“Wait,” I called when he was a few steps away. He stopped and looked back over his shoulder with big, steely eyes.
“Thank you.” I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t know what made Ben offer me to stay. I had no idea why he was doing this for me; but what I did know was that I wouldn’t forget that he had helped me—not even if he returned to being the cold-hearted man that I used to know.
He just gave me a smile, then turned and walked on.
I waited until I heard Ben’s door click shut before closing my own. Ben had no reason to grant me an overnight stay—at least not the old Ben. The new Ben had come as a surprise. Someone I hadn’t expected. My mind curled up in a knot as I tried to wrap my head around what had just happened and, ending up without success, I finally walked to the bed with cautious steps.
Even in my bleary-eyed weariness, I could appreciate the beauty of the room. I wished briefly that I could be a real guest of this lovely family, here for some happy reason and looking forward to a sunny tomorrow. Instead, I was a frightened refugee from demons, mourning the death of my beloved, burdened with the secrets of Chris and Jenna, and now confused and alarmed by what seemed to be Ben’s secrets, as well.
The last time I had slept at the Gallagers’ place, it had been in that one room down the hall. A room full of his presence, full of his smell—Adam’s room. It was from a different life.
I turned off the lamp and fell gratefully on the pearly sheets, intending to think through some of what had occurred in this house this evening. Before I could go into detail thinking about Adam, about his brother’s strange behavior, and about what had driven me here in the first place, I drifted off into a restless sleep...
It was dark. A flash of silver light tore through the air between me and Adam. He spread his wings the second the flash hit his chest. I held my breath and gestured to him to hide before they could strike once more. He didn’t take any notice of my hands waving, trying to summon him beside me. He looked at me with burning red eyes. Red eyes, I had never seen before, red eyes like fire. They bore into mine and my body was burning, every single fiber in my being screaming with pain. It wasn’t Adam; it was the shadow from the street, the human shape made of billowing shadow. I couldn’t see its face, but a pair of red eyes was burning in the darkness. They were fixed on me while the shadow around them glided closer. I wanted to run, but my body wouldn’t respond to my desperate commands. It remained frozen, burning in agony. I fought the finality of what was written in those red eyes. Death, was what they said. Death and agony. I screamed....
“Wake up,” a voice spoke beside my ear.
I shuddered as the voice touched my ears. I looked around for the source of it, but there was nothing but the red-eyed demon.
“Claire,” the voice demanded, a little louder this time.
I opened my eyes, unable to find the speaker in the darkness of my dream, and the pain left my system instantly as I found myself back in reality.
The room was dark but something, perhaps moonlight through the windows, gave a soft glow. I looked to the side to find Ben’s face beside mine. I stared at him in the half-light. His eyes were the molten steel they had been earlier.
“I heard you scream, so I thought I might check on you,” he said, his tone full of worry. “Are you alright?” he asked.
I continued staring. I wasn’t surprised by his presence, it felt almost natural that he was there. My eyelids dropped, blocking my eyes from his view for a second as I blinked. When I reopened them, he was still there, his features serious, his face so close that the heat of his breath was warming my cheek.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said when after another half a minute I was still motionless like a statue, doing nothing but stare.
“You didn’t,” I whispered into his breath. I felt a jolt in my stomach as Ben closed his eyes for a second. When he reopened them, they glowed silvery blue.
I jumped and slid away from him, only to hit my head on the bedpost.
“Ouch!” I said and felt my scalp to examine if I had cut the skin somewhere. There was nothing wet in my hair, so I just rubbed the spot where my skull had hit the wood.
My eyes snapped back to Ben. He was still leaning on the bed, but to my horror, his eyes were gleaming. What had I done? It seemed like I was about to catalyze the Gallagers’ second son. I had done nothing in particular to cause a change in Ben, I told myself and tried to clam down, although internally I was freaking out. Could just being there make Ben’s angel powers awaken? This couldn’t be happening. It was a disaster. What if I became his mark, too? I couldn’t. He couldn’t. I had to leave.
I scrambled out of the bed and stood, still rubbing my head with my hand, then carefully stepped toward the door.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Ben’s voice came from the bed.
“Home,” I mumbled into my hair, which was falling into my face as I continued rubbing my head while I slowly made my way in the half-light.
“I don’t think so.”
I fell to my knees, stumbling in surprise away from the voice that was right there in my ears. It hadn’t been more than a few seconds. He hadn’t made a sound—none at all.
My bandaged hands hit the floor as I buckled forward. I didn’t dare turn around. Instead, I tried to push myself back to my unwilling feet. How could it have happened so fast? His eyes had just started to glow and he already teleported? The moment I asked myself the question, it was answered by Ben’s pale hand reaching out to help me up.
I shied away from his long, slender fingers. They shouldn’t be there. Ben shouldn’t be there. I shouldn’t be there.
Yes, you should, the voice in my head mocked as it woke up in the back of my mind. I shook my head at both, Ben’s hand, and the voice and got to my feet without help. My knees were like pudding and my hands were shaky. I was in shock—a state I was used to by now.
When I had fully straightened up, my eyes snapped to Ben’s gray shiny ones. They didn’t glow anymore, I noticed, and it was like I looked at a totally normal man. I felt stupid for running away. Ben standing in the Gallagers’ guest room with his half-outstretched hand and perfectly normal eyes made him seem ordinary. Except that he was anything but ordinary. He was part-angel about to develop his powers and there was nothing I wanted more than to get out of his sphere before he spread his wings for the first time. There was nothing less useful for me now, than to become the mark of another angel and turn into a double-target for the demons that were already trying to kill me. I needed a safe space; somewhere I could go when I wanted to hide from the world and where I could think.
“Don’t be afraid, Claire,” Ben said after a while of looking into my eyes. I didn’t know what he had found there that made him use this utterly gentle tone. His expression turned all warm and tender, and it was like a mask was crumbling from his face.
I searched his eyes for a sign of gleaming but all I found was the reflection of the moonlight coming through the window.
“I think it’s time I told you something,” he began. I loved this new gentle voice, but I didn’t like the words he was speaking. My head wandered from side to side on top of my spine in slow movements while I continued staring like I was a complete idiot.
“I have to,” he said, but I continued to shake my head, stricken dumb by utter dread of what he had to say.
“Please, Claire,” his voice became harsher. I didn’t like it. “I need to show you. I don’t care if you don’t want to know. I think you—if anybody—have the right to know.”
My mouth opened to tell him I didn’t want to hear it, whatever it was. His soft eyes made me think I knew exactly what he wanted to tell me and I couldn’t stand to hear it said aloud. How could he think I could... I still was too deep in the mess Adam had left behind. I couldn’t simply replace him. How could Ben think I would betray the memory of his brother?
Ben came closer. I couldn’t stand the vision of him so near to me. My head rolled
to one side so I wouldn’t have to look directly into his face. He came even closer and his hand grabbed my chin, forcing my face back in his direction.
I closed my eyes to evade his stare. It was uncomfortably intense and his breath was coming in too quick gusts.
“I can be for you what he was,” Ben whispered.
I tried to shake my head in his iron grip, but didn’t get it to move even an inch.
“Don’t think I can’t,” he mocked.
I threw him an ugly look before I opened my mouth to speak. “You can never replace him,” I spat, my jaw fighting against his hand. “You are not Adam.”
“But I’m from the same family,” Ben replied without a second of delay.
“That doesn’t give you the right to take his place,” I said harshly. My insides knotted into a hard ball and reminded me in a painful way that nobody could.
“I can give you whatever he gave you...”
“I don’t want it,” I said coldly.
“Maybe more...”
I looked at him for a while with a probing gaze.
The way his eyes were beginning to gleam made me anxious. I wasn’t sure anymore if what I was fearing would come was where he was actually headed.
His hand loosed its grip. Maybe he took my unresponsiveness as a sign that I accepted his offer.
I shook my head in a quick motion. “No.” The word sounded freezing.
“I’m stronger, Claire,” Ben said in a quiet voice, “No one is going to harm you when you’re with me.”
“I don’t care how many tree trunks you can carry,” I snapped, thinking of him in the parlor just hours before, arms folded over his shapely chest.
His brow furrowed but his lips curved in frustrated amusement. “No, no, no, not that, Claire,” he said. “I’m older than Adam and I have a purer bloodline.”
“What?” I choked out. “What are you talking about?” My head swam with incomprehension while Ben kept looking at me like he was revealing the first prize to the lucky winner.
“Do you really not understand?” he whispered. With the strangest look, he stepped backward and pointed at himself like he was trying to tell me that the prize he had been talking about all along was him.
“Understand what?” was all that could leave my mouth before my questions were answered with a burst of blinding white.
Reflexively, I shied away from Ben’s expanding shape—the image of a Gallager son exploding in front of me felt like deja-vu. I remembered the first time I had seen Adam spread his wings. It had been the beginning of a lot of happiness, but also a lot of pain and now sorrow. I was living deep in the fallout still.
“Ben, no,” I whispered in dismay.
He was standing there, shirt torn and hanging askew from his broad shoulders, revealing his muscled chest, framed by a beautiful pair of shining, white wings. He was magnificent.
Hot tears sprang up without warning and stung my eyes.
“Oh my God, Ben—I’m so sorry.” My voice was so low it was almost inaudible. So, I had sealed the Gallagers’ second son’s fate, too. Just as I had with Adam, I had triggered Ben’s wings and now I was marked by him. Could things get any more complicated? Great, the voice in my head came to life once more, now you’ve got both of them on your conscience—murderer. “Shut up,” I responded aloud, but only so loud that I could hear it, or so I hoped. A deep sadness spread inside of me. I was a murderer. I hadn’t lifted as much as a finger against them, but still I was responsible for Adam’s death, and I would certainly be responsible for Ben’s, too, unless some miracle delivered us both.
“I don’t think God needs you to be sorry,” Ben said much too casually for what I thought was the high drama of the moment.
His tone shifted me away from my own problems to consider what it was he might be saying. Why would he be so calm? Wasn’t he afraid?
“You can stop blaming yourself now,” he said, and his eyes locked on mine with a seriousness I had never ever seen on his face before.
“What—?”
“No, you’re not marked,” he said evenly, “you’re not a target because of me, and you didn’t trigger my wings.”
My mouth fell open at what he was saying. Could it be that this boy knew everything? How long had he been like this? I didn’t want to think about the future for this heavenly winged creature. He was too young to be exposed to this war. And still he seemed so confident, the way he was standing with his angelic wings. He looked as if they had been part of him all his life.
“Ben, I—” I was at a loss for words.
His eyes started to gleam in a steely blue that looked even more alien than Adam’s light green or Jaden’s gold.
“Don’t worry about me,” he said reassuringly, his voice strong and confident.
I must have looked like a complete idiot because Ben suddenly launched into laughter. Pride and strength shone out from him.
“I’ll be fine,” he laughed, “I’ve learned to handle it.”
“Ben—” I started once more, “how can you not be afraid? After what happened to your brother... As long as you use your powers, they might track you down, won’t they? ”
Ben just looked at me with his eyes glowing and the most beautiful smile on his perfect lips.
“How have you managed to stay undetected? I thought the demons could locate new angels when they spread wings for the first time.” My voice trailed off as Ben just stood there smiling at me. I had more questions.
“How did you learn what was happening that first time? Adam told me how hard it was for him in the beginning—”
The mention of Adam seemed to cool his joy in revealing his powerful angel-self to me. His smile faded and he looked down pensively as if mesmerized by the elaborate parquet floor of the room.
“He told me about the fear... and the changes in the physical abilities... and it was so hard for him to learn to control it...” I stepped back and sat down on the bed, my heart heavy with memories and my head bursting with thoughts I couldn’t channel into one simple sentence. Instead of voicing what was going on inside of me, I fell silent and stared at the blanket.
The floor made a creaking noise as Ben moved, the soles of his feet brushing the wood as he walked slowly in my direction.
Everybody was supernatural around me. All of them were extraordinary, strong, had superhero powers, were beautiful and, to name that part that weighed most heavily on me, immortal.
They wouldn’t die. Unless somehow the forces of darkness could exploit a weakness, they would live forever—Ben, Chris, Jenna, Jaden... Adam should have lived forever, too, but I had been the weakness the demons used to destroy him.
A wave of guilt tried to choke me. I swallowed it bravely and turned my eyes back to what was left of my world. I had to think about the present. Ben sat down on the bed beside me.
“You don’t need to worry about me,” he repeated. “I’ve been like this for over five years. Not even my parents know what I am.”
I held my breath. Not true! His parents knew very well, but were keeping that from him to protect him. But if HE didn’t know that, it was one more burden for me to carry, another secret in this supernatural world I found myself in.
“I have learned control without any help—it all came naturally. It is as if I had always been like this—wings and torch eyes and aging at will.” Full of charm and brio he looked eagerly into my face. “It’s not even hard to hide that I am so strong.”
My heart filled with sadness as he spoke. I could only picture Adam and wondered why it couldn’t have been that easy for him. Would he still be alive?
“And you are too beautiful to be sad,” Ben whispered. His eyes lingered on my face as if he was sinking into my soul. They looked lost, searching for an anchor.
I turned my head to evade his eyes.
“Ben, I’m—” lost, too. Caught in misery. I need someone to make it alright again. Could I tell him this? I could barely acknowledge it myself.
“I know
,” he simply said. His hand reached out and stroked my cheek with the tip of one finger.
My cheek warmed under his touch. It was the closest to comfort I could imagine right now, the way he touched my face. I felt my defenses weaken, so welcome was the combination of place and person in my hungry heart. I could see the similarity between Adam and Ben more clearly than ever. They looked so similar when their faces were lit up by the glow of their eyes—except Adam’s eyes would never again shine, ever. My heart sped up as I searched Ben’s face for an answer to what was happening to me. He looked at me, victorious. Instead of giving me the answer I was searching for, he bent closer and breathed a kiss onto my cheek.
“I know, I’ll never replace him...” he whispered and his wings rustled behind his back as he moved towards me, “but I can try. At least—I’m alive.”
I felt as though a knife had been stabbed into my guts. This fabulous creature so sweetly taking me over was so much like Adam. The way he smelled, his beautiful face, his tender concern. And he was right—he was alive. Alive, and immortal, too. While Adam, who should have been immortal, was dead, and that was because of me. My heart was split in two halves, torn down the middle.
I had half a heart that was in mourning for my true love, and half a heart that yearned traitorously for the comfort and protection his brother could give me. Where the edges of my broken heart collided against each other, there was terrible pain and guilt. Pain and guilt that Ben was slowly, and apparently with my permission, pushing into the background.
What can you lose? the voice in my head asked. And it was right. There was hardly a thing I could lose now. What was left of my family was safe in Indianapolis, far, far away from everything that was going on here in Aurora. And the Gallagers were supernaturals—all of them.
I was the weak link in the chain, and the best I could do was surround myself with forces of the good. It would increase my chances of survival. But I couldn’t replace Adam; not the way Ben meant. My heart was full of Adam’s memory. There was little space to fit anyone else in.
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