by Kaye, Laura
You can count on me to stand up for you as much as you need from now on…
Her words from last night rang in his head. God, they’d meant so much to him. Still did. Sean almost couldn’t imagine what life would be like to have someone like Daniela England at his side, on his side. And, oh, Jesus, in his fuckin’ bed. The two of them against the world. Yeah, that was a kind of life he’d never even let himself imagine—one he would’ve said he didn’t deserve and couldn’t have anyway ‘cause he’d just fuck it up. But her words had him believing that something else could be possible for him. Her words had him believing in himself for maybe the first time ever.
“What are you thinking about?” Dani asked, shifting to sit up a little.
“You.” When her eyebrows raised, he added, “Just worried about you and want you to feel better.”
She put her hand on his thigh. “You’re really sweet, Sean. Thank you.”
“Yeah, o’course,” he said, feeling sorta awkward and self-conscious. Was that love, too? Because if so it was fuckin’ ridiculous. “Anyway, it’s the least I can do after you took care of me.”
“I never minded,” she said. “I’ve enjoyed hanging out.”
Damn he liked hearing her say that. “Same, D.” They looked at each other, their gazes direct, open, and it felt like something important hung there between them. But Sean wasn’t sure how to broach it. So instead he asked, “Think you can handle a popsicle?”
Dani smiled. “I’m gonna tempt fate and try one. I need something with some flavor in my mouth.”
A smile he couldn’t resist started to twist at his lips, and she gave him a droll stare. “Aw, come on, D. If you’re gonna throw me a softball like that, what d’ya expect me to do? Innuendo is my middle name.”
“Relentless is your middle name,” she said, chuckling and shaking her head. “Can I have an orange one, please?”
“You really can have the red,” he said, tearing the wrapper open so the stick stuck out.
“No, the orange ones are my favorite, so I’m good with that. Also, grape is my least favorite.” She took a long lick of it.
His brain shorted out for a second watching her tongue. “Uh.”
“This is turning you on, isn’t it?”
“Uh huh,” he managed. She sucked the pop into her mouth. He blinked.
“There’s literally no way to eat these that isn’t suggestive,” she said, giving him a look.
“I know,” he said, grinning. “Me likey.” She rolled her eyes, making him grin wider. “Also, I think our flavor preferences make us a good pair because we don’t have to compete for our favorites and then we can share the reds.”
Dani chuckled. “You’ve got this all figured out, don’t ya?”
Not even a little bit, but fuck, he was willing to. With her. “Dude, if we can agree on popsicles, mixing the cheese and caramel popcorn, and Marvel movies, everything else is easy.”
“Those are important,” she said, biting off the top of the popsicle.
“Right?”
When she finished, she nursed the water for a little while and he got her phone so she could call the hospital and let them know she wouldn’t be able to come in for her evening shift. “Okay, I’ll see you on Saturday. Sorry, again, for the last-minute change,” she said before hanging up.
Sean couldn’t help but wonder why she had basically the whole week off. “Saturday? You have some vacation plans or something?”
“Oh, uh…” Looking down at her phone, she shook her head. “No, I, uh, just took some time off.” She gave him a smile that felt forced. “I guess it’s a good thing given how I feel.”
“Yeah, well, let’s get you back on your feet so you can enjoy at least some of your down time. You don’t wanna miss Noah and Kristina’s shindig on Friday night. His dad makes great burgers and Mo’s bringing his ribs.”
“Oh, Mo makes great ribs,” she said.
“Yes, he does.” Just thinking about them made Sean’s belly growl. Man could not survive on popsicle alone.
She chuckled. “You better go take care of that. And I think I’ll rest a while if that’s okay.”
“More than okay, D,” he said. “What do you need before I go?”
Curling back on her side, she held up the washcloth. “Can you make this cold again?”
“Consider it done,” he said. When he came back, she was taking her temp. “How’s it looking?”
“One-oh-one-point-three now.” She draped the cloth on her forehead, temple, and ear.
“Heading in the right direction at least,” he said, really fuckin’ glad she was doing a little better.
“Yeah, thanks for all this.” Giving him a little smile, Dani tapped the edge of the cookie sheet.
“My cookie sheet of provisions is your cookie sheet of provisions,” he said, wanting to give her a whole lot more.
Wanting to give her everything.
Chapter Eighteen
Dani slept on and off for two whole days. Between the fever, the nausea, and the headaches, she rarely got out of Sean’s bed. But he was right there whenever she needed him. Not just with food or medicine, but with companionship. Making her smile and laugh. Anticipating her needs. Telling her stories. He even brought his laptop up so they could continue their Marvel marathon laying side by side in his bed during those windows when she was well enough to stay awake for a while.
With every passing hour, something became more and more clear to her—Dani was falling for him. As if he hadn’t already gotten to her by covering her with a blanket and loving grilled cheese and tomato soup, he’d brought her every possible flu remedy on a cookie sheet and even brought her a spoon to go with the ice. And he’d held her hair while she threw up. Couldn’t forget that.
She’d worried that good-guy Sean Riddick would be a problem, and she’d been right.
And then there was the way he’d been looking at her.
For days now, the cast of his eyes was both deeply concerned and fiercely protective. But there was something else there, too. Something that looked like longing. All of which Dani recognized because she was feeling the same way. With all of it. Concerned about the way his upbringing had twisted him up inside. Feeling protective of him—whether those attacks came from someone else or himself. And, oh, man, the longing. It resonated down deep.
Parts of her wanted Sean Riddick so damn bad, but then there were other parts that hesitated, cautioned, and even wanted to run away. It should’ve been easy. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. What was the problem?
Except Dani had built six years’ worth of walls against exactly that kind of longing—walls meant to keep her from having to face the loss of a vital love ever again.
And now that her body wasn’t so consumed by whatever virus had just run her butt over, her mind was starting to spin on the fact that tomorrow was the anniversary of Anthony’s death. No way could she spend it with another man.
Which was why she pulled herself out of bed and dragged said butt into the shower. Being clean felt glorious after being so sick even though the simple act of showering took almost every ounce of her energy. So worth it.
Now came the problem of clean clothes. With a towel wrapped around her, she stepped out into Sean’s bedroom and debated, and then opened a few drawers until she found what she needed—a pair of black boxers and a too-long T-shirt she knotted at her hip. She didn’t feel too bad about rummaging through his things when he’d invited her just yesterday to help herself to whatever she needed.
“My clothes are your clothes.” The memory made her smile. As so much about Sean Riddick did these days.
She was almost surprised he hadn’t come upstairs when she heard his voice from downstairs. As she’d been just about to go down, she went out to the bannister to listen for a moment in case he had company, in which case she’d hide out here until they were gone. She was already worried enough that Sean was gonna get sick from how much time they’d spent together; she didn’t want to infect
somebody else.
It only took her a few minutes to realize he was on the phone. He seemed to be pacing between the dining room and the kitchen as he spoke, as his voice kept sounding louder and then softer and then louder again.
And then she heard him say something that made her stop in her tracks.
“…I know it sounds kinda corny, but I grew up watching Mr. Rogers, and him saying to look for the helpers when things are scary left a big impression on me. It’s part of the reason I became a firefighter and went into the military. I wanted to be that for other people.” There was a long pause, and then he continued, “Well, I’m really excited to be considered, to be honest with you. I think I’d get as much out of this as I hope a kid would hanging out with me.” Another pause. “Okay, tomorrow at eleven works.”
When he signed off, Dani dashed back into his room. She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but it was just that she could hardly believe she’d just heard Sean Riddick reference Mr. Rogers. Not because there was anything wrong with that, of course, but because that was something her granny had said to her—beginning on that day twenty-six years ago when her father died.
Granny, are you trying to tell me something? Dani jokingly thought to herself.
And, hand to God, Granny answered, “Live where you fear to live, Dani. That’s where you’ll find true joy.”
Dani heard Granny’s voice plain as day. She would’ve sworn she did. Stunned, Dani sat heavily on the edge of the bed and pressed a hand to her forehead. The fever had broken, so she couldn’t blame delirium for what she’d just heard—words she’d long forgotten her granny saying to her maybe a few months before she’d died. Dani had already become set on joining the military, and Nana didn’t love the idea. Dani had gone to Granny to share that she was afraid Nana would be mad at and disappointed in her if she didn’t drop the idea, and Granny had sat her down.
“Pay attention to the things that scare you, Dani. They’re important. Sometimes they scare you because they’re a true threat, but sometimes they scare you because they’re the things you want and need so much you know it’ll hurt if you don’t get them. In those instances, live where you fear to live, Dani. That’s where you’ll find true joy. Little in life is worse than regret that you weren’t brave enough to go after what you wanted.”
It’d been classic Granny, and it had made Dani brave enough to sit down with Nana and Pap and tell them why the army was so important to her—not just because affording college otherwise would be tough for them, but also because she wanted to be a warrior. Just like the men she’d seen honored at the Black Leggings Warrior Society Ceremonial. It felt like it was part of her roots.
She’d won them over. She’d faced her fear about talking to them and not only were they not mad, but she’d earned their approval.
How had Dani forgotten that advice?
And why was she hearing it now?
The reason came walking into the room, all six-foot-two-inches of him, looking hot as usual in a pair of jeans and a worn black T-shirt.
“Hey, whoa, look at you. Showered and dressed. You’re cookin’ with gas,” Sean said, grinning at her.
“Uh, yeah. I feel slightly more human today,” she managed, her head still whirling a little bit as she struggled to make sense of the feeling that something really, really important had just happened.
“You okay?” Sean asked, crouching in front of her. He rested his big hands on her thighs.
“I think so. I just had the weirdest thing happen,” she said, twisting the ring on her finger. “I thought I heard my grandmother’s voice.”
“Your granny’s or your nana’s?”
She blinked. At the fact that he was just accepting what she’d said at face value. And at the fact that he’d listened so carefully to her stories that he knew what she called her grandmothers. “It was Granny’s voice.” She waved a hand. “I mean, I’m sure it was just a really pronounced memory. Or déjà vu or something.”
“Or maybe it was really her,” Sean said, shrugging one big shoulder. “What did she say?”
“Wait, you really believe that?” Dani asked.
“I mean, maybe? Firefighters can be superstitious types and more than a few of the guys I know believe in ghosts, so…” He shrugged again. “Why not?”
His open-mindedness made him even sexier. “Wow, okay, well, she told me to live where I fear to live, which was something she said to me a long time ago.”
“Do the thing that scares you,” he said.
“Basically, yeah.” She looked into his dark eyes and saw nothing but understanding and acceptance, and it made him feel like such a kindred spirit. Damn if all of this didn’t give her something else to think about.
For the record, Granny, I heard you.
But she wasn’t ready to take her grandmother’s advice. Not yet. Not where Sean was concerned. So before he potentially asked what scared her, she blurted, “Hey, by the way, who were you talking to?”
***
Dani’s question caught Sean off guard not only because it felt like an abrupt change of subject but also because he hadn’t realized she’d heard him on the phone.
“I mean, if you don’t mind my asking. I wasn’t trying to listen in, I was just making sure you didn’t have company before I came downstairs.”
“Oh.” He smiled and ducked his chin. Shit, he was busted. Welp. Here went nothing. “Uh, it was an interview.”
She gave him a funny look, clearly picking up on his sheepishness. “For what?”
After everything else he’d told her, this seemed like such a small thing to keep secret, even though he was going to feel like shit if they turned him down. So he laid it all out there. “Um, well, I applied to be a Big Brother.” He shifted to sit on the bed beside her.
Dani frowned, and for a split second, his gut dropped to the ground thinking she disapproved. But then her eyes went wide and so did her smile. “Wait, what? Sean, this is awesome.” God she was beautiful, sitting there wearing his clothes, her hair up in a sleek ponytail, looking at him like she believed in him.
Satisfaction filled his gut, but he shrugged it off and played it down. “I mean, they haven’t approved me yet. They’re coming to do a home inspection tomorrow.” Which had him making a list of things he should think about doing around here before that happened. His grass needed cut. The spring on his front storm door needed repaired. But most importantly, he wanted to spiff up his currently super basic guest bedroom in case his Little ever just needed a place to crash or just hang out alone. Another safe place in the world that he could call his own. Something Sean never had.
Dani grinned. “Sean, they are totally going to approve you. Your house is gorgeous and your basement would be any kid’s dream. You have a good and very cool job. And you’re a role model who’s fun to hang out with. You’re a shoe-in.”
A role model? Wow. There she went again. Making him fall in love with her just a little bit more. “Yeah? You really think so?”
Facing him, she laced her hand into his. “I know it. This is so cool. Did Billy and Shayna get you into it?”
“Billy’s stories about hanging out with his Little, Dante, just sounded like something I’d enjoy doing. I guess the accident has also left me feeling like there should be more to life than just work, you know? I mean, there’s WFC, of course, and all of my friends there. But this is something that gives back, too.” Of course, what he didn’t say was how she fit into all that for him, because he really fuckin’ wanted her to.
Dani kissed him, once, twice. “You’re going to be a great Big Brother. I’m proud of you.”
Fuck if that didn’t put a knot in his throat. “Thanks, D,” he managed, surprised at just how much those words meant to him. Coming from her, they meant a lot.
Do the thing that scares you.
Putting himself out there to become a Big Brother did scare him, but he realized that had nothing on the thing that truly scared him the most. And in that moment, Sean knew exactly wh
at that was, because words were right on the tip of his tongue. Words he’d never said to anyone in his entire life.
He searched her gaze for a long minute and then just dove in, “Daniela, I—”
“Sean, I—” she said at the same time.
They both laughed.
Heart pounding in his chest, he nodded at her. “Go ahead, you first.”
“Oh, okay. I was just going to say thank you for taking such good care of me the past few days. It’s been a long time since I had anyone to do that for me.”
“I was happy to do it, D,” he said, sounding way more nonchalant than he actually felt.
She sat back, and he had the weirdest sensation that she was pulling away, but maybe that was just him freaking out over trying to tell her how he felt. “So…I think I’m gonna head out,” she said. “I haven’t been home since early Saturday morning and I have a few things I need to do and check on.”
“Oh. Okay. Sure.” Now he was pretty sure he’d read her right, which had him reining in his mouth.
“What were you going to say?” she asked, but there was a guardedness about her gaze that told him now was not the time.
So he gave her part of his truth. “Just that I’ve never shared everything I told you with anyone else, and I really appreciated how you supported me. It meant a lot.”
There was warmth in the smile she gave him, and when she leaned close and kissed him, there was heat in the way she touched him. Those were reassuring, at least. “I feel the same way,” she said.
All he could think was, Do you, Dani? Because I feel it all, with you. But what he said was, “I’ll walk you out.”
Fifteen minutes later, his phone beeped an incoming text, and it was her. I’m home. Thanks again, Sean.
Anything you need, Dani. Any time. Always.
She didn’t reply, and it didn’t exactly surprise him given that he had the distinct feeling that something had spooked her. Maybe it had something to do with what she’d thought she heard her granny say. Or maybe it had to do with him. So he didn’t push her any further than that.
