by Lisa Oliver
But now, he was in Rowan’s apartment and the man was in his arms. All Shadow wanted to do was throw him down and sink deep into his body just as he had the night before. If he hadn’t picked up Rowan’s wince as he cupped the ass he was coming to adore, infinitesimal to the naked eye, he might well have done it. But instead he pulled back on his wolf and his urges, and took Rowan over to a small couch, settling his mate on his lap. He was not going to think about how delicious the pressure on his cock was from Rowan’s hip.
“You have a nice apartment,” he said, looking around. It was small; tiny in comparison to the mansion he’d grown up in when he was still known as Gray, and the house he knew Rowan lived with his parents when he was a kid. There was no dining table – just a large desk set up with three computer screens, one of which seemed to be rolling lines of code over the wide screen. A battered computer chair looked more worn than the couch they were sitting on, and the tiny kitchenette was clean and looked barely used.
“It was what I could afford.” Rowan shrugged, ducking his head.
The smell of his arousal lingered in the air, testing Shadow’s control. Unused to flowery speeches or having to discuss feelings, Shadow decided to be blunt. “Did I hurt you last night?” He rested his free hand over Rowan’s twisting fingers.
Rowan wouldn’t look at him and that wasn’t a good sign. “It’s not like I have anything to compare it to.” He nibbled on his bottom lip. “Is it always like that?”
“You mean am I always a callous uncaring lover, who didn’t give a shit whether you came or got any pleasure out of what we were doing at all?” Shadow’s laugh wasn’t a happy one. “You could say that’s what I’ve been used to since I was away, but you deserved a lot better for your first time.”
Rowan flinched again, noticeable this time. Shadow wanted to slap himself around the head. “I’m sorry. I should never have mentioned anyone else. They meant nothing and were merely a willing hole in the dark when I was lonely.”
Rowan didn’t say anything, but he seemed to find the ends of his fingernails really interesting. Shadow bit back his frustration. Gently tilting Rowan’s face up, he said quietly, “things are not going to be easy between us if you don’t talk to me.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Rowan said simply, and Shadow was pleased to see he had no problem meeting his eyes. “The knee on my bad leg ached in that… in that position… and I wasn’t sure what you were actually doing until you did it. I would’ve liked more kisses or something first, but then I was talking to my friend and she mentioned perception, and I wondered if maybe I’ve just read too many romance books and that maybe the way you did it was just the way it was for everyone.”
Well, shit damn and fucking hell. Shadow gave himself a mental whack around the head that time. “Little red, I promise, you deserve so much better than what I gave you last night.” He cleared his throat. Talking like this was hard. “I was a bad, bad, wolf, and I’m not going to hide that or make excuses for it. Yes, it’d been a rough day, and yes, I’ve waited ten years to hold you in my arms…”
“Sounds like you’re making those excuses anyway.” To Shadow’s relief, Rowan was grinning.
“You’re right.” Shadow allowed his own smile to shine through. “There is no excuse. I’m just really sorry that I ruined your first time, because that is something you’ll never get back.”
“It wasn’t ruined exactly.” Rowan inhaled sharply. “I mean, I came and everything, which I guess was supposed to happen when you bit me, and I know I belong to you now, but…”
“But what, little red?” Shadow ran his fingers through Rowan’s curls. They were so soft.
“I felt a bit,” Rowan’s fingers made circular movements above his heart, “sort of hollow inside afterward. Does that make sense?”
Letting out a long sigh, Shadow nodded. He knew that feeling all right. It was exactly the same way he felt every time he zipped up after fucking someone who wasn’t his mate. He’d tried so hard, after Rowan turned eighteen, even though he was miles away to stay true to his mate. But his natural high sex drive meant he had slip ups, and that hollow feeling he experienced afterward got more intense every time. “I am so sorry, my sweet mate. I understand completely. Things will get better; I promise and if there’s something you’d like to try…”
“Really?” Rowan’s eyes widened. “Only, after chatting with Cassie, and thinking about perception and everything, I made a list. Did you want to see?”
A list? All Shadow could do was nod as Rowan leaped off his lap and headed over to the desk. From what he read between the lines of what Rowan had said before, his mate hadn’t been an avid porn watcher, so hopefully nothing on the list was too kinky. Shadow liked sex, good hard sex. He didn’t have the time or inclination to play the games some people enjoyed.
Taking the paper Rowan handed to him, Shadow scanned it quickly. “Well,” he said, mentally relieved there was nothing offensive on the paper. “You were right about the four things listed on the left side of the paper. I am your mate, I am an alpha, I do have a high sex drive like all alphas do, and I really, really wanted you last night.”
Rowan leaned to one side to see it for himself. “Oh, that was me putting things into perspective.” He leaned away again, rocking on the balls of his feet.
“Okay, so the right-hand side of the paper is the things you were hoping for, right?” Shadow read the list, biting the inside of his lip. Those are all the things I promised myself I would do, and didn’t, he thought, miffed his sweet omega mate actually missed out because he was being a Neanderthal.
Clearly, he’d been quiet too long, because Rowan said nervously, “you arrived before I got it finished, and it’s not as though anything on there is really important, or anything. It was just the sort of things I thought I might like…”
“The list is fine. More than fine. It’s you expressing the things you hope for when you think of your time with me.” Shadow looked up and held out his hand. When Rowan took it, he tugged the man gently onto his lap. “You are right about the prep. It was your first time, and while omegas don’t usually need a lot of prep as a rule, I should have been more considerate.”
“Been with a lot of omegas, have you?” Rowan shot him a sideways glare.
“You’re my first and only,” Shadow said quickly. “Kissing, foreplay; yes, alphas do that, or at least that is what I hoped to do with you, and that is what I will do from now on, and the same with going slower. I can’t promise it will be like that all the time…”
“Because sometimes you just want to jump my bones?”
“Exactly. Hopefully, when we’re more used to each other, you won’t mind it either.” Shadow loved Rowan’s little smirk. He pointed to number four, which was unfinished. “What were you hoping you could do?” He’s my mate. If he wants to top me, I’ll take it. Maybe.
Rowan’s cheeks were bright red. “I wanted to be able to touch you,” he said, hesitantly resting his hand on Shadow’s chest. “You’re so big, and you’re built like a mountain. I wanted to be able to explore what makes you happy sometimes, maybe, if you’d let me, or didn’t mind…”
“I really stuffed things up by falling asleep as soon as the spunk dried, didn’t I?” Shadow said with a small smirk.
“Before the spunk dried, you mean.” Rowan’s smirk was bigger. “I was a mess with goo covering me front and back. No one ever mentions that in the books I read.”
Shadow groaned and physically slapped his head this time. “What I should’ve done, when we were finished, was ease myself gently from your body and go and get a damp washcloth to clean us both up. Then, I should have cuddled you close, and we’d have talked about all sorts of things like how we hope our future together is going to grow, and then we’d have had sex again, and probably another couple of times before the night was over and then after we’d finally gotten a few hours sleep, we would have stumbled downstairs and ignored my friends teasing us as I cooked you a huge brea
kfast.”
“The breakfast would have been nice,” Rowan said, rubbing his belly.
Shadow dithered for all of two seconds. The apartment was small, but private. He could have a second go at making Rowan’s body dance with pleasure under his touch, or… Standing up, he set Rowan on his feet and took his hand. “What’s good around here?” He asked, leading his mate to the door. “It’s been ten years since I’ve been around, remember. Is Barney’s still the same as it used to be? They used to cook the most amazing steaks.”
“They have steaks.” Rowan nodded. He waved his hand in the direction of Shadow’s crotch. “But didn’t you want to, you know, first?”
“You will notice, after you’ve been around me for a while, that I will always ‘want to you know’ when I’m around you,” Shadow said sincerely. “Always. No question. Any time of the day or night. But there are other things in life, like eating, and taking a shower, and going out once in a while.”
“And looking after the pack,” Rowan reminded him as he grabbed his keys from the table by the door. “That’s going to take a lot of time and energy.”
Why do you think we’re going to breakfast out instead of back at the pack house? Shadow wanted to cement his claim on his sweet omega a bit more, before he had to deal with any other unpleasantness.
Chapter Eight
The breakfast was fun. Rowan enjoyed listening to Shadow talk about his life in the military, and he preened under the interest his mate showed in his work. It was the first time Rowan had ever been on a date as such and watching how Shadow’s face lit up when he laughed telling stories about his friends was almost enough to distract him from the delicious full steak breakfast they’d both ordered. In that moment, it was easy to forget they were part of a troubled pack. They could be just two men who had nothing to think about but themselves and their own little corner of the world.
It didn’t last. Rowan had just unlocked the door to his apartment, Shadow hot and heavy at his back, gripping at his hips and rubbing against him, when Shadow’s phone went off. “What, damn it?” Shadow growled into his phone as Rowan walked inside. “I told you, I’m with my mate.”
Unwilling to be caught eavesdropping, which was an easy thing for a wolf shifter to do, Rowan went into his bedroom. Shadow had asked him to pack a bag for a few days. There hadn’t been any decisions made on where they would live over the long term, but Shadow asked him to at least consider staying at the pack house for now.
He was just arranging his clothes in his overnight bag when Shadow came in. “No time for sex, I take it?”
“There’s a group of guys at the mansion,” Shadow said angrily. “They won’t leave. They won’t say what they want. My men can’t just kick them out because they smell of pack, but they also smell of drugs and goodness knows what else.”
“More of Percy’s cronies.” Rowan zipped up his bag and grabbed his laptop. He wasn’t sure if Shadow had a computer at his house but preferred using his own anyway. “So why the long face? Are you going to insist I stay here while you go off, doing your thing?”
From the flash of guilt passing over Shadow’s face, that was exactly what the man was going to say, and Rowan got his own flash – of annoyance. “I see. I’m mate in name only, am I? I’ll just stay here and plod along on my computer, and you’ll what? Come and see me when you want sex, is that it?”
“No, no, it’s not like that.” Shadow ran his hands over his face and groaned. “This confrontation isn’t going to be pleasant; you have to know that. You lived with these assholes.”
“Exactly.” Putting down his bags, Rowan stormed over to his mate, prodding him on the chest with his finger. “I’ve lived with them for ten years and know more about them than you. I know their weaknesses, I know their threat level to you, me, and other innocent members of the pack. You go in there blind and you could be homeless by nightfall.”
“There’s no one strong enough in the pack to take me out.”
Shadow seemed shocked by Rowan’s anger and to be honest, so was Rowan, but he wasn’t going to back down now. “I’m either your mate, and I stand by your side, or you can go and be alpha without me, completely. Understood?”
“You don’t want to be with me anymore? But…”
“That’s not what I said, you butt head. We’re mates and no one can tear us apart. But if you aren’t going to treat me like an alpha mate, and just come and see me when you want somewhere to stick your dick, or drag me back to the pack house to parade me in front of visiting alphas because you’ve got an omega and they haven’t, you can keep your pants zipped and host your own damn dinners and pack meetings.”
Rowan hated the look of worry on Shadow’s face and hated more that he’d put it there. But instinct told him that if he didn’t stand up for himself now, he’d be living forever in Shadow’s shadow. The play on words made him grin, even if it wasn’t appropriate.
“Am I alpha mate?” he asked more quietly now his point was made; flattening his hand over Shadow’s heart. “Or just your part time mate?”
Shadow breathed out heavily, and covered Rowan’s hand with his own. “You’re mine,” he said simply, but Rowan saw the devotion in Shadow’s eyes as he said those two words. “We’d better get going before there’s a riot at the pack house.”
Rowan accepted the answer for what it was for now, staying silent as Shadow carried his bags down to the car. He waited until they were heading into pack territory before he said, “You know, you never answered my question back there.”
The muscle under Shadow’s jaw tightened. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want you with me,” he said, his eyes focused on the road. “I’m just not sure if I want to be alpha, so I couldn’t tell you if you’re alpha mate or not.”
Rowan twisted slightly in his seat so he could see Shadow more clearly. “A person is born to be an alpha, the same as I was born to be an omega. It’s not possible to go against our status.”
“I meant the alpha of our home pack,” Shadow flashed him a quick smile before focusing on the road again. “I know it was foolish of me, but while I was away, I didn’t know any of the shit that was going down back home. The only letters I got were from your grandmother, and they were about you. In my head, I used to dream of coming home, sweeping you off your feet and us heading off for parts unknown to make a new life for both of us and a few of my friends.”
“You didn’t know your father was sick at all?” Rowan gasped as Shadow shook his head. “So, you didn’t come back to take over being alpha?”
“I came back for you and that’s all,” Shadow said as he turned their car into the driveway. “In my head, my father would still be ruling this place another hundred or so years. It took me five minutes after seeing my father again to see all my hopes of leaving with you go down the toilet. Mind you, if it hadn’t had been for Percy, I still would have taken you and run. I could’ve gotten the council to appoint another alpha if the pack had been running well. My brother did a lot of damage while I was away.”
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.” Rowan reached over, resting his hand over Shadow’s on the gear stick. He still had questions like why did Shadow invite his friends if he’d only come to claim a mate. But those questions would have to wait. The grim faces of Marco and Craven, who were guarding the door had to be dealt with first.
Rowan gave Shadow’s friends credit. They didn’t blink at all seeing him get out of the car. The warmth of Shadow’s hand caressed his lower back as they walked slowly up the porch stairs. Shadow flashed a hand signal at Marco who raised four fingers. “We put them in the living room,” Craven whispered as they moved past. “Told them there was nowhere else suitable for now. Dominic is in your father’s old office trying to make heads and tails of things in there.”
A curt nod was the only sign Shadow gave to indicate he’d heard Craven’s words. Rowan let himself be led through the large hall and into the family living room. He mentally shrunk back when he saw who was lounging over the
alpha’s furniture. If Shadow noticed his hesitation, he didn’t mention it.
“Gentlemen,” Shadow said sharply. “Is this any way to show respect to your new alpha?”
Gavin, a person Rowan was uncomfortably familiar with, flicked his lanky blond hair out of his dark eyes, and slowly removed his feet from the coffee table. He didn’t get out of his seat. “I had to come and see for myself if it was true,” he drawled. “Word’s running around the pack like wildfire that good ol’ Percy had an accident last night with some of his friends.” His leer flashed over to Rowan making him uncomfortable.
“What happened to my brother and his friends was no accident.” Rowan noticed how Gavin started at the brother reference, narrowing his eyes as he tried to connect Gray with Shadow. “If you wanted to know what happened, you could’ve simply waited for the pack meeting tonight like everyone else.”
“Yeah, there’s a bit of a problem with that.” Gavin checked his friends were still hanging onto his every word and action. Two of them, Jack and Donny had their fists bunched as though itching for a fight. Talon had his hands in his pockets staring at the wall paper, probably fingering the knife Rowan knew he kept there.
“You see, Percy and us, we had a bit of an arrangement, so we’d thought we’d make ourselves available to you, get inducted into the inner circle, so to speak, before the meeting. I mean, we don’t want any of the mutually beneficial arrangements we had with Percy to fall flat just because the silly bugger got himself killed, now do we?”
“What sort of mutually beneficial arrangements are you talking about?” Shadow folded his arms across his chest and Rowan was just glad he wasn’t the focus of his mate’s gaze in that moment. Either Gavin hadn’t noticed the change in Shadow’s attitude, or he was just too thick to notice.
“Well, it’s lots of things, ain’t it, boys?” Gavin leaned back in his seat, sharing a chuckle with his friends. “Anything you need really; we get it for you. Acquisitions, a bit of heavy work if you know what I mean. Booze, dames, something a little bit spicier, I’m sure you get my drift. You could call us the pack acquisition crew if you like.”
