He swallowed and moved to step around Sean. Sean grabbed him and forced him back towards the stairs.
“You’re not going anywhere. It’s that girl, isn’t it?”
Cole didn’t answer. Sean pried his fingers from the backpack and put his arm around his shoulders.
“Do you have any idea how happy I am to see you? I’ve been worried out of my mind that something happened to you.”
“More like worried I’d say something.” Cole snapped.
Why did I just say that?
Sean frowned.
“You watch your mouth, boy.”
“Let go of me.”
“Come on. We’re gonna have a little talk.”
“Let go of me. My girlfriend knows I’m here, she’ll get worried if I’m not home.”
“You are home. Now come on in here.”
Cole ducked, grabbed his backpack, and ran for the door. It was locked and he couldn’t get it open before Sean caught up with him and slammed him against the doorknob.
“God dammit, Cole, what the hell are you doing?”
Cole didn’t say anything. There was no way out now.
“I’m sorry…Dad, please just let me out, I have to go home.”
“You’re not going anywhere. You need to learn to mind me for once. Now just stand still and take it and it won’t last very long.”
Cole shook his head. He wasn’t going to just take it if he could help it. But now Sean was between him and the way out. He ran for the stairs and made it halfway up before Sean grabbed his shirt and dragged him back down.
“Dad, please…”
“Shut up and just take it for once in your goddamn life!”
His back hurt-that doorknob would leave a bruise-but that was the least of his problems. Sean was drunk or crazy or both and Cole didn’t like it when he got like that. Things were the worst when Sean was like that.
“Dad?”
Sean pulled him into the living room and let go of him. He stood up to run and Sean kicked him in the chest. Something cracked and he fell, coughing.
“You’re not going anywhere, not ‘til we’ve had our talk.”
He couldn’t see very well. Breathing hurt and he wondered if he was going to black out.
“Dad, please…”
“Dammit, Cole, you never do what you’re told! If you’d just listen to me for once in your goddamn life we’d be done already!”
“Please…”
“Shut up!”
Surely it’s been two hours, Nancy, please call the police…
Why should she? She was at school, and even if she was home by now she’d probably figure traffic was bad.
There was the sound of iron against brick and footsteps walking away. Cole forced himself to stand up and nearly fell again. It felt like his ribs were cracked. He needed to get out of here before Sean broke anything else.
Get out, go home, call the police.
“Cole,” Sean said, “where do you think you’re going?” He sounded calm and composed. That was bad. Cole didn’t turn around.
“Home.”
“You are home, buddy. Remember?”
“This isn’t home.”
Quit talking and start walking.
He took a step. Something whistled through the air and struck him in the back. The impact sent him sprawling.
What the hell was that?
Whatever it was was heavy and Cole could feel a bruise forming on his back. He forced himself to roll over and looked up. Sean had the fireplace poker.
God, he’s going to kill me.
“Dad, whatever you’re thinking of doing…”
“Shut up.”
Moving hurt and he was incredibly dizzy. He hoped he would pass out.
“Dad?”
“Buddy, this hurts me more than it hurts you.”
“You’re fucking crazy!”
Why did I just say that?
The last thing he saw was the fireplace poker coming at his head.
* * * *
Nancy was starting to panic. It had been three hours since Cole had left. If she’d had the address she would have called the police, or at least gone over there.
Traffic’s bad. Or he had more stuff to grab than he thought.
But it didn’t seem like those things would add an extra hour. She looked unseeingly at her history book and chewed her nails.
The phone rang.
Nancy lunged for it, expecting the worst-a bus crash, a hijacking…
What if his dad came home early?
“Hello?”
“Nancy Hale?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know someone named Cole Martin?”
“Oh, god, is he okay?”
“Well, he’s…you might want to come down to the Westside Hospital.”
“I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
She reached behind her to hang up the phone and dropped it on the floor instead.
* * * *
She was surprised she didn’t get pulled over for speeding but didn’t complain. Fifteen minutes later she was the hospital’s waiting room with her hair messy, her clothes soaked, and her keys clenched tightly in her hand. The woman behind the desk was annoyingly calm and it seemed like forever before a round little man came out and called her name.
“Please say he’s okay.”
“Cole, right?”
She didn’t trust herself not to say something bitchy, so she just nodded.
“He’s doing okay. You can see him if you want, but he’s in pretty bad shape.”
“What happened?”
“The policemen can tell you more than I can. I can tell you what’s broken, and I can tell you he’ll be fine, but that’s all.”
“Broken?”
“Ah, broken ribs, several bruises, and we think he may have a concussion, but there’s no knowing that until he comes to.”
“He’s unconscious?”
“Yes.”
The doctor showed her into a room. Cole was lying on the bed, his eyes closed. He had a black eye and she could see a set of bruises on his wrist.
“Oh Cole, sweet Jesus.”
He didn’t wake up and she sat down next to him and made herself take his hand.
“Miss?”
She looked up. Two policemen were standing at the door.
“Yes?”
“I’m Officer Wilkes, and this is Officer Sheldon. We’d like to ask you a few questions, if you don’t mind.”
“Sure.”
“First of all, can we get your home phone?”
“Um, sure. If no one answers for a few days it’s broken, but I’ll try to get a new one if that’s the case. 555-7693.”
“Thank you.”
“What happened?”
Officer Wilkes sighed and looked down.
“We got a phone call about thirty minutes before you came from a man saying that he’d killed his son. He gave us the address and, ah…well, you can see what we found.”
“Did you find the...caller?”
“Oh yes. Hadn’t moved. Let us in nice as you please and while we were there he, ah…he shot himself.”
“What?”
“Yes. I’m sorry.”
Nancy didn’t know what to say. How was she supposed to tell Cole what had happened?
“What do you think happened?”
“I don’t know. From the looks of things the man-he said his name was Sean-and Cole had had a disagreement of sorts. Maybe he just snapped. I don’t know.”
She didn’t believe that, but she didn’t say anything. Cole could tell the police about things later, if he wanted.
“Oh.”
“Well, that’s about all we know. We’ll get in touch sometime next week.”
“Okay. Thanks for…um…getting him.”
The men nodded and went away. Nancy dropped her head.
How am I supposed to tell Cole about his father?
“Nance?”
“He
y.”
“Where am I?”
“The hospital. You got beat up pretty bad.”
He was quiet for a few minutes.
“Yeah…Dad came home early and got mad at me.”
He didn’t ask how he’d gotten here, and Nancy was saved from having to explain things by the arrival of the round doctor.
“Ah, so you’re awake, then. I want you to look at this light here, okay?”
“Okay.”
He didn’t shy back from it and the doctor frowned.
“I think you have a concussion. How much do you remember?”
“Went home…guess he came home early or something, because he got mad at me and picked up a fireplace poker. I don’t remember much else.”
“Okay. I’m going to let you go home, but I want you to take it easy for a while. See a doctor in about a week to check on your head, but you should be fine.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
“Sure.”
* * * *
Nancy set up the hide-a-bed before going to see if the phone worked. It had a dial tone, so it was probably fine. Now, though, she was going to have to tell Cole what had happened. He was half asleep already, looking at the TV.
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
“You okay?”
Why does he have to be like that? Now it’s going to be worse when I tell him.
She wondered what he would say.
“Nance?”
“Sorry. Spaced. I’m fine. Just…just get some rest, okay?”
“Chest hurts.”
“You have broken ribs.”
“Great.”
“Go to sleep, Cole, please.”
He closed his eyes the rest of the way. She couldn’t tell him now-he was still doped up on the pain medicine they’d given him. She would tell him later. Tomorrow, maybe.
“Nancy?”
“Mm?”
“Will you stay here?”
“Sure. Just go to sleep.”
He didn’t respond and she went to lie down next to him. She wasn’t looking forward to tomorrow.
Dear Jesus, how is someone supposed to break news like that?
Cole had fallen asleep. Once she was sure he wasn’t going to wake up, Nancy got up to take a shower and think of a way to tell Cole that his father was dead.
* * * *
A fix would make the pain go away.
Cole couldn’t sleep. His head and chest hurt, along with the little bruises scattered along his body. Nancy had woken him up to eat and change into comfy clothes, and he’d drifted off again after falling into bed. Now, though, he couldn’t sleep and all he could think about was getting one last fix to make the pain go away. Just one little dose, that was all he needed.
He looked over at Nancy. She was asleep, but she didn’t look peaceful. It had been a rough day for them both. She’d said she was staying home tomorrow. Selfishly, he was grateful for that. He didn’t want to be by himself. Every time he closed his eyes he saw the poker coming down.
“Cole?”
“When’d you wake up?”
“I wasn’t asleep. How are you feeling?”
“Ribs hurt.”
“Be right back.”
“Where are you going?”
But she was already gone. She came back a few minutes later with a lounge pillow.
“Here. Sit up a bit.”
Moving hurt, but he was a bit more comfortable with the pillow behind him.
“Thanks.”
“Sure. Get some sleep if you can, okay?”
“We’ll see.”
She was keeping something from him, but he was too tired and sore to care. He would ask her in the morning.
“Night, Cole.”
“Night, Nancy.”
Chapter Sixty
Nancy was sitting on the couch staring at the rain when Cole came out the next morning.
“Hi.”
“Hey.”
“How’re you feeling?”
“Really, really sore.”
She was going to have to tell him now, at least get it over with.
“I have some bad news for you.” she said carefully. “You might want to sit down.”
He did. She could see the worry in his eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s about your dad.”
“Okay.”
“Yesterday…he called the police to come and get you and when they got there, he let them in and…” She swallowed. Now she could appreciate the policemen’s apparent disinterest when he’d told her yesterday. “He’s dead, Cole. He shot himself after he let them in.”
Cole didn’t say anything for several minutes. He just sat there looking at his hands. Nancy wasn’t sure what to do or what to say.
“Dead?” he said at last. His voice was raspy.
“I’m so sorry.”
He got up and went into the room. Nancy didn’t follow him.
* * * *
Cole didn’t know what to feel. Relief, shock, sadness…happiness. Maybe he wasn’t supposed to feel anything. He didn’t know how long he’d been lying on the bed when Nancy came in.
“Cole?”
“Why.”
“What?”
“Why don’t I feel upset?”
“I don’t know. It’s normal not to feel upset.”
“It is?”
“You’re in shock right now. Take some time to sort things out.”
He turned his head to look at her.
“I’m not sorry that he’s gone.”
Nancy nodded.
“That’s normal.”
“No it’s not. He was my dad, I’m supposed to be sorry.”
“No. You don’t have to be sorry.”
He looked at the window.
“Maybe if I hadn’t gone home yesterday…”
“No. No, no, this isn’t your fault.”
“If I hadn’t gone home, he wouldn’t be dead.”
“How do you know that?”
“What did he say when he called?”
“He said he was calling because he killed his son. That’s all I know.”
He closed his eyes.
Maybe if I’d stayed here…or hurried up while I was there…
“Cole. Look at me.”
He didn’t want to. He wanted to be alone for a while.
“No.”
“I’m here if you need to talk, okay?”
He didn’t respond and eventually he heard her leave. Good. He wanted to be alone. It was easier to remember how it felt to be high when he was alone.
* * * *
When Nancy went into the bedroom later, Cole was lying where she’d left him, looking at the rain. He was holding a plush snake in his hands.
“Cole?”
He didn’t respond and she went to go sit by him. He didn’t move when she did.
“Cole, it’s not your fault.”
Still nothing. She went to change into sweats. When she got back, he hadn’t moved save to set the snake down on the nightstand. Nancy hugged her pillow and stayed quiet until he finally looked at her. His eyes were red.
“What am I supposed to feel?” he asked.
“Whatever you’re feeling. It’s normal to be confused.”
“It is?”
“Yeah. Come on, you need to eat something so you can take a painkiller for your ribs.”
“Not hungry.”
“Still. You need to eat, Cole. Come on.”
“I’m really not hungry.”
“Too bad. Just a little bit, okay? A peach would be fine, if that’s all you can take, but you need to eat. At least drink a glass of milk.”
“Can I just have milk? Please?”
“Sure. I’ll go get it. Sit up.”
It took him a few minutes to sit up.
“I’m gonna go to bed after this.”
“Okay. It’s gonna turn out all right.”
“Guess we’ll see, huh?”
N
ancy forced a smile but he didn’t return it.
“I’ll be right back.”
He dropped his head back and closed his eyes.
“Whatever.”
“Cole…”
“I just wanna go to sleep. Forget the milk.”
She shrugged and went to take a shower.
Chapter Sixty-One
Cole woke up alone the next morning. For a minute he wondered why he felt so sick, but then he remembered Sean. He got up, got a coffee, and shuffled over to the couch. He didn’t feel very sorry that Sean was dead-if anything, he felt rather relieved.
Is that bad, I wonder?
He thought about it for a while but couldn’t come to an answer. He turned on the cartoon channel and lay back on the couch. His chest really hurt.
I need a fix.
The phone rang and it took him a minute to get to it.
“Hello?”
“Cole Martin?”
“Who is this?”
“This is Officer Wilkes. Can we talk for a few minutes?”
“Officer…Wilkes?”
“That’s right.”
“I guess.”
He made his way back to the couch and muted the TV.
“What do you want?”
“I want to talk to you about what happened on Tuesday.”
“What do you wanna know?”
“I want you to tell me everything that happened as best you can. Okay?”
“I can try. I don’t know how much I remember, though.”
“Just try. If you remember anything later you can contact us.”
“Okay. Um…I went home to get the rest of my stuff. I don’t know what time I left. But I got there and he came home early. And…I don’t remember very much after that. He grabbed a fireplace poker at some point, though.”
“That’s all you remember?”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay. A few more questions and I’ll let you rest. If you don’t want to answer, just say so.”
“It’s okay, I don’t mind.”
“Was that sort of behavior…unusual for your father?”
Cole swallowed. He didn’t want to go through this by himself, but he didn’t want to do it later, either.
“No.”
There was a sharp intake of breath at the other end.
“How long did this sort of thing go on?”
“I don’t know. Long time. Long as I remember, anyway.”
“Was it normally this…severe?”
You have a knack for understating shit, don’t you?
“Sometimes. I don’t always remember it very well.”
“I know this is a painful topic, and I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. Can I go now? I’m not feeling well.”
“That’s fine. I’ll let you go.”
“Okay. Bye.”
“Bye.”
He hung up and let the phone drop. He didn’t want to talk about Sean right now. He didn’t want to talk about him at all.
Chapter Sixty-Two
Nancy was going through a stack of paperwork when a woman came in. She hadn’t seen her before.
“Hi. Are you here for an appointment or to make one?”
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