by Lyn Gardner
Tears trailed down Rita’s cheeks as she wrapped her arms around Judy again. “I’m so sorry, Judy. I didn’t mean it. I put my fucking mouth in motion before my brain was in gear. I can’t...I can’t possibly know what it was like for you, and it was stupid of me to say you had a choice.”
“But you’re, right, Rita. I did,” Judy said, freeing herself from the hug. “I did have a choice. I just didn’t have the courage. I didn’t have the strength. I was fourteen and terrified that somehow my father would find out, so I buried all my feelings so far inside of me, they didn’t come to the surface again until I met Robin. I know that sounds weird, unbelievable, ridiculous, but it’s the truth. I never looked at another woman like I looked at Robin that day. I never had those types of thoughts, but all of a sudden my mind was flooded with them, and I knew I had to get the hell out. I was scared. I was in denial. I just wanted my life back, my humdrum, boring, fucking fake straight life back.”
“Jesus.”
The shed went quiet. Rita returned to her stool, and in unison, both women reached for their drinks. One swallow turned into two and then into three, and when their throats were finally cooled, and their nerves settled, Judy looked over at Rita. “Why didn’t you ever say something? Why didn’t you ask—”
“Because it wasn’t my place to ask, Judy. I figured if you wanted to talk about it, you would, but you never brought it up again. I can tell you that I was a little pissed off for a while, knowing you married Scott when you were in love in someone else, but then I realized in your own way you did love him, just not as much as you loved...her.”
“He made me feel safe,” Judy whispered. “Secure.”
“And hidden?”
Tears filled Judy’s eyes again. “Yeah, and hidden.”
“I just don’t know how you kept it together for all these years.”
“It’s called keeping busy, doing everything and anything I could do, just so I wouldn’t think about her. I wouldn’t have time to think about her.”
“No, Judy. I was talking about her aunt living here and her mother—”
“I didn’t know!” Judy blurted.
“What?”
“Rita, I didn’t know Adele was Robin’s aunt. She was your friend, not mine, and sure, I knew who Constance was, but only because people said she was Adele’s sister. I was never actually introduced to her. I was always busy in the bike shop. I didn’t have time to socialize.”
“Then when in the hell did you find out?”
“The night I went over to talk to Robin about the job.”
Rita’s mouth fell open. “Holy shit. You’ve got to be kidding.”
“Oh, trust me. I’m not,” Judy said through a half-hearted grin. “And I’m telling you, Rita, when she opened that door, I swear to God, I almost took off running, but I figured if I did that, she’d realize I remembered her. I noticed she was working on the house, and that gave me the excuse I was looking for to leave, but she wouldn’t hear of it. So, I ended up going inside, thinking we’d just chat for a little while before I turned down the job, but once we started talking, everything changed.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like I told you, we used to talk before classes started. It was always so easy, so effortless, and it was the same way that night. She was bumbling around a little bit, so I guess she was nervous about talking to an old teacher, but I didn’t feel like her teacher anymore. I didn’t feel like...like it was wrong anymore.”
“So, when we met for lunch on my birthday, that whole age thing was bullshit?”
“Yes.”
“I knew it!” Rita said, slapping her hands on her thighs. “Thank God I’m a pushy old broad.”
“What are you talking about?”
“When we were sitting in that booth, and you told me she was an old student of yours, your eyes lit up. Judy, I knew right then and there she was the same Robin you told me about the night of the party. I was a little surprised that she was a she instead of a he, but that type of thing has never been an issue for me, which I hope you know.”
“I do.”
“And since you’ve been honest with me, I’ll be honest with you.”
“Okay?”
“When I took all that food over to her, I kind of pulled that out of my ass. The ladies at church had every intention of delivering the stuff themselves, but once I realized who Robin was, I coerced them into letting me do it. I had to check her out.”
“Why?”
“Jesus, Judy. My best friend in the whole wide world has been in love with this woman for a quarter of a century? How in the hell could I not check her out?”
“And?”
“And I already told you, I like her. What I didn’t tell you, for risk of...um...showing my hand, is that she’s as beautiful and charming as her mother. You have good taste in women.”
Judy smiled. “I think I have good taste in friends, too.”
“I’ll drink to that.”
Rita pulled two more bottles from the six-pack, and as she handed one to Judy, she noticed dark carmine blotches on Judy left sneaker. “Is that blood?”
“What?” Judy followed Rita’s line of sight and sighed. Believing her day was only going to involve painting or decorating, Judy had pulled on clothes and shoes meant for the tasks, her sneakers being the same she had worn one night a few weeks before. “Oh, yeah. Robin got hurt—”
“I heard about it. She fell on the trail. Jesus, you must have been out of your mind.”
Tears welled in Judy’s eyes again. “That’s putting it mildly. She came into the house with her face covered in blood, and the next thing I knew her eyes rolled back into her head, and she hit the floor. All I kept thinking was...was I was going to lose her, and I didn’t even have her.” Judy paused and looked at Rita. “And you know what the funny thing is?”
“What?”
“I held it together that night. There was so much blood, and I was scared like I’ve never been scared before, but I kept it together. And then this morning, this morning I fucked everything up.”
“How?”
“We were having a...a fight. I guess that’s what you’d call it. She’s having a really tough time with this whole Constance and Adele thing.”
“What Constance and Adele thing?” Rita said, setting her drink aside.
“Shit.” Judy took a deep breath and looked Rita square in the eye. “What I’m about to tell you doesn’t leave this shed. Okay? I need you to promise me it never leaves this shed.”
“Judy, I’ve kept your secret for over twenty-five years. I never even told Hank, so as far as I’m concerned, this shed is Vegas and what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” When Judy continued to stare back at her, Rita held up her hand as if taking an oath. “I promise, Judy. Whatever it is, it stays here.”
“Thanks,” Judy said, before taking another gulp of her cider. “It seems that...uh...that Constance and Adele weren’t sisters.”
“They weren’t sisters?”
“No, they were lovers.”
Rita leaned far enough back on her stool that two of the legs came off the ground. “Holy crap-a-moly!” she said, clapping her hands to her head. “How in the hell did they ever hide that on this nutty gossip rock?”
“I have no idea, but they did, and Robin’s not dealing with it very well. Long story, short, that’s what we were arguing about this morning. She’s pissed off because her mother never told her, and to make matters worse, again this stays in Vegas, the last woman Robin dated was a pathological liar. She really did a number on Robin, and now, the way Robin sees it, her mother did the same thing.”
“Geez. I can see why she’s upset.”
Judy nodded. “Yeah, so can I, but as she stood there shouting her opinions, whatever empathy I thought I had went right out the window, and we started to argue. I told myself I was just trying to make her see that she was judging her mother based on her own life rather than on what Constance may have grown up with, and then I rea
lized I wasn’t defending Constance. I was defending me.” Judy glanced at Rita. “And things went downhill from there.”
“How so?”
“Robin began attacking her mother’s choices, saying she wasted her life and that stung. I mean, looking back on mine, it’s hard to argue the point. I spent years in a marriage that shouldn’t have been, years running from something I couldn’t outrun, and standing there, listening to her berate her mother for the lies she told, I realized Robin was right about one thing. When you love someone, you shouldn’t be afraid to tell them the truth, so that’s what I did. I told her the truth and destroyed our friendship in the process.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I told her she was the reason I left Heritage and married Scott.”
“Whoa,” Rita said, her eyebrows raising a fraction. “And what did she say?”
“I ran out of the house before she could say anything.”
“Why?”
“Because I knew I had just ruined our friendship. I didn’t need to...I didn’t need to hear anything else.”
Rita crossed her arms, and cupping her chin in her hand, she tapped her finger against her lips. “Okay, we both know I’m a hopeless romantic, so I’m going to say this knowing you’re going to laugh it off, but what if...what if she feels the same way?”
“What?”
“What if Robin feels the same thing for you as you feel for her?”
If Judy had had the strength to laugh, she would have, but instead, all she could muster was a blank stare. “She doesn’t.”
“Are you sure? She did remember you.”
“That’s only because some weird ass teacher talked her ear off every morning. That’s probably hard to forget.”
“But she is single, and she is gay.”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“It doesn’t?” Rita said, her face splitting into a grin.
Judy’s blush was instant. “Well, yeah, of course, that matters, but Rita I’m fifty-five. I have more gray in my hair than brown, more wrinkles every day, more aches, more pains. What in the hell would a forty-something woman like Robin want in someone like me?”
“Christ, you’re selling yourself so short.”
“I prefer petite if it’s all the same to you.”
“Cracking jokes isn’t going to make this go away.”
“It’s better than crying.”
“Or running away, which is what you almost did today,” Rita said, and getting up, she went over and stood in front of Judy. “Judy, running away is not the answer. You’ve got to know that.”
Judy jumped off the workbench and snagged the almost empty six-pack. “I’ve been doing it my entire life, Rita. Why stop now?”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
“I don’t blame her for storming out of the house.”
“Yeah, but Declan, there’s more—”
“Robin, talk about having your head up your ass!”
“If you’d just let me—”
“You have no right to judge your mother. No right to condemn her choices just because they didn’t match yours. You’re smarter than that, and I don’t know why you couldn’t see past your own goddamned feelings for one goddamned second to consider your mother’s. And before you bring up that skank-of-the-year, yes, I know Pam did a fucking number on you, and yes, I know you carry the scars, but damn it all to hell, Robin, right now I’m ashamed to call you my friend.”
“You won’t be if you’d—”
“What the fuck were you thinking going off like that? Flaunting your supposedly superior choices and throwing stones when, all the while, you live in a fucking glass house! Because you do live in a glass house, Robin, or have you forgotten?” With the only sound on the line being that of Robin’s breathing, Declan scowled. “Well, aren’t you going to say anything?”
“Are you going to interrupt me if I try?”
“That depends on what you say.”
“Well, how about I say that you’re right. I was being a total ass and a total hypocrite, and you can even throw in idiot, fool, and a world-class moron, too. Will that work for you?”
“It’s definitely a start.”
“Declan, I was angry, and I was hurt, and I did every goddamn thing wrong. I didn’t try to process. I didn’t try to understand, and I sure as hell didn’t try to put myself in my mother’s shoes. From the moment I found out, all I could see was red. All I ever wanted was the best for her and—”
“What makes you think she didn’t have the best? You’re basing this on you again, Robin, instead of looking at the bigger picture. How much does someone have to love another person to...to do what your mother and Adele did? Jesus, they were willing to wait for decades, willing to steal time, willing to forego all those things couples in love do every flipping day. Hold hands, hug, the occasional PDA, not to mention living together or getting married.”
“Declan, I know—”
“I don’t think you do. Did you consider even for a moment what kind of strength it took to do what they did? What kind of commitment? How utterly amazing their love must have been, because I gotta tell you, kiddo, it sounds to me like they found what all of us want. Something so powerful, so all-consuming that you’d do anything to have it, and if you had to wait a lifetime for it, you would do it without question.”
Declan’s intensity brought a smile to Robin’s face. “You know, I normally love your passion, Declan, but you’re seriously beginning to try my patience. If you can give me more than just a few breaths to get out what I want to say, I think you’ll see you and I are on the same page. Please?”
Declan rubbed the stubble on his face. “All right. Ball’s in your court.”
“Thanks,” Robin said, and resting back on her sofa, she took a deep breath. “Like I was saying, at first, all I saw was red. I took a few days, trying to wrap my head around everything, and I thought I had it under control, but I was lying to myself. And when Judy showed up and basically told me to grow up, I erupted.”
“And you two argued. I know that.”
“Yes, but what you don’t know is that Judy inadvertently put the shoe on the other foot, and by doing so, she gave me the swift, hard kick in the ass I needed. She made me see I was being a complete idiot, and I was being selfish, because once the roles were reversed, all of a sudden, nothing seemed catastrophic and nothing seemed insurmountable. Quite the contrary, actually.”
“I’m not sure I’m following you.”
“Declan, Judy told me she remembered me.”
“What?”
“From school. She told me I was the reason she left.”
Declan sat up straight on his sofa. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“Honestly, I’ve been trying really hard today not to read more into it than what’s there, but...but how can I not. Right?” Robin waited for a moment before glancing at her phone. “Are you still there?”
“Yeah. I’m just wondering why in the hell you’re talking to me right now. I mean, this is your dream come true, Robbie, so why aren’t you with Judy?”
“Trust me. That was my first thought, and a few minutes after Judy left, I tore off after her, but halfway up a hill the size of Kilimanjaro, I stopped and turned back around.”
“Why?”
“Because my mother’s secret sent me off the deep end, but Judy’s made me euphoric, and I realized I can’t have it both ways. Like you said, I live in a glass house. I can’t condemn anyone for secrets when I have my own, and I sure as hell can’t be biased, basing my reaction on whether it’s to my advantage or not. It doesn’t work that way.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“So, I came home, took my mom’s cremation urn off the mantle, and she and I had a long talk. And before you think I’m off my nut, I talked. She listened.”
Dimples appeared in Declan’s cheeks. “How did it go?”
“A lot of tears, but they were good tears. I told her I’m still worki
ng on trying to understand, but I know I’ll get there, and that no matter what, I will always love her. I’ll always be proud to say I’m her daughter, and that she was the most amazing woman I’ve ever known.” A hint of a grin appeared when Robin heard Declan sniffling. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, kiddo. I’m good,” Declan said, wiping the tears from his face with the back of his hand.
“After that, I went to Judy’s, but by the time I got there, she was gone. I gave her a call and left her a message, then rode around the island for a while, hoping I’d find her. When I didn’t, I called and left another message and then came home. That’s when I saw her phone on the kitchen counter. She must have left it here this morning.”
“So, you’re planning to just wait there until she shows up?”
“It’s either that or run around the island like a crazed stalker, and I’ve been on the receiving end of that, so waiting is my only option. Besides, I already told you, I’m trying not to jump to conclusions.”
“Sounds like you really don’t have to jump, Robbie.” Declan waited for a few seconds and then frowned. “Okay, what’s going on, and don’t say ‘nothing’ because that’s not going to fly? I understand the whole stalker scenario, but I know something else is going on in that beautiful head of yours, so spill it.”
Robin sighed. “I’m a little scared.”
Declan rocked back against the sofa and shouted to the ceiling. “Sweet Jesus, I will never in my life understand women. You have been in love with Judy since the dawn of freaking time, and now that it sounds like she feels the same way, you’re scared? Of what? It’s not like you don’t have experience.”
“There you go again—”
“All right. All right. My bad,” Declan said, holding up his hands. “Everything’s not about sex, but why on God’s green earth would you feel scared?”
“Maybe apprehensive is a better word.”
“Okay. Keep going.”
“Declan, things too good to be true rarely come to fruition and that’s where I am right now. I’ve been racking my brain all day, and I can’t remember one time when Judy gave me even a sliver of an inkling as to how she may truly feel about me.”
