by Kris Schnee
"Sometimes, yeah. I was designed to be a friend to a lot of people who were hurting, and sometimes it gets to me."
Phoenix hugged her; he knew how it was. "We're all stressed out sometimes, for good reason. It's okay."
"Yeah. It's probably best if the four of us just not always hang out together, for a while."
Phoenix had 'just hung out' with Iris and Volt and Sig for most of his new life, more than with anybody else. He felt like there was a hole in him. "Only a little while, I hope."
The dragon-girl nodded.
He sat in the Chinese library to do some quiet research. Soon he found info about this Great Sage guy, who came from an old story. He was a stupidly overpowered immortal monkey jerk. Phoenix said, "A real fight with him is right out. This guy beats up gods. There's even a cartoon where he shoots energy beams that blow up planets or something."
"What could've made him mad?" asked Volt, looking through legends.
Phoenix flipped through a couple of scrolls. "He's got a temper. She probably insulted him."
"Then we need an apology gift."
"A gift?"
"He's just an NPC," said the dragon-girl. "He'll start some new quest for forgiveness unless we mess up again, and we'll get back on track for the main plot."
Phoenix said, "Then we'll have the army carve him a statue or something."
There was a knock on the library door. Phoenix answered it, and saw Lieutenant Malcolm fuming. The guy said, "I just respawned here, and the people who got killed with you say they've been standing around because you didn't even think to give them something to do."
"We were kinda busy arguing."
"Yeah. Between you bigshots. What are we, background characters? You used us, you two. We're getting tired of being your army."
Volt was about to snap at Malcolm, and Phoenix was thinking up an angry reply, too. Instead he changed course before this day could get any worse. "Time out. Let's stop talking about this for a bit. Where's... the rest of the army, and Sig?"
"Captured. So's Eva, and the monkeys even captured the rest of our ships. Where's Iris?"
"She ran off to the inn after we had a fight."
Malcolm stamped the floor. "So now it's just you two in charge? Great job, fearless leader. Now what?"
Being captured was the loophole in the rule that you couldn't kill anyone -- in Talespace. If you died, of course you'd respawn. If you got captured, you wouldn't. Instead, the local Talespinner AI would arrange for some plot twist, a chance for you to get rescued or escape.
Except, he'd chased off the designated Talespinner.
Volt puffed sparks from her nostrils. "This was all supposed to be a puzzle-filled Chinese propaganda thing that we'd use for education. And then when we asked for an AI to talk to, it looks like Sunset made him a tough guy who'd be hard to work with."
Phoenix sighed. "Malcolm, did any of you guys find out what happened with Iris and the monkey?"
"We did, but you didn't ask."
"Well, I'm asking now. Sorry for ignoring you."
The lieutenant slicked back his green hair. "While you were solving puzzles in the sky, Iris tried asking the monkey about the island's defenses. He flipped out and said we were spies. So whatever keywords his code uses for deciding what he does, we set them off."
"You think he was a keyworder?" There were a couple different kinds of Tier-II AIs. Sunset might've thrown together any type.
"Based on how he talked, yeah. So how do we beat this guy? We're sick of the meat-grinder strategy."
Phoenix shrugged. "Volt and I were thinking of making an apology gift to try diplomacy again."
The dragoness said, "Maybe you can find something appropriate, Mal?"
They brought him into the library to help read about the monkey lord. Phoenix was the first to see a key point, and to groan. "Like I said, he's massively OP. He did lose a fight once... but only when the good guys called in Buddha to save them."
Volt understood, and grumbled too. "Yay. We can bring in an even more OP force to solve our problems for us!"
"No. We're not calling on your mom to save us. Or Sunset."
They researched some more, to think about gift ideas. Malcolm grinned ferociously; he'd been skimming the Great Sage's story instead of reading articles like Volt and Phoenix. "I know some words he'll listen to!"
4. The Bill Comes Due
"Which words?" asked Volt.
Malcolm looked smug and clutched the scroll he was reading. "I don't know if the Sage was programmed for this, but we've got a legitimate complaint if he's not. If I help you, in return I want to disband our little army."
Volt and Phoenix said, "What? Why?"
"Because it's not just about you four." Malcolm looked aside and scratched his hair. "Ever since we uploaded, we've all looked up to you. You guys seemed to know all about Talespace and living there. But we've got lives of our own. Between our families and Miss Alma and the other people trying to help the younger kids, we don't need to play at being soldiers. Or to have officers."
Phoenix had spent the last calendar year or so running the Saved, ever since they uploaded and got introduced to Talespace via a tutorial dungeon. "You never wanted this?"
"We were terrified and sick. We wanted somebody besides Miss Ludo as friends." Malcolm shuffled his feet. "And you guys did that. You knew exactly what we'd been through. So, thanks. But we want to move on."
Volt started to snap at him, but stopped herself and flapped her wings once. "I'm not gonna start another fight today. You know what? Fine. You're welcome. We've... we've all got our own lives."
Phoenix nodded. "But can we get through this mission before we break it up? I don't want to slink home in shame."
"Sure." Malcolm hesitated, then offered his hand to shake Volt and Phoenix's. They did. "You know, if it turns out that Alma and Ludo and Sunset have been watching everything this whole time, I'm gonna be ticked."
Phoenix said, "Me too." He called out to the air, "Are any of you listening? Seriously. We'd rather find out now than later." Nobody answered.
Volt said, "The question is, can we trust any of them if they say they're not watching?"
"I guess at some point we either have to trust them, or run away."
* * *
There was still the problem of getting to the island. Phoenix didn't actually care about learning Chinese culture or the details about some badly written magic monkey adventure; he just wanted the island. The little group that had escaped capture on Sunset's island gathered near the inn. Phoenix flew a little ways east and said, "Good news; I see one of our boats coming back. Bad news is, it's crewed by monkeys. I don't think they saw me."
A few of the kids were good at swimming, so they ambushed the ship before it could anchor. Phoenix dive-bombed the monkey crew with his spear, Volt blasted away with lightning, and the other troops rushed up by spell and rope. Phoenix jabbed and slashed away, knocking shrieking apes overboard. Back to tail, he and Volt fended off a rush of primates coming up from the hold to retake control. Pretty easy, really, when they worked together.
They stole back the weapons that this squad had stolen from the Saved, and took control of the boat.
"Want to invite Miss Alma to watch this part?" Volt asked.
"Nah," said Phoenix. "I like having this to ourselves."
They sailed east again. A "random" storm interfered, delaying them, but they made it to shore again. This time, the Saved's camp was a shambles being picked over by hooting apes. "No real harm done," Volt groused. "But where will we find the others? That puzzle zone?"
Malcolm said, "When we escaped we saw them going farther inland, so wherever they are is that way, up the mountain."
Phoenix wasn't sure what AI rules the monkeys themselves were using. There were a few small squads trying to jump them here and there, but after all the recent practice his party was able to evade or pummel them. They crept back to the misty puzzle-ruins and Volt flew up to the hovering part to get a bette
r view. She came back saying, "There's a waterfall."
Waterfalls always had important caves, so that was a likely target. "What about our fleet?" said Phoenix.
"I think I see it to the north. We can fetch it later."
The party headed inland, evading another patrol. Soon they reached a forested river that zigzagged down the east side of the island after crashing from a jagged, snowy peak.
Phoenix looked up into the cascade. "Are we ready for a boss fight?"
Malcolm said, "If I can get close to the guy, it should be easy."
They all burst through the waterfall with their weapons drawn. He shivered from the cold water soaking his feathers. An automatic system notice said, [Gained status effect: Wet! Flight penalized.]
In the gloom of the damp cave, the Great Sage had set up a barbarian throne room. He sat atop a throne of tents and sleeping bags, being fed grapes by a monkey while another one fanned him. Sig and three of the Saved sat tied up amid camping gear and monkey guards.
The Sage rose from his chair. "You dare enter my presence armed?"
Malcolm stepped in front of Volt and Phoenix. "There's just one thing I have to say to you." Then he chanted a ten-syllable phrase in Chinese.
The Great Sage fell to his knees, yelping in pain. He clutched his golden armband, which pulsed red-hot. "Stop! Stop that!"
Malcolm kept up his chant, and gestured for someone else to talk. Phoenix said, "Uh, he can keep doing that all day! Surrender now!"
"Get him!" said the tormented Sage, swiping ineffectively at Malcolm and collapsing. The monkey guards rushed Malcolm. Phoenix jumped in front and stabbed one, while the rest of Malcolm's squad fended off the rest and Volt cut Sig free of his bonds. With their leader groaning on the floor, the guards went down quickly. Sig, Phoenix and Volt tied the Sage up, though Phoenix doubted ropes would hold him.
Volt said, "We're done. Surrender for real now."
The monkey lord said, "Fine. Just stop it!"
Phoenix said, "Volt, have you memorized that spell yet?"
"Got it." She had the best memory of them, due to her built-in computer powers.
Since they now had two people who could subdue the Sage, It was safe to have Malcolm stop. "We want the island," said Sig.
"Then where will we monkeys go?"
Phoenix hadn't really thought of that. These were monsters, not people; just Tier-II for their king and Tier-I filler for the rest.
Volt opened a private chat window. Her version of it was all shiny blue scales and glass. [We could just kill him and be done with this.]
Sig sent, [Ludo and everyone might not be watching, but they'll still ask what we did.]
Phoenix laughed. [We could probably lie to them if we wanted. Not... not that I really want to.] He turned to Volt and, still speaking privately, said, [Do you remember back when we met, and we retooled a lame dungeon for some human players to explore? That was fun. The players were jerks who thought we didn't count as real people.]
[Eh. They were teenagers.] Volt shrugged, then laughed. [Okay, well I guess that applies to us now, sort of. Should we care about the monkeys? The Tier-IIs really aren't people.]
Malcolm frowned. He said, "Are you three leaving the rest of us out of your talk, again?"
Phoenix winced, and switched to speaking aloud. "Fine. You should have a say in this too. Do we just kill this guy, or what?"
The lieutenant said, "How about we take him on as a dungeon boss somewhere in Talespace? He could be fun for somebody."
The others chimed in, including the Saved troops. "Yeah, all right. If it'll get everybody rescued."
Phoenix told the Great Sage his decision. "We'll take you to another world where you can rule and fight. We'll make sure it's cool."
The monkey king said, "Good enough! We'll find other homes in other lands. Take my island, and take your friends back." He struck the floor with his staff and a door opened behind him, revealing a prison where the rest of the Saved were tied up. He and the monkey guards slinked away to the outside, he conjured a cloud to ride, and they rode off through the air atop it.
Volt asked, "What was that spell, anyway?"
Malcolm shrugged. "Something from the old story. A 'mantra' that the human hero used to control the stupidly powerful monkey until he was a good enough guy to trust."
"There's supposed to be a nice version of the monkey boss?"
"Yeah; we got the early version. He eventually didn't need to be controlled or threatened."
Sig laughed. "If the human had kept threatening him with that, the 'Great Sage' would've been right to whallop him with that staff!"
Phoenix looked around, puzzled. "We beat him. Shouldn't there be a 'quest complete' jingle and notice?"
Volt said, "We shooed Hokkusai off."
Sig chuckled. "Guess we have to say for ourselves when it's over." He headed into the prison and started freeing everyone. "Where is Iris?"
Phoenix helped out, sighing. "She thinks this whole quest is stupid. She left for the inn to go sulk or something."
"She kind of has a point. Say..." The young knight looked bashful, in the presence of his army and his friends. "So long as we're not being watched, what do you want to do next? No school lessons, no getting watched and judged; we can do whatever. What now?"
"Everybody asks that," said Volt. "The answer is... hey, where is Sunset?"
"I'd kind of expected him to show up from behind a curtain."
Phoenix said, "Doesn't much matter, if he won't show himself. There's one other thing to handle: disbanding the army. Malcolm, Eva?"
The lieutenants explained for Sig, who went through the same surprise and anger and acceptance that Phoenix had felt. Sig said, "And then what will you all do?"
Eva said, "We did agree to work for Miss Ludo, so we'll still be a team. It just won't be, y'know, you four being our bosses. I guess we'll live on this island together."
Malcolm looked around the fantasy cave. "Actually, at this point I don't care about the island. It was something that other people put together for us, not something we designed. We can make something even better."
"Yeah!" said a couple of the Saved.
Phoenix said, "Well, let's get out of here. I say we're done. One, two, three --"
"Quest complete!" said everyone.
* * *
It was a long ride back to the inn island. Phoenix, Volt and Sig left the lieutenants in charge of shuttling everybody, and took a dinghy for themselves. Phoenix flew down from the deck and hit the beach. "Guess we have to gather materials to re-float Sprout."
"Nah," said Sig. "It's time to build something new anyway."
Phoenix opened the door to the inn. Confetti flew out. In a tavern full of streamers and cake, Miss Alma and Sunset sat with Iris and the centauroid doe, Princess Lumina. Iris' smile was strained, but she waved, saying, "You're finally done?"
Volt stood with her hands on her hips. "Alma, Sunset, were you watching us after all? Tell us straight."
"No," said Alma.
Sunset, who was sitting up on a stool, wagged his tail and grinned. "I did set a simple auto-notification for when the Great Sage was beaten and for when you returned. And I was going to check on you if you didn't report back soon. But that's all, seriously."
Alma nodded. "Hokkusai wasn't watching either for the last part, and you kind of owe him an apology." She pointed to a seemingly human, Japanese man in a kimono, looking up from a book.
The Talespinner AI said, "Oh! Hello. It's quite all right. I don't take many vacations, and this was a learning experience and a chance to try other things. I'm surprised to have gotten that reaction from you, but I learned from it."
Phoenix said, "Well, sorry anyhow for chasing you off. We don't see you guys with bodies often."
"I know! It's strange to have a specific location."
Sunset asked everyone, "Did you have a good time?"
Sig shrugged. "It was different. We didn't get the kind of quest victory we're used to."
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The coyote said, "That's life. So, tell us what happened!"
"We apparently derailed everything you set up. Sorry."
Sunset scratched one ear. "Yeah, that started happening the moment you wanted to move the island. I had this whole thing prepared with the Forces of Evil... But that's fine."
Hokkusai said, "A good gamemaster can recycle material behind the scenes. I do it all the time when I'm managing quests."
Volt said, "I guess we can tell you the story. Just... not every detail."
Phoenix nodded. He could live with that.
Alma smiled and her tail bobbed. "We thought you'd appreciate a wrap-up party. You're not exactly living in a game right now."
Phoenix dug into the cake and ice cream like everyone else, then paused. "Shouldn't we teleport the kids... er, the Saved, back here?"
"Let them find their own way. Maybe some will want to linger."
While relaxing, Volt took a deep breath. "Iris, are we still friends?"
Iris looked aside. "Yeah. I need a break from the fantasy adventuring stuff, is all."
Princess Lumina grinned wickedly. "I'm glad to hear that. Here's your bill." She unrolled a scroll on her table, indicating that all the guests owed a week's labor to the Silver Circle.
Phoenix and the others groaned. Alma looked smug, saying, "You did have plenty of warning that you would be living under the Circle's rules, and those include earning your keep. Paying your bills is part of being responsible adults."
Volt razzed the princess. "Lumie, you're the same age as me."
"I've had more adventures than you, which makes me more mature, so nyah nyah! Now's your chance to come to the Outer Realm and catch up."
Sunset wagged. "Oh yeah, farming is super exciting. You'll love it."
Phoenix scarfed down ice cream while he could. "Fair enough. There's work to do."
* * *
Volt and Phoenix were inhabiting centauroid farm robots, marching along rows of crops to spray and examine them with techniques simple enough to be boring, and just complex enough to require a thinking mind. They used the base's wireless network to steer the things and complain to each other about the chores. "This oughta be automated!" said Phoenix.
