circle to begin the join-up process. Connor’s mom and dad came up behind him and stopped, so they could all watch her work.
Caroline's Purpose Page 4
