09:05
smiling
until
our front gate
opens and closes
Father!
we greet him in the doorway with hugs and kisses and tears
we are shocked to see him
in green glow-in-the-dark sports shoes
with his polished businessman shoes
tied by their laces
dangling around his neck
he bought the only comfortable shoes
left on the shelf
to walk the twenty kilometers home
on his way
shops handed out
food and water
to everyone walking home
he helped put out a pan fire
at a ramen shop kitchen
along the way
he saw
a fallen shop sign
a leaning tree
a broken electrical wire
Father hands me a paper bag
he bought sakura mochi
from a shopkeeper who served him tea
one for me and one for Mother
(Great-grandfather and Grandmother don’t eat sweets)
the house
09:45
10:00
rattles
with each jolt
Father shouts
jumps under the table and
says,
wooden houses shake…
a lot!
I say,
our house must be near a fault line
he says,
all Japan is near a fault line
my face shows him
that was the wrong thing to say
10:04
after more clattering
10:12
shaking
he crawls out
checks gas lines
water pipes and
electrical wires
comes back
looks relieved
he goes out to the fields
checks on Great-grandfather and Grandmother
asks them to stay at our house tonight
he’s thinking
newer
stronger
they’re thinking
older
more trusted
10:24
10:25
* * *
Father turns on the TV
he and I stand together
watching
horrified
seeing
scenes of yesterday’s tsunami
along the northeastern coast
for the first time
we see how bad it is
I cannot bear to watch but I cannot turn away
where are the people?
I lose my breath
catch my breath
hold my breath
I search each frame
but
I don’t see anyone
only the ocean
the ocean flowing
over seawalls
the ocean pushing cars, boats, vans
down streets
past shops
into shops
the ocean crushing
a stand of pine trees
the ocean rushing across fields
streets
houses
the ocean splashing
a swirling whirlpool
like it is going down a drain
I look at Father
it is the first time I’ve seen him cry
up there
at 2:46 p.m. Friday afternoon
were students practicing for their choir concert like us?
were kindergartners already home?
were first graders walking home?
were their mothers rushing to find them
to rescue them
to run to higher ground?
were farmers in fields like Great-grandfather and Grandmother?
were people in shops, offices, homes like Father and Mother?
were they worried about things falling on them as they ran?
did everyone escape?
the TV only shows us the ocean moving beyond the shore
then
there are “day after” photos and coverage
people stranded
on school rooftops
people standing
in front of homes
offices
shops
ripped from their foundations
boats and cars
on top of or inside
buildings and houses barely standing
people separated from their family
from their friends
from their community
people looking for people
people alone
one pine
stands
alone
each tree beside it
washed away with the ocean
one lone pine is the only one left behind
it is a miracle
Mother doesn’t watch the footage
saying
she doesn’t need to see it
to know it
to feel it
she had read about it online
10:34
I dash under the table
and watch warnings flash
along the coasts on the map of Japan
above the sad coastal scenes
and hear details of
a damaged nuclear energy plant
close to the coast
the company struggles to keep it safe
their workers risk their lives
the government declares a state of emergency
10:43
aftershocks continue
10:46
here
10:47
and there
experts expect aftershocks and tsunami
the same scale or bigger
so
it may be worse
people of the Northeast!
aftershocks threaten
there
the ocean threatens
there
the nuclear energy plant threatens
there
many of you are without food, water, electricity, shelter,
family
there
is so much worse than
here
here
the quake was so strong
it bent the antenna on Tokyo Tower
here
the aftershocks are not as strong as there
here
airports, subway and train lines are closed
Father will stay home
until Tokyo reopens
11:37
Mother checks her e-mail
types frantically
asks me to help Grandmother
at their house
the mess is more than I expected
nothing is broken
just out of place
thing after thing
we put up
down but mostly
away
behind cupboard doors
we secure with string
it’s inconvenient but
they will not fly open again
we stand together
looking at the uncluttered room
something is missing
Grandfather’s retirement clock still ticks
its hands move
but do not keep time
its pendulum swung in half turns
half turn right
half turn left
now it spins in circles
on unstable ground
the clock has lost its chime
and
11:47
I have lost my trust in Earth
tears fill my eyes
and then I feel guilty
TV images fill my head
people of the Northeast have lost
so much
* * *
no pipes ar
e broken
we can use tap water
11:59
12:01
standing on the quaking kitchen floor
it’s too dangerous to boil, steam, or fry
we use the electric pot
for “just add water” meals
I am thankful for Grandmother’s homemade pickled vegetables
12:11
12:28
12:34
12:54
13:04
13:37
13:43
13:47
Father makes tea to have with the sakura mochi
14:14
the tea quivers in my mug
in their cups
14:21
no one says anything
15:18
15:44
we are going through the motions
15:57
while Earth keeps moving
16:54
for dinner
we eat rice and steamed vegetables made in the rice cooker
19:53
the house jumps
20:46
shakes
21:01
rattles
rests a while
21:53
then reminds us
22:14
22:15
strongly
to place our coats and shoes
next to our beds
I pull my chair away from my desk
so I can jump under
23:03
an emergency ladder rolled up in a tube
sits in a corner of my room
23:14
I hope I never need it
23:37
DAY 3
00:56
05:32
05:41
07:12
Earth quivers
I measure the strength by
07:13
the pendant light
07:13
swirls
07:44
08:24
this one is larger than a swirl
we turn on the TV
to check the magnitude
and see
a man was rescued
out in the sea
from his rooftop
his wife is missing
thousands are missing
the Japanese rescue team returned
from helping New Zealand
after their big earthquake
Japan’s Self-Defense Forces work with the US military
for recovery and relief
many nations ask to help
over ten thousand people may have been killed
millions have no food and water
we eat our porridge and pickles in gratitude
we hear that
yesterday
while we were having tea and mochi
an explosion at the damaged nuclear energy plant injured four workers
a radiation leak may get bigger
and
over 100,000 people were ordered to evacuate
from the area
the prime minister says
this is Japan’s most difficult crisis since the bombings
in World War II
08:55
we swirl
and
08:57
keep swirling
our world is spinning
spiraling like it’s
circling a drain
I hear Mother tell Father
she read that
a professor at Tokyo’s Earthquake
Institute says
Tokyo
should prepare for a large quake
prepare
at home
we have emergency supplies
in storage
at school
every September 1
on the anniversary of the 1923 earthquake
that demolished Tokyo
we drill earthquake and fire preparedness
on March 11
our fifth-grade classes were caught in the gym
we weren’t prepared
to calmly walk out
wearing emergency hoods and outdoor shoes
experts always mention “The Big One”
that will hit Tokyo again
is it coming soon?
a university professor says to prepare
the March 11 earthquake off the northeast shore
was so strong
it pushed Japan’s main island eastward
created a massive tsunami and
slashed the eastern coastline in size
it shifted Earth’s axis and
changed its rotation
it sped up time and
shortened the length of day
by
1.8 microseconds
Tokyo skyscrapers swayed
shops
schools
houses shook violently
small fires ignited
what would “The Big One” under Tokyo do?
prepare?
nothing can prepare you for bigger ones
09:32
than this
09:41
10:26
this
11:23
and this
how much more can this house stand?
can it stand “The Big One”?
with rapid thoughts
rapid heartbeat
rapid breath
I run out
past shoes
through door and gate
into open field
I want to fly
into open sky
out of breath
I fall to my knees
then back
onto open space
I lay my hands and bare feet on Earth
dig in
gulp, almost
pass out
I catch my breath
in and out
I breathe
in and out
I release my fear
in and out
nothing can fall on me
here
Earth
sun
sky
wind
all
here
I am not alone
behind a plastic sheet covering a seed bed
a shadow
stops, settles, and huddles
farther afield
Great-grandfather runs a rope between stakes
pulls it taut
snaps it
to mark a row
11:32
he shifts from one foot to another
inches along
places a seed from a chipped rice bowl
one by one by one
into the soil
equal distance apart
11:48
he waits
turns, hands behind his back,
drags his foot alongside
covering the row with soil
seed by seed by seed
these steps he repeats
row by row by row
11:51
he loses his rhythm, his pace
but he keeps going
I cannot tell if the ground is moving
I breathe in
out
in
out
all is still
in and
out
I look over my shoulder toward the house
Father is checking the gas
the pipes
the foundation
still
the house stands
here
everything looks the same
here, there
everything is different
* * *
Father calls me in to lunch
I look back to the fields and
12:01
dig my hands and toes deeper into Earth
the shadow is gone
at the table
no one mentions the dirt beneath my fingernails
* * *
12:34
two shallow aftershocks
12:45
closer to us
ding
a message from Yuka
hang in there
with no emoji
I send her the same message
Mother is headlong into reaching out
organizing
gathering things
to help the people of the Northeast
* * *
Father asks me to go to the one-stop shop
people are out
like a normal day
except
a sign on the door requests limiting
bread and rice purchases
and
the “heart” and “love” signs
chocolates
and
flowers for White Day
have been put away
tomorrow
no one will celebrate this day
Beyond Me Page 3
