“So go ahead and explain it all to me.” The sarcasm in my voice is still thick, but I do want to know what has kept this man away from me my entire life.
He takes a deep breath and I see regret in his eyes.
This should be good.
“When I met your mother, she was my secretary,” he starts.
I let out a small chuckle in disbelief.
Of course she was.
“On paper, we had an affair. In reality, I was head over heels in love with her. She was perfect. Witty, sarcastic, fiery, beautiful…everything I’d ever wanted. I know this isn’t going to change the way you feel about me, and I have to accept that, but please know you were never unwanted, Raven. I was already married when I met your mother. We have two children, two sons, so you have two half-brothers. Until about six months ago, they didn’t know about you and neither did their mother. When your mother found out she was pregnant with you, she cut me off. She told me I had to choose between my wife and sons, or a life with you and her.
I wish like hell that I could say I was strong enough to walk away from my life to be with you and your mom, but I wasn’t. My wife’s family owned the company I worked for. I knew that if I divorced her or told her about the affair, I would lose my family and my career.
I’m not proud of my choices. I thought about you every single day of your life. I begged your mother to stay on at the company so I could help her. I asked her to send me photos of you. I offered to help her financially. She wouldn’t hear any of it. She let me see you twice after you were born, and then one day she was just gone.
She left with you and it took me years to track you down. I know I deserved that. I know why she left. But it was hell not knowing where you were and if you were okay. I figured she had met someone else and gotten married, maybe found a job in another state.
When I finally found you again, you were twelve. I sent a letter to her and asked that she please let me meet with you, or at least let me send you a letter. There was no answer, and the next letter I sent was returned to sender. You were gone again. I hired a private investigator, with no luck. I didn’t find you again until you enrolled in college. That’s when I started sending you the checks.
I always wanted to be a part of your life, Raven. I haven’t gone about it the right way, and I lived a lie for many years, but you were always important to me. I know your mother’s intentions were good. She didn’t want you to grow up feeling like you were my little secret, or that you were second-best to my family with Sarah. And she was probably right to move away with you. I hope you can forgive me, or at the very least, not hate me.”
I shake my head. I should’ve known that it was something like this. He had chosen his other family and cushy job over me and my mom. That should probably enrage me. I should be yelling at him right now, upset that I was second-best to his family. But I’m not. Maybe it’s the psychology background, maybe it’s just that I’m too old to care. I’m sad that he got himself into this situation, and I’m sad for my mom. But I can see why he did what he did. I’m a little hurt, and while I won’t go running into his arms, I understand.
“You’re an author, aren’t you?” I finally reply.
“Yes, I write under the same name I sign your checks with,” he says, sadness still in his eyes.
“Robert Cole,” I mutter.
“Yes. Writing has always been my outlet, just like it appears that books have become yours.”
“So you did write The Widow’s Walk.” It’s a statement. I know my favorite book has the same pen name as my father’s checks. I found it when I was Googling him, trying to figure out who he could be.
“Yep, that’s one of mine.”
“I thought so. And your tattoo,” I say, nodding toward the Celtic knot on his forearm, “for Mom?”
He nods, tears brimming his eyes. “I know you probably think it’s silly, to love someone this much after all this time, but I truly believe she was my soulmate. How is she?”
I stare up at the ceiling. There are wooden beams that contrast the white beautifully, and to my left there’s a wall of windows with a perfect view of the ocean. It’s calming here, and I can see why he chose this place. I take a deep breath.
How do you tell your father you’ve only just met that the love of his life, your mother, turned out to be a drunk who mentally abused you for most of your life?
“Mom is…she’s not well. She hasn’t been for a very long time. She made a lot of bad choices…after you…decided. She’s been in and out of jail for the last few years.” I wait for his reaction, then look down and study the floor with intensity.
“Oh. I had no idea. I thought…I mean…I tried to find her a few times and I only found dead-ends. Houses that she used to live in, friends that weren’t sure where she went or how long she’d been gone. I guess it makes sense now.” His brow furrows as he looks off into the distance, and I see that this is unsettling news for him.
“I’m sorry, I wish I had more information for you,” I offer. “I haven’t spoken to her in years.”
He nods, almost cutting me off short, a new look of determination in his eyes. “No, you don’t have any reason to be sorry. I’m sorry. I should have done a better job of checking on you. I should’ve known what was going on.”
“You couldn’t have known.” I don’t know why I feel the need to comfort him—I’m still pretty sure I hate him—but I do feel sorry for him. Two parts of me are at war with each other.
He nods, like he knows feelings are hard for me. Maybe they’re hard for him, too. “Anyway, I’m sorry. I can’t tell you enough how much I regret not being in your life. I want to be now, if you’ll let me.”
I give him a shrug, not wanting to commit to anything. “We have a lot to figure out. We can take it one step at a time. There’s no need to make rash decisions in highly emotional states.” I know I sound like a counselor, but he gives me a small smile anyway.
There’s a knock at the door, more like a pounding. I know our conversation is over, and I’m both relieved and saddened.
He stands to go let the officers in, giving me one last pain-filled look over his shoulder. We have a way to go if we’re going to make any sort of relationship work.
“Raven.” Emmett’s voice echoes through the foyer, followed quickly by Elli’s squawking.
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and tears come to my eyes as I stand and rush to where they are.
I grin when I hear Elli begin to give my father a thorough verbal lashing. I could go save him, but I don’t.
Emmett wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head—and for a moment I forget that there’s a rapist on the loose who tried to kidnap me today.
Holding Raven in the foyer of her kidnapper/father’s home brings me a peace I don’t know I’ve ever experienced. The ache in my chest is finally subsiding, and I feel like I’m returning to my body after the last eight hours of complete hell.
I step back and hold her at arm’s length, checking her over and making sure she’s unharmed.
“I’m fine, I promise,” she says with a chuckle, but I hear the exhaustion in her tone. It’s almost two in the morning and she’s been through her own hell today.
“Do you want to talk about it now or wait until we get back?” I ask under my breath, silently hoping that Elli will let it go until we can get her home and settled before the interrogation begins.
“I think it’s probably best if we cover the basics here, for everyone’s sake. That way Elli can ask all the questions her little heart desires.”
I glance over at Elli and the man standing with her, looking sheepish at Elli’s onslaught of accusations, but also very determined.
I know that look; I’ve seen that willpower in Raven the very first night I met her and every day since.
This really is her father. She looks so much like him, apart from the olive tone of his skin and the paleness of hers. I can tell he’s aged a lot in the last twenty-five
years, but he’s definitely the man who was in the photo I found earlier. He runs his hands through his hair and I see the Celtic knot tattoo on his forearm.
He was the one in the car that day.
It’s time for some answers.
“Elli, maybe let him breathe for a second so you can get the full story,” Raven says, sounding exasperated.
“Sure, but he needs to start talking, because we need to get everything out on the table before the brigade shows up with their own questions,” Elli replies.
Raven’s father walks back toward the living room and gestures for us to have a seat. “I’ll answer all your questions, but she’s right, we need to hurry.”
I sit down on the couch, tucking Raven into my side and rubbing my thumb across the back of her hand in what I hope is a comforting manner.
She gives me a small smile like she knows what I’m thinking, and again I’m taken aback by how in tune we are.
“Okay, first things first, why the fuck did you kidnap Raven?” Elli is brash and straight to the point, and for once in the short time I’ve known her, I appreciate it.
“I didn’t kidnap her, or at least I didn’t intend to.” He’s rubbing the back of his neck in what seems to be a nervous tick as he proceeds. “As I’m sure you know, I’m Raven’s father, Robert Cole Jackson. I frequently come and sit outside of the bookstore to see how she’s doing.” His eyes shift to Raven almost guiltily, but she nods in understanding, encouraging him to go on. He tells us what transpired in the last eight hours and I feel Raven nodding beside me at certain parts.
I have a thousand questions, but I let the information sink in. Raven is safe and unharmed, and she’s got answers about her dad now that I’m not sure she wanted.
“Go ahead, Elli.” Raven sighs, and motions toward her friend who is basically holding her mouth closed to keep from bursting at the seams.
“I just…I have so many questions. And as much as I want to be upset with how you handled it, you saved Raven from that man and that’s the most important thing. But who are you? Why did you stay away? Do you not think it’s creepy to sit outside of your daughter’s bookstore and watch her?”
“Elli.” Raven’s tone is a warning and to be honest, it even scares me a little.
“All right! All right. If you’re cool with it that’s all that matters. We’ll work on daddy issues later because someone tried to kidnap you!” Elli’s voice raises an octave with each word, like it’s just now hitting her how scary this all actually is. “You can’t go back to the bookstore! You can’t. They know you work there, they probably know you live there. You’re staying with me.”
“Because that’s safer?” I ask, regretting the words as soon as they’re out of my mouth but it’s too late.
Three heads swivel to me at once.
Raven’s eyes are hard and slightly annoyed, Elli looks like she could take my head off but I can see she realizes I’m right, and Raven’s dad—again—looks determined.
He turns his eyes to Raven. “You need to stay here.”
“No. I’m not going to run. I’m not staying anywhere else. I’m going back to the bookstore and that’s that,” Raven states.
“Raven, I really feel like—”
I feel Raven tense up beside me as her father protests, and I’m not sure how I know, but I know she’s about to explode. No sooner has the thought entered my mind when she starts in on him.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. You haven’t been in my life for twenty-five years. Why do you think you have a say now? I appreciate you saving me, I really do. It’s been nice to have this little catch-up party and finally know who my father is and all that jazz, but I’m grown. I haven’t had a parent in over twenty years, because not only did you leave me, you left me with a crackhead. But you know, I’ve actually done pretty well for myself, raising myself and making my own decisions. And while I appreciate the help, it’s not necessary. So with all due respect, sir, I’m the only one who gets to make decisions about my life.”
The words are out of my mouth before I realize it and I wish I could say I regret them, but I don’t.
I am thankful that my “father” saved me from the rapist/kidnapper/whatever the hell is going on there. I am glad that he brought me here to his home to explain things to me. I had given up on getting answers for the questions I did have about him. I’d grown used to thinking of myself as not having any parents, even though I knew they were probably both out there somewhere.
Being on my own never bothered me, and honestly, it’s been less messy that way.
Over the last week I’d decided to let Emmett in, now my dad is barging in, and it’s just too much for me.
I see the hurt flash across my father’s eyes before he instantly corrects his features to show a steel and stormy resolve.
Looks like I got that from him as well.
“I understand.” He gets up and walks into the kitchen, asking if anyone wants something to drink, and there’s another knock at the door.
“Showtime,” Emmett mutters under his breath and I sigh.
Time to repeat the story for a third time.
An hour later all the details are hashed out again. I’m obviously not pressing charges against my dad for “kidnapping” me, so once we’ve told the responding officers what occurred in the last ten hours, they have a med tech check me over to make sure I’m okay and say I’m free to go, but that they’ll be in contact and I should plan a trip down to the station tomorrow to try to give more details about my attacker and would-be kidnapper.
Despite my earlier outburst, I’m not quite ready to leave my father’s house, so I tell them I’ll ride back with Elli and Detective Fisher and plan to come in tomorrow afternoon.
Emmett walks them out—I’m sure to talk about the case without raising suspicion about his involvement with me.
Elli seems to have crashed from the adrenaline rush and she’s snoring softly on the couch.
My dad is sitting at the kitchen bar, staring into his coffee cup.
I study his hands cupping the mug. I’ve always heard you can tell a lot about a man from his hands. They’re tan, partly from his olive skin tone, but I’m sure he sees a lot of sun here on the beach. They’re probably double the size of mine, with long skinny fingers. They’re solid hands. The kind that are hard to imagine cradling a small child, even harder to imagine steadying a wobbling toddler. Hands that give a firm handshake. Hands that, in another life, would’ve escorted me down the aisle on my wedding day.
I think over what I’ve learned in the last few hours. Either choice in his decision would have left someone without a father.
And I have brothers? Where is his current wife?
I look around but I don’t see any family photos on the walls, just art. There are so many answers that I still need, but I’m exhausted.
“You’re welcome to stay the night. There’s no point in driving back so late when I have two extra guest rooms.” His voice startles me out of my musing and I nod.
I must look as tired as I feel. I don’t want Emmett driving back at this hour anyway, and Elli is already snoozing away.
“Okay, thank you. I’ll wake Elli and head upstairs. Could you let Emmett know when he comes in?”
He nods and I head over to the couch to rouse Elli.
“Hey, sleepyhead. Come on, we’re going upstairs,” I tell her.
She peeps an eye open at me and sits up slowly, trying to remember where she is.
“I know, this is weird. We’re going to stay here tonight and head back in the morning. Up you go, come on.” I get her up and lead her to the room beside the one I woke up in earlier, careful not to bump her side where her ribs are injured.
I flip on the light and reveal a room almost opposite to mine. The walls are painted a soft orange color, and the furniture is gray wicker. There’s a huge canvas over the bed with the sun setting across the water and the bedding is shades of bright red, orange, and yellow.
It’s in
teresting that my dad didn’t choose this room for me, and instead put me in the calm gray and pale blue room beside it. This one is much better suited for Elli’s personality. I tuck her into bed like a child and she grabs my hand before I leave.
“I’m so glad you’re okay, Rave. We’ll figure all of this out, I promise,” she says on a yawn, and she’s asleep again before I can reply.
Brushing her hair out of her face, I notice that her bruises have turned a dull green. I ease out of her room and pad down the hallway to what I’m assuming is the bathroom, pretty sure the master bedroom is on the main level. I let out a sigh of relief when I find that I’m correct and close the door, leaning against the back of it for a minute.
I take a deep breath and turn to look in the mirror. It’s easier to see my father’s features in my face now. There are even matching dark circles under my eyes.
What are we going to do now, Raven Jackson?
I meant to quickly walk the officers out—Carolina Beach department had also shown up, seeing as we were in their jurisdiction—but it took longer than I expected. When we were out of Raven’s earshot, we had to go over new case details.
We’ve had the tech department on the hunt for any traffic cameras that recorded Brent driving to or away from Poe’s, But Raven only has one security camera in the bookstore, and of course it’s pointed toward the cash register. I’m kicking myself for not having entry and exit cameras installed after the letter mysteriously showed up, but everything else seemed more pressing at the time. I make a mental note to have some installed the moment I have a chance.
The EMT took a blood sample from Raven to see if we could determine what type of sedative the attacker gave her, but it’ll be days before the results come back. Whoever’s behind this is getting reckless, and although that scares me to no end, hopefully he’s also getting sloppy so we can catch him.
By the time I get back inside, the downstairs lights are out and Robert is the only one awake. I find him sitting at the kitchen bar.
“The girls went on to bed. Raven decided it would be better to stay here for the night and leave in the morning.” Before I can say anything, he adds, “I know I’ve messed up with her. I’ve missed so much of her life.”
Nevermore Page 11
