THE MONKEY THEORY
A computer engineer by training, Sfurti took a leap of faith at the age of twenty-three by leaving her Software Tester job to write her first book, Think and Win Like Dhoni . Two years of hard labour later, the book was published to great acclaim.
Since then, Sfurti has completed her Master’s in Organisational Psychology, been the recipient of several awards, a TedX speaker as well as an acclaimed author, motivational speaker and corporate trainer.
First published by Westland Publications Pvt. Ltd. in 2019
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Westland and the Westland logo are the trademarks of Westland Publications Private Limited, or its affiliates.
Copyright © Sfurti Sahare, 2019
ISBN: 9789387894624
The views and opinions expressed in this work are the author’s own and the facts are as reported by her/him, and the publisher is in no way liable for the same.
All rights reserved
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Contents
Foreword
Introduction
Now, let us...
Meet the Monkeys
The Rich Man’s Wives
The P-Monkey or the Lazy Monkey
The Fear Monkey
The Drunk Monkey … The Monkey That Changes Colours!
When the Monkeys Attack Together
The Purple Island
A Few Months Later
A Personal Note
Foreword
B e it sports, or be it anything in life … everything boils down to how you handle your idle time (the free time between two balls, innings etc.).
The time between two balls in cricket, the time between two shots in shooting or the time a person spends idle dictates how he will perform.
What happens generally is that what your mind tells you in your free time, defines your complete story in cricket or for that matter in life. The mental chatter, or in Sfurti’s words: Monkey Talk!
Sometime ago, I happened to speak to a few champion sportsmen of India and they also recognised the impact this negative mental chatter has on performance.
In sports, especially in cricket, a game lasts for eight to ten hours (five days in case of a Test match), so keeping all these voices (the monkey chatter) aligned to the target determines how you perform. For instance, if a fielder drops a catch, suddenly the negative monkeys start telling him that he will drop the next one too! Similarly, if a batsmen has been bowled out by a particular bowler thrice previously, the Fear Monkey or the Judgement Monkey starts raising an alarm that this time too he will get out when that bowler bowls. If a batsmen is playing well and if he plays four balls without scoring or if he can’t hit well, the negative monkeys start telling him that he is not good enough.
On top of that, a cricketer starts getting worried about the impact of a dropped catch or a mistimed six on Twitter and wonders if people have already started trolling him!
There is a lot happening in the world that is unpredictable. The dynamic nature of the game has an impact on a person’s career. Today, news channels and social media has become so powerful that the slightest mistake can cost one a great deal. Therefore, cricketers have to be very tough mentally. When a cricketer scores a 100, he feels on the top of the world and the media also makes him out to be the king. When he scores badly, he feels demotivated or in fact even if he scores a 100, but in 120 balls, people are ready to troll him calling slow and selfish. This is an acid test for him.
Hence, being mentally tough and to keep the negative monkeys at bay is the key!
As with cricket, so with life.
This book helps a person to understand those voices within our head and deal with them one by one. This book is a creative tool to teach you how you can control this monkey chatter and channelise your attention in the right direction.
Today, more than motivation, young people lack focus. With technology erupting and the world becoming a small place, it’s very easy to get distracted and confused.
This book helps you recognise the different forms of monkeys in your head. I could relate to the P-Monkey and his way of tricking people to avoid the gym. Similarly, how the Monkey paralyses your vision and keeps you away from thinking clearly also struck a chord with me. The metaphor of the Purple Island is brilliant and I think one should follow the complete sequence of the book to understand it better.
My experience with many international cricketers tells me that the topmost can handle their wild monkeys very well. For instance, M.S. Dhoni’s biggest quality is that he is not afraid of anything and when you are not afraid, these negative voices cannot disturb you. They cannot fool you and take your attention away. And with this focused mind you can just follow the process and become good at what you do. That’s why he is the master of handling pressure and is regarded as one of the best finishers in the world.
The principles and solutions given in the book are awesome. Do read, label your monkeys and get the maximum out of it.
Happy Reading!
DEEP DASGUPTA
Former International Cricketer and TV Presenter
Introduction
I n 2016, I published my first book—Think and Win Like Dhoni. Originally, I had not set out to write a book on M.S. Dhoni. I only wanted to learn from him and emulate him. Our backgrounds were similar—we both belonged to a Tier-II city, had a simple middle-class upbringing, our parents’ biggest concern was that we land a ‘secure’ job and so on. In my case, another thing that figured prominently in my parents’ list of worries was my marriage.
Like Dhoni, I too had big dreams and as time passed, I found that I was not in concurrence with my parents’ version of how my life should be. I wanted to be more than a computer engineer. I wanted to pursue my dreams, grow as an individual and experience that adrenaline rush.
After reading all that was available on Dhoni in books, magazines and the internet, I finally wanted to meet him. Why? Because I felt there was more to him than just cricket. And I wanted to crack that code of ‘being more’.
When I met him and spent some time with him, I got a glimpse of what Mahi was, beyond the cricket ground. His walk, his talk, the way he carried himself, the way he attentively listened to me, even though I was then a nobody—all of it was overwhelming. He had ‘winner’ written all over him. He was not just a cricketing star, but a phenomenon. He was a winner in life and how he had managed to do that was what I wanted to learn.
My experience was so mind-blowing that I could not keep it to myself. I had to talk about him, tell people that he was more than his wicket-keeping, more than the runs he makes and more than all the trophies he wins. He was a winner. A finisher. And I had to tell people what made him that. To decode Mahi was my goal. All of this finally shaped up into Think and Win Like Dhoni.
The book was an outstanding success.
The book also brought me into contact with a number of young people who read the book, believed in it, believed in me and wanted to make a difference to the world through their lives.
Much of Think and Win like Dhoni dealt with staying calm under pressure, being disciplined and not losing one’s cool. Many readers wrote to me about things that they had noticed about themselves after reading the book. While some people said that they were easily able to control their anger, emotions, mood swings and so on, a number of others also said that in spite of being aware of the importance of being calm, they were unable to control their anger. That despite knowi
ng the value of discipline, they were unable to tame their indiscipline; that regardless of the knowledge that smoking kills, they just could not resist the temptation; and even though they knew that getting up early was good, they could not manage to get out of their cosy beds.
Another thing I noticed was that all kinds of people seemed to be suffering a great deal. The wealthy suffered for want of meaningful relationships and difficulties at work. The middle-class were forever aspiring to climb up the ladder of success and that was a cause of suffering for them. The poor were, more often than not, beset with monetary difficulties.
That brought me to my next research topic: What is the cause of all suffering? What could be done to reduce suffering, I wondered. During my research, I came across one of the most profound thinkers of all time—Gautam Buddha. The Buddha has given the world great wisdom on avoiding suffering in a simple and straightforward manner.
One thing that he said particularly struck me. In one of his discourses, Buddha described the human mind as being filled with monkeys that were jumping around, screeching, chattering, and carrying on endlessly. It seemed to me that they were like the toughest roommates one could ever have and that too for a lifetime!
Have you chosen something only to switch to something else almost immediately? Decided to do something and ended up doing something completely different minutes later? Have you been plagued by indecision? Our choices change, our moods swing, our decisions keep fluctuating and there is a continuous mental battle going on within us.
Why does it happen?
The answers to these questions can be found in the words of the Buddha. As previously stated, the Buddha held that the human mind was filled with monkeys flinging themselves from tree branches, jumping around, and chattering nonstop. He meant that our minds were in constant motion. The mind is full of thoughts like dozens of monkeys, all clamouring for attention. Some monkeys induce fear, some of them are stress-causing and some of them are really naughty. Some of them are well-behaved too.
Intrigued, I thought about this idea further. I then read up extensively on the topic. The more I read, the more I understood. It seemed like that the key to solving many of the problems I was hearing about lay in understanding this concept better. I decided to categorise these monkeys into four types. I tried to get under their skin and get to the root cause of the suffering they bring about. Eventually, I had enough material and ideas for an entire book.
This book is the result of what I gathered from my interactions with thousands of young people and my understanding of their issues. Through these interactions I understood how their minds work, what stops them, what pushes them, what makes some of them winners, and how some of them lose sight of their big dreams.
This book is intended to help these young people dive into the inner core of their puzzled minds, now, not later when it’s too late, and scoop out what’s best for them.
Think and Win like Dhoni helped people in knowing what is important. This book will help you in implementing it.
Read it with an open mind and find out all about the monkeys that are an integral part of our lives.
Now, let us get to know these monkeys a little better. Though they live with us, most of us don’t know our own roommates.
Meet the Monkeys
T hink back about your last twenty-four hours.
Did a peculiar loud voice tell you to do something ‘Tomorrow’?
Did you hear voices that said: ‘Don’t do that!’, ‘This will break you!’ and ‘That’s too scary!’
Did you make a decision only to change it two minutes later? Did you experience mood swings and your emotions switching rapidly from happy to gloomy, in control of yourself to feeling powerless and so on?
Did you manage to say no to that very tempting piece of junk food and motivate yourself to exercise instead?
All of these instances, both good and bad, are your monkeys at work.
These monkeys are your roommates! Knowing them is a step towards knowing ‘you’ better and bringing out the best in yourself.
The monkey that was telling you to put things off to tomorrow was the Procrastinator Monkey, the P-Monkey for short. He could well be labelled the Lazy Monkey. We will meet him in a while. But I am sure you will recognise him. If you have looked at your face in the mirror lately and spotted signs of that double chin growing … yes, yes … that’s probably his ‘achievement’.
That voice of alarm that warned you about danger and got you all worked up came from the family of the Fear Monkey.
When you couldn’t make up your mind and quickly moved from being angry to being sad, from dull to super-excited and so on and never figured out why this was happening and why you were behaving the way you behaved … just like a drunk person, that was the Drunk Monkey at work!
There were also times when a calm voice told you to do the right thing and it felt good. This came from your very own Human Monkey, the monkey that always wants the best for you. This monkey is actually the good human in you. And his entire life is spent in keeping the other three and their families at bay.
Read on, I will introduce you to them real quick.
Let’s meet them individually, before the P-Monkey tells you to drop the book and do something exciting on the internet.
Let’s start with the P-Monkey itself!
The P-Monkey
Have you delayed calling your best friend for days on end for no reason whatsoever?
Have you observed yourself delaying payment on that pending telephone bill?
Have you caught yourself staring at the dust gathering on the fan for weeks and not doing anything about it?
Have you kept postponing an important task that has been occupying your mental space?
Let me tell you, it was not you who did it, it was a monkey inside you—the Procrastinator Monkey or the P-Monkey.
The P-Monkey will always prove to you with impeccable logic why it is not a good idea to execute something immediately. It will never let you execute NOW. This monkey loves tomorrows!
Tomorrow is the best day in the world view of this monkey. He will throw plenty of reasons at you to show you why tomorrow is the ideal time!
If you feel like you should quit smoking, this monkey will tell you to do it, but … tomorrow!
If you feel like you should get up and dispose of the garbage, this monkey will tell you to do it … tomorrow!
If you feel like saving money and cutting down on unnecessary expenses starting today, this monkey will tell you to start … tomorrow!
Because of this monkey, getting up becomes harder every morning, it takes three days to throw away that rotting apple and you happily pass by that object lying on the floor for days together without picking it up and restoring it to its rightful place. For a week, he makes you use the last remnants of the shampoo bottle as soap. In short, he is the one responsible for making you ‘lazy’.
He loves ‘Tomorrow’. The following poem, probably penned by the P-Monkey himself, is his life philosophy!
Tomorrow—I love Tomorrow!
Today and now is going, going, gone!
Tomorrow is when the ‘new me’ will be born.
Tomorrow! Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
Read on. We will soon learn where he stays, what his home looks like, how he prepares his ‘to-do’ list and spoils your day and much more. We will also learn how the Eagle of Wisdom can help the Human Monkey trap the P-Monkey.
The Drunk Monkey
This is the monkey with random thoughts. This monkey is very unpredictable, just like a drunk person. Have you felt confused sometimes? Have you felt overloaded with negative and positive emotions? Have you switched from one decision to another real quick?
Yesterday, you bought a new potted plant for your balcony and you liked it. Today morning, you feel like the one you had rejected was better!
Have you sometimes felt life would be simpler if you organised your things better? Maybe have a clean workspace or a clean room, for in
stance? Having decided that, you clean up your room or workspace and feel terrific. Everything is in place. You don’t have to hunt for things and find everything quickly.
You then say to yourself, ‘Wow, cleanliness is bliss! I will keep my room super-clean, my socks in place and my towel where it should be!’
It all goes well for two days and then you are back to square one. Yes, that’s the Drunk Monkey for you. It doesn’t operate based on logic. It’s illogical and what’s more, this monkey keeps changing colours.
The Fear Monkey
This monkey is always protective and avoids change. He is especially loud in setting off an alarm instantly, pointing out to all the things we should worry about and everything that could go wrong. Typically, this monkey is bound to make such utterances:
‘Remember the last time …? Your face was red! With shame and despair and failure and pain! Don’t forget, I say, don’t ever forget!’
‘No, no … don’t say that … they might make fun of you. What will they think? You might sound dumb!’
‘They will never let you take the big steps. Don’t be ambitious.’
On the good side, this monkey is only trying to protect you. But by keeping you in a constant state of fear, he also curtails your ability to take risks. The Fear Monkey often affects your confidence.
Till the time the Human Monkey is able to deal with each one of these monkeys and exercise some degree of control over them, life is not so complicated. But when they come together, it’s impossible for the Human Monkey to remain in control.
The Human Monkey
This is the monkey that wants all the good things for self, family and society. This monkey is actually YOU. It is your better judgement, which can analyse things and can think straight. It is you performing to the best of your abilities.
The guiding statement of this monkey is, ‘Let’s get to the TOP!’
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