He clenched his jaw, ignoring them. Everyone was entitled to a bad day now and then.
“Here, Mom,” he said, hoping to divert attention from his sour mood. He pushed the cake across the counter toward her. “Gavin’s thinking of doing wedding cakes at Delicious—” Emily squealed, clapping her hands together in glee, “—and he’s been experimenting with recipes. He sent this one over for after dinner.”
“Be sure to tell him thank you,” Charlie said, still looking at him oddly. His change of topic clearly didn’t fool her Mom-radar.
“Is Gavin taking orders yet?” Em asked excitedly, making Ben want to hug her for jumping on the new topic. He would have preferred a non-Gavin topic, actually, but at least if he could shift the conversation to Will and Emily’s wedding plans it would get the spotlight off him for a bit. It turned out to be unnecessary, though, because before he could answer, Hannah’s husband, Jack, wandered in with the baby in his arms.
“Our little Miss Gwennie is refusing to nap,” Jack said, looking a little frazzled. “None of my regular tricks are working.”
“She’s just at that age, dear,” Charlie said, bustling over to kiss the top of her granddaughter’s head. “They don’t nap forever, you know. She may be growing out of needing an extra one this time of day.”
“Oh, God, Mom, don’t say that,” Hannah said.
“They grow up so fast,” Charlie said, squeezing Hannah’s hand. “One minute they’re your babies, and the next, they’ve got babies of their own.”
“I’m pretty sure Hann’s still got a few years before that happens,” Will said, laughing.
“Not that many,” Hannah said, her stricken look reminding Ben of the conversation they’d had on the running trail a few weeks ago. She’d been worried about missing out on too many of her daughter’s firsts. The baby really was growing up fast.
Hannah exchanged a look with her husband, and Ben’s brow creased in sympathy. He reached for Gwennie.
“Give me some time with my favorite girl,” he suggested, hoping to give his sister the space to have a conversation with her husband, if she wanted it.
Jack handed over the baby, and Hannah threw Ben a grateful look. The two of them left the room, and Gwennie’s adorable babbling was the perfect diversion from any further inquiries about Ben’s uncharacteristic mood. By the time dinner was ready, he’d managed to reclaim some of his usual good cheer. It felt good to ease into the familiar banter with his family, especially after the uncomfortable strain that had existed between him and Gavin since he’d found out about the other man’s plans the day before.
Ben sat down next to Hannah and handed the baby off to her. Hann blew a raspberry on her daughter’s cheek, making Gwennie giggle, then expertly buckled her into the high chair on the other side of her seat. Ben smiled at their antics, noting that his sister looked more at peace than when she’d left the kitchen with her husband earlier.
Andrew Edwards cleared his throat, taking his seat at the head of the table, and met Ben’s eye over the top of Hannah’s head. Outside of necessary banking business, Ben hadn’t spoken much to his father since their conversation about Gavin earlier in the week. Andrew offered a small smile—a peace offering—and Ben nodded in acknowledgment, not quite ready, in his current state of mind, to make more of an effort at easing the tension between them.
His father looked around, brow lowering in confusion. “Where’s Gavin?” he asked.
Everyone looked at Ben expectantly.
“He’s on a date,” he answered tightly, reaching for his water glass and taking a drink.
Gavin had been getting ready to go out when Ben got home from work, and—despite having spent the entire drive home convincing himself that he was okay with it—Ben’s mood had instantly soured at the sight. He knew Gavin was right, though. His love life really wasn’t any of Ben’s business.
He needed to let it go.
It was something he’d always been good at, in the past, and if he was going to have any hope of keeping Gavin’s friendship, he was going to have to find a way to do so again. He’d managed a few civil words, wishing Gavin a good time, and gone for a run.
When he’d come home, Gavin had already been gone.
“A date?” Charlie asked, her face breaking into a smile. “I didn’t know he had someone. Have you met her, Ben? You should have Gavin bring her to dinner.”
Will laughed. “Mom, Gavin’s gay. If he’s out on a date, I’m sure it’s not with a ‘her.’”
“He’s… oh!” Charlie fumbled her napkin, smoothing it into her lap as her face flushed. “Well. Oh.”
Hannah turned to him, her eyes widening.
“Gavin’s gay?” she asked. “How did I not know this?”
Ben didn’t answer, but whatever she saw on his face made her mouth fall into a perfect “O” of surprise, her eyebrows shooting up to her hairline.
“Is that why you’re so cranky tonight, Ben?” she pressed. “Are you jealous that Gavin’s out with another man?”
Yes.
“Ben doesn’t do jealous,” Will reminded their sister.
“Ben’s not gay, Hannah,” Andrew said sternly.
“Well, that’s a shame,” Charlie said, having finally recovered from her surprise. “I like Gavin.”
“Charlie!”
“What, Andrew? I do. And Ben likes him, too.” She reached across the table, patting Ben’s hand. “You know you do, dear. You light up around him the same way Hann and Will do around Jack and Em.”
“Ben isn’t gay,” his father repeated insistently.
“Well, what if he is?” Charlie asked, fixing Andrew with a look that her children had long since learned meant not to cross her. Her husband may have had his shortcomings, but he wasn’t stupid. He bit back whatever else he’d been about to say, closing his mouth with an audible snap that earned a little nod of approval from his wife. She turned back to Ben. “You should really consider it, dear. We all love Gavin.”
We all love Gavin.
We. All. Love. Gavin.
We all… love… Gavin.
His mother’s words rang in his ears, sending a wave of some unnamable sensation through him. It started swelling inside his heart, filling his chest, giving him permission to think about the other thing she’d said. Which felt… good.
Right.
Like an entire future he’d never considered for himself had just opened up before him.
The tightness in his chest eased for the first time since he’d left the wedding cake bakery with Gavin the day before, and Ben smiled, his lips stretching so wide, so fast, that it felt like his face was going to split in two. He couldn’t have stopped it if he tried, and he covered his mouth with his napkin as the thing he was feeling bubbled up inside him, threatening to burst out of him.
It was no use. He couldn’t keep it in.
“What?” Will asked, his own lips twitching as Ben’s joyful laughter spilled out in a wild torrent of relief and excitement and new possibilities.
“What if I am?” he asked, letting himself say it—think it—for the first time.
No matter how much Gavin was coming to mean to him, the idea of a permanent rift with his family would have been hard to swallow. But—he looked at his mother’s warm smile—what if that didn’t have to happen?
And what if, the next time Gavin gave him a chance to do something, Ben… did.
“What if I am?” Ben repeated, a weight he hadn’t realized he’d been carrying falling off his shoulders as he looked around the table. His mother’s smile turned as bright as the sun, and Will’s eyebrows shot up. His father’s lips tightened, but Hannah looked positively gleeful as Emily and Jack both sat back to watch the show.
“Well,” Charlie said, a familiar gleam appearing in her eye. “I may be getting ahead of myself, but I think Gavin would make a lovely son-in-law.”
“Mom,” Hannah said, giving up the fight to hold back her laughter. “You really want your theory about bringing someo
ne to family dinner to be right, don’t you?
“No, I just want my children to be happy,” she said, settling back in her seat. “And Gavin makes Ben happy.”
Ben’s father’s face had turned a disturbing shade of red, but when he opened his mouth, Charlie pinned him with a hard look before he could speak.
“Isn’t that right, Andrew?” she asked, steel in her voice. “Our children’s happiness is what matters. Let’s keep our priorities straight here.”
He closed his mouth again.
Next to Ben, Hannah cleared her throat, her good cheer fading away.
“On that note, I wanted to talk to you about something, Dad,” she said, her voice sounding strained. She shot a glance at her husband, and when Jack gave her a small nod of encouragement, she took a deep breath and continued. “I want to take a leave of absence from the bank. I’m going to stay home with Gwennie for a while.”
The baby squealed, banging her fist on her high chair tray in approval, breaking the tension. Everyone started to talk at once, and Ben squeezed Hannah’s hand under the table.
“Good for you, Brat,” he whispered, meaning it.
“I know it sounds silly, but her nap was the last straw. I’ve known what I wanted for a while now, but I kept putting off doing anything about it. If I keep waiting, though, it will be too late,” she said.
Ben nodded. He knew exactly what she meant, and even through the new hope bubbling up inside him, he felt a little frisson of worry, hoping he hadn’t waited too long.
Ben was smiling as he walked to the car. Family dinner had lasted longer than usual. Between Hannah’s decision about her leave of absence from the bank and Will and Emily’s news—Em was pregnant, and they were moving the wedding date up so that she would still be able to fit into her dress—the night had been full of lively conversation and excited plans that had all but eclipsed his personal epiphany. Despite a few teasing comments and some more not-so-subtle hints from his mother, no one had pressed him any more about his relationship with Gavin. Although just before he’d left, his mother hadn’t been able to restrain herself from asking if Gavin would be coming to dinner the following week.
Ben didn’t know, but he hoped so.
“Wait up,” Will called from the front porch.
“Congratulations again,” Ben said, pulling his brother in for a hug once Will caught up with him.
“Thanks,” Will said, a spontaneous smile blooming on his face. “It’s been hell keeping it a secret, but we’re excited. Also a little freaked out, to be honest, since we weren’t exactly planning for it this soon, but mostly excited.”
“You’ll be great parents,” Ben said, meaning it.
“I hope so,” Will said. He shoved his hands into his pockets, rocking back on his heels. “Listen, I actually wanted to talk to you about something else. All that talk about Gavin earlier… were you serious about that?”
Ben sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. He really didn’t want to get into it with his brother again. If they couldn’t see eye to eye about this, then he’d rather just avoid talking about it altogether. At some point—if Gavin wanted him… if Ben hadn’t already waited too long to figure out what he really wanted—hopefully Will would come around.
But if not, too bad.
“Are you going to start dating him?” Will pressed, staring at him intently.
“That depends on what Gavin wants.”
Gavin had said he wanted to start dating, but not that he wanted to date Ben. And he was already out with someone else, right at that very moment. Ben grimaced, his stomach tightening at the thought. He didn’t know anything about the man Gavin was with tonight. He might turn out to be someone Gavin decided he wanted to bake for. Someone who made Gavin’s dimples pop out, who smoothed away his worry lines and laughed at his jokes. Someone Gavin would want to go home to, at the end of the day.
Will’s lips started twitching as he watched Ben’s face, his eyes sparkling with mirth. “You want to, though, don’t you?” he asked. “You have totally gone gay.”
“You think that’s funny?” Ben asked, feeling his earlier crankiness start to resurface.
“No,” Will said, holding up his hands. “I actually think it’s kind of great, Ben. I mean, weird as hell, for sure, but whatever. Mom’s right. You should be happy.”
Ben eyed Will skeptically. His brother actually sounded sincere, but it was quite the one-eighty from his reaction when he’d first found out about Gavin’s sexuality.
“What brought about this change of heart?” Ben asked cautiously.
“I don’t know. Not any one thing, I guess. I just finally got over myself,” he said, shrugging. “Besides, Mom’s right—”
“Again?” Ben teased, feeling his lips curve up despite himself.
“Always,” Will admitted with an answering grin. “But don’t let her hear me say it. Seriously, though, she is right. Gavin’s a great guy, and we do all like him. Even Dad, if he can pull his head out of his ass long enough to admit it. And you—”
Will broke up into laughter, steadying himself with a hand on Ben’s shoulder.
“—when you showed up tonight—”
He doubled over, gasping for breath.
Ben crossed his arms, his lips twitching. He wasn’t sure just what Will thought was so damn funny, but it was hard not to join in. Still, he didn’t need to give him the satisfaction.
“Jesus, Will,” he said after it had gone on long enough. “What?”
“I’ve just… never… seen you this way before,” Will said, the words punctuated by fresh rounds of laughter. “Oh my God, Ben. Seriously. I never thought I’d see the day. Gavin’s out on a date, and you’re jealous.”
Ben frowned, not finding it all that amusing, really. He was jealous, and he’d never felt that way before. Will might enjoy seeing him all tied up in knots, but Ben wasn’t at all sure he liked it.
No, that wasn’t true. He was sure that he didn’t like it.
“I don’t like it,” he said, which only set his brother off again.
“If it makes you feel any better, we can call it ‘emotionally invested,’” Will said, clapping him on the shoulder as he did his best to rein himself in. “And yes, it can suck at times, but it’s nice to see that there’s someone you finally have trouble letting go of.”
“I might have to let go of him, though,” Ben said, giving voice to the real root of his crankiness. “What if it’s too late? What if Gavin decides this guy he’s with tonight is it for him? What if he’s sleeping with the man right now?”
Will had been nodding along in sympathy, but at the last question, he threw his hands up in the universal stop gesture.
“Ben, just… no,” he said with a sputtering laugh. “Sorry. I’m all for you being happy, but I don’t think I’m ready to think about Gavin in bed with another guy.”
“Me, neither,” Ben agreed glumly.
“Why do I get the feeling we don’t mean that in the same way?” Will asked, cracking up again.
Ben smiled despite himself. Despite his uncertainty about where things stood with Gavin, he couldn’t say he minded his brother’s teasing. The tension between them for the last few weeks had worn on him, and regardless of what happened with Gavin, he was glad Will had come around. Family was important to him, and it was easy to see now, in retrospect, that his unconscious concerns about their acceptance had been part of what held him back from figuring out what he wanted sooner.
“Seriously, Ben,” Will said. “All joking aside, you’re my brother, and I love you.” He pulled him into a tight hug, proving that he, too, was Charlie’s son. “Now go get your man.” He gave Ben a playful shove in the direction of his car, then his lip quirked up again, and he added, “Okay. I’ve got to admit. That still sounds… weird.”
Ben laughed, shaking his head. They’d have to agree to disagree, because Ben thought it sounded good. Really good, actually.
Pretty much perfect.
14
Gavin
“You’re not going to let me kiss you good night, are you?” Cash asked, resting a hand on Gavin’s thigh as they pulled into Ben’s driveway.
Gavin laughed ruefully, knowing Cash was right. “I should,” he said, trying to convince himself.
“I agree,” Cash said, turning the car off and shifting in his seat to face him.
Cash bit his lip, his eyes dropping to Gavin’s mouth. Gavin sighed inwardly. If he were honest with himself, it felt good to be wanted. Really good. Just… not good enough.
The date had been fun, and Jeremy had been right—his cousin was both genuinely nice and sexy as hell. Cash had recently gotten out of the marines, and his dark blond hair was still military-short, his body ripped in a way that usually didn’t happen outside of the pages of magazines. A series of intricate tattoos covered his arms, and his ass—objectively speaking—could have given Ben’s a run for the money.
Unfortunately, Gavin wasn’t even remotely objective about it.
“Should I try to convince you?” Cash asked, leaning in. Gavin pulled back without thinking, and Cash raised an eyebrow, sitting back with a patient smile hovering around his admittedly-gorgeous mouth. “I’m going to take that as a no.”
“Oh, Lord. I’m sorry. I’m just…” Gavin sighed, not sure how to finish that sentence. Stupid? Hopeless? Sexually frustrated? He really should say yes.
“Still hung up on an ex?”
“Not an ex,” Gavin said, rolling his eyes. “Worse. A never-will-be. And I really need to get over it.”
“I can help with that,” Cash said, reaching for his hand.
He stroked Gavin’s palm, sending a pleasant little tingle up his arm. Gavin’s body definitely wasn’t immune to Cash’s off-the-charts hotness factor, but apparently his heart was another matter. Granted, it was ridiculous to be thinking about his heart in relation to Ben at this point. Or, unfortunately, ever. The man may have ticked every one of Gavin’s boxes, may have made his pulse race and his spirits lift and his whole world seem better, just by being in it, but objectively speaking, they really hadn’t been together that long.
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