“So you want to teach me how to hit people?” Danny asked in a strained voice.
No. That’s not what Mace wanted. He wanted many things, none of which would be appropriate to say—watching Danny melt into Gavin’s arms through the bakery window had given him painfully vivid proof of that. Something inside him had broken a little at the sight, a harsh reminder about the dangers of letting himself care too much and the painful stupidity of wanting things that were out of reach. It had been a long time since he’d made that mistake. He’d tried to walk away, but—just as he’d once suspected—he hadn’t been able to say no to Danny when Danny had come after him.
Danny obviously had no idea what kind of effect he had on Mace. Danny loved Gavin, his own words and actions proving how intensely loyal he was to the bakery owner. If he’d realized the kind of thoughts Mace had about him, he wouldn’t have been so quick to seek out his company. Mace had obviously given himself away, though, because something had changed between them tonight. Had sent their friendship spiraling out of control, spinning Danny out of his reach, too fast for Mace to figure out what had gone wrong or how to fix it.
Mace knew it was his fault. After years of keeping his emotions tightly contained, Danny had burst into his life like a dazzling whirlwind, stirring up feelings Mace couldn’t find a way to suppress, feelings that threatened to explode out of him. To give too much away. To ruin everything. Stealing these last few moments with Danny wasn’t going to help with that, but Mace was being selfish, filled with a quiet desperation to try to hold onto whatever part of the bright, beautiful man he could for just a little longer.
Danny was staring at him, waiting for an answer.
Mace cleared his throat. “Not hit people. Defend yourself,” he said, hating himself a little for the hint of deceit in the statement. As much as he genuinely wanted Danny to be safe, he knew he was also using it as an excuse to touch Danny again before he lost him completely. He was determined not to let that distract him, though. He did want Danny to be safe, and if Danny wasn’t going to want him around, Mace would do everything he could to make sure that Danny could take care of himself when he was on his own.
“Fine,” Danny said, not meeting his eyes. “Just show me, I guess.”
His voice sounded thick, like maybe his throat had gotten as tight as Mace’s was. Clearly not for the same reason, though, since Danny had been the one to decide he didn’t want Mace to walk him home anymore.
Was that what he’d run out of the bakery to tell him tonight?
Or maybe Danny’s obvious distress had nothing to do with Mace at all. Maybe, unlike Mace, he was taking the impulsive offer of a self-defense lesson at face value, and was thinking about what had happened to him on the azalea path.
The thought of Danny in any kind of danger turned Mace’s stomach into a painful knot, and even though he knew that it wasn’t likely as long as Danny stayed smart, the incident in the park was a graphic reminder that it could still happen.
He didn’t consider himself a violent person, but he’d had to do his fair share of fighting while growing up. Proving himself as he was shuffled from home to home, sometimes protecting others who weren’t smart enough or strong enough to do it themselves, and then going through the whole cycle all over again during the first few months of prison. Even though it had been a few years since he’d had to attack or defend, the movements were instinctive. The difference, now, was the quiet desperation he felt at the knowledge that Danny was slipping out of his life. It made it hard to concentrate on what he should show the other man. It made him feel reckless.
Mace crossed the space between them, wrapping his arms around Danny in the same hold he’d seen Gavin take him in through the bakery window earlier and running his hands down Danny’s back to pull him close, fitting the two of them together exactly as he had in his dream. And, just like that dream, it felt unbelievably good. Too good. Danny felt like he’d been custom-made to fit in Mace’s arms.
Perfect.
Distracting.
He needed to remember why he was here. Why Danny wasn’t objecting to the too-intimate touch, even though Mace didn’t have the right to hold him like this.
Self-defense.
Danny made a soft, needy sound that threatened to unravel the knot inside Mace’s stomach and turn it into something Danny wouldn’t welcome from him, and Mace cleared his throat, forcing himself to focus on what he was supposed to be doing.
“If someone grabbed you like this, what would you do?”
“I really, really don’t think you want to know,” Danny said with a choked laugh. He flattened his palms against Mace’s chest, making Mace’s heart pound, but didn’t try to push him away. “Honestly, um, I don’t think someone is going to attack me in this position,” Danny added, the hint of a smile touching his lips as he looked up at Mace. A ghost of his usual sparkle was back in his eyes, and he looked so fucking tempting that it took Mace a minute to make sense of what he’d said.
“Right,” Mace answered once Danny’s words registered in his brain. Fuck, he was an idiot. Danny was going to see right through him. He’d embraced him like a lover would—like Danny’s lover, Gavin, had—not like an attacker. Mace spun him around, pulling Danny’s back flush against his chest. “This is more likely,” he said, leaning down to speak directly into Danny’s ear and inhaling the sugary sweetness of cookies mingled with the warm scent of man.
This man.
Danny groaned, leaning back into him and tipping his head to the side, exposing more of his neck.
“Don’t—” Mace hissed, willing his body not to react to the temptation in his arms. He cleared his throat, trying again. “Don’t lean into your attacker, Danny.” He slid the arm he’d had around Danny’s chest up to his neck. “If someone comes at you like this, grabs you from behind, drop your chin. Don’t let them get a chokehold.” He thrust his thigh between Danny’s to force Danny’s legs apart, the move lighting him up inside as Danny’s pert, round ass rubbed against him. “Step to the side,” Mace said, determined not to let on about how their closeness was affecting him. “Drop your fist like a hammer. Go for the groin.”
“Oh my God,” Danny said breathlessly, making no effort at all to follow any of his instructions as he all but melted back against Mace. “Are you serious right now? Because, Mace—”
“Yes, I’m serious!” Mace yelled, spinning Danny back around to face him before the perfection of having him in his arms made him forget everything that mattered. Danny didn’t even try to resist the move; he was just letting Mace do anything he wanted, and it was too much. It was exciting him and pissing him off in equal parts, and it was fraying the fuck out of the tight reins he was trying to keep on his control. “What are you going to do if someone’s coming at you?” he demanded, unable to make himself let go even though he’d meant to.
And now Danny was facing him again. Thighs pressing into Mace’s. Slim chest heaving against his own.
“I don’t know,” Danny mumbled, a red flush creeping up his throat and warming his face. He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he looked up at Mace. “I can’t… um, I can’t do this.”
“Yes, you can,” Mace insisted, his eyes glued to the rising color on Danny’s skin. Danny’s body was radiating heat, drawing Mace in, making him want.
But this wasn’t about him. What if someone else grabbed Danny? What if Mace wasn’t around to stop them when it happened?
He tightened his arms. “You get loud, remember?” he said, his voice coming out like gravel. “If someone grabs you like this, you tell them to back off.”
Danny shook his head. “I can’t—”
“Tell me to back off Danny,” Mace interrupted, feeling an unreasonable sense of desperation at Danny’s failure to fight back. He walked forward without letting go, pressing Danny against the wall and pinning the smaller man with his body weight.
“Oh my God,” Danny whispered, the pulse at the base of his throat fluttering fast
er than a hummingbird’s wings.
“Tell me,” Mace insisted, wrapping his arms around Danny’s slender waist and letting his fingers slide up under the hem of his shirt to drag across the petal-soft skin that quivered when he touched it.
He’d wanted to touch him for so damn long, and even though he felt jacked up on adrenaline and loss, touching Danny slowed everything down. Intoxicated him. Made it almost impossible to remember why he needed Danny to push him away.
Mace leaned in, almost feeling drugged by their nearness, close enough to feel the moist heat of Danny’s breath as it washed over him in quick, panting gusts. “Tell me.”
“No,” Danny whispered. And then, louder, “I don’t want you to back off! God, Mace, could it be any more obvious?” Their bodies were pressed together from chest to groin, and he rolled his hips, rubbing the hard length of his erection against Mace’s through their jeans. “Is it really so hard to admit you want me?”
The hurt look in his eyes proved to be Mace’s undoing.
“Of course I want you,” he said, his voice thick with need. Danny was so fucking beautiful that the words felt inadequate, but admitting it didn’t change anything.
Or maybe it did, because as soon as the words left his mouth, his control snapped and he couldn’t seem to stop himself from doing something about it. Or maybe what broke him wasn’t so much admitting it out loud, but the fact that his words made the hurt look on Danny’s face disappear in an instant, washed away by a smile that lit his face up like the sun. A smile that made Mace forget that Danny was Gavin’s. Forget his resolve to do the right thing. Forget himself completely and see only what he’d so desperately wished would be there.
For Danny to want him, too.
Mace was kissing Danny before he even realized he’d moved, greedily tasting the other man’s lips before licking his way into the delicious heat of his mouth. Letting his hands roam over smooth skin and a tight ass and the warm, eager body that strained against him as if Danny needed to be closer, too.
Mace groaned, taking everything Danny allowed him and silently cursing the clothing between them as he ground their throbbing cocks together. He’d never let himself imagine touching a man this way before Danny, but it felt instinctive. So right that it was easy to ignore everything except the buzzing, swirling, intoxicating pleasure of finally giving in to the irresistible chemistry between them. It felt like heaven.
Mace swallowed the symphony of moans and gasps and happy little bursts of breathy laughter that tumbled out of Danny’s mouth, sounds that made him impossibly harder, hungry to get closer, desperate to have more of the beautiful man who…
Wasn’t his.
A stab of ice shot through Mace’s gut as the truth surfaced again. He was desperate for more of Danny, who’d been in Gavin’s arms just an hour before… who’d had another other man’s lips pressed against his skin as Mace watched through the window… who was happy.
Happy with Gavin.
Fuck fuck fuck.
“This isn’t right,” Mace said, tearing his mouth away as the heavy weight of guilt settled in his chest. “I can’t do this.”
Danny’s lips were swollen from his assault, pink and moist and still so fucking tempting as they fell open in an “O” of surprise that Mace almost forgot himself. He wasn’t that guy, though. He wouldn’t let himself be.
He pushed away from Danny, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to get ahold of himself.
“You can’t do this?” Danny repeated, that mouth Mace couldn’t look away from tightening into a thin line. His expression had raced through confused and hurt and had settled on angry, and Mace swallowed, wanting to look away but knowing he deserved it.
“I’m sorry,” Mace said, knowing the words weren’t enough.
He scrubbed a hand over his face, unable to meet Danny’s eyes. Despite knowing how it felt to be betrayed by someone who’d said they loved him, he’d taken advantage of Danny’s friendship, his open nature, his trust. He’d pushed Danny into giving him exactly what he wanted, regardless of who it would hurt.
And to his shame, even knowing that, Mace still would have given anything to be able to finish what they’d started. Instead, he made himself do the right thing.
He walked away.
Mace leaned his forehead against the cold tile in his shower, letting the icy water flow over him. Hoping that if he stayed there long enough, it would wash away enough of his guilt that he’d be able to sleep. Sluice off the regrets that threatened to choke him.
Fucking Christ. He’d all but fucking attacked Danny.
There had been many disappointments in Mace’s life, but for the most part, they’d been ones that had been thrust upon him, not fuck-ups of his own making. Situations that, no matter how difficult they’d felt at the time, at least he’d been able to hold his head up about. He hadn’t always been able to control a lot of things in his environment, but his own actions—choosing to do the right thing—that had always been something he could feel good about. Even when Trevor had let him take the fall for the robbery, Mace hadn’t said a word. Hadn’t been willing to betray the loyalty he’d felt toward his foster brother, regardless of whether the other man had still deserved that loyalty or not.
In retrospect, maybe the way things had gone down with Trevor and Kelsie shouldn’t have surprised him. There was a certain inherent desperation to growing up the way they all had, an every-man-for-himself attitude that came with the tendency to justify taking whatever you could, whenever you could get away with it, regardless of who else it might hurt. Mace’s foster brother had always been one to look for shortcuts in life, and Kelsie had constantly pushed Mace to go along with Trevor’s schemes, to find a faster way for them to get out of the harsh life that was all they’d ever known, to look for the easiest path, no matter who was hurt along the way.
It had never sat well with Mace. He’d never been a fan of rushing through things or felt good about taking what he hadn’t earned. He didn’t mind hard work. It was satisfying to reap the reward of something that had been done right, and it was one of the reasons he’d grown to love working with the plants that he tended. There were no shortcuts in nature, but if you gave them what they needed, nurtured and took care of them the right way, the outcome was inevitable. They always gave you back more than you put in, rewarding the care put into them with an abundant, bountiful beauty that never failed to awe him.
Just like Danny.
The man got lost in the things he cared about, absorbing the best parts of the world around him and then mixing them together in brand new ways, blending them into new creations that spilled out of him in a bright fountain of words and laughter and art and beauty that took Mace’s breath away.
It was just one of the things that had drawn Mace to him, but not the only one. He also loved the way Danny threw himself into life and embraced the things that were important to him. He could tell that Danny got self-conscious about his habit of losing track of things like his earbuds and keys... his flamboyant personality... his tendency to let his enthusiasm run away with him, but Mace loved all of it. Being around Danny brought parts of him to life that had been too-long dormant, seeds of hope and excitement and possibility that had only needed the right catalyst to start to grow.
But in the end, Mace had proven to be no better than Trevor.
The two of them had always promised each other that they’d find a better life someday, although exactly what that better life would look like had never been clear. The things that Trevor had strove for had never moved Mace, but with Danny, what that “better life” might look like had finally started to come into focus for him.
And just like his foster brother, once Mace had seen what he wanted, he’d grabbed for it.
Danny’s stories were peppered with casual references to small acts of kindness that he didn’t take credit for, full of anecdotes that always cast others in the best light. Even when Danny grumbled about things, he didn’t let it stop him from going o
ut of his way to help out his friends. It was clear that he was deeply loyal to the people he cared about, and Mace had tainted that. Had pushed and pushed and pushed until Danny had given him what he wanted. What wasn’t Mace’s to take.
He didn’t quite know how to forgive himself for that.
The shower wasn’t helping. Mace flipped it off and stepped out. The cold water hadn’t done a thing for his guilt. Nor had it erased the feel of Danny, imprinted onto every inch of his body, or the taste of his mouth, or the memory of his…
Fuck.
Mace had to just... stop.
He threw on a pair of sweat pants without bothering to dry off, wandering toward his little cubby of a kitchen and staring blindly into the fridge for a minute.
He wasn’t hungry.
His phone pinged, the distraction welcome until he saw who it was. Kelsie. Again. She’d been trying to get in touch with him all week, and he was fucking tired of it. Before this, he hadn’t heard from her since she’d come to his arraignment to tell him that she’d decided that throwing him over for Trevor was the better bet. She may have phrased it a little nicer and included a healthy dose of tears, but he’d known her well enough to understand what she was really saying.
As far as Mace was concerned, they had nothing else to say to each other, but her latest text made it clear that she was under the mistaken impression that they did.
Why don’t you want to see me?
He gave a humorless laugh as he read the words on the little screen, then hit the call button.
“Kelsie, not to be a dick, but why would I?” he said, not bothering with a greeting when she answered.
“Mace, oh my God. Why have you been ignoring me? I’ve missed you, baby.”
Honestly, he couldn’t return the sentiment. Even though it had been a few years, her voice was as familiar as air, but hearing it did nothing for him. Nothing good, at least.
The Delicious Series: The First Volume Page 11
