The P-Monkey cannot deal with two kinds of people. Those who are disciplined and those with a vision.
Be organised. Start keeping a timer. This will help you realise how much time you waste.
Procrastination is a slow poison. Its effect is not immediate, but it is irreversible. Recognise when the P-Monkey is working on you. That mere realisation is enough to destroy the monkey’s empire.
Make a Stop-Doing list.
Have patience. It takes time to change. But don’t ever stop trying.
Consistency is key.
Keep looking for the purple colour around you (more on this later).
Exercises for your Human Monkey
Reflect: What does your Human Monkey actually want? And what does the naughty P-Monkey make you do?
Human Monkey WANTS
P-Monkey DOES
There is an island where this monkey loses his power: the Purple Island. We’ll get there in the final chapter.
Read on.
The Fear Monkey
T hink back about your last few weeks. Have you, at any time in these past few weeks, felt a cold, clammy fear that prevented you from doing something you wanted to? Did it seem like some unseen force was pulling you back? Or whisper to you to desist from doing something since the consequences of failure, the voice reminded you repeatedly, were very high?
Maybe it was a public speaking assignment that you had boldly signed up for. Public speaking is considered the number one fear in the world. But, you decided to go ahead anyway. And a few days or maybe, even a few hours before you had to deliver, a voice in your head told you to drop out. It warned you of the consequences of doing a bad job. Your mind conjured up images of failure. You panicked. You were unsure. You cursed yourself for signing up.
And then, you backed out!
That was nothing but the Fear Monkey at work.
Whether it is a decision about appearing on stage or making an investment, the Fear Monkey loves to interfere by imagining the worst. A part of what this monkey does is to merely exercise natural caution. But, a part of this monkey is all about creating an irrational fear that paralyses.
Let’s understand this monkey better with the help of a few scenarios.
Scenario I
I was always afraid of driving on highways. Every now and then, whenever I would consciously convince myself to get into the vehicle and just drive, a peculiar voice inside my head would always utter the word ‘NO’.
Human Monkey: Sfurti, let’s go for a drive!
P-Monkey: Do you have to go today? You’ve been so busy for the last few days. Why don’t you just chill?
Human Monkey: You’ve been ‘just chilling’ all morning. You’ve had your rest. Why not do something now?
Even as I would be torn between ‘just chilling’ and ‘doing something’, a new character would then suddenly enter the conversation.
Fear Monkey (suddenly making an appearance): No, don’t go … it’s too frightening!
Human Monkey: Sfurti, take your vehicle and go to Mumbai.
Fear Monkey: No, it’s too dangerous, look at the highway. What if you fall into a ditch and get lost in the lonely valley?
Human Monkey: When you will learn to drive on highways? Come on, take a chance and do it.
Fear Monkey: Why the hell do you want to drive, what will you learn from driving to Mumbai? Just imagine if you get hit by a bus … you will be bedridden for a month or you might die! Just take a cab.
Human Monkey: Sfurti, just go ahead. Don’t be afraid!
Fear Monkey: A cab will be more comfortable as you will not have to drive. It’s better to save your energy for something important. You can also work on the way.
Finally, the Fear Monkey would successfully convince me that it wasn’t a good idea to drive, and win the argument. And the P-Monkey played its part by urging me to push the activity to a later date. The fears raised by the Fear Monkey actually prevented me from doing something that I could have.
P-Monkey and Fear Monkey win.
Desired result: Drive on the highway.
Actual result: Exactly the opposite.
How many of us have experienced this? There are these voices that constantly keep repeating something and stop us from doing something that is actually important.
For me it was driving. For you it could be something else, like volunteering to do some public speaking or taking a flight or going for a swim. These are activities that some people find difficult. To overcome their fear they have to try and force themselves to take that first step. They have to commit to at least making an attempt. But there is a voice within that keeps telling them that they shouldn’t be taking it up.
Scenario II
You are in an amusement park.
Human Monkey: Let’s go and enjoy coming down from the highest slide. It’s fun. Let us have a thrilling experience.
Fear Monkey: Are you mad? Have you gone out of your mind! We can’t go there!
Human Monkey: But there are so many people doing just that. We are also wearing a thick jacket that will protect us.
Fear Monkey (to himself): Wait. Let me raise your anxiety level … then you will automatically stay away from that slide!
Scenario III
‘I think I will use the stairs! I am in exercise mode. As it is, I am dieting too,’ said Aashi.
‘Hey, but it’s on the eleventh floor and we are late,’ said Adhiraj.
Now, Aashi’s Fear Monkey spoke up, ‘No, no, I can’t enter that elevator. I am so scared. What if it stops in between? What if the controls fail and it stops and falls down?’
Exercise was just an excuse that Aashi was using … it was the Fear Monkey speaking for her because she did not want to take the elevator.
The Fear Monkey sometimes haunts our thoughts late in the night. While the Procrastinator Monkey’s antics ruin your career and growth, the Fear Monkey can stress you out, almost to death.
The Fear Monkey is very demanding. He needs constant attention, like a newborn baby. He will beep like an alarm and constantly remind you about all the things that could go wrong. If you don’t actively listen to him, he’ll sneak in when you’re sleeping, driving, having lunch, or when you are in the bathroom.
But here’s the thing! He is never around when you are occupied. He only strikes when you are alone and aren’t doing anything. I am sure that at least once in your lifetime you must have heard that self-destructive voice, that almost guarantees your loss before the actual competition begins. That is the Fear Monkey for you!
THE FEAR MONKEY NEVER ATTACKS WHEN YOU ARE OCCUPIED!
Sometimes, the Fear Monkey comes in the form of a thought constantly going on at the back of your mind: ‘What made you believe you could do this?’
Sometimes, it says: ‘You will be broke!’
Sometimes, it forces you to think to yourself: ‘What if it doesn’t work?’
At other times, fear slowly seeps in when you’re not paying attention. Have you noticed a peculiar feeling of dread that surfaces in your mind about an hour before you have to wake up? It is a kind of nightmare, isn’t it? And then you wake up dreading the day ahead.
Then there are those quiet moments, when you are waiting in a long queue or waiting for your flight to take off. It is precisely at this time that the Fear Monkey strikes and asks you, ‘What if your new product fails in the market? Are you aware of the stiff competition?’
And guess what, that one thought can ruin your day, as it is bound to trigger off a series of arguments and allegations going back and forth between the Fear Monkey and the Human Monkey.
Do you think you can then concentrate on the work at hand? Absolutely not! Many sportspeople, artists and singers have ruined their careers by just allowing the Fear Monkey to take control right when they are in the midst of a big day in their lives.
To a cricketer, the Fear Monkey may scream and say, ‘This bowler has taken your wicket thrice. I don’t think you can face him!’
To a singer, the Fear Monkey may scream and say, ‘The entire world is watching, what if you lose your rhythm?’
To an author, the Fear Monkey may scream and say, ‘This piece of writing is useless and nobody is going to publish it!’
Soon enough, the person starts to have doubts, his morale dips, his confidence is shattered and in extreme cases, he may even start to believe that he is useless.
The thoughts don’t stop there. The Fear Monkey is constantly trying to trap you. He attempts to quicken your heartbeat, increase your blood pressure and make your nervous. And once you get nervous … that is the tipping point! Nervousness is a sign of having surrendered to the Fear Monkey. Once you have, the Fear Monkey will make sure you stay with it in his cave and do not attempt to conquer newer horizons.
What cave? Read on to find out.
One of the odd things about the whole Fear Monkey syndrome is that it’s quite a natural experience and seems quite personal. It’s very difficult to share for fear of being made fun of.
Consider this example.
You are an entrepreneur and decide to attend an entrepreneurs’ meet to meet like-minded people and understand how they go about their business. At the meet, you are interacting with people when all of a sudden, a fear creeps up on you. Now this time, it’s not panic, it’s doubt. It is a kind of internal monologue, much like this, ‘Why have you have invested so much money on your office interiors? Who gave you the idea of using luxurious Italian marble? You have spent so much already.
‘What if that client doesn’t pay you on time?
‘What if your best employees start to leave you?
‘What if the office expenses do not get recovered?
‘You will be on the road! Your wife will leave you!
‘She will take your daughter with her!
All this doubting has just happened in under three seconds.
Yes … it’s hard to believe, but it happens!
If you are trying to call up your daughter and she isn’t picking up her phone, within three seconds, the Fear Monkey starts to visualise the worst possible outcome.
If your boss calls you into his cabin, on your way there, you may begin to visualise yourself getting fired, not getting a new job, and even going bankrupt!
Sitting in the dentist’s chair, you start to feel that the small needle is a bulldozer which will bore into your jaws and hurt you real bad.
Do you get such thoughts? Thoughts that are absolutely useless, waste your time and energy, weaken your will, and make you feel powerless?
Is your Human Monkey frustrated and fearful?
Let’s make a list of things that the Fear Monkey keeps telling us. We will deal with each one of your fears! Remember, these are the triggers and we can only deal with the problem once we understand the problem.
Here’s the story of a terrible memory lapse. James was once selected to speak at the annual event at his school. He was all prepared with his lines. Then suddenly, he was the victim of a cringe-worthy fifteen second blackout. He struggled to recall the name of the school’s newly-appointed Vice-Principal. James’ heart rate accelerated, his brain froze and his memory blacked out. In a speech addressed to the Vice-Principal himself, James forgot his name. He was the butt of all jokes at school for a week and felt extremely embarrassed. And this or something like this has happened to so many of us.
James was ousted from the school committee for humiliating the Vice-Principal. He couldn’t make sense of the situation. He knew that the Fear Monkey tended to overpower him but he had attempted to keep the monkey away. But the monkey had come back anyway.
James and his Human Monkey were frustrated and why shouldn’t they be?
The Human Monkey thought for a while and then began to question himself.
‘From where did this fear of public speaking come? Why do others speak so confidently while I fumble? Why can’t I express my ideas clearly? Why am I so afraid of rejection? Why am I such a loser? Why can’t I fly freely in the sky, where I am worry-free, stress-free, and filled with pure peace and bliss?’
The Human Monkey in him realised that if he didn’t kill the Fear Monkey, he would never achieve whatever he wanted to. After some days, the Human Monkey thought, ‘Today, I am going to kill the fear inside me somehow.’
This is normal. Many of us resolve to become fearless going forward and the Human Monkey was no different. The Human Monkey decided to find the Fear Monkey and kill him. He decided to ‘face its fears’ once and for all. The Fear Monkey lives in the Land of Terror. Reaching there and confronting the Fear Monkey is not easy—it requires a lot of willpower and a brave heart.
This time too, the Human Monkey saw a sign board but with a different message.
‘yna yad nca eb eth salt ady!’
Each time the Human Monkey saw this sign board, he felt a sense of renewed energy and started looking forward to life!
Finding Your Way in the Land of Terror
The Land of Terror is a province with many caves. The birds and animals here are dangerous. The air here is filled with dangerous gases. The water is full of dead, floating dreams. The plants commonly found here are cactus and snakeroot. The most commonly found animal is the lizard which is also the Fear Monkey’s best friend.
Anyone who stays in this land feels suffocated and contracts life-threatening diseases. People who lack resistance and willpower spend their entire lives in this land. This land is the root cause of stress in human lives.
Any human beings living here have a higher risk of obesity, heart problems, headaches, diabetes and anxiety.
Graves of past experiences are all over this land and prepared to haunt the Human Monkey if given the opportunity. The constantly moving spiders of worry are ready to take away the Human Monkey’s peace of mind.
A person’s deepest fears reside here in the Land of Terror.
The Human Monkey continued to walk in the lonely alleys and by-lanes of this land. At first, there was nothing but dark, black vacuum and the whispers of bats. He then observed a few skeletons that looked hauntingly familiar. But there was something peculiar about them: as soon as the Human Monkey moved towards them with a determined stride, they disappeared.
Fear disappears when we confront it and ask tough questions.
Even though all he could see around was darkness, the Human Monkey was determined and kept walking ahead. Along the path, he saw shrivelled up, leafless trees and caves of all sizes.
The Human Monkey asked himself, ‘Are you sure you want to go further?’
‘Yes, one day or the other I will have to do this. Today is a good day as any,’ said the voice inside.
There was an entire community of Fear Monkeys living in different caves. Some were in small caves and some in big ones! Small Fear Monkeys in small caves signify superficial fears that can be overcome easily, while giant Fear Monkeys in large caves are symbolic of deep-rooted and age-old fears.
A little ahead, the Human Monkey found a friend tied up to a big pillar right in the middle of the road. It was the Confidence Monkey. Alongside there were two other friends too who had been tied up—the Courage Monkey and the Confidence Monkey. The Human Monkey was puzzled. He had a lot of questions in his head and wanted to rescue all three of them. He tried talking to the Creative Monkey but couldn’t get a word out. The Creative Monkey was afraid of guards coming and harming it.
It was night already and the Human Monkey knew that he did not have much time. Most Fear Monkeys sleep through the night but some of them prefer to work in the night. They are the ones giving us nightmares or popping up at that lonely hour just before it is time to wake up.
The Human Monkey then tried to speak to the Confidence Monkey.
When you are afraid, your confidence, creativity and courage get hijacked.
‘Hey, please rescue me!’ whispered the Confidence Monkey, looking around in fear.
‘How did they get you?’ asked the Human Monkey.
‘I am not sure. There I wa
s—a confident version of you—looking forward to the speech. Then suddenly, something crept up on me. It whispered into my ears the thought that there was a possibility that I could forget everything. That’s all I remember before blacking out. When I woke up, I was here,’ said the Confidence Monkey.
‘You know something, I really miss you,’ said the Human Monkey, sadly.
‘I know that. It was me who helped you score great grades in Maths, it was me who helped you propose to Julia, and it was me who helped you excel in the sports camp during the last summer vacation. But after that, we met with an accident and since then, the Fear Monkeys kept shutting me up and now, they have kidnapped me,’ said the emotional Confidence Monkey.
‘Now I get it,’ replied the Human Monkey. ‘This is the reason I don’t perform well any more. I hesitate to volunteer for anything, I stay away from taking initiative and I don’t offer my opinion. I am also low all the time.’
‘Yes, my brother!’ said the Confidence Monkey, in a mournful tone, nodding furiously. Both the Courage Monkey and the Creativity Monkey were nodding too.
‘So, how can I destroy the empire of the Fear Monkeys and take you all back with me right now? I want all of you back on my side. It was you, Creative Monkey, who helped me create an excellent design for last year’s science project! It was you, Courage Monkey, who helped me raise my voice against injustice. Now, all of this is lost and I am left alone … sad and depressed!
‘I want you all with me. I want to be happy! I want to be successful. I want to help people. I want to breathe freely. You guys wait here. I will immediately go and kill the Fear Monkeys once and for all.’
‘No, no, you can’t destroy them all at once. Even if you try, their master will come and hypnotise you. He has special powers and grows strong with every failure. But the reverse is also true.
The Monkey Theory Page 5
