by A Uscila
Luke couldn’t help but gaze at the sight, the gears in his head turning slowly, as if through muddled waters, a pulsing headache ever-increasing in strength due to the unbearably racket. Clouded eyes darting from one individual to the other, while the mind busily searched the memory for matches, for familiar people – colleagues and known strangers. The idea tugged lightly at the corner of his lip – after all, the two specifications might as well be one and the same, at least from Luke’s perspective. Whether he saw them or knew them, they were all strangers here and now. Every single dancing figure down below, the thought pressing against his chest like a heavy, unwelcome weight, slowing his breath, demanding effort to inhale. It was possible to disregard the uncomfortable notion as over-thinking, after all – with all the unseen-before make-up, unfamiliar expressions and the shadows cast by uneven lighting – it was easy to see them all as strangers. Different circumstance, different attire, different everything – he might as well have met them for the first time. But deep down, Luke knew, with a frown in his brows, he knew indeed – that it was something much more. It was the safe distance that he always kept from others, the peculiar looks that people gave him, the disregarded comments, the ignored presence. The feeling of detachment, reinforced and accentuated even more by current circumstance. Of being a foreign object. A terrible notion to any human - the social animals that they were, Luke being no exception. Yet once the feeling was touched, it stuck like tar, molding and blending into his very being – the black color being of a perfect shade, a perfect fit for Luke’s black soul.
What was it about all this that attracted people so? Luke was simply unable to wrap his mind about it, his slightly shaking hand raising the mug to his lips, a small gulp of beer taken in like a habit at this point, the alcohol – no help to solve the puzzle. Alone, in the dark, he observed keenly the expressions of those present, as much as his eyes were capable of catching, while imagination filled in the rest – grouping those below in small gatherings and social circles. Small systems in a bigger one, interacting with each other, reacting to one-another, just like any other day, yet never as close as this. What was it that made it all seem so fun? So enjoyable? What was it that created that sinking feeling within Luke’s chest? That overwhelming sense of sorrow at the sight? Most of it, was jealousy, of course, what else could it be? The crocodile tears of a sad, bitter man who pushed everyone away, yet refused to admit, to the very end, that he wanted to belong just as everyone else. That he wanted to be a part. Was that the reason for the wide-spread joy below? The abolishment of everything that got in the way of belonging? Fears and insecurities sedated with a heavy dose of alcohol, taking away the need for personal space, allowing everyone to approach one-another without barriers. While the ear-numbing music silenced and overwhelmed any leftover thoughts that might have gotten in the way of such a beautiful phenomenon, the sight of happy dancing serving as a final guiding hand to a blissful land of happiness and worry-free fun. It seemed a reasonable notion, but the idea just didn’t click. It didn’t create a moment of clarity, did not go to rest and did not help alleviate the feeling of detachment. What made matters worse - Luke’s medicine was running out, the mug gently clattering against the table.
Luke’s gaze now drifted upwards, onto the ceiling. Brow wrinkling as anger boiled up all of a sudden. Maybe he was looking at it from the wrong angle? What was so bad about being alone, anyway? It most certainly was disadvantageous when everyone else pointed out its’ faults and jabbed at him with each open opportunity, ganging up on him like hyenas. Yet, beyond that, it seemed like such a better way of life. No headaches, no heartaches. No love gained, no love lost, as they say. After all – you can’t get hurt if there’s no one to hurt you. You can’t feel loss if there’s nothing to lose. Such a lovely concept. Maybe a little cowardly, but so what? What right does anyone have to judge him for it? For hiding away in a well-protected shell, away from everyone and everything? The mug rose once more to Luke’s lips, his eyes darting towards the dance-floor again, during the process, only to catch onto Willow’s swaying figure within the crowd – beset on all sides by slobbering men, desperate for attention and caught up with competing for it amongst each other. By the looks of it, the bewitching fury didn’t look very happy about any of it, her eyes darting anywhere but at the fervent followers, only to finally latch onto Luke’s own. Shit. Seems like she noticed him. Quite awkward – being caught in the act of stalking. An act, no doubt, so brazen and unsightly, that Willow almost instantly slipped away from the dance floor, after exchanging a few passing words with her followers, her steps leading towards Luke’s position – supposedly to give him an ear-full on how much of a creep he was. Heck, maybe she’ll have her underlings throw him over the rails and face-first onto the floor below. Wouldn’t that be a lovely end to a lovely evening? He couldn’t help but snicker at the thought, following up with a sip of beer – reminded once again of the short supply of it.
“Why are you snickering to yourself like a creep?” – And Luke almost choked on that one, as Willow’s voice reached his ears sooner than expected, the startled fool turning to look just in case he heard wrong. After a few bouts of coughing, of course. First thing that his eyes caught onto were her lovely lips – twisted into a self-satisfied smirk, which did make him slightly annoyed. The second thing were her narrowed, predator like eyes – looking at him like he was the prey and annoyance turned to concern. Which threatened to swing back towards annoyance, bordering agitation, once he caught onto the emotional swing and ended up being displeased with his own reaction. Seems like someone didn’t like being a coward after all. Probably that empty pride, getting in the way – “Why the fuck did you walk off on your own, leaving me behind with a bunch of horny idiots that don’t have a speck of personality in them?” – Amazing how she managed to keep her expression almost unchanging, with barely a sign of anger in it, yet speak in a tone that made goosebumps run down Luke’s back. Not the pleasant kind, either.
“Didn’t want to get in the way” – A half-truth, from a certain perspective. Luke could only turn back to the beer as a distraction. A means to hide the ugly flinch of dissatisfaction that came-up a few moments later, though he was already looking away at that point. Hopefully, it wouldn’t ignite an argument. Luke wasn’t really in the mood for it at the time. After all – what was the point in keeping up the act in such circumstance? You can’t inflate a balloon with a gaping hole in it. Luke suddenly looked at the near-empty mug in his hands as if it was at fault for all the wrongs of the world, a frown befitting the disposition coming into full swing. Was this beer making him even more depressed and miserable? No wonder he avoided drinking. Should probably take a note for future reference, just in case. Another sip from the mug followed the thought, hell, he wasn’t good at finishing things. But at the very least, he should probably still finish the beer. It was paid for already, after all, no point in wasting money.
Too bad Willow thought otherwise, since her hand was now pressed firmly against Luke’s own – keeping the miserable fuck from taking another sip, while her face seemed to have gotten even closer now, features twisted into somewhat of a vicious sneer.
“Didn’t want to get in the way” – She echoed in mockery – “Didn’t want to get in the way of what exactly? Did you forget that I came here with you and not with those dicks-for-brains?” – She was almost snarling at this point. Clearly, Willow was dissatisfied with something, yet Luke had a hard time at guessing what exactly. He didn’t like not knowing. Didn’t like her accusatory and mocking tone either. Luke stopped trying to lift the mug and placed it down onto the table with more force than expected – the glass clattering against wood loudly enough to be heard by each adjacent table. Good thing nobody was sitting behind any of them.
“What did you expect me to do, huh?” – Luke was frowning at this point, lips twisted into a crooked smile, the tone far from calm – “Was I supposed to walk right up and confront them? Inform them that you were with me?”
– Luke cackled at that – “All so that I could be looked upon with contempt? Laughed and mocked? Made fun of and swatted aside like a fly?”
“Well, you could have done something, instead of simply walking by like a stranger and leaving me to deal with those dolts on my own!” – Willow shouted back, the ruckus caused by the two stepping up-a-notch, enough to carry-on further than just one table and to draw the attention of the people there. A few groups that stuck to the walls, a wide empty field left between themselves and Luke. Though, it’s quite possible that they were already looking over the second Willow caught their stares.
“Excuse me, do you need some help?” – And of course, someone came running-on to save the damsel in distress from evil Luke. Judging by the familiar sound of the voice, Luke could only brace for the worst – things were about to get ugly and he wasn’t sure how much his nerves could take. His mug-holding hand beginning to shake in a barely noticeable manner.
“Help with what?” – Luke side-glanced at Willow after her reply, taking note of her confused expression, yet clearly hesitant to turn and look at the person she was talking to. Afraid to receive a stare back.
“With this creep, of course. I must warn you, he is a known creep and sexual harasser and I have personally witnessed a number of complaints regarding his despicable manner-of-conduct in public places” – Female, the voice even and chilly, no doubt just as much as her dark eyes. Luke couldn’t help but imagine the sight with a shudder. Yet, no matter how down he was, how pummeled and beaten, stuck in the jaws of the beast – some opponents should never have the pleasure of witnessing victory. Thus, after taking a deep breath, Luke turned around, glancing past Willow, who was clearly lost for words, an eyebrow raised, while her own gaze drifted at Luke for a moment or two. Was she actually taking what was said as fact? If he had the time, Luke would no doubt feel offended, but more important matters awaited – his gaze finally falling upon the unwelcome. Lilly, prim-and-proper as always – her attire neat, tidy, and conservative, with barely any skin exposed. As a matter of fact, it did seem like she was dressed just as if it was for work – a neatly buttoned-up white shirt, a grey skirt that reached over the knees, her brown hair tied into a bun while glaring eyes with a light touch of eye-liner glared daggers at Luke. Might she have noticed being inspected so and interpreted it as something indecent? It was hard to know with Lilly, might as well been the simple fact that Luke was breathing her air, for all he knew.
“Thank you, but no. I can handle myself perfectly well” – Willow finally stated, quite coolly herself. What was she angry about, anyway? Was it leftover steam from the argument they both recently had? Or was it simply because the argument was so rudely interrupted, to begin with? Hard to say, but one thing was clear enough – Luke might just witness a cat fight and moving away for the sake of his own safety seemed like a good idea about now.
“I’m afraid you fail to realize the danger you are in and being with this…” – Lilly refused to relent, of course, her cold statement put on pause long enough to contemptuously glance at Luke – “…creep. I simply must insist on keeping your distance from him, especially with the way you look” – she finally added, eyes moving up and down Willow’s relatively tame and conservative attire.
“My safety is my own business and so is my attire, please mind your own and leave us be” – and, with that, it was on. Luke could practically see a spark flash in-between the two ladies. How cliché, yet at the same time – how fitting. Things were getting too tense for his weak nerves, so Luke ended up straddling the emptying mug as a means for support.
“Oh? I see. So that’s how it is” – With a tone that implied like she knew something neither Luke nor Willow knew, and mockingly glanced at the former – “Who knew you were so empty inside and so desperate to be filled. I must say that I’m not surprised” – A vicious, venom-filled statement leaving her lips the next moment, spoken with her chin held high, while narrowed eyes looked down upon both – “But there is a limit to desperation and you have most definitely reached an all times low”
Luke could only release a heavy sigh after the last part – the breath exhaled loudly enough to draw in the attention and postpone the inevitable clash that would take place between the two ladies. With an unhurried turn of the head, he lifted a tired gaze upon the cold-hearted colleague, eye-lids lowered ever-so-slightly as if they were getting too heavy.
“Lilly. Could you please just leave us alone?” – His voice sounded almost reproachful, yet ending up loud enough to carry across over the racket. A symbolic gesture for a ceasefire. A metaphorical hand, extended for a handshake.
“And leave you alone with this misguided creature and let you have your way with her? Nobody would deserve that, no matter how thankless” – Only to be slapped away without a moment of hesitation.
“Now you wait just a…” – Willow began, the reply clearly interpreted as the first shot fired, a ringing bell to start the death-match.
Too bad for her, Luke was one step ahead.
With unexpected movement, Luke rose up from his seat and took a step towards the agitator – swaying a little once the alcohol kicked, yet avoiding an embarrassing tumble down. Lilly ended up being startled, as she took a step back when she saw Luke had the nerve to even approach so closely.
“Look, I am really sick and tired of your allegations and the smear campaign that you’ve been carrying out quite fervently...” – A searing-hot glare directed at Lilly, Luke began his long-overdue counterattack with an almost reproachful tone, even though his strained facial-features spoke of a storm brewing beneath.
“How dare you talk to me in that tone, you have no right!” – Seems like Lilly caught onto the subtle hints, yet for some reason decided that going on the offensive and interrupting the poor man in the middle of his sentence was the best option to take.
“Right?” – Luke exclaimed with outrage – “I’ve been taking your shit for months on end. Your insults, your sharp glares and jeering comments. Your outright slander on my account, distributed and repeated to every single person you could come across. Your contempt and your belittlement. You have demeaned me whenever the opportunity presented itself and have lifted your own self-worth up as a result, all done with viciousness and evil-intent” – Unsurprisingly, the lid was blown off the boiling pot – “And what did I ever do to you, to deserve any of it? Huh?” – Chin darting up and down in a challenging gesture, his whole frame straightening as if reinvigorated by the sound of his own voice.
“It’s not about what you did to me, it’s about what you did and are doing to women in general! It’s about keeping an ugly, sad and bitter male such as you, from taking out your misery upon the women that don’t need you, don’t want you and frankly, are disgusted by you!” – Surprisingly, the accused did not back down an inch, as she herself seemed to straighten, visibly certain of her own righteous cause.
Who knew righteousness would be so poisonous and sting so much. Never a pleasant experience to hear the truth, especially when it was so ugly.
“Yes, I am ugly, what of it? I don’t need you to remind me of it, I have a mirror for that!” – He shot back, quite viciously, head slightly leaning towards her as if to make sure she had a good long look, using his glaring weakness as a weapon. Smart. Heck, it seemed to even work, since Lilly leaned back in turn, clearly distraught and distracted by the sight. Perfect opportunity to press the assault – “And I am almost certain, that your so-called woman’s solidarity is definitely not the reason for all that shit thrown my way. Especially when you base your disposition towards me with a few random complaints regarding me – none of which are proof that I did something wrong or was sexually harassing anyone!” – He pressed on.
“You what...?” – Only to have Willows rhetorical question full of surprise and probably outrage, interrupting the ongoing litany. Nothing new, thus Luke dredged on.
“Not once did I deserve any of your nonsense! I never talked back, I never argued a
nd I never insulted you or disturbed you. I never talked behind your back, I never willingly made your job harder than it is. I have done absolutely nothing to you, except work in the same company and you made it your personal agenda to hunt me down for exactly that. You judged me for my appearance, judged me as a weakling and a victim from my lack of response and deemed to exploit it and climb on my head as much as possible. If anyone is petty, bitter or ugly on the inside, it’s you and not me! And you know what? I’ve had enough” – He continued, the tone rising with each spoken word, reaching an emotional crescendo.
“Don’t you…” – Lilly attempted, her voice now shaky, uncertain. Maybe even frightened. Yet Luke would have none of it, apparently.
“Fuck you and fuck everything you stand for. Get the fuck away from me, or I swear – I will become what you’re accusing me off. I will become the evil that you attribute to me, I will willingly become the personification of all the wrongs done to you and all the wrongs you witnessed being done to others. And once I become that, which you so hate and fear, I’ll be sure to take a nice long look at you. And I’ll be sure to pay you back in full, with a little extra” – Quite invested in the rant, Luke seemed to be leaning closer and closer to the backing away Lilly, his piercing gaze meeting her shaking one, while lips twisted into a truly sinister sneer – one that you’d only see him performing in Alternative Reality. After which, truly sinister actions always came about.
Both stood in silence once Luke was finally done, their gazes still locked together – both waiting for their opponent to either follow-up or break. Luke’s left eyebrow was already on the brink of visibly twitching, a bead of sweat slowly dripping down the side of his pale face, eyes darting to the slight tremble in Lilly’s lower lip – a sign that gave strength to his resolve. All that effort – paying off once the female finally broke into a route – her figure performing a swift twist and stamping off without a word left as a goodbye. Sweet victory, Luke could only grin like an idiot – after all, you had to take joy in the little things, regardless of the fact that she was probably off to complain and gain support from individuals of higher standing.
