I stand and begin cleaning up the mess I made. I’m operating on autopilot and once I finish I go to bed. I lie there and hold her pillow. I can smell her, and I bury my face in it as I feel tears leaking out my eyes. What am I going to do? Surely this can’t be the end, but I fear it is and that ruins me.
I wake up the next morning to someone banging on my front door. It’s Cash, and I choose to ignore him only to have him bang on my bedroom window and tell me to get my ass up and let him in. I yell at him to leave me alone only to have him continue to bang on my window until I finally get up and let the bastard in.
“Damn man, do you know what time it is? Why are you over here so early?” I sit down on my sofa as he makes himself at home by going into my kitchen and putting a pot of coffee on.
“Tyler it’s one in the afternoon, and I’m here because I got a call from Cameryn asking me to check on you. We’ve both been trying to call you, and you’re obviously ignoring us and not answering your phone.” I look at the phone lying on the floor across the room then back up at him and shrug. I can’t make myself give a shit.
“Man, you look like three-day-old roadkill.”
“Thanks, man, you really know how to boost a friend up when he’s down.” I let the sarcasm loose. I’m really not in the mood for company, and I wish he would haul his ass. I want to just wallow for a while in my misery.
“You need to pull yourself together if you’re going to get her back.” This pisses me off. I’m not the one who panicked and left.
“Maybe I don’t want to get her back! I told her I loved her, and she couldn’t get away from me fast enough.” I cross my arms and then lean my head back on the sofa as I deflate. So much for justifiable anger, I just can’t be mad at her, even when she deserves it.
“Look, dude, I know you’re pissed and you have every right to be. I tell you what, I’ll handle work this week and let you calm down and decide what you want to do. You know I’m behind you no matter what. I get what MaCee did was a shitty move, but I don’t believe she doesn’t love you. Just give her some time, things are going to work out. Besides, I know you, and once your head is screwed back on right you’ll figure out how to fix this. You always do. I’ll leave you alone for now. Call if you need anything.”
I hear him leave, and I continue to just sit there. I wish I had Cash’s confidence, but he didn’t see the panic in her eyes, I did, and it has me feeling pretty hopeless right now.
I’m grateful I have a friend like Cash. With everything he went through when his mother died, he understands me needing space and time. I know he will handle things until I can get my shit together and decide how I want to proceed. Right now, I just want to sit here and not think about what a future will look like without MaCee in it.
My week pretty much passes with me sitting on the sofa drinking beer and moving only when necessary, which isn’t very often. I fix myself a sandwich when I’m so hungry I can’t take it anymore and around Wednesday, I finally can’t stand my stench any longer, so I take a shower. Justin came by one day and brought some pizza and more beer, which I appreciated, but he didn’t stay very long. It probably had something to do with the fact I kept answering him in one-word sentences. Cash stopped by sometime and cleaned up some, bitching the whole time about me acting like a pussy-whipped teenager. I still couldn’t seem to give a shit, just continued to drink beer and stare off into space.
She hasn’t called or sent a text all week, and this silent treatment is killing me. I picked up my phone several times and typed out angry texts only to delete them before I hit send. I didn’t want to be that guy who acted like an asshole. Then, I would type out a text begging her to give me another chance or just talk to me only to delete it before I sent it. I’m trying to give her time to make a move. If she doesn’t want me anymore I’ll eventually learn to deal. We live in the same town and share many of the same friends. I don’t know how, but I’ll learn to cope with not having her, although if that is how we end up it’s going to kill my soul to see her and not be with her. I may have to rethink my living situation. I’m not one to run from my problems, but I’ve also never been in love before and I don’t think I can handle her being so close without being able to touch her and have her.
Sometime during the week, I could have sworn I heard her mother at my door. I started to answer it but then looked down at myself and thought better of it. It had been a while since I showered, and I haven’t shaved all week. She eventually gave up and left. I thought it strange her mother would want to see me but decided not to think too hard about it. My week was almost over, and Cash was going to be expecting me to have my shit together by Monday. At least I have the weekend to finish up my moping. I make up my mind, come hell or high water, Monday I’m going to have it together. But for now, I think I’ll just sit on this sofa, drink another beer, and stare off into space.
Chapter Twenty-two
MaCee
I wake up at Cam’s house, and it’s not the Sunday I envisioned. My plans included sleeping in with Tyler and either him waking me or me waking him for a morning of making love, but no, I completely fouled that up. I just hope Cam is right and I can fix what I broke. The thought of never having a Sunday in bed with him again is terrifying, and I stop myself before I have a full-blown panic attack. I get up and shower and decide I’m going to talk to my mother this morning. Cameryn is right, I can’t keep avoiding getting this out in the open and I need it resolved if I’m going to fix the mess I’ve created with Tyler.
Cam has coffee ready when I enter the kitchen. She knows me so well. I sit at the bar and admire what she’s done so far to make this house a home. The kitchen is done in white with different shades of blue for accents. It looks clean and inviting at the same time. She leased this house with Hannah’s assistance before she moved from New Orleans from a sweet older lady who has given her free rein to paint and decorate as she desires. Once she found out she was pregnant she was determined her baby is going to have a home to come to. I’ve been helping her as much as I can, but her parents have decided to make it a competition to show which is going to be the better grandparent.
Cam’s parents divorced years ago, while we were in high school and it was rather nasty. Occasionally, they become like this and try to out-do each other with their children. Cam and I would usually sit back and watch because it always benefits her, like it is now. They’ve just about gotten all the painting that needs to be done finished and the floors are done. As a matter of fact, all the repair work is done. Cam found out last week she’s having a boy, so now they’re purchasing things for the nursery. It’s crazy, but it’s helping her get ready so what the hell.
“What are your plans today?”
I jump at the sound of Cam’s voice. I’m so lost in my thoughts I forgot she was standing there.
“I’m going home to talk to Mama. You’re right about us needing to resolve our issues. Then, I’m going to finish my paper due Friday so I don’t have to worry about it. Any ideas on how I can get Tyler back?” She gives me a look like she’s up to something, and I begin to worry about what it could mean.
“Did you know Nash is playing at the Twisted Oak Friday night? You’re off this coming weekend, right?” she asks.
Nash Devereaux is Justin’s cousin, who is the lead singer of one of the most popular bands in the area.
“Yeah, I had this paper due and a test to finish by Sunday, so I didn’t schedule myself at the hospital. I was planning on spending a lot of time with Tyler this weekend, so I wanted to leave next weekend free to do school work.” That got shot in the foot, so I guess I’ll finish my projects.
“I texted Justin this morning and got Nash’s number. You need to make a big gesture, and this may be the way to do it.”
I think about it for a moment and then smile when I realize what Cam is saying. Yeah, this may be the perfect way to show him how I feel. Now
to figure out how to get him to the bar on Friday night. I’ll have to convince Justin to help me with that one. Things are beginning to look up. I’m going to get him back, and if this doesn’t work, then by damn, I’ll stalk him if I have to.
“I like that look. I see you’re beginning to get your mojo back. Last night you were pitiful, and I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you so down and out of it. I didn’t like it. This is a much better look.”
I give Cam a hug and head out the door to go see Mama. No more avoidance for me.
I enter my house and hear Mama in the kitchen. I hope she doesn’t have company this morning. She knew I was staying at Tyler’s so it’s a possibility. I’m relieved to find her alone when I enter the room.
“MaCee, you’re home early.” She turns and looks at me and immediately pulls me into a hug. “Oh, baby, what’s wrong? Did you and Tyler have a fight?”
Damn, I must look like shit. I pull away from her and sit on a stool at the island. She stands there waiting patiently for me to answer. I take a deep breath and tell her what happened last night. She’s very sympathetic, but when I tell her I haven’t called him or went back over there she gets downright furious with me.
“Mabel Camilla, you get up off your ass and march right back over to that poor boy’s house and apologize for your stupidity. He obviously loves you, and I will not allow you to throw away the best thing to ever happen to you.” I know she means business when she uses my full name, and I cringe a little at the sound of it. Her voice softens with her next words. “I know how rare true love is, and you can’t let it pass you by.”
“I know, Mama, but I’m scared he won’t want me after what I did. I intend to prove myself to him and I have a plan, but we need to talk. You and I have some things we need to quit hiding under the rug. Cam seems to think our unresolved issues may have been behind my panic attack last night, and I need to fix this so nothing can stand in the way of my life with Tyler.”
She looks at me with saddened eyes and nods her head. She knows.
“Let’s go out into the sunroom where we can get comfortable. I have a feeling this isn’t going to be easy.” Once we’re settled she asks, “Where do you want to start?”
I think about it for a moment and decide the beginning is the best place.
“You didn’t cry at Daddy’s funeral. I was so mad at you for not crying, and I’ve never seen you cry over him dying. I understand being strong, but you never cried and I felt I wasn’t supposed to either. It hurt so much, and I felt I was a disappointment because I cried and everyone saw me and that made me so mad.”
She looks at me, and I see tears in her eyes as she shakes her head. She then reaches out and grabs my hands as tears continue to stream down her cheeks. I’m shocked because it’s the first time I’ve ever seen my mother outright cry in my presence.
“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. I cried, oh, believe me, I bawled like a baby. I’ll never forget the day your daddy died, but I don’t remember much of the week that followed. I regret not being there for you and Lee during that time, but I was emotionally and physically unable to be. When your Daddy died my whole family showed up here to tell me. It was the strangest thing to see my parents, Uncle John, Aunt Faye, Liza, and Jefferson and I knew something was horribly wrong. I collapsed and when I woke up I was inconsolable. Dr. Miller had to drug me so I could make it through the funeral. Your grandparents took over your care and Liza stayed by my side. I barely knew what world I was in. When the drugs wore off I heard you crying in your room and knew Richard would be so disappointed in me for falling apart and not caring for you. It’s the only thing that got me out of my stupor. I flushed the pills down the toilet that night and decided taking care of you was my new mission. I believe I may have gone overboard, and it caused us to move further apart rather than closer together.”
I had no idea my mother had gone through this. I knew she loved my father, but obviously, my family had kept how devastated she was from me. I start to talk, but she silences me.
“Let me finish. Once I decided to put all my focus on you I was able to avoid truly grieving your father. I became more and more panicked the closer it came for you to go away to college. I know the summer after your senior year I was hell on wheels, but I didn’t want to have to deal with the loss. Liza knew what was going on and she tried to stop me from completely pushing you away, but it didn’t work. I did a bang up job of it. You stayed away for years, and I regret that. After you left I fell apart and walked around this house like a zombie for weeks. I cried, oh, how I cried. Finally, my mother, Aunt Faye, and Liza had an intervention. They ganged up on me and gave me a swift kick in the ass and I dealt with my grief. I even saw a counselor for a while and learned to make a life for myself instead of living through you.”
I now have tears running down my cheeks. I had no idea my mother had gone through all of this. I lean forward and hug her to me.
“I’m sorry, Mama, I’ve been a horrible daughter. I had no idea and was too young and angry to try and find out. All I could see was you trying to run my life and I just wanted out.”
We talk for another hour, and I feel as though a weight has been lifted off me. Cam was right. I needed to resolve this issue.
The rest of my week is spent in a miserable haze. I’m so unhappy without Tyler and I miss him terribly. I try to not let it affect my work, but by Tuesday afternoon everyone is asking me what’s wrong. I try to blow it off and say I’m just tired from studying, but I don’t think anyone believes me. Wednesday, I contact Justin to meet me for lunch so I can put my plan into motion. He agrees but is acting weird, so I know he has an idea something is up with Tyler and me. He’s wearing a scowl when he walks into the diner where he usually wears a smile anytime we see each other.
“I know. I screwed up,” I say in the place of a greeting, and he shakes his head.
“Yeah, you did. I don’t know what you did to my boy, but he’s a mess, and you better have a plan on fixing it.”
We place our orders and I look Justin in the eyes. I need his help and plan on using whatever means possible to get it.
“He’s a mess? Oh shit, I feel awful. I do love him, more than I ever thought possible and I have to fix this. I can’t lose him, Justin.” I bury my face in my hands and start crying.
“Damn, MaCee, don’t cry. Oh shit, you know I can’t handle you crying. We’ll fix it. You won’t lose him. What do you need me to do? I was going to make you beg, but now that I see you’re as messed up as he is I can’t go through with it. Just tell me what you need.”
I wipe my face with a napkin and give him a weak smile. He grins back at me.
“You know I love you, always have.”
“Yeah, like a brother, I know, and I love you too. Now what’s the plan because I know you and Cam have come up with something.”
I tell him what I plan to do on Friday night over our lunch of greasy burgers and fries and he assures me he will do his part and make sure Tyler is at the bar. I leave the diner feeling slightly more confident that things may work out. I just hope Tyler will accept my apology and take me back because I don’t even want to think about what will happen if he doesn’t. I can’t or I’ll completely lose my nerve.
Chapter Twenty-three
Tyler
“Justin, I don’t want to go out tonight. Look, dude, I’m not in the mood and I’ll just bring everybody down.”
I don’t know why he’s so determined for me to go out. I just want to sit here and drink myself to sleep so I don’t have to think about how I screwed up and how much I miss her. I still have my weekend, dammit, before I have to get my shit together. I start to just hang up on him when I hear someone at the door. Who the hell is banging on my door?
“Open the damn door, man.”
What the hell is Justin doing here? I’m on the phone with him. I hang up as I stand and open
the door only to have him, Cash, and Tucker bust in on me.
“What’s that awful smell? Dude, it’s you. Go take a shower, you’re going with us.” Justin walks in like he owns my house, and the other two follow.
I remember a time when I didn’t know anybody in this town and I’m now obviously one of them. Cash pushes me toward the bathroom all the while making a face as if he smells something dead. Okay, maybe it’s been a couple days since I showered, but it can’t be that bad.
“All right, fine, I’ll shower. Where are you guys taking me by the way?” I guess I can go for a little while if it will get them off my back.
“My cousin Nash’s band is playing at the Twisted Oak, and we’re going to listen to him. He’s really good so it should be a decent show.”
The first thing that pops in my head is if MaCee is going to be there. I don’t know how I’ll handle seeing her yet.
“Before you ask, MaCee has to work. Look, man, the moping is just pathetic. Let’s go get some beers and show her you’re out and about.”
I don’t really want to show her. Hell, all I want is to get her back, but in spite of my thoughts, I head to the shower to get ready.
We arrive at the Twisted Oak and it’s packed. This band must be good. They’re about to start playing so I go to get a beer when I see Cameryn at the bar. I can’t stop myself from looking around hoping to see my girl—damn, I have to stop thinking of her that way—I mean MaCee somewhere behind her. I don’t know whether to be happy or disappointed when I don’t see her. Cam sees me and comes over to give me a hug. I must look as pathetic as Justin says I do.
“It’s gonna be all right, Tyler, I promise.”
Mama Knows Best Page 16
