by K Larsen
“Charlotte,” he says, drawing me out of my thoughts.
I look up through my lashes at him, reaching through the sliding back window and turning up the music. “Dance with me.” He inclines his head and reaches out to me. Setting my journal aside, I take his hand and let him pull me flush against his body. As “Heavenly Day” drifts from the cab of the truck.
We slow dance in the bed to kill time. Dusk rolls in quickly. Crickets and the rumblings of a train far in the distance make a calming symphony. Somewhere far away we can just barely hear a harmonica playing. It’s just us in the bed of the truck. I don’t know what to think as his fingers creep along my skin under the hem of my shirt. It’s like magic.
Headlights illuminate the road breaking the spell. Dallas releases me and jumps down from the bed of the truck waving his arms wildly as the car approaches. The car slows and pulls to the shoulder. I wait, legs swinging from the tailgate, as Dallas leans down to the open passenger side window and speaks with the driver.
“Charlotte, grab your stuff. We have a ride!” He shouts from the car. I scurry from my spot and scoop my purse from the floor of the front seat. Dallas grabs the spare gas can and meets me at the car.
“City, this is Ben,” Dallas says as I slide into the backseat.
I wave shyly, then bow my head at our Good Samaritan.
“City, huh? That’s a weird name? Were your parents hippies or some shit?”
His skin is browned by the sun and he has bloodshot almond-shaped eyes that squint too much, like he’s been forcing his eyes open in a windstorm.
“I think it’s a great name,” Dallas says, with a toothy grin. He’s sitting in the front seat next to Ben.
“I guess with looks like that, the name doesn’t really matter much anyway,” Ben chuckles. Dallas goes ramrod straight in his seat and I swear he’s about to bare his teeth and snarl when Ben says, “Whoa there, buddy, just an observation not an insinuation.”
A giggle slips out of me at Ben’s line. It’s clever and witty and it sets me at ease. I reach forward and squeeze Dallas’s shoulder until he visibly relaxes.
“You’re lucky there’s a party tonight. This is an old logging road and doesn’t get much traffic. You coulda' been stranded for a while.”
“Party?” Dallas asks, brow raised.
“Yeah, man! You should come. It’s at this little sandy spot on the pond. You gotta hike like half a mile through the woods but it’s mostly flat. Jenika’s bringing a keg and there’s enough weed to go around.
“We’re in,” Dallas says, at the exact moment I say, “We’re busy.”
Ben looks at me in the rearview, then to Dallas and laughs. “You two are funny.”
I cross my arms over my chest and glare at Dallas but he only smiles that smile that says we’re doing it and I know that I don’t really have a choice in the matter. I can’t say no to him.
I don’t know why I bother trying to fight it anyway, somehow, Dallas manages to make all our days good.
Ben has bloodshot eyes because he is higher than a kite. He stopped at a gas station and made useless but funny chitchat while Dallas filled the gas can, and as the sun descended behind the tree line, drove us to a small parking area loaded with cars. The trail to the beach was short, and halfway there you could already hear kids laughing, loud splashes of water and music.
Nerves eat away at my insides as everyone comes into view. I have a hard enough time enjoying parties where I know the other kids’ names let alone one made up of strangers.
Dallas pulls me aside as Ben waves at someone ahead—leaving us behind.
“You can be anyone you want tonight. No one knows us. You can be Emily from Kansas who writes novels or Irina from Russia who’s the youngest professional ballet dancer ever. Let’s have some fun.”
He kisses my forehead making my stomach alight with flutters.
“Who are you?” I ask.
He looks at me thoughtfully, “I’m your bodyguard.”
“Oh so, I’m someone who needs a bodyguard?” Dallas laughs. “Okay, I’m Marion.”
He shakes my hand. “Nice to meet you, Marion.”
“I’m the heiress to the Nutella company.”
“Nutella,” Dallas deadpans.
I nod. “Yup. And you’re my driver.”
“Guys, over here,” Ben calls, and waves us over.
Dallas is filling two plastic cups for us at the keg. Jenika, the girl who brought it, is chatting my ear off, asking me every sort of question I never knew existed about Nutella.
“Well I don’t really recall the story of why they decided to mix hazelnut and chocolate in the first place, honestly, when my grandfather starts talking I usually zone out because he drones on and on and on,” I say. Jenika is sexy, overtly so. Everything about her oozes sex appeal and it’s making me hyper aware that I haven’t had a proper shower in days. I can’t imagine I look much like an heiress at the moment but she’s either too drunk or too clueless to notice. I smile and turn when I feel an arm brush against mine, thankful Dallas is back.
“You look like you need an intervention.” A handsome older guy, who is not Dallas, says.
Jenika scrunches up her face, flips her gorgeous black hair over her shoulder and mutters, “Good luck,” before walking away.
“Haven’t seen you here before,” he says. I take a step backward, putting a little distance between us.
“Hi.”
“Need a drink?” He grins at me.
“No. I’m here with someone.”
“And he left you alone? I’d never make that mistake. A pretty girl like you shouldn’t be left alone.”
“I’m not alone. I was with her,” I point in the direction Jenika stomped off.
“Don’t mind her. She’s been mad ever since I told her I wasn’t interested. Let me get you a drink. I’m Teddy,” he says, and runs his palm down my arm.
“No thanks,” I repeat. “I’m all set.”
“Everything okay, City?” Dallas’s voice sends a ripple of relief through my body as he sidles up next to me.
“She’s good,” Teddy answers grinning. “Great even. I was just offering to get her a drink.” He grins and it makes my stomach drop.
Dallas shifts his weight as he hands me my cup. I take his free hand. “I heard. I also heard her say no.”
“This the guy who left you by yourself?” Teddy asks me, seemingly shocked. “Oh, girl, you can do so much better.” He takes a gulp from his cup.
I squeeze Dallas’s hand. “Let’s go sit over there,” I say, ignoring Teddy.
“You know what your problem is?” Dallas’s voice is low—menacing.
Teddy only laughs at the rhetorical question though.
“You’re a calculation guy. I can see it clearly.” Dallas smirks in this hot-headed, confident way that makes me weak-kneed and light-headed. “You think in terms of ‘what plus what benefits me?’ Guys like you are always scheming to win, but here’s a secret; that mindset is what insures you’ll always lose. See that girl there, the one you laid hands on, thinking that smile of yours would get you where you wanted with her? Yeah, it won’t. She’s smarter than you, she knows what you’re doing with that smile—saw right through it and said no, but it doesn’t matter because I’m the lucky guy, the winner if you will, of her heart. Because I don’t think like you. Because I take the time to watch and learn and spot idiots like you before you’ve even figured out your damn equation.” A small crowd has gathered near us. Hushed whispers whoosh in the air around us like white noise.
Teddy glares at him.
“And you’re a talker, which means you probably can’t take a punch.”
I let go of Dallas’s hand and step back, a pang of unease rippling through my gut.
Teddy crumples his empty cup in his hand and tosses it in the dirt before he swings at Dallas.
A shriek peals out of me as Dallas’s full cup drops to the ground, splattering my shoes while he ducks. A pair of arms catch me und
er my armpits and help me regain my footing while also pulling me further away. “Stay back,” they say, and I recognize Ben’s voice.
Dallas comes up fast and catches Teddy solidly on the underside of his jaw sending him flailing backward.
“Dallas, stop!” I shout. But there is a look in his eye I’ve never seen before, wild and focused on Teddy. Dallas lunges forward, shadowing Teddy’s movement and swings again, this time knocking Teddy to the ground. His head lolls left and he spits out a mouthful of red.
“Don’t talk to, don’t look at, don’t even breathe in the direction of my girl, got it?” Dallas barks out hovering over him. Ben rushes forward and pulls Dallas away, telling him to chill out. But Dallas is all bunched muscles—stiff and vibrating.
When his eyes land on mine he relaxes minutely. “Are you okay?” he asks. I rush into his arms, clutching him hard enough to squeeze the air from his lungs. His arms snake around me and hold me tight. We stay like that until his breathing slows. When I pull back to look at him, the storm in his eyes has cleared.
“Here man, geez, you need this,” Ben says, holding a small white joint in Dallas’s direction. “Teddy’s a dick. Everyone knows that. He’s had it coming for a while.” He chuckles. “Sure made Jenika giggle and I swear she’s all sour-faced all the time so kudos man.”
Dallas takes the joint, brings it to his lips and inhales. “Is that pot?” I ask.
On his exhale he laughs and coughs at the same time, nodding at me. “Have some.”
I shake my head.
“It won’t kill you, City, I promise.”
“I don’t think this is the place to try it.”
“Whoa, you’ve never smoked?” Ben blurts out looking horrified.
Dallas tucks me under his arm. “She’s a late bloomer,” he says, with pride.
I smack his chest. “I’m not a late bloomer.”
“Dude, City, you gotta try it. It will make you so chill.”
“I don’t even know what that means,” I giggle out.
“Like, the stars and the pond and the leaves on the trees will all make sense. And you’ll feel real peaceful.”
Dallas bursts out laughing but nods and hands me the joint.
“I don’t think you need to get that high,” he nods at Ben, “but it will make you feel relaxed.” I stare at the tiny white offending object with disdain. “I will always protect you. Nothing bad will happen. I swear,” he says.
I take it from him, still uncertain. “Just suck in, hold it for a second and then blow out.”
Following instructions, I inhale and immediately erupt into a coughing fit. To the point where I’m doubled over, one arm up, holding out the joint to anyone to take from my fingers so that I can full body cough my way into the dirt. At least that’s what I envision. My lungs burn and it leaves an awful taste in my mouth. Dallas hands my cup to me, and I’m immediately thankful for liquid to soothe my throat. I take a huge gulp and cringe. The beer is bitter and not what I was expecting.
Dallas and Ben erupt in laughter.
“That was gross!”
“Come on, my delicate flower, let’s go find a quiet place to sit.”
Someone shouts Ben’s name, and like a prairie dog, his head shoots up and darts back and forth looking for the source of sound before he scampers off to find it.
Dallas leads me to a spot on the beach where the sounds of the other kids are muted by distance before lying down in the sand. I sit next to him and sprawl out on my back. The sky looks like navy velvet with thousands of rhinestones glittering above us.
“Do you ever wonder where words came from?” My thoughts feel slow and my words sound foreign as they hang in the air.
“Huh?”
“Like, who walked by a tree pointed at it and sounded out tree? And why did it stick? How did their sound for it become the word that is?” My mouth is dry but I can’t seem to force my body to move and grab a drink.
“You’re really high, aren't you?” Dallas laughs out.
I roll my head to face him and grin. “But seriously.”
“I don’t know. When you question it that way it seems weird. Like people were just walking around grunting at things and other people nodded and parroted whatever they said.”
“Exactly. And then somehow, the words just… stuck. Like there’s no rhyme or reason to them!”
“But why don’t you know this? You love words,” he says.
“I like the sound of words. The way one word can encompass a feeling succinctly.”
“Like what?”
My lips tilt up as I conjure a word. “Like, eccedentesiast.”
“What’s that one mean?”
“A person who hides behind a smile. Just a single word to convey a whole message.”
“What’s a word for how you feel right now?” he asks. Talk about a loaded question.
“Ineffable.”
“What’s that one mean?”
“Too extreme to use words to describe the moment.” I answer.
“Do you have a word for me?”
I nod.
“Are you going to tell me?” he pushes.
I narrow my eyes at him, a playful smile on my lips. “Wonderwall or sarang.” I look back to the asterism I had my eye on before.
“You’re really going to leave me hanging?” he groans.
“You can always look it up,” I say.
“I learned a word for you. After that first scrabble night at your house.”
I knock my hand against his. “Don’t tease. I just like how they sound. The idea that a feeling or concept can be summed up in a single beautiful word.”
Dallas props himself up on his elbows. “I’m not teasing. But I don’t want to tell you because you probably already know the definition and that’s completely unfair unless you tell me what my words mean.”
Sitting up, I give Dallas a glare that means business. “Don’t ruin an otherwise perfect moment,” I taunt.
His mouth yawns open into a smile. “Perfect moment, huh?”
“Yeah.” I straddle his lap and push him down. He tucks his arms behind his head and stares up at me.
“Yeah, the view is alright,” he says sarcastically.
I plant my hands on either side of his head and lower myself until my face hovers over his. His tongue darts out wetting his lips.
“Tell me,” I whisper. He shakes his head. I lower my face another inch. Butterflies swirl around my belly as his eyes leave mine and fixate on my lips. “Tell me,” I whisper again. Dallas lifts his head slightly, nearly connecting our lips, but I pull back just enough. He groans.
“Orphic. Now will you kiss me? It’s orphic.”
My whole face scrunches up with my smile at his admission. I lower myself, arms starting to shake with exertion and let my lips brush his. That invisible cord between my nipples and groin tugs, turning my insides to pudding. Little electric currents run through me as his hands slide up my arms. A chill races the length of my spine at the feel of his fingertips slithering against my scalp through my hair. He pulls me closer, tongue slipping between my lips and my arms give out, leaving my body flush against his. I rest two fingers against his neck. I feel the warm pluck of connection between his heart and mine. His strong and wild pulse pushes back against them. His chest heaves mine up and down. With him, my mind feels like a calm, clear river.
“Charlotte,” he breathes against my lips.
“Mmm?”
He touches my hand on his neck. “What’s this about?” His words are slow and heavy.
My eyes snap open and blink, clearing away my lusty haze. I feel the restless itch of my own trauma heating up. Sickness twists in my gut.
She pulls my hand away from her neck. “Why do you do that?” Nora asked, while holding my hand.
I shrug and roll facing away from her. “It proves you’re here.”
Nora cocked her head. “Why wouldn’t I be here, Lotte?”
“I used to see Eve—after she left. Bu
t I couldn’t touch her. I like to touch things to feel they’re alive,” I whispered.
Nora rolled me over so we were almost nose to nose and pretended to take my pulse at my neck. I half smiled. There was so much I needed to tell her. “She was my sister.” I wanted to cry.
“I didn’t know you felt that close to her but sometimes relationships don’t work out. You have me for now. Am I okay to hang out with?” she asked.
I wrinkled my face up with determination and drew in a breath. My mouth opened, then snapped shut.
“Nora, come on out,” Holden said from the other side of her bedroom door. It startled us both. Nora clutched her chest and I buried my face in her armpit. “It’s nine already. Lotte needs sleep.” There is no room for argument and I knew that neither I nor Nora would disobey him.
I pull my hand out from under Dallas’s as if it’s been bitten, but he catches it and doesn’t let go.
“Tell me,” he says. “You’ve done it before.”
I roll off him and he releases my hand. I inhale sharply.
“It’s embarrassing.” I choke on the words, take a breath, try again. “I didn’t realize I was doing it.”
He props himself on his side, facing me, and touches my pulse point. It kindles something so deep in my gut that I’m sure I will spontaneously combust. I swallow thickly as he keeps his fingers there.
“Your heart is racing.” Gently, I tug his fingers from my neck and clutch them over my bosom. “You can tell me anything, City. Anything.”
“It was a tick, kinda. A coping mechanism I guess. It started on the mountain when he let Eve out of the box. She barely moved. She was so weak. I didn’t know if she was alive so I constantly checked her pulse. Every time I felt it, I knew I was safe. It stopped my anxiety. After Eve, when Nora came, I did it to her too. I just needed to know she was alive—real. That I wasn’t alone.”
